Mental Health in the 21st Century

[sadoldgit]

Mental health issues are getting a lot of media coverage these days and rightly so, but it appears that our Government are still not funding it properly. My wife has been in a programme since last year that has been helpful but sporadic and not really as committed as it should be. Fortunately she is in a much better place now, which is just as well. If you aren’t suicidal you have to wait for weeks/months in between sessions. She has one final session to go in her current course but has been told that this is the last one as there is no more funding available for this particular course. There are 6 other people on the course and my wife says that none of the others are doing well at all and are all struggling with depression and anxiety. A couple of them have been signed off work long term. What will happen to them she doesn’t know. Her counsellor is very upset about it too, as you can imagine. The corona virus is a problem, but not as big a problem as mental health.

 

I had some issues a few years back but was fortunate enough to have private health insurance. When that ran out I was able to afford to pay for private sessions myself so haven’t used the NHS much. When I did a couple of years ago, the staff were committed and helpful but were clearly unable to meet the demand, so sessions were limited.

 

Anyone else finding that the NHS can’t cope with amount of mental health issues they have to deal with?

[badgerx16]

Anyone else finding that the NHS can’t cope with amount of mental health issues they have to deal with?

Is this the forum to admit it ?

[Crab Lungs]

Anyone else finding that the NHS can’t cope with amount of mental health issues they have to deal with?

 

Having had clinical depression and anxiety when I was a lot younger, it's getting better in terms of awareness etc.

 

However - what pains me is the amount of insufferable twerps virtue-signalling about mental health or confusing a bad day with depression. It's not, it's really not.

 

That's probably why there's a backlog for treatment - there's likely tons of people who don't justifiably need it, but definitely need the Instagram and Facebook likes to justify their 'journey'.

 

They can f()ck right off.

[sadoldgit]

The people on my wife’s course of treatment don’t sound like internet freaks. The people I have shared group sessions with were all genuine too. I am sure some people are making the most of a bad day, but it is not difficult to tell those who really are struggling.

[RedArmy]

However - what pains me is the amount of insufferable twerps virtue-signalling about mental health or confusing a bad day with depression. It's not, it's really not.

A problem not helped by GP’s that are too quick to give a diagnosis of depression/anxiety and throw a prescription for citalopram or sertraline at someone.

[Manuel]

From what I understand, most people's mental health appears to be managed without medical attention. I'm not talking about clinical depression here, which is debilitating but thankfully rare. Nor problems such as schizophrenia or psychosis. But your day-to-day anxiety, depression, aimlessness, self loathing etc...which is what I think most people are talking about when they say "mental health". People generally know the answer to maintaining it....by exercising, being productive with your time, eating and drinking well, maintaining positive relationships with people, keeping yourself clean and tidy, keeping your room/house clean and tidy, getting enough sleep, not drinking too much or taking drugs etc. I think people look to the NHS to solve their MH issues when most of the time the answer lies with lifestyle. I'm not saying the pills don't work but I think they're a sub-optimal solution. Counselling (3 month waiting list) is proven to work, but that's generally just allowing you to talk about your problems...an expensive listening ear. I suspect the reason MH isn't funded well is because much of the solution lies with the individual, and the information on how to achieve it is out there. A kidney stone you won't be able to sort out. Your mental health you probably can.

 

I'm not trying to suggest that any of the above is easy by the way, it obviously isn't.

[sadoldgit]

A problem not helped by GP’s that are too quick to give a diagnosis of depression/anxiety and throw a prescription for citalopram or sertraline at someone.

 

The thing is that the drugs are supposed to stabilise your condition but it is the therapy that helps you. One without the other doesn’t work.

[RedArmy]

The thing is that the drugs are supposed to stabilise your condition but it is the therapy that helps you. One without the other doesn’t work.

Therapy alone does work, not in all cases, but it does.

 

I’m not putting all blame on GP’s by the way, mental health services in this country are beyond stretched, but there are plenty of online CBT courses that people can be referred to rather than giving them a prescription and pushing them out of the door.

[Crab Lungs]

The thing is that the drugs are supposed to stabilise your condition but it is the therapy that helps you. One without the other doesn’t work.

 

Citalopram was what I was given, though I was offered counselling too. I knew nothing of it. What I can say is that it didn't get me too high or too level, just about numbed me enough to not really feel anything - which wasn't great, but it was better than where I was. It felt like I was just watching the world go by most of the time; purely a spectator, not a participant.

