Marsdinho Posted 2 June, 2009 Posted 2 June, 2009 Whilst i was there, i saw this... The Reverend John Flapps spots a female member of his congregation staggering drunkenly along the street. He tries to assist her but they stumble and he falls on top of her. A passing policeman comes up and says "Oi mate, you can't do that in the street". The rev replies, "You don't understand, I'm Pastor Flapps". To which the cop replies "Well, if you're in that far, you may as well finish".
Pancake Posted 2 June, 2009 Posted 2 June, 2009 Whilst i was there, i saw this... The Reverend John Flapps spots a female member of his congregation staggering drunkenly along the street. He tries to assist her but they stumble and he falls on top of her. A passing policeman comes up and says "Oi mate, you can't do that in the street". The rev replies, "You don't understand, I'm Pastor Flapps". To which the cop replies "Well, if you're in that far, you may as well finish". Bloody hell thats an old one...
Marsdinho Posted 2 June, 2009 Posted 2 June, 2009 yeah i know, but as they say.... the old ones are the best ones.
jeff leopard Posted 2 June, 2009 Posted 2 June, 2009 yeah i know, but as they say.... the old ones are the best ones. Call me a big old sour-puss but most of the jokes on sickipeado (or whatever its called) look like they were written to celebrate the introduction of the slave trade 5 year olds with learning difficulties would be too ashamed to repeat most of them. I love sick humour as much as the next man with chronic aids-cancer but well done mods for removing these ""jokes"" - one of which was a friend of humanity saying 'i'm glad the airbus crashed as the french sold weapons to the Argentinians which were then used against British troops'. Ha ha ha. Brilliant. Its not so much a joke page, more a rallying point for people who feel that Jim Davison has sold out and joined the wishy-washy liberal brigade.
Marsdinho Posted 2 June, 2009 Posted 2 June, 2009 You big old sour-puss I hate any form of racism, but if you ignore them and do a bit of searching, there are some funny jokes on there... Just dont read the dodgy ones. Or, dont go on the website.
skintsaint Posted 2 June, 2009 Posted 2 June, 2009 Apparently the cause of the Air France crash was all a misunderstanding. One passenger shouted, "Hi Jacques" to his mate. The crew immediately put their hands up and the plane went out of control!
jeff leopard Posted 2 June, 2009 Posted 2 June, 2009 You big old sour-puss Ouch! I walked straight into that one.
SuperMikey Posted 2 June, 2009 Posted 2 June, 2009 Two sharks are swimming in the Atlantic Ocean. One turns to the other and says "Air France is ****in crap, but the food is great!".
Made in Southampton Posted 2 June, 2009 Posted 2 June, 2009 That doesn’t even make sense sharks don’t talk ......?
Mole Posted 2 June, 2009 Posted 2 June, 2009 a couple are sat up late on a saturday night waiting for their 17 year old son to get home. eventually he comes in smiling saying "mum dad guess what ? i had sex for the first time tonight and it was great" the dad replies "oh great news thats cause to celebrate so i will buy you that bike you wanted but you will have to wait till payday" "no problem"the son replies my arse is too sore to ride it now anyway!"
LVSaint Posted 2 June, 2009 Posted 2 June, 2009 a couple are sat up late on a saturday night waiting for their 17 year old son to get home. eventually he comes in smiling saying "mum dad guess what ? i had sex for the first time tonight and it was great" the dad replies "oh great news thats cause to celebrate so i will buy you that bike you wanted but you will have to wait till payday" "no problem"the son replies my arse is too sore to ride it now anyway!" It's not easy being gay.
Special K Posted 3 June, 2009 Posted 3 June, 2009 That doesn’t even make sense sharks don’t talk ......? Unless they are the Pathetic Sharks, from Viz comic fame.
