The small things in life that annoy you

[Badger]

4 hours ago, stknowle said:

People who use the initial of their 2nd name in their signatures. Jack P Shepherd.

Or want to be called JP or such like rather than their correct name .. 

[Whitey Grandad]

We used to have an American colleague whom we called B J Thomson but I don’t think he had a middle name.

Edited 7 February, 2021 by Whitey Grandad
auto-correct

[whelk]

2 hours ago, The Cat said:

This, and also people who list qualifications in their email signature. It's a BA Hons (probably a 2:2) for God's sake. Everyone has one and nobody cares. 

Agree. Now twats are putting stuff such a ‘wear a mask’. Yeah thanks for that was just going to go to shop without one but your email made me reconsider.

.

[The Cat]

This must have been mentioned already, but just in case....

People who call football clubs by hilarious nicknames like Chelski or Citeh. Moan United. Wet Spam. Spuds. 

Most of the people doing this are grown men. I know this to be a fact because it happens loads on here and no self respecting kid would be anywhere near this place.

[stknowle]

9 hours ago, The Cat said:

This must have been mentioned already, but just in case....

People who call football clubs by hilarious nicknames like Chelski or Citeh. Moan United. Wet Spam. Spuds. 

Most of the people doing this are grown men. I know this to be a fact because it happens loads on here and no self respecting kid would be anywhere near this place.

Palarse LOL!!!

[Lighthouse]

People tagging each other on a "List of guys/girls who...." - Followed by a list of about 50 of the most popular names in circulation, on Facebook.

[Fan The Flames]

People who work through their lunch break, get a life. Either work smarter and relax or care a bit less and relax.

[Raging Bull]

People who can’t wait for a split second before putting their full beam on when driving past me in the dark. 
 

It’s hard enough concentrating after half a dozen beers at the best of times without these plumbs trying to blind me at the same time. 

[Turkish]

Football commentators who say “he was denied by the crossbar/post” no they weren’t. The goal doesn’t move, they can be denied by a great save or block but not by the stationary goal frame as it was an attempt that was not on target.

also when they say things like, for example “Southampton haven’t won at wolves in the FA cup for 60 years” but no mentioning only played them once in that time or like that has any bearing on the matches result 

 

They’ve just done it on the Leicester Liverpool game. Brendan Rodgers hasn’t beaten Liverpool for 9 years. Well for 6 of them he was either their manager or managing in a league they don’t play in. Completely pointless fact.

Edited 13 February, 2021 by Turkish

[whelk]

Love Honey adverts. Call me Mary Whitehouse but don’t want to see two blokes kissing and talking  about how they are going to have mind blowing sex. We are not the French!

[whelk]

41 minutes ago, Turkish said:

Football commentators who say “he was denied by the crossbar/post” no they weren’t. The goal doesn’t move, they can be denied by a great save or block but not by the stationary goal frame as it was an attempt that was not on target.

also when they say things like, for example “Southampton haven’t won at wolves in the FA cup for 60 years” but no mentioning only played them once in that time or like that has any bearing on the matches result 

 

They’ve just done it on the Leicester Liverpool game. Brendan Rodgers hasn’t beaten Liverpool for 9 years. Well for 6 of them he was either their manager or managing in a league they don’t play in. Completely pointless fact.

Yeah agree those pointless stats. Also see PL in place of top flight football.

[Uncle Albert]

Permed hair.

Can people not tell when they look like a pot noodle.

Edited 14 February, 2021 by Uncle Albert

[stknowle]

Bald patches. FFS God if I have to lose my hair make it happen wholesale so I have no choice but to go for the full Jason Statham. Don't leave me with a thinning sunroof surrounded by thick coverage leaving me with all sorts of sweepover/gel/spray dilemmas. (words of a friend not me).

[Uncle Albert]

On 09/02/2021 at 21:36, The Cat said:

This must have been mentioned already, but just in case....

People who call football clubs by hilarious nicknames like Chelski or Citeh. Moan United. Wet Spam. Spuds. 

Most of the people doing this are grown men. I know this to be a fact because it happens loads on here and no self respecting kid would be anywhere near this place.

Saint Hairys.

Makes the place sound like a vegan strip club.

Edited 14 February, 2021 by Uncle Albert

[kyle04]

Nigerian generals who don't send you the money they promised.

It's just bad form - is that racist..?

[whelk]

Endless twats who don’t know what a ‘staycation’ is. It isn’t just having a holiday in the UK. Hanging is too good for ‘em

[whelk]

On 15/02/2021 at 01:10, kyle04 said:

Nigerian generals who don't send you the money they promised.

It's just bad form - is that racist..?

Racist bastard! Give it time. Maybe send him some more to help release your original amount 

[Turkish]

On 15/02/2021 at 01:10, kyle04 said:

Nigerian generals who don't send you the money they promised.

