No football boredom thread

[Pilchards]

A guy pulls alongside a small boy on the pavement,

‘I’ll give you some sweets if you get in the car.’

‘No, leave me alone,’ the boy replies.

‘Come on, I’ll take you for ice cream later as well,’ he insists.

The boy suddenly stops and turns to the man and says,

**** off Dad, I’m not going to White Hart Lane again no matter what you say.’

 

 

A one pound coin was thrown onto the pitch at Fartton Park. Police are trying to determine whether it was a missile or a takeover bid.

 

 

 

Brendon Rodgers was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping. He stopped and asked, “Can you manage dear?” to which the old lady replied, “no way you got yourself into this mess, don’t ask me to sort it out!”

 

 

 

 

The new Pompey manager won't stand for any nonsense. Tonight he caught a couple of fans climbing over the wall at Fratton Park.

He was furious. He grabbed them by the collars and said,

"Now you just get back in there and watch the game till it finishes, we've not thrown it away yet."

 

 

What's the difference between Lallana and soup?

..Soup is a regular starter.

 

 

Lovren is out at a bar, and flirting with a good looking woman. She invites him over to her house, and she goes into the bathroom, telling Lovren to get comfortable.

She comes back and finds Lovren laying in bed with 2 naked men. She exclaims, “What the hell is going on?!” to which Lovren sheepishly replies:

“I’m sorry! I can’t perform without Fonte or Sneiderlin!”

 

[Fan The Flames]

http://www.goal.com/en-gb/news/2896/premier-league/2015/09/03/14999762/liverpool-have-their-worst-team-in-years-harry-redknapp

 

http://metro.co.uk/2015/09/02/harry-redknapp-slams-tottenham-chairman-daniel-levy-for-failed-saido-berahino-transfer-5372604/

 

Good old Harry

[Professor]

Good to see that Redknapp can still pontificate about football, and presumably get a fee for ghost-written articles, despite the knee injury that brought his management 'career' to an end a couple of months before his club, QPR, were relegated and before issues came to a head about QPR being punished for breaching the Fair Play Rules.

[the saint in winchester]

It's the way he ends it...

 

“I love Liverpool Football Club, and if you said to me which team would I have loved to manage in this country it would be Liverpool - but I can’t see it this year.”

 

Re-worded as "I'm still available; I'll work for anyone, and I think the Liverpool job is coming available soon, and did I mention I'm still available..."

 

He can't help himself, can he?

[Professor]

It's the way he ends it...

 

“I love Liverpool Football Club, and if you said to me which team would I have loved to manage in this country it would be Liverpool - but I can’t see it this year.”

 

Re-worded as "I'm still available; I'll work for anyone, and I think the Liverpool job is coming available soon, and did I mention I'm still available..."

 

He can't help himself, can he?

I'd also suggest that he has a look at the date on his birth certificate before he touts himself about for a manager's job. The sooner he fades into obscurity the better.