Southampton 0-5 Tottenham - Match Thread

[coalman]

With only two games before Christmas both managers will be out to prove they're not the turkey in this highly anticipated box office clash. In the white corner is Big Ange, a man who inadvisably stated he always wins a trophy in his second season. In the red corner is our very own chin stroking possession cult leader and bearded excuse monkey, Russell Martin, who is looking to add more records to his CV after his magnificent "best looking manager" win. 

Spurs have reverted to being Spursy after a promising start under their boss last season. They desperately need a win to take the pressure off their manager and some might say they're coming to the right place. They'll hope Big Ange won't be dragged into the same tactical maelstrom as Pep Guardiola against a team that creates more chances than any other and knows where the goal is. Unfortunately, those are chances against us and the goal in question is where we spend the match playing Russell Roulette* with our goalie.

It's not all bleak for Tottenham though, Saints at home isn't the frightening proposition it has been in years gone by. Saints will be without their talisman, Jack Stephens, who has been spending some time at a local primary school. Learning that it's not ok to pull the other girls' hair with the rest of the 8 year olds. They also have have future PTSD victim, Joe Lumley, in goal as he tries to navigate the desperate pleas of the fans to kick the fucking ball upfield while trying not to offend a manager for whom favouritism is just another dogma. In front of Joe, the defence will be marshalled by TayTay, who cemented his place in the cult's cuddle puddle with a truly inspirational interview last week. The system is working if you look hard enough. In front of him will be the traditional void in central midfield where Downes will be valiantly overrun and an attack that is the envy of every other team in the league, and by envy I mean they're jealous of whoever we're playing that week.

It's important to understand what's at stake for both managers. Sean Dyche may have survived being defeated by Russball but Big Ange won't have that luxury. If he doesn't want to be wiping away the gravy with a freshly minted P45 over Christmas lunch he knows he needs 3 points. Expect him to spend the week distracting from this by talking about Martin's bravery being a breath of fresh air. Martin on the other hand knows he's in a job no matter what due to Rasmus and the board being off on a magic mushroom fueled vision quest. For him this week is about focusing on records. He only needs to concede one more goal from a defensive error to make the record his own and limply capitulate in 2 more league games to set a Christmas points record in the league for the ages. Intoxicating stuff.

For the fans, we can expect this to translate into a nervy opening as Tottenham struggle to take advantage of the possession gifted to them in dangerous areas. Expect them to get over their surprise and ruthlessly exploit what is, after all, the dream of any professional footballer. The referee will need to be strong and be prepared to be unpopular with Martin otherwise he might have to criticise his own fans or players at the final whistle. Nobody at Saints wants another Villa and refereeing injustice is part of the long term process. The process is working, for Russell at least.

(hoping Martin gets sacked and I need to rewrite this)

* Credit to @Dirkdigglerfor the correct terminology for our tactics

Edited December 8 by coalman

[AlexLaw76]

What a game for Spurs to have when their form has been indifferent.

They can play as high a line as they like as we certainly will do everything to no exploit it

 

I really detest our style of play

[Pamplemousse]

Sunday 7pm kick off as well, just to make things even worse.

[whelk]

55 minutes ago, Pamplemousse said:

Sunday 7pm kick off as well, just to make things even worse.

Has there been an explanation as to why this time was picked? TNT know Spurs are in Europe so can’t play Sat 1230.

Fucking clashes with Songs of Praise 

[Harry_SFC]

29 minutes ago, whelk said:

Has there been an explanation as to why this time was picked? TNT know Spurs are in Europe so can’t play Sat 1230.

Fucking clashes with Songs of Praise 

Songs of praise it is then.

[Dirkdiggler]

3 hours ago, coalman said:

Unfortunately, those are chances against us and the goal in question is where we spend the match playing Russian roulette with our goalie.

