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Saints Criminal XI

Midfield_General

By Midfield_General
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Midfield_General

Midfield_General

Posted
Posted (edited)

On another thread there was a mention of former persistent transfer rumour Quincy Promes, who ended up getting sentenced to six years for helping to smuggle 1,360 kilos of cocaine. 

While Promes never actually signed for us, it did get me thinking - do we have a full Saints Criminal XI of players who got done by the police either while playing for us or afterwards? 

Some that spring immediately to mind are: 

  • Jhon Viafara: got 11 years in 2021, again for coke, this time trafficking two tonnes worth £21m. Pretty impressive crime and sentence, so a good shout for captain
  • Nathan Dyer: got 60 hours community service for stealing from a nightclub cloakroom
  • Neil Shipperley: got a 12 month community order for wanking at people from a van
  • Bradley Wright-Phillips: got arrested and charged for the same crime as Dyer, but ultimately got off due to lack of evidence - maybe he could go on the bench 
  • Mark Dennis: didn't he get done for GBH back in the day, and the club sacked him? 

Any others? 

Edited by Midfield_General
Saint Mikey

Saint Mikey

Posted
Posted (edited)

Didn't Justin Robertson go to prison for drink driving? Think he may have killed someone? Think it happened before he was playing for us, but sentenced while he was on loan.

He played about 3 games and scored one (very) good goal when we were in the Champ, I think.

Edited by Saint Mikey
  • Like 1
Maggie May

Maggie May

Posted
Posted
8 minutes ago, Saint Mikey said:

Didn't Justin Robertson go to prison for drink driving? Think he may have killed someone? Think it happened before he was playing for us, but sentenced while he was on loan.

He played about 3 games and scored one (very) good goal when we were in the Champ, I think.

Yeah, it was Jordan Robertson. It happened while he was on loan with us, too.

  • Like 2
mikec

mikec

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, Hatch said:

Redknapp can be manager

Or Lawrie McMenemy who was also done for drink-driving.  Doubly embarrassing because he had previously been fronting an advert for Barbican  alcohol-free lager.

  • Haha 2
SNSUN

SNSUN

Posted
Posted

The value for money we've got out of Sulemana is fucking criminal tbf

 

MLT revealed he'd tried betting on games he could influence and was investigated but nothing came of it.

  • Haha 2
Badger

Badger

Posted
Posted (edited)

I seem to recall Gabbiadini having a motoring offence whilst with us.

Guly - didn’t he put his 4x4 into a bus shelter whilst under the influence ? 

Thomas Hjato - charged somewhere for importing illegal cigarettes from recollection 

Edited by Badger
  • Like 1
Turkish

Turkish

Posted
Posted

Mark Wright and Steve Moran both got arrested for sexual assault when Saints played a UEFA cup game in Sweden. Both released without charge I believe 

Kerry Dixon don’t banged up for assault a while back

  • Like 2
SNSUN

SNSUN

Posted
Posted (edited)

I've been Googling former Academy prospect Danny Mountain and watching his various videos where he has dalliances with multiple, multiple ladies but so far, no crimes found. I'll keep checking though. 😀

Edited by SNSUN
Badger

Badger

Posted
Posted
49 minutes ago, HKsaint said:

Dave Jones but acquitted 

Bit unfair to even bring that up. I wasn't convinced of him as a manager but he seemed a decent enough bloke victim of false allegations from a couple of scrotes .

  • Like 5
S-Clarke

S-Clarke

Posted
Posted
5 minutes ago, St. Neil said:

Didn't Nile Ranger nick a load of training gear when he was in the youth team?

That's quite muted given the rest of the crap he's done in his life, assault, fraud, prison time - you name it. Should definitely be in the team.

I want to say Valery did something bad, but I can't remember exactly what. It might not have been criminal and more personal.

  • Like 1
Lighthouse

Lighthouse

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, S-Clarke said:

That's quite muted given the rest of the crap he's done in his life, assault, fraud, prison time - you name it. Should definitely be in the team.

I want to say Valery did something bad, but I can't remember exactly what. It might not have been criminal and more personal.

Valery was accused of some pretty horrible stuff, which I wont repeat, by a woman on Twitter. If you know you know, but it was pretty unpleasant, never proven and best not dragged up again.

The Ranger fraud stuff was just mental. Mainly because you'd have to be some sort of Oxbridge graduate accountant/hacker to have had any chance of pulling it off and that bloke is thicker than a whale sandwhich.

