Highway to hell

[pap]

As many of you know, I now travel from Liverpool to Southampton for every home game. Almost without exception, I drive myself down. As a consequence, I see a lot of Britain's roads. Don't allow me to overstate my case. I'm not a lorry driver, alternating between shoveling pound coins into the nearest fruit machine and furious masturbation. Neither has my career seen me land a company car, which would have seen me become a king of the road and mistress to an increasingly unjustifiable expense account. That said, I use the fúcking things on a regular basis for relatively long journeys. Familiarity breeds contempt.

 

I was wondering where to stick this thread. The chief intent is to provide a thread where people can sound off about the things that píss them off while out and about on the roads. On that basis, it could have easily gone into the Motoring Forum, but then, many of the replies are likely to be quite amusing, so it could just as easily have been muppetised. Ultimately though, the Motoring forum is a bit pants unless people are whipping their wheels out, plus people may have non-motoring solutions to the woes that'll be wailed here. VFTT might suggest a greener alternative. Someone, probably me or Unbelievable Jeff, will moan about trains again. Lord D will probably put it all down to those dastardly Eastern Europeans with their human trafficking and untaxed vehicles. The thread clearly needs scope for non-motoring ideas

 

For right now though, here's a starter to break the ice.

 

#1 Lorry drivers and the age old question: "is 60mph really faster than 59mph?".

 

Those with a grasp of basic maths would suggest that 60mph is faster than 59mph. The clue is in the number. One figure is slightly higher than the other, and everything else being equal, 60mph is your perennial winner in the epic contest of quickness between the tightly placed contenders. Truck drivers do not know this, at least that's the impression I get when travelling on any motorway, ever. How many times have you seen two trucks in single file happily pootling along in the slow lane, only for one to decide that he has to go 1mph faster? Nothing is sudden about this manoeveure. For the next two or three miles, you'll see that classic 60mph vs 59mph play itself out.

 

Other traffic will either swerve into the fast lane to get past quickly, or will have to slam on the brakes as not to the swervers in front of them. Chaos reigns behind the truckers, while nervous drivers in the fast lane genuinely start to ponder whether the central reservation will give them a more dignified end to this life than the bastard in the left-hand-drive juggernaut, meandering in the middle lane and presently having an on-off relationship with your lane markers.

 

They either fúcking love it, or don't know which is faster, 60mph or 59mph.

 

A wholly unnecessary thing to keep continually testing, imo Will someone please tell them the conclusion of the 59vs60mph conundrum?

 

 

Let's have some more contributions, pls. If you're not píssed off in some way by Britain's roads, you're either dead or viewing this through a timecrack in the 1950s.

Edited 2 February, 2015 by pap

[trousers]

Pap in 'has something in common with Jeremy Clarkson' shocker

[pap]

Pap in 'has something in common with Jeremy Clarkson' shocker

 

Look, it's not small. It's just cold in here.

[View From The Top]

We are just about to sell my Saab and just keep the 7 seater as I've changed to bike/train/bike for the winter months and just bike for the warmer weather for my commute from Stafford to Stoke. The M6 was getting beyond a joke and the bike/train/bike option is quicker than the car.

 

We've lockers, showers etc at work so when the clocks change I'll use one of my road bikes for a quick 16mile blast and then get ready on arrival and then just a high speed blast on the way back.

 

We've experimented with 1 car for the last 3 weeks and we simply haven't missed the 2nd car. It'll save a couple of grand a year.

[trousers]

People that don't cancel their right turn indicator when exiting a roundabout. You're not turning right anymore, you're turning left, so indicate as such you ****ing ****s

[bridge too far]

Two things bug me

 

1. Middle lane hogs - they still exist even though I think it's now an offence

 

2. Drivers using hand-held mobile phones, especially truck drivers.

[aintforever]

People who drive 4x4/SUV/Chelsea Tractors. Unless they are farmers or live in a rural area - what is the f*cking point? It's like they think they are making some sort of a statement by carting around and extra half of ton of vehicle for no reason and f*cking up the environment. Just thick, selfish, arrogant c*nts.

[melmacian_saint]

People that don't cancel their right turn indicator when exiting a roundabout. You're not turning right anymore, you're turning left, so indicate as such you ****ing ****s

 

This. Also those who drive with maximum lights on urban roads in clear night weather.