 

You could say Russel Roulette……

[coalman]

2 minutes ago, Dirkdiggler said:

You could say Russel Roulette……

You're right. That's much pithier. Fixed

[Turkish]

1 hour ago, whelk said:

Has there been an explanation as to why this time was picked? TNT know Spurs are in Europe so can’t play Sat 1230.

Fucking clashes with Songs of Praise 

We will be singing songs of praise for Russell Martin as we have learn so much from this game 

[Chewy]

Given how abject and devoid of confidence Spurs look, this game would suddenly look actually winnable if we were to change manager this week.

As it is, we probably won’t and spurs will and they’ll get the new-manager-bounce win.

Of course if neither club act it could be anything. Each side desperately trying to out gift eachother.  

[LGTL]

What a game this is for Spurs. An absolute fucking gift. They’ll know full well they can play a B team and not even be arsed, and still come away with an extremely comfortable victory against the worst team in the history of this division. 

[LiberalCommunist]

Will there be a one minute silence for all the Saints who work with Spuds fans like me. Dreading this game. 

[Jack]

You just know they’ll turn up and actually play on Sunday, smash us 5-0. We’re the perfect game for them with Ange under pressure. Dreading it 

[Killers Knee]

This game couldn't come at a better time for Spurs or their manager, and I'm sure we'll not get a shot on target. 2 nil Spuds.

[HarvSFC]

Lurch in goal. We know he's got a number of weaknesses, getting down to shots and distribution. Issue is, will we actually test the goalkeeper, or press him when he's on the ball?

Tottenham also leave a lot of space when they all move forward. Will we exploit that, or allow them to get back into position as our centre-backs and goalkeepers pass between themselves before giving Son the ball.

Edited December 8 by HarvSFC

[Gloucester Saint]

20 minutes ago, HarvSFC said:

Lurch in goal. We know he's got a number of weaknesses, getting down to shots and distribution. Issue is, will we actually test the goalkeeper, or press him when he's on the ball?

Tottenham also leave a lot of space when they all move forward. Will we exploit that, or allow them to get back into position as our centre-backs and goalkeepers pass between themselves before giving Son the ball.

Getting down to low shots is a flaw of his, reference Watford home in 2017. From the Itchen, they looked saveable but when you saw the highlights later the two shots weren’t even in the corners especially.

[saintant]

This game is certain to fully demonstrate the true Christmas spirit of giving away gift-wrapped presents to one another. 

[saint lard]

The meeting of two managers that have an inbuilt inflexibility to change the style of which their teams play. 
both shite and failing. 
should be a blast. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Football Special]

2 hours ago, LiberalCommunist said:

Will there be a one minute silence for all the Saints who work with Spuds fans like me. Dreading this game. 

I know plenty of Spurs who are to busy slagging off their own club and Big Ange to be that bothered about us, they also have a tough trip north of the border to play Glasgow Rangers who despite lacking in quality will surely give them a tough night . Wouldn't be surprised if they sack the manager before our game

Obviously they couldn't ask for a kinder fixture just now. 

P.s 7pm on a fucking Sunday night, still can't quite believe they've stuck a game on at that time of day on the Sabbath, those cunts at sky sports probably think it's great for their customer, the armchair fan, or the yanks watching during their Sunday lunch, but it's absolutely shite for those of us who actually go to the games. I know several who rely on public transport who are going to give it a miss, just not worth the hassle. 

[SaintsFan86]

Matos in charge, 

Ramsdale;

KWP - THB - Bednarek - Manning;

Downes - Aribo;

Dibling - Fernandes - Arma.

Archer.

I can day dream at least.

[Patrick Bateman]

4 hours ago, HarvSFC said:

Lurch in goal. We know he's got a number of weaknesses, getting down to shots and distribution. Issue is, will we actually test the goalkeeper, or press him when he's on the ball?

Tottenham also leave a lot of space when they all move forward. Will we exploit that, or allow them to get back into position as our centre-backs and goalkeepers pass between themselves before giving Son the ball.

