Wife taking your surname when married

[hypochondriac]

What are people's thoughts on this? Are you not bothered? Is it something that is important to you? What is your thoughts on a double barreled surname?

[Unbelievable Jeff]

What are people's thoughts on this? Are you not bothered? Is it something that is important to you? What is your thoughts on a double barreled surname?

 

My other half really likes her surname, but she wants the same surname as our daughter, so the thought is she will take mine, and her surname will die with her.

 

Double barrelled wouldn't work for us, both surnames have too many syllables. Don't have a problem with it though.

[pap]

I'm not that bothered, but then my surname is Taylor, so it's not like there aren't others to take up the charge should the missus fail to change it (she would).

 

Not really a fan of double-barrelled names myself. Not only are they a bit wánky, but imagine that sentiment applied a few generations down the line, when people who perhaps already have double-barrelled names get married. Are people going to go around with names like Too-Bloody-Long-To-Fit-On-Most-Forms?

 

The absolute no no is taking your wife's name. The missus' brother did this when he got married. It's like she owns him, which I guess is the traditional problem with primacy of male surnames.

[norwaysaint]

Couldn't care less. She actually took my surname as a new middle name rather than part of her surname, but I didn't ask her to. The kids have my surname, but I've also told them that they can call themselves by either name when they are older. Mind you my surname comes from a father I wasn't close to, rather than the stepfather I grew up with, so I wouldn't have much reason to be attached to it.

 

I wouldn't really consider double barrelled names, but can see why some people want an attachment to both family names. If I were a woman, I don't think I'd bother changing my name.

[hypochondriac]

I agree about double barrelled. Sounds terrible and makes them seem like a joke. My future father in law wants double barrelled but he has a son so it's not like his surname is going to die. I'm looking into making it a middle name as a compromise.

[Halo Stickman]

When I got married in the mid-80s it was very unusual for the wife not to take her husband's name, so, we didn't even think about not doing that, IIRC. I'm not sure I'd have been too bothered if she hadn't have wanted to, although I suspect my parents may have been disappointed – perhaps it's a generation thing.

 

As an interesting (imo) aside to this discussion, when conducting some family history research, I uncovered quite a few illegitimate ancestors with unusual middle names – back then it was quite common for a bastard child to carry his or her father's surname (if known) as a middle name.

Edited 17 March, 2015 by Halo Stickman

[tpbury]

When I got married in the mid-80s it was very unusual for the wife not to take her husband's name, so, we didn't even think about not doing that, IIRC. I'm not sure I'd have been too bothered if she hadn't have wanted to, although I suspect my parents may have been disappointed – perhaps it's a generation thing.

 

As an interesting (imo) aside to this discussion, when conducting some family history research, I uncovered quite a few illegitimate ancestors with unusual middle names – back then it was quite common for a bastard child to carry his or her's father's surname (if known) as a middle name.

 

My bastard children have double barreled (unhyphenated) surnames. We thought we were trend setters in the UK, but it is really common over here for their age groups. As are 'broken' families. On this note, I don't know the reasons for other families breaking up, but many kids with separated parents seem to have happy and fulfilling lives with this arrangement.

[PompeyLass]

I don't have an issue with changing my surname if I ever get married as I have 2 brothers who between them have 6 boys so my family name will carry on.

 

Oh, and I don't go in for the double barrelled surnames, they mainly sound naff.

[sussexsaint]

My wife kept her name for a while after we were married as we are both professionals and it made life easier. However after 6 months she said she really wanted to change it as it felt like nothing had really changed. We had lived together for many years and aside from a lovely day we had gone back to our lives exactly as they were.

 

We are older than a lot on here and I know expectations change but she said she had always grown up thinking her last name would change one day in any case

[pap]

[TUS]

What about wife keeping your name when you divorce?

 

I'm due a divorce at some point when I can be arsed with it. She's already said she wants to keep my name. Not sure how I feel about that.

[hypochondriac]

What about wife keeping your name when you divorce?

 

I'm due a divorce at some point when I can be arsed with it. She's already said she wants to keep my name. Not sure how I feel about that.

 

Not really your concern anymore. Bit weird though isn't it?

[View From The Top]

What about wife keeping your name when you divorce?

 

I'm due a divorce at some point when I can be arsed with it. She's already said she wants to keep my name. Not sure how I feel about that.

 

My mum kept her married name and even the prefix Mrs & my M-I-L has also kept her married name. They have both said it was less hassle than changing them.

[View From The Top]

What are people's thoughts on this? Are you not bothered? Is it something that is important to you? What is your thoughts on a double barreled surname?

 

Double barrelled names, IMHO, sound as if you're trying too hard. My wife took my name & neither of us ever thought of doing it differently.

[Coxford_lou]

I think it should be down to whoever has the best/most unusual surname. If you can't decide, fight over it!

 

While double barrelled is a pain, taking husbands also seems old fashioned these days. People around me seem to follow both options, and I think the freedom to do whatever you want is all good!