 

The single most helpful thing I did was decide, 1 year in, that I could not live life like that anymore. I was sick of it. I came off the citalopram, had a bit of an up, came back down and have managed my mental health ever since.

 

The first 2-3 years were difficult, it was like someone pressed a reset button on certain things (learning to get on a plane for the first time post-depression was terrifying) and mostly how to deal with social situations all over again. I'd definitely changed; no longer a partier, more stand-offish and considered... almost like it matured me (I did consider perhaps I was just 'growing up' as well, and becoming more wise and learned!)

 

One thing I can say is that I will never forget the endless days of waking up and feeling completely hopeless, the confusing fits of crying and not knowing why was something that I will always remember, so anyone with a genuine mental illness I have complete empathy for because I've been there. At the time, I thought it would never end... and I don't think it would have if I didn't make the concious decision to say 'f()ck this, I want to live again!'.

 

Therapy, stabilising medication, support from those close BUT most importantly of all, you've got to do it for yourself. That is what I discovered, personally. You have to want it yourself and be willing to fight...

 

REF: GP's - my local told me to have a 'positive mental attitude' when was actually mm's from sh1tting myself for the rest of my life after a spine injury, so I have to say, my faith has eroded in their diagnosis' and help.

Edited 29 February, 2020 by Crab Lungs

[Colinjb]

The problem with mental health is that it requires a more bespoke approach then just a prescription. You need the therapy side of things for that to happen, that's where the bottleneck in resources occurs.

 

I've had my own experience with this kind of thing....... Crab Lungs, going cold turkey from Citalopram. Nasty. I detest that drug.

[Sergei Gotsmanov]

Citalopram was what I was given, though I was offered counselling too. I knew nothing of it. What I can say is that it didn't get me too high or too level, just about numbed me enough to not really feel anything - which wasn't great, but it was better than where I was. It felt like I was just watching the world go by most of the time; purely a spectator, not a participant.

 

The single most helpful thing I did was decide, 1 year in, that I could not live life like that anymore. I was sick of it. I came off the citalopram, had a bit of an up, came back down and have managed my mental health ever since.

 

The first 2-3 years were difficult, it was like someone pressed a reset button on certain things (learning to get on a plane for the first time post-depression was terrifying) and mostly how to deal with social situations all over again. I'd definitely changed; no longer a partier, more stand-offish and considered... almost like it matured me (I did consider perhaps I was just 'growing up' as well, and becoming more wise and learned!)

 

One thing I can say is that I will never forget the endless days of waking up and feeling completely hopeless, the confusing fits of crying and not knowing why was something that I will always remember, so anyone with a genuine mental illness I have complete empathy for because I've been there. At the time, I thought it would never end... and I don't think it would have if I didn't make the concious decision to say 'f()ck this, I want to live again!'.

 

Therapy, stabilising medication, support from those close BUT most importantly of all, you've got to do it for yourself. That is what I discovered, personally. You have to want it yourself and be willing to fight...

 

REF: GP's - my local told me to have a 'positive mental attitude' when was actually mm's from sh1tting myself for the rest of my life after a spine injury, so I have to say, my faith has eroded in their diagnosis' and help.

 

That was powerful stuff and a good barometer. I hope that things are good now.

[hypochondriac]

I have a good friend who had a complete breakdown whilst on holiday about 4 years ago now. He's been in and out of mental health facilities in Southampton. I'm not sure how more resources would really help him as I'm not sure at the moment if there's an expectation that he is going to improve. It seems that he's on a different drug every time I see him, he's been out for the day a few times and then runs off worrying his family and parents to death.

 

He's lost his self-control button and outwardly has little signs of illness so the times I've taken him out somewhere like to play sport or to the pub we've almost been assaulted because he's said something inappropriate to members of both sexes. He's been discharged four times now but the professionals are powerless to force him to take his medication and once he stops doing that he becomes a danger to himself again and last time got himself detained for driving whilst attempting to go to Heathrow with a drone. Its terribly sad but I reckon he's got worse in the last few years rather than better. I know his family appreciate when I go to see him but I am starting to question whether I should bother given that he tends to get quite verbally abusive after I've seen him and I'm not sure if my presence really improves things. My point really is that mental health resources are a really difficult thing to provide because they have to be tailored to each individual and even then some people just aren't going to get better. Throwing money at it won't really solve the problem for many and I'm not sure what will.