One thing our team is good at is low shots WHEN they have a shot. I don't think I can remember the last time a shot was above knee height? Correct me if I'm wrong. 

However it'll go like this all match...  Dibling having broken forward with the ball and passed it exquisitely to any other player who then tells him off for going forwards so quickly, the ball is played back to ensure the players have the right temperature on the game (or some other bollocks he says), that huge gaping hole in the Spurs back line will now have 11 Spurs players in it ... a low shot will be impossible as too many legs, so someone will pass it out to KWP, who will try to run through 11 players, and win a corner.  Corner will be taken, Spurs will win the header, run down and score as Lumley will be on the halfway line. 

6-0 to Spurs. 

 

[Gloucester Saint]

2 minutes ago, Patrick Bateman said:

One thing our team is good at is low shots WHEN they have a shot. I don't think I can remember the last time a shot was above knee height? Correct me if I'm wrong. 

However it'll go like this all match...  Dibling having broken forward with the ball and passed it exquisitely to any other player who then tells him off for going forwards so quickly, the ball is played back to ensure the players have the right temperature on the game (or some other bollocks he says), that huge gaping hole in the Spurs back line will now have 11 Spurs players in it ... a low shot will be impossible as too many legs, so someone will pass it out to KWP, who will try to run through 11 players, and win a corner.  Corner will be taken, Spurs will win the header, run down and score as Lumley will be on the halfway line. 

6-0 to Spurs. 

 

That’s true but they are quite often telegraphed and the keeper has time to get set. Fraser has specific issues with shots that are low, some aspect of angle and the key is getting them away early. He struggled to get down to them after his severe knee injury v Burnley. Can’t imagine that part of his game has transformed in his mid-30s.

[Toussaint]

21 hours ago, whelk said:

Has there been an explanation as to why this time was picked? TNT know Spurs are in Europe so can’t play Sat 1230.

Fucking clashes with Songs of Praise 

Russel was rather hoping we’d sing songs of praise to him. He has noted a few suggestions:- 

hark the herald Russell speaks

once in royal Russell’s city 

while Russell grooms his beard at night 

ding dong pass it round the back 

oh come ye love Russball, joyful and triumphant (in terms of possession, the real triumph)

And many more

 

[Morse]

Possesion: 70%

Shots on target : 0

Score: 0-3

 

[Football Special]

2 hours ago, Toussaint said:

Russel was rather hoping we’d sing songs of praise to him. He has noted a few suggestions:- 

hark the herald Russell speaks

once in royal Russell’s city 

while Russell grooms his beard at night 

ding dong pass it round the back 

oh come ye love Russball, joyful and triumphant (in terms of possession, the real triumph)

And many more

 

I particularly like ding dong pass it round the back 😀 

Get the Northam choir singing that 

[Highfield Saint]

El sackico 

[Challenger]

32 minutes ago, Morse said:

Possesion: 70%

Shots on target : 0

Score: 0-3

 

 

£6 beer

Short measure 

Flat

Dirty glass 

Nobody would put up with it, would they ?

 

 

[whelk]

Spurs play Thursday against Rangers so fans won’t be happy if fields reserves like they would if playing an Armenian team. Although what am I talking about, they will beat us even with tired or reserve players 

[Hemp]

If we lose as is likely what do we think the mood in the stadium will be. How many more defeats will it take before the  fans turn like they did with Jones.

[Gloucester Saint]

2 hours ago, Challenger said:

 

£6 beer

Short measure 

Flat

Dirty glass 

Nobody would put up with it, would they ?

 

 

JDW but double the prices.

[bpsaint]

If the board had any sense at all then sacking Martin and getting a replacement in would likely see a new manager bounce against a turbulent Spurs and a possible 3 points. 

Therefore I expect us to do nothing and maybe sack him on Monday after a 0-4 defeat.

