badgerx16 Posted 11 June, 2019 Share Posted 11 June, 2019 Walking through your front door when you get back from a stag doo. Finding your front door when going home from a stag do ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whelk Posted 11 June, 2019 Share Posted 11 June, 2019 Walking the dogs out across the beach at low tide; the Lake District in front of us, the Pennines to our right, and an open vista towards the Isle of Man to the left, and knowing there isn't another human being within a mile and a half radius. Finding out that’s its p1ssing down with rain and gales 90% of your lifetime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badgerx16 Posted 11 June, 2019 Share Posted 11 June, 2019 Finding out that’s its p1ssing down with rain and gales 90% of your lifetime. Keeps the Grockles away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lighthouse Posted 11 June, 2019 Share Posted 11 June, 2019 Finding out that’s its p1ssing down with rain and gales 90% of your lifetime. Middle of June and I've got the heating on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doctoroncall Posted 13 June, 2019 Share Posted 13 June, 2019 Being able to walk the dog in the countryside without having to drive first. Ditto with running. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamilton Saint Posted 20 June, 2019 Share Posted 20 June, 2019 Watching birds at the bird feeder--especially less common ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benjii Posted 21 June, 2019 Share Posted 21 June, 2019 Hitting the gas after you’ve just filled up. A long overdue slash. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badgerx16 Posted 21 June, 2019 Share Posted 21 June, 2019 Watching birds at the bird feeder--especially less common ones. Indeed - we have had 2 woodpeckers in our front garden in the last couple of weeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badgerx16 Posted 22 July, 2019 Share Posted 22 July, 2019 (edited) Winding up telephone scammers claiming to be from BT or "Windows Support". We have variously been a Police Station, a secret Government establishment, and an active murder scene where the investigating officers on site have picked up the phone. ( Our daughter has a variation on this one where she responds as the perpetrator saying "They're all dead, there's so much blood !" ). We have also created an entirely fictitious 3rd son, and we now get scammers asking for him directly, ( but he is always unavailable as he is on active service in the SBS. The caller's often respond to this by saying how proud we must be of him ). Edited 22 July, 2019 by badgerx16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 22 July, 2019 Share Posted 22 July, 2019 Winding up telephone scammers claiming to be from BT or "Windows Support". We have variously been a Police Station, a secret Government establishment, and an active murder scene where the investigating officers on site have picked up the phone. ( Our daughter has a variation on this one where she responds as the perpetrator saying "They're all dead, there's so much blood !" ). We have also created an entirely fictitious 3rd son, and we now get scammers asking for him directly, ( but he is always unavailable as he is on active service in the SBS. The caller's often respond to this by saying how proud we must be of him ). If you liked that one then maybe you'd like this one too: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badgerx16 Posted 22 July, 2019 Share Posted 22 July, 2019 If you liked that one then maybe you'd like this one too: That's the one I cribbed from. I also like the one where the person responding to the call tells the scammer that he has contacted a CIA base, and his location's map coordinates have been marked, and a Reaper drone despatched. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Golden Balls Posted 28 July, 2019 Share Posted 28 July, 2019 Winning, at anything. Could be a game of football with a 6 year old. Don’t care, enjoy winning. A good shot in golf Getting off a plane and feeling the heat of a tropical climate Opening a jar that someone else struggled and failed to open Falling asleep with my dogs Starting a fire (safely of course) Picking the fastest moving lane in a traffic jam Pressure washing something very dirty Tîts Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 28 July, 2019 Share Posted 28 July, 2019 Winning, at anything. Could be a game of football with a 6 year old. Don’t care, enjoy winning. A good shot in golf Getting off a plane and feeling the heat of a tropical climate Opening a jar that someone else struggled and failed to open Falling asleep with my dogs Starting a fire (safely of course) Picking the fastest moving lane in a traffic jam Pressure washing something very dirty Tîts Sent from my iPhone using TapatalkSmall