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Some Jokes C/O Sickipedia...


Marsdinho
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I see that Stephen Hawking is ill in hospital.

 

Have they tried turning him off and then back on again...

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I tried being a paedophile once,

but I just didn't fit in...

 

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Explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield.

 

3.14159265 dead.

 

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When my grandfather was ill, my grandmother used to rub lard on his back.

 

After that, he went downhill very quickly.

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Mickey Mouse tells his solicitor that he wants a D.I.V.O.R.C.E from MInnie. Solicitor told him he needs 'grounds' to get a divorce. Mickey gives him his reason, to which the solicitor says "I am sorry Mr Mouse, you cannot divorce your wife just because she has bucked teeth".

 

Here comes the punchline, sit down and put your coffee on the table.

 

 

 

"I didn't say that she had 'bucked teeth', I said that she is ****ing Goofy".

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Mickey Mouse tells his solicitor that he wants a D.I.V.O.R.C.E from MInnie. Solicitor told him he needs 'grounds' to get a divorce. Mickey gives him his reason, to which the solicitor says "I am sorry Mr Mouse, you cannot divorce your wife just because she has bucked teeth".

 

Here comes the punchline, sit down and put your coffee on the table.

 

 

 

"I didn't say that she had 'bucked teeth', I said that she is ****ing Goofy".

 

Have'nt heard that one since about 1983.

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Mickey Mouse tells his solicitor that he wants a D.I.V.O.R.C.E from MInnie. Solicitor told him he needs 'grounds' to get a divorce. Mickey gives him his reason, to which the solicitor says "I am sorry Mr Mouse, you cannot divorce your wife just because she has bucked teeth".

 

Here comes the punchline, sit down and put your coffee on the table.

 

 

 

"I didn't say that she had 'bucked teeth', I said that she is ****ing Goofy".

 

How depressing.

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Seamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.' He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Seamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!' Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

 

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky. Seamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'

 

Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan. Cheers!'

They downed their drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out. They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Seamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!'

 

Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.'

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