[Crab Lungs]

That was powerful stuff and a good barometer. I hope that things are good now.

 

Thank you, appreciated. All good now. Honestly thought I’d be the last person to suffer from depression and anxiety but it somehow gripped me in my formative adult years. I remember my first panic attack, outside Leisure World... it was truly terrifying. It was the evening before we beat United 1-0 with a Beattie goal. That Sunday I knew something had changed, but I couldn’t figure out what.

 

The next day at work everything came crumbling down on me. I remember my grandad picking me up from work and crying for about 3 days intermittently. Then the listlessness and hopelessness took ahold. Every morning, a black cloud of despair. A consistently foggy head. I’d stopped looking people in the eye and couldn’t communicate properly with anyone.

 

It was crippling. Basic functions fell away. Curtains constantly drawn. Not wanting to leave my bed. Phone calls not returned to family and friends. I think one of the worst things was not knowing what had happened to me.

 

Once I understood the illness, I could cope better. I formed a routine. Over time, I would adjust the routine slightly in alignment with my anxiety and confidence. Then a little more, and a little more. I started socialising again. I only had two weeks off work, but returned to simple duties which kept me and my mind active.

 

It took about 1 year to come off citalopram, then a further 1-1.5 years to get a semblance of normality back. I was the first of my friends to suffer with it and I was in a useful position to advise them when they almost inevitably came across similar difficulties in their lives, which was nice as they were the ones who helped me during my times.

 

The one thing I never had though was any shame about it - I wore my heart on my sleeve and was honest and open about it. I never considered it had a stigma. Even when I did, my overriding feeling was one of that I needed to get better and I couldn’t wait for it to happen, I had to make changes to my life myself.

 

If anyone reads and this does resonate, I will say now that yes, you can do it and you will become a better person for living through and beating it.

 

The problem with mental health is that it requires a more bespoke approach then just a prescription. You need the therapy side of things for that to happen, that's where the bottleneck in resources occurs.

 

I've had my own experience with this kind of thing....... Crab Lungs, going cold turkey from Citalopram. Nasty. I detest that drug.

 

Out of interest, if you don’t mind me asking, what was your experience?

 

I personally didn’t think of any negative side effects, I almost got into my head that these pills will help me get better. I think they contributed, but the biggest change for me was resolving with myself that I also had to take action myself. I couldn’t just hope the pills or anyone else will do it.

 

one of the most poignant moments for me was waking up one day and going ‘enough is enough’.

[sadoldgit]

Citalopram was what I was given, though I was offered counselling too. I knew nothing of it. What I can say is that it didn't get me too high or too level, just about numbed me enough to not really feel anything - which wasn't great, but it was better than where I was. It felt like I was just watching the world go by most of the time; purely a spectator, not a participant.

 

The single most helpful thing I did was decide, 1 year in, that I could not live life like that anymore. I was sick of it. I came off the citalopram, had a bit of an up, came back down and have managed my mental health ever since.

 

The first 2-3 years were difficult, it was like someone pressed a reset button on certain things (learning to get on a plane for the first time post-depression was terrifying) and mostly how to deal with social situations all over again. I'd definitely changed; no longer a partier, more stand-offish and considered... almost like it matured me (I did consider perhaps I was just 'growing up' as well, and becoming more wise and learned!)

 

One thing I can say is that I will never forget the endless days of waking up and feeling completely hopeless, the confusing fits of crying and not knowing why was something that I will always remember, so anyone with a genuine mental illness I have complete empathy for because I've been there. At the time, I thought it would never end... and I don't think it would have if I didn't make the concious decision to say 'f()ck this, I want to live again!'.

 

Therapy, stabilising medication, support from those close BUT most importantly of all, you've got to do it for yourself. That is what I discovered, personally. You have to want it yourself and be willing to fight...

 

REF: GP's - my local told me to have a 'positive mental attitude' when was actually mm's from sh1tting myself for the rest of my life after a spine injury, so I have to say, my faith has eroded in their diagnosis' and help.

