JohnnyFartPants Posted 6 March, 2009 Share Posted 6 March, 2009 A Short Story. Once upon a time there was a Badger called Gerald and he used to go down the park with his friend Bernard, the Brown Rat to sniff glue and get off their faces. One day they were spotted by the local policeman, PC Rex the Weasel. "What are you two scamps doing behind that bush with your plastic bag and puncture repair kit glue for you bike, I hope you are not sniffing it" said PC Weasel. "Don't be a tiresome nonce" said Bernard, and he leapt on him, sinking his teeth deep into his shoulder blade and making the Weasel scream out in pain. To stop him screaming, Gerald rammed his bicycle pump down his throat and they watched as he turned blue and his convulsions became weaker and weaker until just a mild twitch, and then he was dead. Gerald and Bernard finished getting wasted and then went down the park to kick some students in the head. The End. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pip87 Posted 6 March, 2009 Share Posted 6 March, 2009 Why kick students in the head? What does everybody have against students? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyFartPants Posted 6 March, 2009 Author Share Posted 6 March, 2009 Why kick students in the head? What does everybody have against students? Don't take it as an opinion on students by the author. It is merely inkeeping with the two characters in the story. If after sniffing glue and beating a police officer to death they then went and read the Bible on a park bench and organised a litter patrol, it wouldn't fit very well. I wanted it to be gritty and convincing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pip87 Posted 6 March, 2009 Share Posted 6 March, 2009 So long as you're not going to kick me in the head then. I think I can take on a badger and a rat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pancake Posted 6 March, 2009 Share Posted 6 March, 2009 I think I can take on a badger and a rat Im sure you could, Im sure you would lick that rat! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyFartPants Posted 6 March, 2009 Author Share Posted 6 March, 2009 Im sure you could, Im sure you would lick that rat! I left it but you had to go for it didn't you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pancake Posted 6 March, 2009 Share Posted 6 March, 2009 I left it but you had to go for it didn't you? Of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatch Posted 6 March, 2009 Share Posted 6 March, 2009 Were the Students badgers or rats? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pancake Posted 6 March, 2009 Share Posted 6 March, 2009 Were the Students badgers or rats? Owls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyFartPants Posted 6 March, 2009 Author Share Posted 6 March, 2009 Were the Students badgers or rats? An interesting question and one that is now playing on my mind. I dare say Stu would have them as snakes but I am not so sure. Perhaps we could have a poll? Mice, Snakes, Zebras or Owls? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jillyanne Posted 6 March, 2009 Share Posted 6 March, 2009 What is the moral of this short story? Kids needs morals man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyFartPants Posted 6 March, 2009 Author Share Posted 6 March, 2009 What is the moral of this short story? Kids needs morals man. Don't mess with badgers and rats if they are ripped to the tits on glue, I suppose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
INFLUENCED.COM Posted 6 March, 2009 Share Posted 6 March, 2009 Why kick students in the head? So they kill a policeman but you question why they are going to kick students in the head ?? Bit like the white South African being interviewed for the vacant police officers job when as a practical test he is asked to shoot 8 black men, 7 black women, 1 white child, 5 black children when he asks "why do I have to kill a white child ?" at that point he is offered the job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pip87 Posted 6 March, 2009 Share Posted 6 March, 2009 I asked about the student part for two reasons: 1) I am a student and was wondering 2) I have noticed an increase in this not liking students thing and would be interested to know why. I have not noticed an increase in disliking police officers. I don't think this is anything like the situation you described at all. What does racism have to do with me being interested in the increase i have noticed in people disliking students. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bungle Posted 6 March, 2009 Share Posted 6 March, 2009 To be fair the amount of anti-student stuff on the board has decreased about 2000% since the good old days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pip87 Posted 6 March, 2009 Share Posted 6 March, 2009 Really? I wasn't suggesting I am upset by it or anything. I was just wondering what people seem to have against students because I can't see any reason. It just seems a bit strange? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jillyanne Posted 6 March, 2009 Share Posted 6 March, 2009 Really? I wasn't suggesting I am upset by it or anything. I was just wondering what people seem to have against students because I can't see any reason. It just seems a bit strange? Ask SRS, he will give you a full and frank explanation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pip87 Posted 6 March, 2009 Share Posted 6 March, 2009 Ask SRS, he will give you a full and frank explanation. Who's SRS? Sounds like he might kick me in the head Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bungle Posted 6 March, 2009 Share Posted 6 March, 2009 Gone were the days when the cool kids were students. Oh for the days of Wilko and Mao Cap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jillyanne Posted 6 March, 2009 Share Posted 6 March, 2009 Who's SRS? Sounds like he might kick me in the head StuRomseySaint, he is a legend in these parts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saint Martini Posted 6 March, 2009 Share Posted 6 March, 2009 Owls. Owls are professors, I think that's pretty logical. Maybe the students can be mice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyFartPants Posted 9 March, 2009 Author Share Posted 9 March, 2009 A Short Story. Once upon a time there was a Badger called Gerald and he used to go down the park with his friend Bernard, the Brown Rat to sniff glue and get off their faces. One day they were spotted by the local policeman, PC Rex the Weasel. "What are you two scamps doing behind that bush with your plastic bag and puncture repair kit glue for you bike, I hope you are not sniffing it" said PC Weasel. "Don't be a tiresome nonce" said Bernard, and he leapt on him, sinking his teeth deep into his shoulder blade and making the Weasel scream out in pain. To stop him screaming, Gerald rammed his bicycle pump down his throat and they watched as he turned blue and his convulsions became weaker and weaker until just a mild twitch, and then he was dead. Gerald and Bernard finished getting wasted and then went down the park to kick some students in the head. The End. Professor Owl - Getting Even Dr Oswald Owl was dressing for his evening out with his wife at the annual Summer Ball when his bleeper went off. He knew it would be work and he also knew that something important must have happened as they rarely contacted him for trivial reasons. Wearily he picked up the phone, and speaking in a low voice so as not to alert his wife of the ruined evening, he spoke to the female operative at the control centre. It was a series of only yes and no's, but by the tone in his voice it was obvious that things were far from good. He was unbuttoning his tuxedo as his wife walked in, her face dropping as she realised he was going back to the office. "Shut up before you start", he said, then he called her a mong child and flew down the hall. Somethings were better discussed abruptly, and this was one of those things he decided. He looked back just once, turning his head right over his shoulder and called her a ***** just for good measure, knowing it was for her own good. He had worked as a criminal psychologist now for 10 years, but this was the first time he had been involved in a case concerning the death of a policeman, and he was relishing the challenge. He arrived at his office and immediately realised he was not the first there. He saw the head of homicide, a middle aged Stoat called Graham that had a way of making his colleagues shake with fear by the way in which he ran his department. Oswald called him a ***** anyway, then sat down to discuss business. On investigation it was discovered that PC Weasel was a dirty copper and he had been divulging information to the criminal fraternity. Oswald hated bent coppers so he took an unsually long dump on his face, while laughing to himself. Then he looked at Graham, called him a ***** and went home. The End. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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