OldNick Posted 10 June, 2009 Posted 10 June, 2009 lame joke came inot me this morning. What have the tories and the atlantic got in common? they both got another 200 seats last week
JustMike Posted 10 June, 2009 Posted 10 June, 2009 i just tried booking a flight with air france. The tele sales girl asked where i wanted to sit, she got p!ssed off when i said "the shallow end"
OldNick Posted 10 June, 2009 Posted 10 June, 2009 i just tried booking a flight with air france. The tele sales girl asked where i wanted to sit, she got p!ssed off when i said "the shallow end"Wasnt it after the Concorde thing, that it was said that Air France will fly you straight to the Hotel, now they can say to the hotel and sea
Durleyfos Posted 10 June, 2009 Posted 10 June, 2009 I got one telling me that Air France are doing Tours of the Titanic.
OldNick Posted 10 June, 2009 Posted 10 June, 2009 I got one telling me that Air France are doing Tours of the Titanic. I lol'd
Arizona Posted 10 June, 2009 Posted 10 June, 2009 Wasnt it after the Concorde thing, that it was said that Air France will fly you straight to the Hotel, now they can say to the hotel and sea Think that jokes been done every time a plane crashes into something. Air France concorde straight to your hotel. American/United straight to your office (911) Various crashes into mountains, straight to the ski slopes etc.
OldNick Posted 10 June, 2009 Posted 10 June, 2009 Think that jokes been done every time a plane crashes into something. Air France concorde straight to your hotel. American/United straight to your office (911) Various crashes into mountains, straight to the ski slopes etc. I hadnt heard the others, but topical at the time. I was waiting for te bernard manning one about him not being able to sleep as there was 2 empty seats
Arizona Posted 10 June, 2009 Posted 10 June, 2009 Call me... whatever you like, but I just can't laugh at any of these jokes, no matter how clever some of them are. That was an absolutely horrific way to die. Falling from the sky from that height would probably have taken about 4 minutes. *shudder*
thesaint sfc Posted 10 June, 2009 Posted 10 June, 2009 4 minutes to think of all your life regrets. Harsh.
hamster Posted 10 June, 2009 Posted 10 June, 2009 i just tried booking a flight with air france. The tele sales girl asked where i wanted to sit, she got p!ssed off when i said "the shallow end" I had a similar experience once. I was checking in and the girl said "window seat or aisle"? "Or you'll ****ing what"? I threw back at her. No one threatens me and get's away with it.
OldNick Posted 11 June, 2009 Posted 11 June, 2009 Call me... whatever you like, but I just can't laugh at any of these jokes, no matter how clever some of them are. That was an absolutely horrific way to die. Falling from the sky from that height would probably have taken about 4 minutes. *shudder*I understand it is horrific but couldnt have been as bad as that jap airliner where they had time to write their farewell notes to their loved ones
Dog Posted 11 June, 2009 Posted 11 June, 2009 You lot are F**king sick!! Taking the P!ss out of dead people. My brother was on that flight.
scott_saints Posted 11 June, 2009 Posted 11 June, 2009 You lot are F**king sick!! Taking the P!ss out of dead people. My brother was on that flight.
Colinjb Posted 11 June, 2009 Posted 11 June, 2009 I understand it is horrific but couldnt have been as bad as that jap airliner where they had time to write their farewell notes to their loved ones Christ, which one was that?
OldNick Posted 11 June, 2009 Posted 11 June, 2009 Christ, which one was that?It happened some while ago.I think it was the airleron got iced up and so the aircraft could not manouvere in any direction. they kept going striaght on until they hit a mountain? I think
INFLUENCED.COM Posted 11 June, 2009 Posted 11 June, 2009 This I was told is true, a friend of a friend was on a flight back from South Africa when an announcement was made that they require everyones above head baggage, the reason being they have been told there was a device in a locker and the baggage condensed against the locker would go a little way in reducing the impact of an explosion, they were then allowed to phone their loved ones, being a night flight he got answerphones, however, all lights were turnt off and after circling for a period dumping fuel they were alerted by lights coming on outside and they were seconds from landing which they did safely. They believe it was either someone testing procedures, in the event of, or a decoy for a drug run or something along those lines, needless to say, if true, that would be a scary period.