It's just bad form - is that racist..?

Probably best given the new variant of Covid is from there too. 

[whelk]

Everyone wishing each other a Happy St Patrick’s Day. Even doing it at PMQs FFS

[Fan The Flames]

The way posh people say the word careful. 

[benjii]

Women who go to the gym and just ponce around on the phone or walking slowly on a treadmill. You really need to crowd up the gym to do that, luv? *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*exception made for hot women. Unless their voice is so annoying it outweighs the allure.

[whelk]

People who use ‘literally’ as a filler word. Irish politician on Marr just said “the world literally stopped turning”  Must have really fucked up the tides

[Lighthouse]

Mock Tudor windows with plastic lattice work across the glass panel. Looks cheap and tacky and does nothing other than obstruct the view.

[buctootim]

32 minutes ago, Lighthouse said:

Mock Tudor windows with plastic lattice work across the glass panel. Looks cheap and tacky and does nothing other than obstruct the view.

My exes relatives told me they had new double glazing and how pleased they were with its modern look. I then chatted about how much I loathed mock stuff and how ridiculous fake wood brown plastic windows looked. It was only when I got outside..... 

Edited 21 March, 2021 by buctootim

[The Cat]

3 hours ago, whelk said:

People who use ‘literally’ as a filler word. Irish politician on Marr just said “the world literally stopped turning”  Must have really fucked up the tides

People who do that are like literally totes annoying.

[Manuel]

People that stop walking on a travellator.  Now, if your journey for 100m includes a travellator for part of it, you could stop for 10 seconds at any point in the journey, on or off the travellator and the time to get the end would be the same.  Why do people chose the travellator to stop?

[Patrick Bateman]

5 hours ago, Manuel said:

People that stop walking on a travellator.  Now, if your journey for 100m includes a travellator for part of it, you could stop for 10 seconds at any point in the journey, on or off the travellator and the time to get the end would be the same.  Why do people chose the travellator to stop?

Absolutely agree with this. Like all the lazy arses getting off the Waterloo & City line at Bank tube and standing on the right. Walk up it, it's a decent little work out, lazy gits. 

[whelk]

News items replaying their oh so cheeky pointless shout out questions from their reporters when politician or celebs are clearly not going to answer.

Although think there was an amusing one once to Mendelson along the lines of ‘how many lies do you plan to tell today minister?’ 

Edited 14 May, 2021 by whelk

[whelk]

I may have put this one in already but can someone tell the media that ‘staycation’ means staying at home for your holiday and going on day trips. Not just a fucking holiday in the UK. 

[Raging Bull]

8 minutes ago, whelk said:

I may have put this one in already but can someone tell the media that ‘staycation’ means staying at home for your holiday and going on day trips. Not just a fucking holiday in the UK. 

I’ve not seen these advertised anywhere. 

[Lighthouse]

2 hours ago, Raging Bull said:

I’ve not seen these advertised anywhere. 

It's kind of like a secret club with their own rules and handshakes. Basically, if you're on a camp site, any couple who has erected a swing-ball pole outside their caravan is up for a bit of hanky panky and voyeurism. You just have to knock 5 times, any time after sunset. General etiquette is to bring a trifle or cheesecake to share around after.

[Weston Super Saint]

24 minutes ago, Lighthouse said:

It's kind of like a secret club with their own rules and handshakes. Basically, if you're on a camp site, any couple who has erected a swing-ball pole outside their caravan is up for a bit of hanky panky and voyeurism. You just have to knock 5 times, any time after sunset. General etiquette is to bring a trifle or cheesecake to share around after.

You seem too knowledgable  

[Raging Bull]

27 minutes ago, Lighthouse said:

It's kind of like a secret club with their own rules and handshakes. Basically, if you're on a camp site, any couple who has erected a swing-ball pole outside their caravan is up for a bit of hanky panky and voyeurism. You just have to knock 5 times, any time after sunset. General etiquette is to bring a trifle or cheesecake to share around after.

On the subject of swinging, I learned something the other day from a bloke that works opposite me. 
 

He said that 20 years ago, when he moved into the village where we work, that it had a vibrant swinging scene that happened on a regular basis. 
 

Apparently, the “in the know” sign for anyone open for a bit of keys in the pot was that you had Pampas grass growing in your front garden. 
 

Ive no idea if this is still the case now, and to be honest, the crusties that live here now would make for a challenging 5 knuckle shuffle. 
 

So if you’re partial to a bit of Pampas grass, we know your secret...

[Fan The Flames]

People who bounce when they walk.

[Whitey Grandad]

52 minutes ago, Raging Bull said:

On the subject of swinging, I learned something the other day from a bloke that works opposite me. 
 

He said that 20 years ago, when he moved into the village where we work, that it had a vibrant swinging scene that happened on a regular basis. 
 

