Secret telephone conversation from VVD to his Agent.

[Secret Site Agent]

Below we have an extract of a conversation heard at Staplewood training ground today by a 'source'.

 

 

Virgil Van Dijk: Hi Itsh Virgil here.

Wassermans Agent for Netherland Key European Representatives: Virgil baby. How is you? Fine I hope.hehehhe..we have big plans for you, Loads of money.

VVD: Yesh, itsh about this letter I have sent.

W.A.N.K.E.R. :Yes, you did well there. Saints will have to sell you now to Liverpool. You really told them.

VVD:Umm,when did I write it?

W.A.N.K.E.R. : We wrote it yesterday.

VVD:What, me and you?

W.A.N.K.E.R. : No us.......I mean yes, me and you and some other blokes, you know the others that come ith me, the PR team, the lawyers, the media guys, Mr klopp, The Liverpool boys, The Liverpool echo. You know. Your team.

VVD:Yes, I don’t think some of it is true though?

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Of course it is, you told us, so we.......you wrote it.We helped of course, but it’s defiantly you. Yep, it’s all true.

VVD:When did I tell you this?

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Well,I dunno, yesterday, last week, never.......what does it matter, saints are going to sell you to Liverpool.

VVD: Well, Les said, and the board seemed to follow him up that I won’t be sold to Liverpool.

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Yes you will, Kloppy told me.

VVD: But he said the Liverpool board won’t do it in case they get investigated for tapping up again.

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Ahhh, thats ********. Let me ask you. Have Liverpool ever tapped up a player and been caught out?

VVD: Well, there’s that thing about the Stoke apprentice and.......

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Virgil, Virgil, Virgil. Let me put it another way. When did the Liverpool board ever do anything against the wishes of Klippity Klopp?

VVD: Well, they are going to sell Coutinho...........

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Ahhhh, Vigil. Don’t worry about that. There other teams interested.

VVD:Like who?

W.A.N.K.E.R : Top teams.

VVD:What top Teams?

W.A.N.K.E.R. : TOP!TEAMS!....Now I’ve got to go, i’ve got to try and convince Steven Gerrard, Robbie Keane and, Jamie Carragher to have a candlelit vigil for you. By the way Stevie G was wondering if you had Ryan Bertrand mobile number as.......er.......he wants to.....er....catch up on a conversation they had when they are on England duty. About......ummm.......Nivia cream.....yes that’ll do it.....

VVD: Lishen, i’ll text it over.

Mauricio Pellegrino: Heya, Vigila. You a reallya fuk it all uppa now. Anyway, the boysa all havina a cuppa tea. Woulda you likea a cupa tea?

VVD: well, bosh. When I was injured I realised that a footballer only has a short career and a short number of cups of tea and I need to be somewhere where they serve tea in mugs with big red crests on them and ‘you’ll never walk alone’ written on the top.

MP: Wella, I wonta have a player whosea head isn’t inna a cup of tea, so youlla have to go a and drink a youra tea with Class 9 ata St. Marys Primary schoola.

VVD: OK. Have you had any phone calls from.......well.....other teams....you know....about.....maybe me?

MP: Yes I hada call froma José Mourinho, Pep Guardiola, Antonio Conte, Zinedine Zidane and Luciano Spalletti . They alla aska mea the same question.

VVD:Really. Whats did they say?

MP: They alla saya to me, theya say, Thata Virgil Van Dijk ofa yours. Why is he such a ****.

Edited 8 August, 2017 by Secret Site Agent
Spell chech don't know his second name

[Saint86]

Below we have an extract of a conversation heard at Staplewood training ground today by a 'source'.

 

 

Virgil Van Dijk: Hi Itsh Virgil here.

Wassermans Agent for Netherland Key European Representatives: Virgil baby. How is you? Fine I hope.hehehhe..we have big plans for you, Loads of money.

VVD: Yesh, itsh about this letter I have sent.

W.A.N.K.E.R. :Yes, you did well there. Saints will have to sell you now to Liverpool. You really told them.

VVD:Umm,when did I write it?

W.A.N.K.E.R. : We wrote it yesterday.

VVD:What, me and you?

W.A.N.K.E.R. : No us.......I mean yes, me and you and some other blokes, you know the others that come ith me, the PR team, the lawyers, the media guys, Mr klopp, The Liverpool boys, The Liverpool echo. You know. Your team.

VVD:Yes, I don’t think some of it is true though?

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Of course it is, you told us, so we.......you wrote it.We helped of course, but it’s defiantly you. Yep, it’s all true.

VVD:When did I tell you this?