[Chewy]

3 hours ago, Football Special said:

I particularly like ding dong pass it round the back 😀 

Get the Northam choir singing that 

Agreed

Ding dong pass it round the back

In possession stats we’re winning 

Edit - could add another couplet

Russ will never get the sack

So we will keep on singing 

 

or something like tha

Edited December 9 by Chewy
Update

[lambtiss]

On 08/12/2024 at 07:42, coalman said:

With only two games before Christmas both managers will be out to prove they're not the turkey in this highly anticipated box office clash. In the white corner is Big Ange, a man who inadvisably stated he always wins a trophy in his second season. In the red corner is our very own chin stroking possession cult leader and bearded excuse monkey, Russell Martin, who is looking to add more records to his CV after his magnificent "best looking manager" win. 

Spurs have reverted to being Spursy after a promising start under their boss last season. They desperately need a win to take the pressure off their manager and some might say they're coming to the right place. They'll hope Big Ange won't be dragged into the same tactical maelstrom as Pep Guardiola against a team that creates more chances than any other and knows where the goal is. Unfortunately, those are chances against us and the goal in question is where we spend the match playing Russell Roulette* with our goalie.

It's not all bleak for Tottenham though, Saints at home isn't the frightening proposition it has been in years gone by. Saints will be without their talisman, Jack Stephens, who has been spending some time at a local primary school. Learning that it's not ok to pull the other girls' hair with the rest of the 8 year olds. They also have have future PTSD victim, Joe Lumley, in goal as he tries to navigate the desperate pleas of the fans to kick the fucking ball upfield while trying not to offend a manager for whom favouritism is just another dogma. In front of Joe, the defence will be marshalled by TayTay, who cemented his place in the cult's cuddle puddle with a truly inspirational interview last week. The system is working if you look hard enough. In front of him will be the traditional void in central midfield where Downes will be valiantly overrun and an attack that is the envy of every other team in the league, and by envy I mean they're jealous of whoever we're playing that week.

It's important to understand what's at stake for both managers. Sean Dyche may have survived being defeated by Russball but Big Ange won't have that luxury. If he doesn't want to be wiping away the gravy with a freshly minted P45 over Christmas lunch he knows he needs 3 points. Expect him to spend the week distracting from this by talking about Martin's bravery being a breath of fresh air. Martin on the other hand knows he's in a job no matter what due to Rasmus and the board being off on a magic mushroom fueled vision quest. For him this week is about focusing on records. He only needs to concede one more goal from a defensive error to make the record his own and limply capitulate in 2 more league games to set a Christmas points record in the league for the ages. Intoxicating stuff.

For the fans, we can expect this to translate into a nervy opening as Tottenham struggle to take advantage of the possession gifted to them in dangerous areas. Expect them to get over their surprise and ruthlessly exploit what is, after all, the dream of any professional footballer. The referee will need to be strong and be prepared to be unpopular with Martin otherwise he might have to criticise his own fans or players at the final whistle. Nobody at Saints wants another Villa and refereeing injustice is part of the long term process. The process is working, for Russell at least.

(hoping Martin gets sacked and I need to rewrite this)

* Credit to @Dirkdigglerfor the correct terminology for our tactics

Brilliant work coalman. I will get more entertainment from reading this than watching the match. 

[EssEffCee]

If everyone with a printer at home printed 20-30 copies of this and handed them out outside the ground then it'd be sure to be picked up by cameras if held up as teams walked out.

[Harry_SFC]

6 hours ago, Hemp said:

If we lose as is likely what do we think the mood in the stadium will be. How many more defeats will it take before the  fans turn like they did with Jones.

It's taken longer than it should have but I'm sure it'll be pretty toxic if we lose. Certainly if we concede an early goal. 

[david in sweden]

It's Spurs ..and looking back over the last 60 years .. if there is one club that I h*te ...it's them...(myriad reasons)

[Baird of the land]

Another defeat coming it seems.

[Toadhall Saint]

Loss

[Wade Garrett]

Groundhog fucking day is coming round again.