[Hatch]

My ex couldn't change back to her family name quick enough.

 

I know many divorced women who have kept their married name though, mainly so they have same surname as the children.

[Patrick Bateman]

What are people's thoughts on this? Are you not bothered? Is it something that is important to you? What is your thoughts on a double barreled surname?

 

It was a deal breaker for me the first time round, second time round it wasn't a discussion, she just couldn't wait to have my surname. But I do find it odd, personally, when you have those very few couples who don't share the same name. It's one I tradition that I do like.

[buctootim]

I do find it odd, personally, when you have those very few couples who don't share the same name. It's one I tradition that I do like.

 

Some people I know use their maiden name for the professional / work environmernt and married name for home use.

[Smirking_Saint]

I said at the time of marriage (sorry Saintweb ladies, Im taken) that shr had to take my name, at first she really didnt want to, and a double barrelled name would have been completely out of the question.

 

In the end we decided that she would take my name and now she admits she wouldn't have wanted it any other way as she feels closer to the family etc

 

My feeling was the same as Bateman BTW. We lose a lot of traditions these days but thats one I think we need to keep, otherwise whats the point of marriage ?

[hypochondriac]

It was a deal breaker for me the first time round, second time round it wasn't a discussion, she just couldn't wait to have my surname. But I do find it odd, personally, when you have those very few couples who don't share the same name. It's one I tradition that I do like.

 

Glad to see some people feel as strongly about it as I do. My fiancee isn't bothered either way but to me it feels like a lack of commitment if we don't share the same surname.

[Fowllyd]

Glad to see some people feel as strongly about it as I do. My fiancee isn't bothered either way but to me it feels like a lack of commitment if we don't share the same surname.

 

Nothing to stop you taking her surname - would that show more or less commitment than her taking yours?

 

My first wife kept her original surname, and I wasn't remotely fussed about it. In fact, the only person who was fussed was her mother. My current wife took my name; she'd kept her first married name post-divorce because it's her children's name (and for no other reason), and was more than happy to change it. She still uses that name for correspondance with the girls' school etc. as it's easier to do so. I guess I'd have found it a bit odd if she'd wanted to retain her first married name after we married, but I wouldn't have minded at all if she'd chosen to revert to her original surname.

[iansums]

I feel sorry for BBC athletics commentators when reporting on Katarina Johnson-Thompson.

 

I simply don't understand why someone would insist on having a double barreled name like that.

 

Perhaps I'm a dinosaur but boy meets girl, bot marries girl, girl takes boys surname, have kids. What's the problem? My missus didn't think twice about it, that is just what you did.

[hypochondriac]

Nothing to stop you taking her surname - would that show more or less commitment than her taking yours?

 

My first wife kept her original surname, and I wasn't remotely fussed about it. In fact, the only person who was fussed was her mother. My current wife took my name; she'd kept her first married name post-divorce because it's her children's name (and for no other reason), and was more than happy to change it. She still uses that name for correspondance with the girls' school etc. as it's easier to do so. I guess I'd have found it a bit odd if she'd wanted to retain her first married name after we married, but I wouldn't have minded at all if she'd chosen to revert to her original surname.

 

Well technically her surname is weird because it is the first name of her father (its an Arab thing.) it's would be the equivalent of my surname being something like Ben or William!

[Deano6]

Well technically her surname is weird because it is the first name of her father (its an Arab thing.) it's would be the equivalent of my surname being something like Ben or William!

 

[hutch]

What is your thoughts on a double barreled surname?

I feel sorry for the grandchildren.

[hutch]

Well technically her surname is weird because it is the first name of her father (its an Arab thing.) it's would be the equivalent of my surname being something like Ben or William!

Yeah, my dear old Mum, God rest her soul, couldn't remember either.

[hypochondriac]

 

Yeah good point ha I didn't think that one through...

[Lord Duckhunter]

I knew a chick who married a bloke with the same name . She was Miss Mary Murphy and she married a Steve Murphy .

[sussexsaint]

I knew a chick who married a bloke with the same name . She was Miss Mary Murphy and she married a Steve Murphy .

 

those are subtely different if you look closely

 

the chaps name is Steve

[Smirking_Saint]

What happens if two people with double barrelled surnames meet and want to combine surnames ?

[Smirking_Saint]

Katherina johnson-thompson-cox-arquette ?

[pap]

What happens if two people with double barrelled surnames meet and want to combine surnames ?

 

Passport forms will be huge, with twelve pages devoted to an OCR-friendly surname field.

[Coxford_lou]

I would definitely keep my old name should I ever get married (I don't particularly believe in marriage either, so may skip it all together). But it's the question of children that makes it more complex. Double barrelling is pretty normalised these days (apart from on here it seems!) but I can see benefit of the child having the man's surname as a psychological bonding moment, when the women has such strong bonds through the process of childbirth.