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Well,I dunno, yesterday, last week, never.......what does it matter, saints are going to sell you to Liverpool.

VVD: Well, Les said, and the board seemed to follow him up that I won’t be sold to Liverpool.

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Yes you will, Kloppy told me.

VVD: But he said the Liverpool board won’t do it in case they get investigated for tapping up again.

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Ahhh, thats ********. Let me ask you. Have Liverpool ever tapped up a player and been caught out?

VVD: Well, there’s that thing about the Stoke apprentice and.......

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Virgil, Virgil, Virgil. Let me put it another way. When did the Liverpool board ever do anything against the wishes of Klippity Klopp?

VVD: Well, they are going to sell Coutinho...........

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Ahhhh, Vigil. Don’t worry about that. There other teams interested.

VVD:Like who?

W.A.N.K.E.R : Top teams.

VVD:What top Teams?

W.A.N.K.E.R. : TOP!TEAMS!....Now I’ve got to go, i’ve got to try and convince Steven Gerrard, Robbie Keane and, Jamie Carragher to have a candlelit vigil for you. By the way Stevie G was wondering if you had Ryan Bertrand mobile number as.......er.......he wants to.....er....catch up on a conversation they had when they are on England duty. About......ummm.......Nivia cream.....yes that’ll do it.....

VVD: Lishen, i’ll text it over.

Mauricio Pellegrino: Heya, Vigila. You a reallya fuk it all uppa now. Anyway, the boysa all havina a cuppa tea. Woulda you likea a cupa tea?

VVD: well, bosh. When I was injured I realised that a footballer only has a short career and a short number of cups of tea and I need to be somewhere where they serve tea in mugs with big red crests on them and ‘you’ll never walk alone’ written on the top.

MP: Wella, I wonta have a player whosea head isn’t inna a cup of tea, so youlla have to go a and drink a youra tea with Class 9 ata St. Marys Primary schoola.

VVD: OK. Have you had any phone calls from.......well.....other teams....you know....about.....maybe me?

MP: Yes I hada call froma José Mourinho, Pep Guardiola, Antonio Conte, Zinedine Zidane and Luciano Spalletti . They alla aska mea the same question.

VVD:Really. Whats did they say?

MP: They alla saya to me, theya say, Thata Virgil Van Dijk ofa yours. Why is he such a ****.

 

MP is not Italian

[VectisSaint]

MP is not Italian

Although Argentina's official language is Spanish, Argentinian Spanish is different from the Spanish spoken in Spain. In some ways it sounds more like Italian than Spanish.

:mcinnes:

[hypochondriac]

Some of our fans are mentally retarded.

[Lighthouse]

1

[scotty]

Some of our fans are mentally retarded.

.........opens popcorn and awaits MLGs detailed statistics on percentages......

[Ohio Saint]

Some of our fans are mentally retarded.

 

Googly doooooo! :badger:

[S-Clarke]

Bit odd. I thought this was a huge scoop and a phone hack for a second.

 

shame.

[Heisenberg]

This is a sense of humour no go zone

 

Lighten up its just for Lols

[Pamplemousse]

[Guan 2.0]

Virgil lost his accent very quickly.

[Donatello]

Virgil lost his accent very quickly.

 

Aren't you supposed to be dead?

[Secret Site Agent]

Well, I tried.

 

Thanks a bunch. Just trying to lighten the mood.

 

Let's go back to whinging and moaning.

 

Thanks to Heisenberg though. at least he hasn't had a sense of humor bypass.

[Secret Site Agent]

Some of our fans are mentally retarded.

 

Now there is a sense of Irony!

[Toadhall Saint]

Below we have an extract of a conversation heard at Staplewood training ground today by a 'source'.

 

 

Virgil Van Dijk: Hi Itsh Virgil here.

Wassermans Agent for Netherland Key European Representatives: Virgil baby. How is you? Fine I hope.hehehhe..we have big plans for you, Loads of money.

VVD: Yesh, itsh about this letter I have sent.

W.A.N.K.E.R. :Yes, you did well there. Saints will have to sell you now to Liverpool. You really told them.

VVD:Umm,when did I write it?

W.A.N.K.E.R. : We wrote it yesterday.

VVD:What, me and you?

W.A.N.K.E.R. : No us.......I mean yes, me and you and some other blokes, you know the others that come ith me, the PR team, the lawyers, the media guys, Mr klopp, The Liverpool boys, The Liverpool echo. You know. Your team.

VVD:Yes, I don’t think some of it is true though?

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Of course it is, you told us, so we.......you wrote it.We helped of course, but it’s defiantly you. Yep, it’s all true.

VVD:When did I tell you this?