Not a chance we’ll get anything from this.  Would be a success if we get a single shot on target.

Shitshow of a football club.

[Wiggles31]

If Martin is still hear then fans need to properly let their opinion know (if and when we lose). Not just a muffled version of “you’re getting sacked in the morning”. Should let SR know as well. 

[Mboto Gorge]

This will most likely be yet another club with a terrible defensive record who keeps a clean sheet against us with complete ease. 

[TheAlehouseBrawlers]

56 minutes ago, Wiggles31 said:

If Martin is still hear then fans need to properly let their opinion know (if and when we lose). Not just a muffled version of “you’re getting sacked in the morning”. Should let SR know as well. 

To make more of an impact, there probably needs to be a bit more of this outside while the SR bods are entertaining their clients. But rather than flares and the supportive chants in May, more along the lines of “Sports Republic, your football is shit”, “You don’t know what you’re doing”...you get the gist

 

[OttawaSaint]

Perfect game to bounce back...for SPURS!

 

Ange: Take the week off lads, get some rest, we know what Saints will try and do and they'll give us easy chances anyway!

[OneMrsWallace]

13 hours ago, Toussaint said:

Russel was rather hoping we’d sing songs of praise to him. He has noted a few suggestions:- 

hark the herald Russell speaks

once in royal Russell’s city 

while Russell grooms his beard at night 

ding dong pass it round the back 

oh come ye love Russball, joyful and triumphant (in terms of possession, the real triumph)

And many more

 

Silent Night, 'Holy Shit!' Night

The First Go-el (Scored by Spurs of course)

Away! Not in to danger 

Not forgetting the three gifts we bring Spurs -  goals, nonsense and Russhair

 

 

[coalman]

13 hours ago, Toussaint said:

Russel was rather hoping we’d sing songs of praise to him. He has noted a few suggestions:- 

hark the herald Russell speaks

once in royal Russell’s city 

while Russell grooms his beard at night 

ding dong pass it round the back 

oh come ye love Russball, joyful and triumphant (in terms of possession, the real triumph)

And many more

 

(to Once in Royal David's City)

Saints were playing Manchester City

Guardiola said nice words

Russell Martin stood there preening

But our tactics were like turds

Taking chances at the back

Why won't this cunt get the sack

 

[Mboto Gorge]

Sport Republic, If you’re really there,

Don’t make the same mistakes again, and sack lego hair.

 

 

 

Edited December 9 by Mboto Gorge

[TheAlehouseBrawlers]

Not very festive but…

“Dragan, Dragan, sack the board*,

Rasmus is a fuckin’ fraud”

 

Don’t thank me…oh, you didn’t 

*I know some say he can’t but he’s the money man and it would at least send a message

[franniesTache]

10 hours ago, Chewy said:

Agreed

Ding dong pass it round the back

In possession stats we’re winning 

Edit - could add another couplet

Russ will never get the sack

So we will keep on singing 

 

or something like tha

Ding Dong pass it round the back.
Oh shit now they are winning.

Ding dong pass it round the back.
Another loss we're seeing.

La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la MARTIN OUT!

We're sick of fucking losing.

[Micky]

We'll learn a lot, he'll fall deeper in love with the players, and we'll f*ckin' lose again. 

[Mr Nimbus]

I for one cant wait for Lumley to roll the ball out to <insert player running on the half turn and not looking> only for Son to nick in for the 4th time and open the scoring.

And then watch it again and again and again.......

Still at least we will be brave and proud to do it "our way"

Edited December 10 by Mr Nimbus

[LaptopSaint]

Starting:

                Lumley

Macca Baz Rambo Forster

             Niemi Boruc

   Turner    Shilton    Davis

              Forecast 

Subs:

Bialkowski

Stekelenberg

Jones

Flowers

Grobbelaar

Beasant

Wells

Harsh on Terry Gennoe and the great Eric Martin, but it’s a squad game these days. 

Edited December 10 by LaptopSaint