Cats

[AlexLaw76]

Any advice for tried and tested methods of stopping the neighbours cats shitting in my back garden?

I no longer have pets and my back yard seems to be the dumping ground for the local tabbies....doing my head in!

[egg]

  On 30/12/2023 at 10:02, AlexLaw76 said:

Any advice for tried and tested methods of stopping the neighbours cats shitting in my back garden?

I no longer have pets and my back yard seems to be the dumping ground for the local tabbies....doing my head in!

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Is it in pea shingle?

[Lord Duckhunter]

Get a dog. 

[Holmes_and_Watson]

Get a cat.

It will force all the other cats to change their territory/ schedules.

Your cat should become alpha cat, striking terror into all the others, keeping them away.

Our local cats rule the local dogs.

You will have a fresh appreciation of life, pandering to your feline overlord.

[AlexLaw76]

It is a patio'd garden area....dirty little bastards

[egg]

  On 30/12/2023 at 10:34, Lord Duckhunter said:

Get a dog. 

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Or a nerf gun. Or black pepper - that works. 

[Fan The Flames]

Run out into your garden waving your willy, apparently cats think it's a snake and won't come back.

[badgerx16]

https://thescaredycat.com/silent-roar-lion-manure-review/

[Lighthouse]

Napalm.

[Weston Super Saint]

I put anti bird strips on the fence (I guess they can't sell them as anti cat strips, even though the pictures on Amazon clearly show cats!) which has stopped a few of the little fuckers getting in, but not all.

Mrs WSS won't let me buy a shotgun.  It doesn't help that she 'pets' the fuckers when they are in the garden, whilst I chase them trying to wedge a size 10 up their arse.

I'm thinking about a few tactically placed claymores in the spring when the little cunts start going out more.

[whelk]

Have you thought of putting a polite sign up asking them not to?

[ecuk268]

Water.

A bucket or hose, the more the better.

Cats hate getting wet.

 

[Lee On Solent Saint]

Getting in a hired portaloo should do the trick. Or hiring Robert De Niro to train said cats.

[The Cat]

It's actually me that's been doing that.

[iansums]

Had this problem with a cat shitting on my lawn, rarely the flowerbed but right in the middle of the bloody lawn. I tried a few things but none of them worked until I bought a couple of high frequency sounders with motion detection, bought from Amazon. I was sceptical but in 8 months zero cat shit on the lawn and just one turd in the flowerbed. Here’s the link:

Pestbye® Battery Operated Motion Activated Waterproof Cat Repellent - Quick Fix Ultrasonic Cat Scarer with Ground Stake - Set of 2 https://amzn.eu/d/6gxI397

 

 

[Holmes_and_Watson]

  On 30/12/2023 at 20:25, iansums said:

Had this problem with a cat shitting on my lawn, rarely the flowerbed but right in the middle of the bloody lawn. I tried a few things but none of them worked until I bought a couple of high frequency sounders with motion detection, bought from Amazon. I was sceptical but in 8 months zero cat shit on the lawn and just one turd in the flowerbed. Here’s the link:

Pestbye® Battery Operated Motion Activated Waterproof Cat Repellent - Quick Fix Ultrasonic Cat Scarer with Ground Stake - Set of 2 https://amzn.eu/d/6gxI397

 

 

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Ths is just the PestBye people doing poos on lots of people's gardens. The moment someone buy one of their products, they stop the pooing, and you think it was £35 well spent 🙂

If it's a patioed area, then keeping a selection of comfortable for cats patio furniture available for them to sleep on, will help. They won't poo where they are napping.

You could always release a plague of mice on your neighbours, keeping the cats far too busy to visit (pet shops or conversion to apocalyptic cult of doom depending on budget to get the mice).

I note there is advice for napalm, claymores etc. This is always a bad idea. The cats will always spot them, reverse engineer them and use them to catch their own prey. There are always innocent victims of this. Surface-to-Air missiles launched from beside cat flaps is one of the leading air travel risks.

[Farmer Saint]

  On 30/12/2023 at 10:02, AlexLaw76 said:

Any advice for tried and tested methods of stopping the neighbours cats shitting in my back garden?