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Well,I dunno, yesterday, last week, never.......what does it matter, saints are going to sell you to Liverpool.

VVD: Well, Les said, and the board seemed to follow him up that I won’t be sold to Liverpool.

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Yes you will, Kloppy told me.

VVD: But he said the Liverpool board won’t do it in case they get investigated for tapping up again.

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Ahhh, thats ********. Let me ask you. Have Liverpool ever tapped up a player and been caught out?

VVD: Well, there’s that thing about the Stoke apprentice and.......

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Virgil, Virgil, Virgil. Let me put it another way. When did the Liverpool board ever do anything against the wishes of Klippity Klopp?

VVD: Well, they are going to sell Coutinho...........

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Ahhhh, Vigil. Don’t worry about that. There other teams interested.

VVD:Like who?

W.A.N.K.E.R : Top teams.

VVD:What top Teams?

W.A.N.K.E.R. : TOP!TEAMS!....Now I’ve got to go, i’ve got to try and convince Steven Gerrard, Robbie Keane and, Jamie Carragher to have a candlelit vigil for you. By the way Stevie G was wondering if you had Ryan Bertrand mobile number as.......er.......he wants to.....er....catch up on a conversation they had when they are on England duty. About......ummm.......Nivia cream.....yes that’ll do it.....

VVD: Lishen, i’ll text it over.

Mauricio Pellegrino: Heya, Vigila. You a reallya fuk it all uppa now. Anyway, the boysa all havina a cuppa tea. Woulda you likea a cupa tea?

VVD: well, bosh. When I was injured I realised that a footballer only has a short career and a short number of cups of tea and I need to be somewhere where they serve tea in mugs with big red crests on them and ‘you’ll never walk alone’ written on the top.

MP: Wella, I wonta have a player whosea head isn’t inna a cup of tea, so youlla have to go a and drink a youra tea with Class 9 ata St. Marys Primary schoola.

VVD: OK. Have you had any phone calls from.......well.....other teams....you know....about.....maybe me?

MP: Yes I hada call froma José Mourinho, Pep Guardiola, Antonio Conte, Zinedine Zidane and Luciano Spalletti . They alla aska mea the same question.

VVD:Really. Whats did they say?

MP: They alla saya to me, theya say, Thata Virgil Van Dijk ofa yours. Why is he such a ****.

 

[emoji106]

[Patrick Bateman]

Well, I tried.

 

Thanks a bunch. Just trying to lighten the mood.

 

Let's go back to whinging and moaning.

 

Thanks to Heisenberg though. at least he hasn't had a sense of humor bypass.

 

It made me chuckle!

[5string]

"snicker"

 

Light humour & sarcasm/irony always have a place in my world.

Edited 8 August, 2017 by 5string
wouldn't allow s****** cos it has an unmentionable word as part of it! Chose "snicker" instead! Really?! Haha

[Saint86]

Although Argentina's official language is Spanish, Argentinian Spanish is different from the Spanish spoken in Spain. In some ways it sounds more like Italian than Spanish.

:mcinnes:

 

So. what your saying. Is that Argies sound like Mario and Luigi... I don't think so mate

[trousers]

Aren't you supposed to be dead?

Guan 2.0 lives!

[Toussaint]

Aren't you supposed to be dead?

 

Makes sign of the cross emoji, it's a miracle!

[Dublin Saint]

It made me chuckle!

 

THIS LOL

[Maggie May]

The straw that broke the camel's back for me. Bye.

[alpine_saint]

Below we have an extract of a conversation heard at Staplewood training ground today by a 'source'.

 

 

Virgil Van Dijk: Hi Itsh Virgil here.

Wassermans Agent for Netherland Key European Representatives: Virgil baby. How is you? Fine I hope.hehehhe..we have big plans for you, Loads of money.

VVD: Yesh, itsh about this letter I have sent.

W.A.N.K.E.R. :Yes, you did well there. Saints will have to sell you now to Liverpool. You really told them.

VVD:Umm,when did I write it?

W.A.N.K.E.R. : We wrote it yesterday.

VVD:What, me and you?

W.A.N.K.E.R. : No us.......I mean yes, me and you and some other blokes, you know the others that come ith me, the PR team, the lawyers, the media guys, Mr klopp, The Liverpool boys, The Liverpool echo. You know. Your team.

VVD:Yes, I don’t think some of it is true though?

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Of course it is, you told us, so we.......you wrote it.We helped of course, but it’s defiantly you. Yep, it’s all true.

VVD:When did I tell you this?

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Well,I dunno, yesterday, last week, never.......what does it matter, saints are going to sell you to Liverpool.