 

I was on that and a variety of drugs over a period of time including Prozac which did nothing for me. I don’t think any of them did much for me but at least I had no trouble coming off any of them. I did a variety of therapies over time including hypnotherapy. The one that helped the most for me was group therapy sessions where I found it helpful to know that I was alone and that each of us responds in different ways and have different triggers but the end results on the nervous system are the same. It does take time and sometimes you have a relapse and need help again. I also read a ton of self help books. Some did help, some didn’t. But it was all a part of a process for taking responsibility. Like you I had clinical depression. The doctor who first diagnosed me called it a smiling depression because I (and many others) covered it up by making jokes and wearing a happy mask when everything else underneath had turned to crap. Apart from feeling that I couldn’t cope anymore, one of the worst symptoms was the insomnia. It is bad enough over thinking and not dealing with things during the daytime but lying awake every night for most of the night when you have nothing to do other than churn the crap over in your mind was soul destroying. I found cognitive therapy to be very helpful. If I find myself slipping back I have the tools to reframe the situation and that certainly helps. I have something called catastrophic thinking where you imagine the worst happening in certain situations and when that occurs now I automatically reframe my thoughts like a reset button. Different things works for different people. It’s often a question of trial and error to find what suits you best. One thing I will always remember. I used to think that I was mentally weak for ending up the way I did. What they explain to you is that you are not weak, you just carry on trying to deal with sh*t long after you should get help resulting in an eventual breakdown in your coping mechanism. Hats off to you and everyone else on here who has battled or is battling mental illness. It sucks. If you have a broken bone you get sympathy because there is a physical manifestation of your disability. If you are suffering with mental health problems people either don’t know what is going on with you are they think you are an a5se because of your behaviour. As we know , some people don’t make it and bail out. To go through this **** and to come out the other side takes real guts.

[Colinjb]

Out of interest, if you don’t mind me asking, what was your experience?

 

I personally didn’t think of any negative side effects, I almost got into my head that these pills will help me get better. I think they contributed, but the biggest change for me was resolving with myself that I also had to take action myself. I couldn’t just hope the pills or anyone else will do it.

 

one of the most poignant moments for me was waking up one day and going ‘enough is enough’.

 

Without going into too much detail, a combination of upheaval in personal life and toxic professional environment put me in a very bad place. During a doctor's visit the doctor asked if there was anything else..... And I ended up having something of a mini breakdown there and then. Immediately signed off work for two weeks and prescription for Citalopram written. Reading above your description of panic attacks, I had that occur once or twice at work. Thankfully a junior colleague who was as much a friend as someone working for me could cover for me at those points, but in an open plan office it was very difficult to maintain a resilient veneer.

 

I think the immediate prescription was an over-reaction. Therapy alone would have been enough, a chance to go through how I was feeling rather then the drug based numbness that began. Things were really not right when I watched us beat Leicester 3-0 three years ago and felt..... Nothing. It was good to see us win, but there was no joy, no reaction.... Nothing. My housemate at the time saw how massively the medication had changed me. I stayed on the pills for 6 months. The tablets had stripped away so much that I considered me, it was existence, not living.

 

Come the June, I stopped. Just went cold turkey. It was horrible, digestive issues as an effect of this and awful feelings of conflicting and nonsensical thoughts came on really strongly for a week. (So, more time off work.) Then, after this the migraines began. Never had them before until two weeks after I came off the pills. The warning starry 'aura' effect came first, then blindness in my left eye, then an inability to comprehend written text or talk. Frankly, I thought I was having a stroke. Bloody terrifying. Thankfully, after a night's sleep I would feel more tired then usual and mentally drained but otherwise normal. These would just happen spontaneously at first, then only after exercise. Thankfully, it's been 12 months since i've had one... Hopefully whatever caused that has now resolved itself. Nothing comes close to the feeling of helplessness when you are driving along and notice the 'stars' beginning.

 

After about a month of ditching the drugs, I did start to 'feel' again. Never again do I want to go through something like those 6 months, I personally needed a chance to vent, not have my emotions and by extension, my sense of self removed.