Midfield_General

Midfield_General

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Thank you all for your input. After a tough selection process the squad is: 

First XI: 

  • Peter Shilton (Drink-driving, 20 months ban)
  • Ulrich Van Gobbel (Fraud, 4 months prison)
  • Claus Lundekvam (Assault, £500 fine)
  • Thomas Hajto (Manslaughter, 2 years prison (suspended); Cigarette smuggling, 180,000 Euro fine)
  • (Captain) Jhon Viafara (Cocaine trafficking, 11 years U.S. federal prison)
  • Dennis Wise (Assault, 3 months prison)
  • Nathan Dyer (Theft, 60 hours community service)
  • Neil Shipperley (Van wanking, 12 months community order)
  • Jordan Robertson (Death by dangerous driving, 32 months prison)
  • Kerry Dixon (Assault, 9 months prison)
  • Nile Ranger (Fraud, 8 months prison) 

Manager: 

  • Harry Redknapp 

Assistant Manager:

  • Lawrie McMenemy

Youth Team Coach:

  • Bob Higgins 

Chairman: 

  • Gao Jisheng

Subs: 

  • Bruce Grobbelaar (Charged with match-fixing and conspiracy to corrupt, tried, got off (just) despite 'adequate evidence of dishonesty')
  • Fabrice Fernandes (Drink-driving, 100 hours community service)
  • James Beattie (Drink-driving, 100 hours community service)

Triallists:

  • Bradley Wright-Phillips (Charged with theft, tried, cleared for lack of evidence)
  • Mark Dennis (Charged with assault and threatening to burn down someone's house, tried, cleared)
  • Lee Barnard (Charged with assault, tried, cleared)
  • Guly (Charged with drink driving, can't seem to find out what happened)

Roving club ambassador:

Frank Worthington
 

Top summer transfer target: 

  • Quincy Promes 

Sponsor:

  • LD Sports 
Edited by Midfield_General
  • Like 1
  • Haha 16
jasonbenali

jasonbenali

Posted
Posted

How about Osvaldo for his headbutt on Fonte? I think he also punched Lamela. Worth a spot on the bench even if didn't go to trial and he could always do the team song!

Suhari

Suhari

Posted
Posted
23 hours ago, Lighthouse said:

Valery was accused of some pretty horrible stuff, which I wont repeat, by a woman on Twitter. If you know you know, but it was pretty unpleasant, never proven and best not dragged up again.

The Ranger fraud stuff was just mental. Mainly because you'd have to be some sort of Oxbridge graduate accountant/hacker to have had any chance of pulling it off and that bloke is thicker than a whale sandwhich.

Agreed about the Valery stuff. Glad it went quiet and was, hopefully, completely groundless.

SNSUN

SNSUN

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Midfield_General said:

With anything to do with Matty it's 100% innocent until proven guilty as far as I'm concerned 😉

Insulting God is blasphemy.

49 minutes ago, Doctoroncall said:

although nothing criminal, Hoedt was a wankpuffin. 
 

Guly’s details on his misdemeanour. 

If there was an upvote button, 'wankpuffin' gets it.

  • Like 2
Holmes_and_Watson

Holmes_and_Watson

Posted
Posted
On 06/06/2024 at 13:32, Saint86 said:

Technically Matt Le Tissier for football betting - he just escaped prosecution

I was thinking of that one. In his autobiography wasn't it? Getting on the when the ball would go out of play?  I got the feeling that, while Matt said it was his first and only time, that it wasn't for others.

mikec

mikec

Posted
Posted
7 hours ago, Holmes_and_Watson said:

I was thinking of that one. In his autobiography wasn't it? Getting on the when the ball would go out of play?  I got the feeling that, while Matt said it was his first and only time, that it wasn't for others.

Yes he claimed that he and Gordon Watson had a plan to kick the ball out for a throw-in as soon as they could from the kick-off.  There was apparently a "spread betting" market where they could make a healthy profit if the first throw-in was well within the first minute.  According to MLT, he kicked a long ball the out to the left but didn't hit it hard enough and Neil Shipperly, who was not in on the plan, managed to keep the ball in play.

This was supposedly a televised match away to Wimbledon.  After he wrote this in his autobiography, I seem to remember that some people looked more closely into it and what happenned in that game didn't really match up to what he had described but I could be wrong about that.

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