VVD: Well, Les said, and the board seemed to follow him up that I won’t be sold to Liverpool.

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Yes you will, Kloppy told me.

VVD: But he said the Liverpool board won’t do it in case they get investigated for tapping up again.

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Ahhh, thats ********. Let me ask you. Have Liverpool ever tapped up a player and been caught out?

VVD: Well, there’s that thing about the Stoke apprentice and.......

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Virgil, Virgil, Virgil. Let me put it another way. When did the Liverpool board ever do anything against the wishes of Klippity Klopp?

VVD: Well, they are going to sell Coutinho...........

W.A.N.K.E.R. : Ahhhh, Vigil. Don’t worry about that. There other teams interested.

VVD:Like who?

W.A.N.K.E.R : Top teams.

VVD:What top Teams?

W.A.N.K.E.R. : TOP!TEAMS!....Now I’ve got to go, i’ve got to try and convince Steven Gerrard, Robbie Keane and, Jamie Carragher to have a candlelit vigil for you. By the way Stevie G was wondering if you had Ryan Bertrand mobile number as.......er.......he wants to.....er....catch up on a conversation they had when they are on England duty. About......ummm.......Nivia cream.....yes that’ll do it.....

VVD: Lishen, i’ll text it over.

Mauricio Pellegrino: Heya, Vigila. You a reallya fuk it all uppa now. Anyway, the boysa all havina a cuppa tea. Woulda you likea a cupa tea?

VVD: well, bosh. When I was injured I realised that a footballer only has a short career and a short number of cups of tea and I need to be somewhere where they serve tea in mugs with big red crests on them and ‘you’ll never walk alone’ written on the top.

MP: Wella, I wonta have a player whosea head isn’t inna a cup of tea, so youlla have to go a and drink a youra tea with Class 9 ata St. Marys Primary schoola.

VVD: OK. Have you had any phone calls from.......well.....other teams....you know....about.....maybe me?

MP: Yes I hada call froma José Mourinho, Pep Guardiola, Antonio Conte, Zinedine Zidane and Luciano Spalletti . They alla aska mea the same question.

VVD:Really. Whats did they say?

MP: They alla saya to me, theya say, Thata Virgil Van Dijk ofa yours. Why is he such a ****.

 

 

I expected MoPe to say "aha shaddapya face" at some point..

[eddie]

What is this ****

[whelk]

The straw that broke the camel's back for me. Bye.

 

You'll be missed

[Secret Site Agent]

SATIRE: the use of humour, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

synonyms: mockery, ridicule, derision, scorn, caricature

a play, novel, film, or other work which uses satire.

 

Satirist: a writer or user of satire.

Satirist: Secret Site Agent

 

Humourless: having no humour

[thesaint sfc]

I lol'd, then I read the comments, then I deleted my account.

 

Bye

[Secret Site Agent]

The straw that broke the camel's back for me. Bye.

 

Wow, I never thought I would have this sort of impact.

 

Is it because of this

 

It is with regret that I can confirm that I have today handed in a transfer request to leave Saintsweb.

"Unfortunately I feel I have no alternative after I was given notice of the Secret Site Agents intention to impose a Satire against Virgil Van Dijk and his agent of a waste of time equivalent to 2 weeks online. I will be appealing what I feel to be an unjustified sanction to Steve Grant and the MODS and their inability to follow the correct posting protocol in due course.

"Over the past six months I have held numerous posts with posters of the board, to inform them all of my desire to leave the board in search of a new challenge.

"I am incredibly ambitious and want to achieve as much as I possibly can to fulfil my potential in what is a very short career as a poster of messageboards. I want to post for a European football team again and enjoy the challenge for major honours and as such I would like Saintsweb to consider the interest in me from top clubs Boards should it still exist.

"I have been left frustrated by the Moderators position that I am required to read this drivel and am disappointed that enquiries from multiple top clubs message boards have been consistently rebuffed.

"The period of time that I have just spent thios summer without seeing Saints play has put a number of things into perspective and made me realise just how important it is to take major opportunities should they arise.

"I have consistently relayed my feelings to Moderators at Saintsweb in what I believed to be private and personal posts. Disappointingly, these conversations have regularly found their way into the main board..

"Following this conversation Steve Grant explained that he only wanted posters who he felt were 100% committed to Saintsweb and told me I would therefore have to post away from the main board. Perhaps in nthe lounge or Muppet Show.

"As a proud posterl I am insulted by the suggestion that it was me who refused to post positively and so feel it is important to point out the true version of events."

 

:lol:

[Heisenberg]

SSA is on fire

[eddie]

Wow, I never thought I would have this sort of impact.