Edited 1 March, 2020 by Colinjb

[sadoldgit]

I think I must have been on relatively low doses of the various drugs I was on as I didn’t have a strong reaction to either taking them or coming off them. Then again as part of the process of sorting myself out I went on a trip up the Amazon in Peru where I took auyhuawasca (spelt that wrong but can’t be bothered to look it up) a strong drug prepared by a shaman, twice and although everyone else was having mind blowing experiences, it did absolutely nothing for me! Perhaps I have a resistance to these substances? I remember the first time I was prescribed some meds. The doctor could tell I wasn’t overly enthused by the prospect and said, “don’t worry mate, half the country is on them.” Sad state of affairs. I named this thread deliberately because I think that the way that we live our lives nowadays contributes to the breakdown of mental well-being. Our nervous system was designed for a much simpler life. The flight or fight response is now triggered in our brains and bodies hundreds of times a day and we can’t cope with the frequent chemical changes. Our nervous systems have not caught up with the huge changes facing humans in the modern age, nor will they. The only way forward is to resimplify our lifestyles, but you can’t put the genie back in the bottle. Once upon a time it was easier to get off the treadmill and lead a simpler life. Everything is so expensive now most of us will never be able find a work life balance that works for us.

[Lighthouse]

Thankfully I've been fortunate enough never to have been through what some of you seem to have suffered. I went through a bad period in my life, years ago now, where I just felt completely empty but it was very much reacting to circumstances and not what I'd call a mental illness. Thankfully it passed after a month or two. My way of dealing with it was finding a new job in a new city, I just needed the idea that I was going to work with new people in new places and that unpredictability and a fresh start kicked me back into life again.

 

I don't really know what to say to help anyone who is suffering. All I know is when people told me to 'stay positive' I wanted to tell them to f**k off, such was their lack of understanding of the situation. Good luck I guess!

[sadoldgit]

It is good that you had the energy to change your life at the point it needed changing. Once you get into a very deep hole there often seems no way out. It is good that more people feel that they can open up about their feelings now. That is a big step forward. The “Be Kind” movement will never work because many people just can’t be kind. Be a shoulder to lean on is much more helpful when life goes pear shaped. Having someone to talk to certainly helped me. Be a friend. Be non judgemental. And if you are suffering with stress, anxiety and depression, for goodness sake don’t bottle it up.

[hypochondriac]

It is good that you had the energy to change your life at the point it needed changing. Once you get into a very deep hole there often seems no way out. It is good that more people feel that they can open up about their feelings now. That is a big step forward. The “Be Kind” movement will never work because many people just can’t be kind. Be a shoulder to lean on is much more helpful when life goes pear shaped. Having someone to talk to certainly helped me. Be a friend. Be non judgemental. And if you are suffering with stress, anxiety and depression, for goodness sake don’t bottle it up.

I think it's a shame that some of the absolute worst abuse I've seen on social media has come from those who are some of the biggest pushers of this be kind movement against people they don't like.

[Sheaf Saint]

Without going into too much detail, a combination of upheaval in personal life and toxic professional environment put me in a very bad place. During a doctor's visit the doctor asked if there was anything else..... And I ended up having something of a mini breakdown there and then. Immediately signed off work for two weeks and prescription for Citalopram written. Reading above your description of panic attacks, I had that occur once or twice at work. Thankfully a junior colleague who was as much a friend as someone working for me could cover for me at those points, but in an open plan office it was very difficult to maintain a resilient veneer.

 

I think the immediate prescription was an over-reaction. Therapy alone would have been enough, a chance to go through how I was feeling rather then the drug based numbness that began. Things were really not right when I watched us beat Leicester 3-0 three years ago and felt..... Nothing. It was good to see us win, but there was no joy, no reaction.... Nothing. My housemate at the time saw how massively the medication had changed me. I stayed on the pills for 6 months. The tablets had stripped away so much that I considered me, it was existence, not living.

 

Come the June, I stopped. Just went cold turkey. It was horrible, digestive issues as an effect of this and awful feelings of conflicting and nonsensical thoughts came on really strongly for a week. (So, more time off work.) Then, after this the migraines began. Never had them before until two weeks after I came off the pills. The warning starry 'aura' effect came first, then blindness in my left eye, then an inability to comprehend written text or talk. Frankly, I thought I was having a stroke. Bloody terrifying. Thankfully, after a night's sleep I would feel more tired then usual and mentally drained but otherwise normal. These would just happen spontaneously at first, then only after exercise. Thankfully, it's been 12 months since i've had one... Hopefully whatever caused that has now resolved itself. Nothing comes close to the feeling of helplessness when you are driving along and notice the 'stars' beginning.