OldNick Posted 11 June, 2009 Posted 11 June, 2009 This I was told is true, a friend of a friend was on a flight back from South Africa when an announcement was made that they require everyones above head baggage, the reason being they have been told there was a device in a locker and the baggage condensed against the locker would go a little way in reducing the impact of an explosion, they were then allowed to phone their loved ones, being a night flight he got answerphones, however, all lights were turnt off and after circling for a period dumping fuel they were alerted by lights coming on outside and they were seconds from landing which they did safely. They believe it was either someone testing procedures, in the event of, or a decoy for a drug run or something along those lines, needless to say, if true, that would be a scary period.I have experienced an emergency landing with an engine fire coming out of Boston, it seemed to take an age to dump the fuel before coming into land with all the fire engines etc flashing by as we came to a halt.The aircraft was in complete silence , no screaming or crying..not from the other passengers anyway
scott_saints Posted 11 June, 2009 Posted 11 June, 2009 I'd blooming love to be in a plane crash! (Preferably surving, though)
Johnny Bognor Posted 11 June, 2009 Posted 11 June, 2009 This I was told is true, a friend of a friend was on a flight back from South Africa when an announcement was made that they require everyones above head baggage, the reason being they have been told there was a device in a locker and the baggage condensed against the locker would go a little way in reducing the impact of an explosion, they were then allowed to phone their loved ones, being a night flight he got answerphones, however, all lights were turnt off and after circling for a period dumping fuel they were alerted by lights coming on outside and they were seconds from landing which they did safely. They believe it was either someone testing procedures, in the event of, or a decoy for a drug run or something along those lines, needless to say, if true, that would be a scary period. I don't know whether that specific story is true or not, but it is common practice to use overhead luggage or the actual seat cushions to pack out the area around a potentially explosive device - thus absorbing some of the impact should it go off
hamster Posted 11 June, 2009 Posted 11 June, 2009 I was once flying through turbulance that was so bad that my coffee left the cup and dropped straight back into it. It was cool how it just sort of hung in the air.
OldNick Posted 11 June, 2009 Posted 11 June, 2009 I was once flying through turbulance that was so bad that my coffee left the cup and dropped straight back into it. It was cool how it just sort of hung in the air.are you an astronaut?
The Majestic Channon Posted 11 June, 2009 Posted 11 June, 2009 That image reminded me of this old viz classic
Arizona Posted 11 June, 2009 Posted 11 June, 2009 It happened some while ago.I think it was the airleron got iced up and so the aircraft could not manouvere in any direction. they kept going striaght on until they hit a mountain? I think I think you're refering to the JAL 747 which crashed in the '80s. Damage to the pressure bulkhead at the rear of the aircraft wasn't properly maintained and it blew out in flight, destroying the rudder and all hydraulic lines. The crew managed to maintain some control using only engine thrust, but hit a mountain after about half an hour. Horrific yes, but there was always at least a hope that the pilots could land succesfully (some United Airlines guys almost got it right in Sioux City a few years before). 4 people survived the JAL crash and many more died of exposure following the impact. The Japs were stubborn and refused aid from the US Navy in the rescue opperation, who found the wreckage first.
OldNick Posted 12 June, 2009 Posted 12 June, 2009 I think you're refering to the JAL 747 which crashed in the '80s. Damage to the pressure bulkhead at the rear of the aircraft wasn't properly maintained and it blew out in flight, destroying the rudder and all hydraulic lines. The crew managed to maintain some control using only engine thrust, but hit a mountain after about half an hour. Horrific yes, but there was always at least a hope that the pilots could land succesfully (some United Airlines guys almost got it right in Sioux City a few years before). 4 people survived the JAL crash and many more died of exposure following the impact. The Japs were stubborn and refused aid from the US Navy in the rescue opperation, who found the wreckage first. thanks
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