[bridge too far]

This. Also those who drive with maximum lights on urban roads in clear night weather.

 

And with fog lights when it ain't foggy!

[trousers]

Following drivers into a multistory car park who then insist on parking in the first available space and then taking at least 3 minutes to do so.

[Doctoroncall]

People insisting of turning the great invention of the roundabout into a straight about... Stay in your own fücking lane!

[DG]

People who drive 0.000000000000001mm behind you.

People who don't indicate.

People who don't know what lane to be in at roundabouts and just hope for the best.

[pap]

And with fog lights when it ain't foggy!

I agree with you, but keep that on the down low. I drive a BMW, and if you own one, you are legally mandated to have all possible lights on at all times and never let anyone out, especially if it looks like they're desperate.

 

I rebel, of course - and the missus is a new driver cast in my rebellious mould. It's dip lights and courtesy for ms pap and me;

fighting the system from within.

Edited 2 February, 2015 by pap

[Jonnyboy]

People that don't cancel their right turn indicator when exiting a roundabout. You're not turning right anymore, you're turning left, so indicate as such you ****ing ****s

 

Or those that don't indicate left when taking the 1st exit. W*nkers!

[buctootim]

Middle lane hogs - they still exist even though I think it's now an offence

 

Ive never understood the logic of everybody cramming into the inside lane and leaving the two outside lanes empty. Does anyone really think constantly swapping lanes as they overtake again from the overcrowded inside lane makes any sense? Happily instead most people recognise they should pick the lane according to what speed they want to travel - around 60mph for the inside, 70mph for middle and 80+ for the outside, giving way to anyone who wants to go faster.

[Goatboy]

Eyelashes on headlights.

[trousers]

Drivers who think they have right of way when joining a motorway when in fact its the other way around. If there isn't space to join the motorway then wait rather than force me to brake FFS.

[View From The Top]

Drivers who think they have right of way when joining a motorway when in fact its the other way around. If there isn't space to join the motorway then wait rather than force me to brake FFS.

 

By the Britannia Stadium the busy A50 joins the busy A500. At least once a week for the last 2 years I've driven past the aftermath of a shunt where they merge as cars/vans/lorries come banging down the slip and then suddenly realise that they don't actually have right of way, break and shunt, or they attempt to swing into the traffic, fail, break and shunt.

[Coxford_lou]

Drivers who think they have right of way when joining a motorway when in fact its the other way around. If there isn't space to join the motorway then wait rather than force me to brake FFS.

 

I really like it when someone move lanes so another car can exit from a slip road. In fact like it when anyone gives way. It always stuns me when people are polite on the road. I wish we all spent more time making random acts of kindness towards strangers.

 

Sorry, wrong thread.

[CB Saint]

People who assume that just because they indicated a nanosecond before attempting to move into my lane, I have to give way.

[Patrick Bateman]

I really like it when someone move lanes so another car can exit from a slip road. In fact like it when anyone gives way. It always stuns me when people are polite on the road. I wish we all spent more time making random acts of kindness towards strangers.

 

Sorry, wrong thread.

 

It's common sense though isn't it, in my opinion anyway. If you're in the inside lane and approach a slip road, if the motorway permits, you move to the middle lane to allow joiners to join, safely. It's pretty much how the motorways work in Europe anyway. Obviously different on a busy motorway but you can still be courteous.

 

For many years, I've just stuck to the outside lane anyway, it's so much less hassle. Occasionally I'll see someone coming who is going quicker and move over when I can, but generally people seem to have slowed down a bit - you don't get many going 90+, the roads are just too busy.

 

But generally in the outside lane, you avoid trucks, old people (who can be bloody dangerous), non-indicators and the moronic drivers (holding mobiles etc.) I've also found that the faster the car you drive, the less likely you are to be tailgated and on the rare occasion you are, it's more fun to leave them for dead

(childish, yes yes)

[Dr Who?]

People who sit in the outside lane, but stick to the speed limit, or less, leaving me with the choice to undertake and be the one in the wrong, or wait for them to pull over. I do not flash them like some audi or bmw driver, to get out the way! Also people that just drift along at 60 in the middle lane on a nearly empty 3 lane motorway. Meaning that you have to go to the middle, then outside lane to overtake and then back to middle and the inside lane!

 

Drivers that do not indicate at roundabouts when they are going left and you are at the next exit waiting to go. Happens at the roundabout at the end of our road!