or big ones? (I didn't read the rest) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lighthouse Posted 5 October, 2019 Share Posted 5 October, 2019 Swimming in an outdoor pool, at night, in the p*ssing rain. Bloody magic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plastic Posted 5 October, 2019 Share Posted 5 October, 2019 Empty beaches, in winter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ALWAYS_SFC Posted 7 October, 2019 Share Posted 7 October, 2019 (edited) Small or big ones? (I didn't read the rest) Just a small bonfire i suspect Edited 10 October, 2019 by ALWAYS_SFC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badgerx16 Posted 7 October, 2019 Share Posted 7 October, 2019 Tîts Blue, marsh, willow, great, coal, or long tailed ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrfahaji Posted 7 October, 2019 Share Posted 7 October, 2019 Not having to break stride (or speed up) when catching the bus/tube/train A breeze on a hot day Tea - the reason to do anything in life is so that after you can go home and put the kettle on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badgerx16 Posted 11 February, 2020 Share Posted 11 February, 2020 Standing on the sea wall, with the highest high tide of the year, with a 60mph backing wind. Bracing ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 11 February, 2020 Share Posted 11 February, 2020 Standing on the sea wall, with the highest high tide of the year, with a 60mph backing wind. Bracing ! When I was a kid growing up at Dovercourt when there was a storm I used to love going and sitting behind the wall on the promenade whilst the waves were breaking over the top of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manuel Posted 12 February, 2020 Share Posted 12 February, 2020 Those tokens they give you at the supermarket to put in the slot of your choice for a local good cause. I always take one but insted of slotting it, leave it on the top. The person after me will feel like they've won the lottery as they've got an extra token, and I get to corrupt a voting system. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buctootim Posted 13 February, 2020 Share Posted 13 February, 2020 Swimming in an outdoor pool, at night, in the p*ssing rain. Bloody magic. Did that in the Alps a few years ago except it was heavy snow in pool heated to 28c. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadoldgit Posted 14 February, 2020 Share Posted 14 February, 2020 Did that in the Alps a few years ago except it was heavy snow in pool heated to 28c. No wonder Alps doesn’t post much anymore! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadoldgit Posted 14 February, 2020 Share Posted 14 February, 2020 I prepared a delicious meal for my wife tonight for Valentines. Starter: prawns, salmon and smoked salmon presented in a sea shell. Main: Venison stake in chocolate butter sauce a with spinach mornay. Desert: Elderflower and pear cheesecake. Washed down with a bottle of fizz. Went down a treat and I have just banked a ton of brownie points. Thank you Waitrose. And all for 20 quid. Bargain! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badgerx16 Posted 14 February, 2020 Share Posted 14 February, 2020 ..... Main: Venison stake in chocolate butter sauce a with spinach mornay. ... As it was Valentines, straight to the heart ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toadhall Saint Posted 15 February, 2020 Share Posted 15 February, 2020 I prepared a delicious meal for my wife tonight for Valentines. Starter: prawns, salmon and smoked salmon presented in a sea shell. Main: Venison stake in chocolate butter sauce a with spinach mornay. Desert: Elderflower and pear cheesecake. Washed down with a bottle of fizz. Went down a treat and I have just banked a ton of brownie points. Thank you Waitrose. And all for 20 quid. Bargain! So is to a) your wife, b) Waitrose or c) the price that is the small thing that brings you joy? [emoji6] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whelk Posted 15 February, 2020 Share Posted 15 February, 2020 Has SOG got a small thing that brings his wife joy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadoldgit Posted 16 February, 2020 Share Posted 16 February, 2020 Has SOG got a small thing that brings his wife joy? You’d have to ask her Whelk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badgerx16 Posted 16 February, 2020 Share Posted 16 February, 2020 You’d have to ask her Whelk. Your wife has a talking whelk ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadoldgit Posted 16 February, 2020 Share Posted 16 February, 2020 Your wife has a talking whelk ? Yes, she says she gets more sense out of her whelk than she does from me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lighthouse Posted 16 February, 2020 Share Posted 16 February, 2020 This site has ruined a lot of things in real life for me. Breaking Bad, the Ottoman Empire, Bruce Wayne, salt-water molluscs... