Iowsaintsfan Posted 9 January, 2009 Share Posted 9 January, 2009 MANCHESTER United star Cristiano Ronaldo had a miraculous escape after writing off his Ferrari sports car when he crashed into a roadside barrier in a tunnel near Manchester Airport. BUGGER!! The red sports car was badly damaged when it was involved in the smash at 10.20am today on the A538 Wilmslow Road but the 23-year-old **** apparently walked away uninjured before throwing himself onto central reservation and appealing for a penalty. The crash happened in the tunnel which takes traffic under the airport runways between Wilmslow and Hale, Cheshire. Witnesses said 'a Portugese ****' got out of the car and stood beside the wreckage, apparently not injured in the incident, he asked police officers 'can I have a free kick anyway?'. The car, registered in his home country of Portugal, is part of a fleet owned by Real Madrid. It is believed he owns a £145,000 Ferrari F430 although it was not clear if this was the car he was driving at the time of the smash. The Portuguese gob****e was spoken to at the scene by police investigating the incident, and both officers confirmed 'the man is a cheating fecker and was crying like a little girl when I told him he was not as good looking in the flesh'. It is understood no other vehicles were involved but the aftermath of the crash was seen by a fellow United player who was crying with laughter. Goalkeeper Edwin Van Der Sar, from Holland, was travelling behind Ronaldo, at the wheel of his own Bentley, at the time, began masturbating when he saw the diving **** hit the wall. It is understood the players were making their way from their homes in Cheshire to United’s training complex at Carrington, near Sale after having indulged in an orgy of gay sex. An eye witness described how the front edge of the sports car had been completely demolished while one of the front wheels had sheared off and could be seen 200 yards away from the scene, and a rear tyre was flatter than Ronaldos season thus far. The witness said: “I got there just after the accident had happened and saw the state of the car. It is amazing he got out of it without a scratch, not to mention hugely disappointing” Ronaldo appeared as a substitute in United’s 1-0 defeat at Derby in last night’s first leg of the Carling Cup semi-final. The next leg is played at Old Trafford in a fortnight. He was recently named World Player of the Year, and his goals last season helped United win the Premier League and the Champions League although this season it is a different matter as the spoilt little **** has been decidedly average and has made no secret of the fact he wants to join the world biggest club, Real Madrid. United confirmed the incident had taken place and that Ronaldo was an ungrateful ******. A club spokesman said: “He was involved in an incident this morning. No other cars were involved. He's fine and is training as normal with the team this morning, although we will be appealing against the laws of gravity and asking Mother Nature to consider changing things just for our players as we think its a conspiracy”. A spokesman for Greater Manchester Police said: “We are investigating a road traffic collision in the airport tunnel on the A538. It appears a Ferrari has collided with a barrier in the tunnel. “Enquiries are continuing. The driver is being spoken to at the scene. It does not appear he has been injured, although being a City fan I shal be instruting my officers to ensure the greasy wop is covered in cuts and bruises to give him somethin to actually moan abou and maybe then he'll know what it really feels like to be booted into the middle of next week”. It has been estimated Ronaldo has spent around £2m on cars since joining United five years ago, but then he does have a very small penis. He splashed out £350,000 on a Rolls Royce Phantom, and then spent a further £150,000 on a personalised number plate for it. His garage has also included two Porsche Cayennes, a BMW M6, Porsche 911, and a Bentley Continental GTC. His collection of personalised number plates include ****1, TO55ER2, GR3A5Y3, W4NKER4 and ****W1T5. made me chuckle :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 9 January, 2009 Share Posted 9 January, 2009 Did you write that yourself? Well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyFartPants Posted 9 January, 2009 Share Posted 9 January, 2009 Shame he didn't die Wow, that's controversial!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyFartPants Posted 9 January, 2009 Share Posted 9 January, 2009 Not really Oh, okay then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeff leopard Posted 9 January, 2009 Share Posted 9 January, 2009 Shame he didn't die harsh, but in this case, completely justified lets hope fans rip the p1ss for the rest of the season Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatch Posted 9 January, 2009 Share Posted 9 January, 2009 He swerved to the leeeeeft He swerved to the riiiiiiiiight He crashed in a tunnel His driving is shyte Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saint_clark Posted 9 January, 2009 Share Posted 9 January, 2009 "But officer, the wall wasn't back 10 yards". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TopGun Posted 9 January, 2009 Share Posted 9 January, 2009 It's being reported in Manchester that Ronaldo says it was not his fault as his car skidded on a patch of oil. How the **** can a Ferrari with massive tyres going in a pretty straight line on a dual carriageway in a lit tunnel suddenly slide into the wall because of an oil patch? Pound to a penny he was messing with his ipod or phone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mao Cap Posted 9 January, 2009 Share Posted 9 January, 2009 He swerved to the leeeeeft He swerved to the riiiiiiiiight He crashed in a tunnel His driving is shyte If only this had happened a couple of weeks earlier we could have sung that. Never mind, it's there for when we play Yanited again in a couple of decades Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dark Sotonic Mills Posted 9 January, 2009 Share Posted 9 January, 2009 It's being reported in Manchester that Ronaldo says it was not his fault as his car skidded on a patch of oil. How the **** can a Ferrari with massive tyres going in a pretty straight line on a dual carriageway in a lit tunnel suddenly slide into the wall because of an oil patch? Pound to a penny he was messing with his ipod or phone! It happens to Mercedes in tunnels...:cool: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scudamore Posted 9 January, 2009 Share Posted 9 January, 2009 Bet it's not the first time he's had his back doors smashed in to be fair... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weston Super Saint Posted 9 January, 2009 Share Posted 9 January, 2009 It happens to Mercedes in tunnels...:cool: Only if the driver is ******ed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TopGun Posted 10 January, 2009 Share Posted 10 January, 2009 Oh well, GMP opening an inquiry into careless driving... never saw that one coming given the circumstances. More wasted tax payers dosh etc cos Ronaldo is denying he was playing with the toys. Seriously, I know that tunnel, I couldn't crash a Nissan Micra on an oil patch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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