 

Drivers that go the wrong way in a car park, normally at the supermarket, just to get a space a couple of spaces closer to the store!

 

Drivers cutting you up, when you are going right at a roundabout and they are going straight on, at a 2 or more lane roundabout. Follow the fecking shape of the roundabout you muppets.

 

Anyone who has anything to do with the skates in their car, still gets me going nuts and spitting feathers..... Crazy!

[pap]

#2 The abundance of cars that you think might be OB but aren't.

 

Few people stick to the speed limit. Sometimes, you need to go over the limit to move out of danger, especially if one of those truckers from #1 looks like they're about to crush you as they reach over for a copy of Razzle, or whatever the seedier Eastern European alternative is. Let's be honest though, people like the thrill of doing something they shouldn't, or getting somewhere slightly faster than they should. Any bonus time from the roads can be wasted elsewhere! At least, that's the theory I hear people speculate on in public houses and the like.

 

Actual OB have been sound as fúck with me any time I've ever had any dealings with them. They once questioned the wisdom of me doing 70 down a foggy A34 with a Ford Fiesta half-filled with furniture back in the day. Just on Saturday, OB pulls past me and politely directs me to use the left-hand lane through the medium of a flashing sign. Total respect for the what they have to deal with and they way they do stuff. I think most on this forum would probably agree that they use quite a bit of discretion on the motorways. Few are getting nicked for 80mph on motorways unless something else is going on, such as crap conditions, erratic driving, etc.

 

Fake OB? Fúck them, especially the speed limited high visibility vans that companies are so fond of. I wonder how many times Fake OB been the catalyst for rear-enders, people slamming on as they see some slow-moving vehicle with high visibility livery looming into view.

 

 

I have no general problem with high visibility vehicles per se, but think we need to differentiate between the authorities and corporate vans. Colour coding is a possibility. If that's not possible, then maybe something like this would work.

 

[Patrick Bateman]

I laugh at the numpties who slow down for those vehicles, makes me laugh, a lot.

[Dr Who?]

Drivers that have a real go at you, even when they are clearly in the wrong.... I don't get that. If I screw up while driving and of course I do, I feel embarrassed and just put my hand up and apologies, far to many times.

[pap]

I laugh at the numpties who slow down for those vehicles, makes me laugh, a lot.

After you've finished dodging them?

[The Cat]

People who slow to a crawl or stop at roundabouts, especially the mini ones, when it's blindingly obvious nothing is coming from the right.

 

Drivers who don't give way when it's obvious they should and then don't thank you for waiting.

 

Cyclists who refuse to use cycle lanes and trundle along at 10mph on the road annoy the hell out of me. I don't have a problem with the decent cyclists on road bikes who hack along at a fair pace, just the dawdlers who are both holding up the traffic and endangering themselves by being on the road when there's no need for it. This happens all the time on Hamble Lane which has cycle paths virtually all the way up yet people blindly refuse to use them even when going slowly. I cycle a fair bit myself but always use the lanes provided if they are there because I don't trust idiot drivers not to mow me down.

 

I also agree with aintforever about 4x4's. There's no need for them unless you're a farmer or suchlike.

[Patrick Bateman]

After you've finished dodging them?

 

Generally, I'm sat in the outside lane, so I haven't had to slam on the brakes because some bellend think they're old bill and they better slow from 74 to 64. FFS! But yes, I know what you mean

[View From The Top]

People who slow to a crawl or stop at roundabouts, especially the mini ones, when it's blindingly obvious nothing is coming from the right.

 

Drivers who don't give way when it's obvious they should and then don't thank you for waiting.

 

Cyclists who refuse to use cycle lanes and trundle along at 10mph on the road annoy the hell out of me. I don't have a problem with the decent cyclists on road bikes who hack along at a fair pace, just the dawdlers who are both holding up the traffic and endangering themselves by being on the road when there's no need for it. This happens all the time on Hamble Lane which has cycle paths virtually all the way up yet people blindly refuse to use them even when going slowly. I cycle a fair bit myself but always use the lanes provided if they are there because I don't trust idiot drivers not to mow me down.

 

I also agree with aintforever about 4x4's. There's no need for them unless you're a farmer or suchlike.