I no longer have pets and my back yard seems to be the dumping ground for the local tabbies....doing my head in!

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Shoot them - air rifle. Or catch them and cut their eyes out. 

[Challenger]

Old boy across the road swears by this, you will need-

Fully charged car battery 

Jump leads

Sheet of metal

Insulating pad

Metal feeding dish

Cat food

Just make sure that the insulating pad is between the metal sheet and the feeding dish before you make your final connections. 

 

[Holmes_and_Watson]

  On 30/12/2023 at 20:56, Challenger said:

Old boy across the road swears by this, you will need-

Fully charged car battery 

Jump leads

Sheet of metal

Insulating pad

Metal feeding dish

Cat food

Just make sure that the insulating pad is between the metal sheet and the feeding dish before you make your final connections. 

 

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Ironically, this with just a Big Mac substituting for cat food, is the cats' plan to take care of the old boy across the road from you. 🙂

Edited 30 December, 2023 by Holmes_and_Watson

[Turkish]

  On 30/12/2023 at 11:14, Fan The Flames said:

Run out into your garden waving your willy, apparently cats think it's a snake and won't come back.

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If it’s dull days they’ll think it’s a worm

[Turkish]

  On 30/12/2023 at 10:48, Holmes_and_Watson said:

Get a cat.

It will force all the other cats to change their territory/ schedules.

Your cat should become alpha cat, striking terror into all the others, keeping them away.

Our local cats rule the local dogs.

You will have a fresh appreciation of life, pandering to your feline overlord.

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I can confirm this is true. We have two cats a lad, Jimmy and a chick. She does fuck all all day (must have got lessons off the missus) Jimmy however is top boy on the estate. When we first moved in a cat that backs onto our house tried to stroll through our garden and our boy was at straight into him, a brief stand off ensued before the neighbours cat had it on his toes over the fence and played hide and seek for the rest of the day. Since then Jimmy has strolled around unchallenged even the French bulls dogs from two doors down give the trampoline now and again but soon pipe down when he’s scaled the fence looking down on his kingdom like Christ the redeemer looked over Rio

Edited 30 December, 2023 by Turkish

[Dark Munster]

I was going to suggest getting a coyote. But on second thoughts

[skintsaint]

Get some Lion manure. Cat will be too shit scared to come into your garden.

[Weston Super Saint]

  On 30/12/2023 at 22:56, skintsaint said:

Get some Lion manure. Cat will be too shit scared to come into your garden.

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From the lion manure shop?

[trousers]

  On 31/12/2023 at 08:17, Weston Super Saint said:

From the lion manure shop?

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Close...  

 

 

[Holmes_and_Watson]

  On 31/12/2023 at 08:37, trousers said:

Close...  

 

 

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Less creepy than having your neighbors call the police because you're wearing a lion onesie in your garden at 2am again.

[Challenger]

Let me get this right.We are in a cost of living crisis and people are expected to fork out on a varied selection of products ( which may or may not work ) just because somebody else's animal wants to shit in their garden ?

[Weston Super Saint]

  On 31/12/2023 at 18:37, Challenger said:

Let me get this right.We are in a cost of living crisis and people are expected to fork out on a varied selection of products ( which may or may not work ) just because somebody else's animal wants to shit in their garden ?

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Well done, looks like you're up to speed.

[AlexLaw76]

  On 31/12/2023 at 18:37, Challenger said:

Let me get this right.We are in a cost of living crisis and people are expected to fork out on a varied selection of products ( which may or may not work ) just because somebody else's animal wants to shit in their garden ?

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People still go on about this?

[badgerx16]

  On 31/12/2023 at 18:40, AlexLaw76 said:

People still go on about this?

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Those that live in the real world, yes.

[AlexLaw76]

  On 31/12/2023 at 18:48, badgerx16 said:

Those that live in the real world, yes.

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Yet, the airports, football grounds, cinemas, restaurants...all full to the brim.

I bet everyone got their iPads and Xboxes for xmas too.

[whelk]

  On 31/12/2023 at 18:49, AlexLaw76 said:

Yet, the airports, football grounds, cinemas, restaurants...all full to the brim.