 

After about a month of ditching the drugs, I did start to 'feel' again. Never again do I want to go through something like those 6 months, I personally needed a chance to vent, not have my emotions and by extension, my sense of self removed.

 

It's very interesting to read about your experience with Citalopram, and thank you for sharing it with us.

 

My wife is currently trying to get off it after she was put on a 'short course' of it when she experienced post-natal depression after the birth of our daughter. That was six years ago, and she now believes she wasn't really suffering from PND anyway and just had a short-term hormonal imbalance (to which she has always been susceptible). She has never quite been herself since going on to citalopram, and the really frustrating thing is that doctor's seem very quick to dish it out to people, but are absolutely hopeless when it comes to giving appropriate advice on how to come off it.

 

Initially, she just tried to reduce her dosage, but found that she had an awful reaction to that and even suffered a manic episode, so she immediately went back on to her prescribed dose. She tried desperately to find support and guidance on how to come off it, but there was just nothing (not in our area anyway). She is now on her third attempt and reducing the dosage so gradually that it will have taken her two years by the time she's finally free of it. Every time she drops her dose incrementally, she has a severe reaction - dizziness, brain-fog, headaches etc... so the cold turkey approach is off the table for her.

 

Mental health is such a complex issue that requires bespoke solutions for each sufferer, but GPs only really seem interested in using a one-size fits all approach and prescribe something that ends up not being appropriate. Whether that's due to lack of awareness, lack of funding, time pressures, or a combination of all of them, it's a very sad situation that we now find ourselves in. I have had my ups and downs, but I am resolute that I will never go onto anti-depressants because, without exception, everybody I know who has gone onto a short course of them is still physically addicted to them to this day.

 

As SOG points out, the human nervous system did not evolve to cope with the pressures of the 21st century western world, and it never will. The way I see it - if everyone needs medication to fit in to the system, it's the system that needs changing. We need to all slow down and stop operating at hyper-speed and wanting to be fully connected all the time. Our bodies just aren't designed for it.

 

I read somewhere that the average person living in medieval times would, in their entire lifetime, absorb as much information as is printed in a single daily edition of the NY Times (or something along those lines). We are constantly bombarded with information and adverts telling us to buy more, spend more, want more. The bubble needs to burst, but sadly it won't - it will just keep getting bigger.

[Sheaf Saint]

Edit - duplicate post

[sadoldgit]

Re your last point, I heard something similar, that we absorb the same amount of information in a day that an average medieval person took in in a lifetime. There used to be no such thing as road rage and now you see examples of it everyday. The same with burn out. At some point it will all come crashing down. We can’t continue to live as we do but it will take something like another major war or a massive pandemic (a lot worse than the Coronavirus) to bring about the changes we need.

[Master Bates]

It feeking sucks x

[Master Bates]

It will always be there, just need to learn to control it. No medication or counselling will cure it.

 

At the end of the day, it's down to the individual, whether they're strong enough for the fight.

[Tamesaint]

I feel so sorry for all of you who have contributed such personal, heart rendering stories to this thread. Your openness is very commendable. I just count myself fortunate not to have had the issues that you have described.

 

My first wife suffered fron primary progressive Multiple Sclerosis. She was bed bound and could do very little for herself for many years before she died 5 years ago. For many years she was on a low dose of Citalopram. It made her life bearable and although I recognise the problems that are alluded to above (inducing a kind of numbness and cold turkey problems if she ever missed a dose) she could never have coped without it.

Edited 4 March, 2020 by Tamesaint

[sadoldgit]

I feel so sorry for all of you who have contributed such personal, heart rendering stories to this thread. Your openness is very commendable. I just count myself fortunate not to have had the issues that you have described.

 

My first wife suffered fron primary progressive Multiple Sclerosis. She was bed bound and could do very little for herself for many years before she died 5 years ago. For many years she was on a low dose of Citalopram. It made her life bearable and although I recognise the problems that are alluded to above (inducing a kind of numbness and cold turkey problems if she ever missed a dose) she could never have coped without it.

 

Sorry to hear that mate.

[Master Bates]

It's taken a while for me to get off my face (my mates al, co, hol, Mary Jane and it snowed, but I'm here. Only way to open up without remembering).