Apparently, the “in the know” sign for anyone open for a bit of keys in the pot was that you had Pampas grass growing in your front garden. 
 

Ive no idea if this is still the case now, and to be honest, the crusties that live here now would make for a challenging 5 knuckle shuffle. 
 

So if you’re partial to a bit of Pampas grass, we know your secret...

Is that what they call it now?

An ex army officer who had been in charge along the border in Cyprus told me that in the married quarters the sign was a box of OMO in the window. It stood for 'Old Man Out'. Allegedly.

[Lighthouse]

1 hour ago, Weston Super Saint said:

You seem too knowledgable  

I learned the hard way when I went camping with my family, aged 12. We just wanted to play swing-ball.

[Uncle Albert]

The word lifestyle.

[Whitey Grandad]

21 hours ago, Lighthouse said:

I learned the hard way when I went camping with my family, aged 12. We just wanted to play swing-ball.

You must be thinking of 'swing-balls'

[skintsaint]

Today I've heard a good one in the office, people moaning they are late in due to a fatal car crash just up the road, they didn't have time to grab a latte coffee or whatever wanky coffee they have. Least you can still walk you c***s.

 

[Manuel]

Reminds me of the tube, the reaction of pure hate you could hear from hundreds of fellow passengers when our train was delayed due to someone throwing themselves on to the line.  "Why the F**k do they have to do that in rush hour selfish bastards!!!!"

Edited 21 May, 2021 by Manuel

[Weston Super Saint]

People who don't use an antiperspirant - especially when they go to the gym. 30 seconds to apply to save the rest of us from smelling you isn't asking much.

[revolution saint]

Americans who insist they're of a different nationality such as (and in particular) Irish Americans and Italian Americans.  No, you're fucking American.  This can also extend to anyone who bangs on about being a quarter this or that.  It's a cry for attention and a way to differentiate themselves from the crowd and it doesn't impress me. 

We've got a woman at work who has one great grandparent from Ireland - she went to Ireland for the first time ever in her 30's and pronounced it like "going home".  Unbelievable.

[buctootim]

On 21/05/2021 at 09:17, Manuel said:

Reminds me of the tube, the reaction of pure hate you could hear from hundreds of fellow passengers when our train was delayed due to someone throwing themselves on to the line.  "Why the F**k do they have to do that in rush hour selfish bastards!!!!"

I was on a train once which had been held up for a couple of hours due to someone committing suicide on the line. Ad we eventually went past the site some people cheered and one banged on the window yelling “I hope it hurt”

[Manuel]

On 11/06/2021 at 12:37, revolution saint said:

Americans who insist they're of a different nationality such as (and in particular) Irish Americans and Italian Americans.  No, you're fucking American.  This can also extend to anyone who bangs on about being a quarter this or that.  It's a cry for attention and a way to differentiate themselves from the crowd and it doesn't impress me. 

We've got a woman at work who has one great grandparent from Ireland - she went to Ireland for the first time ever in her 30's and pronounced it like "going home".  Unbelievable.

I became like that for a bit.  Discovered my Grandfather and family were from County Tyrone having lived in poor conditions, eventually migrating to Glasgow for work.

Got me studying the Troubles for a while, how Catholics struggled and the events leading up to it, which can take you back in history as far as Martin Luther and Henry VIII .  

I nearly applied for an Irish passport.

edit:  Anyway, three random things I learned from my studies:

1) Our Kings and Queens of the past were often brutal and selfish and I have a new respect for the current set-up and democracy. 

2) Ian Paisley was a nasty man.  

3) Irish Blood English Heart is an even better song than I thought, now I understand it a little more. 

Edited 12 June, 2021 by Manuel

[whelk]

Brave flies

[badgerx16]

2 hours ago, whelk said:

Brave flies

Are they the ones with their faces painted blue ?

[whelk]

2 minutes ago, badgerx16 said:

Are they the ones with their faces painted blue ?

They are the cunts you flick off and tare confident enough to land on you seconds later. Wanker flies

[Lighthouse]

9 minutes ago, whelk said:

They are the cunts you flick off and tare confident enough to land on you seconds later. Wanker flies

Yeah but they usually get cocky and start pushing their luck. That’s when you nail them with the Mr Sheen.

[skintsaint]

On 11/06/2021 at 19:37, revolution saint said:

Americans who insist they're of a different nationality such as (and in particular) Irish Americans and Italian Americans.  No, you're fucking American. 

To expand on this one, the Yanks that call themselves as Asian-American, Afro-American and so on....again no, you're just American. Sure it helps creates issues over there with race divide. 

[badgerx16]

3 hours ago, skintsaint said:

To expand on this one, the Yanks that call themselves as Asian-American, Afro-American and so on....again no, you're just American. Sure it helps creates issues over there with race divide. 

In the UK I have heard the term "British Asians", generally on the News, but never "British African" or "Afro-British".