I bet everyone got their iPads and Xboxes for xmas too.

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I don’t think you fully grasp it

[Challenger]

  On 31/12/2023 at 18:38, Weston Super Saint said:

Well done, looks like you're up to speed.

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Certainly are, read my previous post.

[iansums]

  On 31/12/2023 at 18:48, badgerx16 said:

Those that live in the real world, yes.

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Plenty of people in the real world are affected but it won't stop them shelling out £50 to solve a fucking annoying problem. If I wanted to pick up shit every day I would have got a dog.

[Weston Super Saint]

Now that a law is planned to be introduced so that 'kidnapping' a cat or dog can lead to five years in prison, can I now finally get my fence electrified to stop cats coming into my garden?  I wouldn't want to be accused of accidentally kidnapping someone's pet if they enter my property

Apparently, it is totally legal to kill a 'feral' cat, as long as it is done humanely, like shooting it.  Can I claim that a cat shitting on my lawn is unsocialised - I'm sure the neighbours would claim I was unsocialised if I curled one down in their petunias....

[AlexLaw76]

  On 30/12/2023 at 20:25, iansums said:

Had this problem with a cat shitting on my lawn, rarely the flowerbed but right in the middle of the bloody lawn. I tried a few things but none of them worked until I bought a couple of high frequency sounders with motion detection, bought from Amazon. I was sceptical but in 8 months zero cat shit on the lawn and just one turd in the flowerbed. Here’s the link:

Pestbye® Battery Operated Motion Activated Waterproof Cat Repellent - Quick Fix Ultrasonic Cat Scarer with Ground Stake - Set of 2 https://amzn.eu/d/6gxI397

 

 

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Thank you. I purchased 2 of these and seems to work very well!!!

[pingpong]

People joking about shooting, torturing etc., it does actually happen, one of my cats was shot in the eye, probably kids, but maybe one of you fuckers upset that he needed a poo.

My advice would be to be nice to them, coo at them, try and give them a cuddle. They'll soon stop coming near for fear of attention. Anything else is just a challenge to them.

[badgerx16]

The sooner you lot realise that cats are our overlords the sooner you will be comfortable with them.

 

When a dog sees a human it thinks "You are my God", when a cat sees a human it thinks "I am your God".

[AlexLaw76]

  On 20/01/2024 at 08:25, pingpong said:

People joking about shooting, torturing etc., it does actually happen, one of my cats was shot in the eye, probably kids, but maybe one of you fuckers upset that he needed a poo.

My advice would be to be nice to them, coo at them, try and give them a cuddle. They'll soon stop coming near for fear of attention. Anything else is just a challenge to them.

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I love animals, but I am not staying up through the night to shoo away a cat from shitting in my garden

[Weston Super Saint]

  On 20/01/2024 at 08:25, pingpong said:

People joking about shooting, torturing etc., it does actually happen, one of my cats was shot in the eye, probably kids, but maybe one of you fuckers upset that he needed a poo.

My advice would be to be nice to them, coo at them, try and give them a cuddle. They'll soon stop coming near for fear of attention. Anything else is just a challenge to them.

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Who's joking?

Detestable creatures that have no use on the planet.

[Fan The Flames]

88% of serial killers start by torturing cats.

[trousers]

  On 20/01/2024 at 11:33, Weston Super Saint said:

Detestable creatures that have no use on the planet.

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Why are you posting about human beings on a cat thread?

[Weston Super Saint]

  On 21/01/2024 at 14:53, Fan The Flames said:

88% of serial killers start by torturing cats.

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Trouble is those fuckers are few and far between.  More of them = less cats.

[tdmickey3]

  On 20/01/2024 at 11:33, Weston Super Saint said:

Who's joking?

Detestable creatures that have no use on the planet.

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  On 21/01/2024 at 14:53, Fan The Flames said:

88% of serial killers start by torturing cats.

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  On 21/01/2024 at 16:24, Weston Super Saint said:

Trouble is those fuckers are few and far between.  More of them = less cats.

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That why he should be known as Weston stupid saint, utter prick making these comments 

Edited 21 January, 2024 by tdmickey3