 

I was abused from the age of 2 for about a year by a family member. My sister recently reminded me (but doesn't blame me) that done things to her when I was 3 until 5, she was 6 til 8.

 

When I was 11 on a cub and scout weekend I Wales, my brother got me to show his mates that I could make my **** grow, I was laid on the tent floor basically wabking on a sleeping bag and then cookies of someone they didn't like.

 

At 18 a friend I trusted turned on me. I was skint and needed money, he convinced me to let him suck me off for money. Atm, and counsellors have also said, because of when I was young, I thought it was alright.

Following events from the last few years, I decided to track him down. He got jailed for paying young males to let him suck them.

 

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/child-rapist-kept-conviction-secret-16222308.amp

 

Then at 21, the big one. Can't go in to detail as I'll end up self harming.

 

The predator, Mark McCormick. Former BBC, Former Radio presenter on Capital Gold and Ocean FM, and Former Chairman of Bursledon Parish Council.

 

Again I didnt say anything. A year later my mate who introduced me too him, asked why I stopped contact with McCormick, so I told him.

 

He dragged me to Shirley Police Station where I made a statement, McCormick was arrested etc. Not sure how many weeks later but back at the station, and the officer said he sent the case off to the CPS but they rejected on grounds that he said I'd never been to his caravan. I said I could describe it but no. Still can.

 

For years I tried getting justice but failed. Then March/April 2017 a call from the police. Following a complaint about McCormick, my case was being looked at. Turns out there were 8 other complaints, mine was the 3rd lol

 

Sentenced to 17yrs October 2018.

 

In a statement, the police said they sent the files to the CPS who found them non sufficient, not enough to go on.

The CPS stated they never received anything until 2017.

 

The Police then retracted their statement and said the CPS were correct. Why originally say mine was sent and rejected when it wasnt sent? And the others? Nice Police cover up. Still no apology.

 

Along with losing my mum, been fun.

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-45849528

 

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6270067/Parish-council-chairman-49-sexually-abused-six-children-jailed.html

Edited 7 March, 2020 by Master Bates

[sadoldgit]

Sounds horrendous! How are you doing now?

[Colinjb]

I feel so sorry for all of you who have contributed such personal, heart rendering stories to this thread. Your openness is very commendable. I just count myself fortunate not to have had the issues that you have described.

 

My first wife suffered fron primary progressive Multiple Sclerosis. She was bed bound and could do very little for herself for many years before she died 5 years ago. For many years she was on a low dose of Citalopram. It made her life bearable and although I recognise the problems that are alluded to above (inducing a kind of numbness and cold turkey problems if she ever missed a dose) she could never have coped without it.

 

Sorry to read this. I hope you are well now.

 

Master.... There are no words.

Edited 6 March, 2020 by Colinjb

[Master Bates]

Sounds horrendous! How are you doing now?

 

Really bad tbf, still bold down a full time job but hate waking up every day. Things got much worse since sentencing, guess because then it was real, there's a lot I can say but I wont.

 

My mind is screwed, even docs and counsellors said that after what happened, my mind got trapped at 21, I'm an immature 37 yr old, almost child like. But I'm still caring, have a lot of love and will bend over backwards for anyone. I know I'll always be single, scared to be touched even a tap on the shoulder and scared to touch others. If I accidentally touch a womans hand at work by say passing a pen, I feel guilty and apologise a lot.

 

I couldn't have kids now as I wouldn't be able to change them as a baby or wash them, I wouldn't be able to touch their sensitive areas without feeling guilty and dirty, yet I've done nothing wrong, im the victim!

[Master Bates]

The one regret I have is not telling the police everything. I knew they wouldn't take me seriously first time around, and then felt I couldn't tell them the second time incase they thought I was making it up to sound worse.

 

I was due to see McCormick last month in jail via restorative justice. I was going to tackle him about it then. But following my trip to the Itchen Bridge and self harming in January it got called off.

 

He's always said that he accepts full responsibility but he doesn't recall it ever happening. He says that because of the in depth detail then it must be true.

Edited 7 March, 2020 by Master Bates

[sadoldgit]

As you know, there is no quick fix. Hopefully now that the sentencing is done you can start to gradually move forward. I know you said it is down to the individual and you have to be strong, but there is no shame in leaning on others. Good luck with your recovery!

[Master Bates]

Cheers ?