 

Is it because of this

 

It is with regret that I can confirm that I have today handed in a transfer request to leave Saintsweb.

"Unfortunately I feel I have no alternative after I was given notice of the Secret Site Agents intention to impose a Satire against Virgil Van Dijk and his agent of a waste of time equivalent to 2 weeks online. I will be appealing what I feel to be an unjustified sanction to Steve Grant and the MODS and their inability to follow the correct posting protocol in due course.

"Over the past six months I have held numerous posts with posters of the board, to inform them all of my desire to leave the board in search of a new challenge.

"I am incredibly ambitious and want to achieve as much as I possibly can to fulfil my potential in what is a very short career as a poster of messageboards. I want to post for a European football team again and enjoy the challenge for major honours and as such I would like Saintsweb to consider the interest in me from top clubs Boards should it still exist.

"I have been left frustrated by the Moderators position that I am required to read this drivel and am disappointed that enquiries from multiple top clubs message boards have been consistently rebuffed.

"The period of time that I have just spent thios summer without seeing Saints play has put a number of things into perspective and made me realise just how important it is to take major opportunities should they arise.

"I have consistently relayed my feelings to Moderators at Saintsweb in what I believed to be private and personal posts. Disappointingly, these conversations have regularly found their way into the main board..

"Following this conversation Steve Grant explained that he only wanted posters who he felt were 100% committed to Saintsweb and told me I would therefore have to post away from the main board. Perhaps in nthe lounge or Muppet Show.

"As a proud posterl I am insulted by the suggestion that it was me who refused to post positively and so feel it is important to point out the true version of events."

 

:lol:

 

How's the job search going mate?

 

any new opportunities on the horizon?

[hypochondriac]

[emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] what a comic! Pmsl SSA has produced a plethora of knee slappers here no doubt. Satire to rival or even surpass the likes of Mrs Brown's Boys and Miranda.

[Saint_Ash]

I quite liked it. It's worth it for getting rid of Maggie May.

[Secret Site Agent]

How's the job search going mate?

 

any new opportunities on the horizon?

 

Nothing at the moment, but one does hope for the future.

[eddie]

Nothing at the moment, but one does hope for the future.

 

best of luck

 

free online courses always help prop up the CV if you've got the time, you know

[Secret Site Agent]

best of luck

 

free online courses always help prop up the CV if you've got the time, you know

 

Yeh, thanks for that.

[VectisSaint]

So. what your saying. Is that Argies sound like Mario and Luigi... I don't think so mate

Its not what I'm saying, its what linguistic experts say. Me, I couldn't tell a Portuguese from a Brazilian (linguistically). You don't really think I made that up do you? I checked it out factually and posted it. Anyway we all know now that Mario is Gabonese and speaks French. Don't know about Luigi. Think the laugh is on you really mate

[Ohio Saint]

Christ on a bike. Someone tries to inject some humour into this desert of humanity, and gets a metric ton of this poo?

[Avenue_Saint]

Hypo still being cock of the forum I see. Time for another ban me thinks... Also Maggie May is a filthy skate if ever I saw one. SSA, keep up good work [emoji106]

[Secret Site Agent]

Hypo still being cock of the forum I see. Time for another ban me thinks... Also Maggie May is a filthy skate if ever I saw one. SSA, keep up good work [emoji106]

 

Thanks for all the support.

 

Those that know me know that I try and inject some humour and try to keep us grounded, and I do a lot of satires. So go down well, some not so.Don't mind, my humour is not to everyone taste, and some jokes don't ht the mark. Fair enough.

 

Remember, it is so easy to destroy, so difficult to create. Anyone can say something is crap, but they never say 'here's a better one'. I won't stop, I've never been warned for doing one, and never banned for doing one.So i'll continue.

[Isla Wight]

Thanks for all the support.

 

Those that know me know that I try and inject some humour and try to keep us grounded, and I do a lot of satires. So go down well, some not so.Don't mind, my humour is not to everyone taste, and some jokes don't ht the mark. Fair enough.

 

Remember, it is so easy to destroy, so difficult to create. Anyone can say something is crap, but they never say 'here's a better one'. I won't stop, I've never been warned for doing one, and never banned for doing one.So i'll continue.

 

Made me smile, nice to see a bit of humour on here instead of the usual moaning and groaning. How anyone would leave a forum because of it is beyond me. Still takes all sorts.

[Secret Site Agent]

Made me smile, nice to see a bit of humour on here instead of the usual moaning and groaning. How anyone would leave a forum because of it is beyond me. Still takes all sorts.

I thank you too.