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The British Snowman of 2009


Sheaf Saint
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PLANNING APPLICATION

Type of Construction

Snowman

Location of Construction

In the back garden

Size of Construction

Four foot high

No, in metric

1.3 metres (approx)

Materials of Construction

Snow

Purpose of Construction

Fun

Have archtect's designs been included with this application?

No

Has a full Health and Safety Assessment been undertaken?

No

Will this have a detrimental effect on local properties?

Unlikely

Will the Construction require re-routing of essential services?

No

Approximately how many people will be involved in the Construction?

Estimates suggest three children will build it

Children? Are you aware of the regulations involved in using children for construction purposes?

I didn't think it mattered.

Will these be local children (i.e. children of the EU)?

Yes

Will their employment be at terms and conditions conforming to minimum wage legislation?

No

Please send your completed application to this office, together with your cheque for £75. You should receive a reply withing three months.

On no account begin work on the construction before planning permission has been received.

 

Response to this application...

 

Dear sirs, in regard to your application for planning permission to build a snowman, I would like to address the following points...

 

1. The term 'snowman' is now forbidden as it is likely to be deemed sexist and cause offense. From now on, your planned construction will be known as a 'snowperson'.

 

2. We have no records of your organisation being registered as an equal opportunity employer. Please proviude documentation detailing the ethnicity guidelines which are to be observed when selecting contractors for construction work.

 

3. In accordance with current ant-terror legislation, your snowperson may be liable to arrest and detention for 42 days without charge if he/she is unable to produce adequate means of identification.

 

Please respond to these points, along with a further cheque for £250 to cover administrative costs, before your application can be considered further.

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