Master Bates Posted 16 January, 2009 Share Posted 16 January, 2009 went into the chemists and said to the pharmacist, "Excuse me mate, I'm after some condoms." "Just a minute", he replied. He said, "Yes, that's my brand". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mack rill Posted 16 January, 2009 Share Posted 16 January, 2009 Whats the most confusing day in scumpy land....................Farthers day:smt044 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saint boggy Posted 16 January, 2009 Share Posted 16 January, 2009 someone sent me a 'joke' on a text today, and (dunno if i'm bein a bit dim) but i couldn't make ass nor head of it..... "how do chinese people name their children?..............throw cutlery down the stairs....:neutral:............:-k......:smt017.......:smt102 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Bates Posted 16 January, 2009 Author Share Posted 16 January, 2009 "how do chinese people name their children?..............throw cutlery down the stairs....:neutral:............:-k......:smt017.......:smt102 That's good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeff leopard Posted 16 January, 2009 Share Posted 16 January, 2009 someone sent me a 'joke' on a text today, and (dunno if i'm bein a bit dim) but i couldn't make ass nor head of it..... "how do chinese people name their children?..............throw cutlery down the stairs....:neutral:............:-k......:smt017.......:smt102 thats an old cheech and chong gag, as is the cutlery will make a 'ching, chang, chong' noise. Which is of course a bit rich coming from them. oh those crazy racists, what will they say next? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keithd Posted 16 January, 2009 Share Posted 16 January, 2009 i had ajoke text from an asian friend... "i've just got back from the opticians, seems i could be colour blind. if you're white can you delete me from your phonebook.." i didnt get it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saint boggy Posted 16 January, 2009 Share Posted 16 January, 2009 thats an old cheech and chong gag, as is the cutlery will make a 'ching, chang, chong' noise. Which is of course a bit rich coming from them. oh those crazy racists, what will they say next? oh.....i see.......hilarious.....:neutral: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Summers Posted 21 January, 2009 Share Posted 21 January, 2009 How about this one... Bloke on holiday goes into an Amsterdam brothel and asks for the fattest ugliest girl they have with the saggiest t*ts and a f*nny like a ripped out fireplace. The madam said, ''Feeling kinky tonight sir'' He replied, "No I'm from Portsmouth and I'm homesick" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EastleighSoulBoy Posted 21 January, 2009 Share Posted 21 January, 2009 Originally it went like this! Bloke on holiday goes into an Amsterdam brothel and asks for the fattest ugliest girl they have with the saggiest t*ts and a f*nny like a ripped out fireplace. The madam said, ''Feeling kinky tonight sir'' He replied, "No I'm from Portsmouth and I miss my sister" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Summers Posted 21 January, 2009 Share Posted 21 January, 2009 /Mother/Auntie/Great Nan* * Delete as applicable?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ash Posted 21 January, 2009 Share Posted 21 January, 2009 Whats the most confusing day in scumpy land....................Farthers day:smt044 I think that festival is unique to Portsmouth, I've never heard of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Summers Posted 21 January, 2009 Share Posted 21 January, 2009 Farthers day or Fathers day? Get it right if you're going to try a gag ;-p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
INFLUENCED.COM Posted 21 January, 2009 Share Posted 21 January, 2009 A cannibal was inconsolable after leaving the toilet...........he'd just dumped his girlfriend A young lad came up to me and asked me what was my favourite Telly Tubby, I replied the new Sony LCD you cheeky little fu**** A blonde gets a job as a teacher, she notices a boy on the field stood by himself while the other boys are running around having fun, she takes pity on him and decides to speak with him, "are you OK ?"...""yes" he replied "you can go and play with the other boys you know" she said "best I stay here" he said "why ?" she asked............"cause i'm the fu(kin goalie !!!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weston Super Saint Posted 21 January, 2009 Share Posted 21 January, 2009 Farthers day or Fathers day? Get it right if you're going to try a gag ;-p Or Father's day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dark Sotonic Mills Posted 21 January, 2009 Share Posted 21 January, 2009 Or Father's day Fathers' Day? Unless it's just for one father... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyFartPants Posted 21 January, 2009 Share Posted 21 January, 2009 went into the chemists and said to the pharmacist, "Excuse me mate, I'm after some condoms." "Just a minute", he replied. He said, "Yes, that's my brand". Oh I get it now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
INFLUENCED.COM Posted 21 January, 2009 Share Posted 21 January, 2009 I see Tony Harts funeral has been Penciled in for Friday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyFartPants Posted 21 January, 2009 Share Posted 21 January, 2009 Better in bright yellow IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeff leopard Posted 21 January, 2009 Share Posted 21 January, 2009 A p*mpey fan goes for a check-up and after just a couple of minutes the doctor starts getting quite upset and says, 'look, there's no easy way to say this so I'm just going to come out with it. You've got to stop self-harming and masturbating!' The p*mpey fan looks shocked and demands 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' And the doctor replies…'I'm trying to examine you!' Seriously though folks, even the best p*mpey joke in the world wouldn't nearly be so funny as the gang of retards that went out trying to lynch paedophiles and attacked a paedotrician. Does anything sum up P*rtsmuff better? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Bates Posted 21 January, 2009 Author Share Posted 21 January, 2009 I see Boy George has been let out of prison early. No, my mistake that's just Jade Goody Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
