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Posted

Here in my hand I have a 24 pack of flavoured condoms. I need 2 of them for Mark and Mike, but if you two aren't 'protesters, we've got the rest of the night to use them all up. Whadya say?

Posted
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I don't have to answer to the likes of you...pnaarrrr, pnarrrrr.

 

In fact, I would not even give you a straight answer IF I even chose to dignify you with a response so speak to my PR agency instead!!! I employ them to try and twist and manipulate public opinion rather than actually making wise decisions which would actually negate the need for wasting any of my beloved money!

Posted

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Excuse me but the save the whale conference is through here. Oh **** some ****s taking my photo next to the fattie, best close my eyes then they might not recognise me.

Posted

As you can see here on this laptop, I am the 2nd most punched man in history on "punch a celeb". Do you think I should enter 'Im a Celebrity Get me out of Here'? I think i'd be good at that. As well as getting a holiday, of which I never have enough of, i'd clearly win due to my overwhelming popularity.

 

Oh and i'm sure you want me to sign that old programme... give it here...

Posted
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"Look Mrs Armstrong - David's been asked to leave the corporate area - he had to go. We can't have anybody not towing the bloody line - so I'm afraid I'm going to have to escort you & you're daughter off the premises too..."

Posted

The Cutbacks continue apace at SMS and have damaged the motivation levels of some employees, however Mr Lowe is seen here showing his full commitment to his new role as Hospitality Steward

Posted

You were the cheapst applicants for the vacant managers job.....all you need to do is to say that I'm wonderful and that you are going to transform Championship football, if it worked for the WI it can work for Saints!

Posted

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Lady in cyan top : Feck me Rupert that was funny, I've just split my sides laughing!!

 

OR

 

Girl on right : look into my eyes, not around my eyes, into my eyes...YOU WILL STEP DOWN

 

RL : Your puny Jedi mind tricks will not work on me, anyway I closed my eyes

Posted

Buoyed by the success of his revolutionary continental coaching system, Rupert was sure Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber would love the candidates he had unearthed to contest the Eurovision Song Contest.

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