[Bucks Saint]

My wife told me she was going to change her name to mine, but then didnt. I was not too bothered beforehand, but then intentionally misleading me should have sounded alarms! Kept her name as she worked in her Dad's business, which partly carried their surname in its title, so made some sense, but then I know people who keep one name for professional purposes but legally change their name.

 

Anyway, she ran off with someone else and has recently remarried but again did not change her name. My son has my name and lives with her, so there are three different surnames in their household.

 

Older, yes. Poorer, definitely. Wiser, well I hope so.

[OldNick]

I don't have an issue with changing my surname if I ever get married as I have 2 brothers who between them have 6 boys so my family name will carry on.

 

Oh, and I don't go in for the double barrelled surnames, they mainly sound naff.

as you have 2 brothers you wont need to get married, although you do have groom and best man sorted;)

[sotonpride]

My wife kept her surname, just seemed right thing to do - seems daft that women should change their names. We both hated double-barrelled names so we agreed that if we had boys, they'd take my surname and her surname as a middle name. Vice versa if they were girls. We've had two boys so I win.

 

Double-barrelled names should be banned unless they have comical appeal - I have met people with the surname of Turdy and Bastard in the past - they should definitely go for it!

[whelk]

She should take your name. I know someone who actually got a handout from father in law to take his missus name. Spineless wimp.

[Toadhall Saint]

My wife took my surname - it was her decision as I'm not fussed either way. One thing I did insist on tho was our son took my surname as at the time the family name would have died with me.

[Coxford_lou]

She should take your name. I know someone who actually got a handout from father in law to take his missus name. Spineless wimp.

 

I don't understand this. Or you. Whelk. End of.

[Saintandy666]

Wouldn't bother me or most people my age either way (I'm 22). I wouldn't want to give up my name, so I wouldn't expect them too either. Though less and less people are getting married in the first place these days.

Edited 17 March, 2015 by Saintandy666

[Coxford_lou]

I don't understand this. Or you. Whelk. End of.

 

PS. This was only a comment about this specific point so not really end of! Sounds so much stronger than I intended !!

Edited 17 March, 2015 by Coxford_lou

[Coxford_lou]

Wouldn't bother me or most people my age either way (I'm 22). I wouldn't want to give up my name, so I wouldn't expect them too either. Though less and less people are getting married in the first place these days.

 

We need more people like Saintandy on this forum to speak my mind

[hypochondriac]

We need more people like Saintandy on this forum to speak my mind

 

Thank God that isn't the case. I love how young Andy speaks for all young liberals.

[hypochondriac]

She should take your name. I know someone who actually got a handout from father in law to take his missus name. Spineless wimp.

 

I can sort of understand it if your wife is an only child - family name and all that. Otherwise I would be inclined to agree with you.

[Saintandy666]

Thank God that isn't the case. I love how young Andy speaks for all young liberals.

 

Sorry, to clarify, by 'most people' - I obviously mean 'most people I know', and there's sure to be a certain bias. But I don't think it's unfair to say that marriage isn't the institution it once was - what with the average age getting older and rates much lower than they used to be. And with that part of the life cycle getting a bit more loose, the other traditions associated with it seem to as well.

 

As I said, it doesn't bother me either way. It's a personal choice, and as I wouldn't want to give up my name, I shouldn't expect anyone else too. But at the same time, I understand the appeal to many, so wouldn't want to take that away from anyone. I can imagine that plenty find the idea quite patronising and demeaning though and a hark back to the time when husbands would 'own' their wives - whereas maybe they might envisage their marriage as more of a partnership?

 

And I'm sure this will cue the patronising *What does young Andy know?* - but it's people my age who presumably will be the next lot to get married who are gonna be the ones who decide whether to continue this or not.

[Saintandy666]

I can sort of understand it if your wife is an only child - family name and all that. Otherwise I would be inclined to agree with you.

 

Why? Why should one individual be obliged to give up their name? It just doesn't make sense to me.

[Saintandy666]

We need more people like Saintandy on this forum to speak my mind

 

Well, I'm glad I have one ally on here!

[whelk]

I don't understand this. Or you. Whelk. End of.

 

Don't you want to get married? Find many of the anti-establishment views on marriage can often be a coping mechanism.

Tbh I don't know why the groom mostly wears a suit and doesn't wear a frock.

And what's with those archaic vows. All this tradition is so outdated now and guess it was created before Facebook and stuff educated us all.

[whelk]

PS. This was only a comment about this specific point so not really end of! Sounds so much stronger than I intended !!

 

It's ok - you don't always have to be nice..

And tis a common retort on a forum I know, but re. 'And you' - you know f all about me..

Although your super empathy skills probably lead you to think you do.

[whelk]

 

And I'm sure this will cue the patronising *What does young Andy know?* - but it's people my age who presumably will be the next lot to get married who are gonna be the ones who decide whether to continue this or not.

 

I would have thought safe to presume although maybe marriage too will fade out as the new young radicals find snapchatting pics of their genitals enough to sustain them.