georgeg Posted 21 January, 2009 Share Posted 21 January, 2009 Farthers day or Fathers day? Get it right if you're going to try a gag ;-p you don't expect them to be able to spell do you??!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plums Posted 21 January, 2009 Share Posted 21 January, 2009 I can tell you the funniest thing i have heard all day was a Scummer friend of mine forcasting ADMINISTRATION for you guys. Made me laugh out loud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
westy Posted 21 January, 2009 Share Posted 21 January, 2009 I can tell you the funniest thing i have heard all day was a Scummer friend of mine forcasting ADMINISTRATION for you guys. Made me laugh out loud. How much %age of you're income do you spend on wages again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denzil Posted 22 January, 2009 Share Posted 22 January, 2009 I can tell you the funniest thing i have heard all day was a Scummer friend of mine forcasting ADMINISTRATION for you guys. Made me laugh out loud. Go away you horrible little child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeff leopard Posted 22 January, 2009 Share Posted 22 January, 2009 I can tell you the funniest thing i have heard all day was a Scummer friend of mine forcasting ADMINISTRATION for you guys. Made me laugh out loud. :smt022 we were just enjoying some light hearted banter but you had to take it TOO FAR! you'll miss us when we're gone, you'll be a yang minus a ying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the stain Posted 22 January, 2009 Share Posted 22 January, 2009 :smt022 we were just enjoying some light hearted banter but you had to take it TOO FAR! you'll miss us when we're gone, you'll be a yang minus a ying. Like a post-op panda. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
INFLUENCED.COM Posted 22 January, 2009 Share Posted 22 January, 2009 Barack Obama the first black President Lewis Hamilton the first black formula 1 champion Will Smith the worlds highest paid actor Tiger Woods the worlds best golfer How times have changed, its a real good time to be black................Michael Jackson must be kicking himself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
West End Saint Posted 22 January, 2009 Share Posted 22 January, 2009 What does a pompey girl use for protection durig sex ? A bus shelter What do you call a 30 year old pompey girl ? Granny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pancake Posted 22 January, 2009 Share Posted 22 January, 2009 Like a post-op panda. Bestest 'lol' this year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
INFLUENCED.COM Posted 22 January, 2009 Share Posted 22 January, 2009 A new Middle East crisis erupted last night as Dubai TV refused to broadcast The Flinstones. A spokesman said the people of Dubai would not understand the humour, however, those in Abu Dhabi do !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 22 January, 2009 Share Posted 22 January, 2009 A new Middle East crisis erupted last night as Dubai TV refused to broadcast The Flinstones. A spokesman said the people of Dubai would not understand the humour, however, those in Abu Dhabi do !! Am I the only person on here who doesn't understand this joke? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dark Sotonic Mills Posted 22 January, 2009 Share Posted 22 January, 2009 Am I the only person on here who doesn't understand this joke? Yes, yes you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 22 January, 2009 Share Posted 22 January, 2009 Am I the only person on here who doesn't understand this joke? Yabba Dabba Dooo You owe me one now Flip Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingeletiss Posted 22 January, 2009 Share Posted 22 January, 2009 The boss had to fire somebody, and narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they both were super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the coffee the next morning. Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the coffee machine to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said "Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off." "Could you Jack off?" she says. "I feel like ****." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 22 January, 2009 Share Posted 22 January, 2009 Yabba Dabba Dooo You owe me one now Flip :smt005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weston Super Saint Posted 22 January, 2009 Share Posted 22 January, 2009 Fathers' Day? Unless it's just for one father... It is. Since one person can only have one father.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingeletiss Posted 22 January, 2009 Share Posted 22 January, 2009 Our Father who art in heaven.................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 22 January, 2009 Share Posted 22 January, 2009 It is. Since one person can only have one father.... Careful the PC police will catch you for that one.... they could have two mothers or two dads these days, and maybe in some weird places two dads who aren't the real dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easty Posted 24 January, 2009 Share Posted 24 January, 2009 Two little lads, one wearing a Pompey shirt and the other wearing a Saints shirt went to London to see the queen. As the queen came by, she stopped at the lad wearing the Pompey shirt and had a few words. Feeling upset the Saints fans dad said " Don't worry son we'll just go out and get a Pompey shirt and come back. So off they went and came back with the lad in a Pompey shirt. The queen was making her way down the lines of people stopped at the little lad, and wispered to him. " I thought I told you to f*ck off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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