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadoldgit Posted 23 February, 2020 Share Posted 23 February, 2020 The Sun lost £68m last year. Yay! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manuel Posted 20 March, 2020 Share Posted 20 March, 2020 Having legitimate reason to say "flange". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Behind Enemy Lines Posted 28 March, 2020 Share Posted 28 March, 2020 Toilet roll ☺️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimmy_D Posted 28 March, 2020 Share Posted 28 March, 2020 Watching football Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lighthouse Posted 10 April, 2020 Share Posted 10 April, 2020 Raiders of the Lost Arc is on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raging Bull Posted 10 April, 2020 Share Posted 10 April, 2020 Raiders of the Lost Arc is on. Oh don’t bother, you’ll set Matthew Le Moodhoover off again... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badgerx16 Posted 21 April, 2020 Share Posted 21 April, 2020 My 5 year old grandson was asked this afternoon by his mother "Give me another word with an 'a' sound", ( expecting hat, cat, bat....... ) "Turkmenistan" was the answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badgerx16 Posted 27 June, 2020 Share Posted 27 June, 2020 (edited) My 5 year old grandson, ( again ); yesterday he played 'dressing up', running round the house with a black cape over his head, pretending to be TON618 - his favourite supermassive black hole. Edited 27 June, 2020 by badgerx16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whelk Posted 27 June, 2020 Share Posted 27 June, 2020 Knowing that this time next week I can be in a pub Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manuel Posted 21 July, 2021 Share Posted 21 July, 2021 My newly acquired dog, enthusiastically ridding the lounge of flies and other insects. He eats them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whelk Posted 21 July, 2021 Share Posted 21 July, 2021 Finding out that the supermarket actually has water for sale. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colinjb Posted 21 July, 2021 Share Posted 21 July, 2021 A stray fly landing in my venus fly trap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
egg Posted 21 July, 2021 Share Posted 21 July, 2021 Pies. I like big ones too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badgerx16 Posted 9 August, 2021 Share Posted 9 August, 2021 (edited) Reading examples of British understatement and subtle wit. I have read an article about Leila Khaled, the Palestinian woman who was part of a hijacking group in the early 1970s. When she tried to hijack a plane from Amsterdam to New York she was overpowered and the plane diverted to Heathrow, where she was handed over to the Police. An immigration officer visited her in jail, and asked her "Why exactly did you enter the country without a valid visa ?". The Royal Navy is a great source of such things. For example, there was an alleged exchange between the USN and the RN as the allies closed in on Japan. An American ship signalled a British one, " How's the second largest navy in the World getting on ?". The RN commander replied "We are fine thankyou, how's the second best ?". Edited 9 August, 2021 by badgerx16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whelk Posted 9 August, 2021 Share Posted 9 August, 2021 Eating a really gay prawn sandwich Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lighthouse Posted 9 August, 2021 Share Posted 9 August, 2021 2 minutes ago, whelk said: Eating a really gay prawn sandwich Are they sandwiches made from gay prawns or gay sandwiches, which constrain prawns? I never figured that out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whelk Posted 9 August, 2021 Share Posted 9 August, 2021 I think if you have a gay prawn between gay bread it actually neutralises and becomes a straight sandwich. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lighthouse Posted 9 August, 2021 Share Posted 9 August, 2021 21 minutes ago, whelk said: I think if you have a gay prawn between gay bread it actually neutralises and becomes a straight sandwich. I think the phrase ‘gay prawn’ may have arisen from someone’s autocorrect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badgerx16 Posted 9 August, 2021 Share Posted 9 August, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, Lighthouse said: I think the phrase ‘gay prawn’ may have arisen from someone’s autocorrect. So now you are suggesting there may be "auto-correction" for gays ? Edited 9 August, 2021 by badgerx16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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