 

I don't get that either. If there is a cycle lane then use it (I don't as it happens on my commute because I ride too fast for the joint cycle/footpaths we have in Stafford but I use them in Stoke). They are there to keep people safe.

 

My pet hate as a driver is the thick f**kers who block a junction in busy traffic in their desperate need to be 5m further up the road behind a stationary car instead of just holding back for a couple of minutes.

 

As a cyclist, if I'm out with a group, it's the thick f**kers who don't understand that it's safer for the cyclist and the driver if we ride 2 abreast as per the highway code. It's easier to overtake 10 riding 2 abreast than 10 strung out in a pace line. Also, the cars that overtake then slam their anchors in to turn left. I mean, are you in such a hurry that 5 seconds makes such a f**king difference?

Edited 3 February, 2015 by View From The Top

[View From The Top]

Generally, I'm sat in the outside lane, so I haven't had to slam on the brakes because some bellend think they're old bill and they better slow from 74 to 64. FFS! But yes, I know what you mean

 

Friend on mine is motorway OB and he said to me that as long as you're not driving like an absolute twaat then they're not bothered about speed if it's below 85mph. Above that then you're fair game.

Edited 2 February, 2015 by View From The Top

[pap]

Friend on mine is motorway OB and he said to me that as long as you're not driving like an absolute twaat then they're not bothered about speed if it's below 85mph. Above that then you're fair game.

That's very much the impression I've had for years. Seem to remember some cycling training back in the day that dealt with dual carriageways. The OB were insistent that cars going down it would be doing 80MPH, even then.

 

I've done the East Lancs from Liverpool to Leigh on a bicycle, an A road. OB were not lying, although most people are merciful and slow down a bit.

[TwoPints]

When turning right on a Box junction, i.e. M3 J12 from Leigh Road, people just sit behind the traffic light without entering the box junction because they don't think you can stop in a box junction. I know a few of you are thinking 'well you can't stop in a ****ing box junction', we'll that's just plain wrong if you're turning right. I sit there for ages watching the lights go from green to red and back again waiting for the car in front to finally realise we'll be there all day if he doesn't get in the box. Winds me up a treat!

[pap]

When turning right on a Box junction, i.e. M3 J12 from Leigh Road, people just sit behind the traffic light without entering the box junction because they don't think you can stop in a box junction. I know a few of you are thinking 'well you can't stop in a ****ing box junction', we'll that's just plain wrong if you're turning right. I sit there for ages watching the lights go from green to red and back again waiting for the car in front to finally realise we'll be there all day if he doesn't get in the box. Winds me up a treat!

Do not enter a box junction unless your exit is clear. Source: the ol' package from the Transvaal.

[Saint in Paradise]

Friend on mine is motorway OB and he said to me that as long as you're

not driving like an absolute twaat then they're not bothered about speed if it's below 85mph. Above that then

you're fair game.

 

So at the limit of 70 MPH they will turn a blind eye to 15MPH over ( approx 24KPH ) ?

 

Well if anyone visits NZ don't exceed the 100KPH limit by more than 4KPH ( approx 2.5 MPH )

or you will get a speeding ticket.

 

Also please note:- I posted earlier about plans to put "stealth" average speed cameras on

the M42 and M6 that will have a zero tolerance to speeding...

 

It seems the story is getting worse.

 

It's now been reported that the Highways Agency are also planning to install the cameras

on six stretches of Smart Motorway over the next two years, including on the: M1, M4, M5

and M23. Oh yes and don't forget the M25, where they are already in operation.

 

It seems that the "War on the Motorist" is coming back in full force...

 

All the best,

[TwoPints]

Do not enter a box junction unless your exit is clear. Source: the ol' package from the Transvaal.

Indeed but when turning right to enter the motorway, you can enter and stop in the box if the slip road is clear so once the oncoming traffic has cleared or the lights change, you can then turn right. You don't need to wait outside the box.

 

Source: Highway Code Rule 174

Edited 3 February, 2015 by TwoPints

[SO16_Saint]

I've been thinking about starting a similar thread for a while.

 

one of the things that annoy me is people who exit the motorway without indicating, or indicate with about 50 yards to go.

 

At the Adanac roundabout, people who biťch and moan when I use the right hand lane to go over the roundabout towards Lordshill. That's what the lane is for, dickhèad.

 

There are many others, but that'll do for now

[pap]

So at the limit of 70 MPH they will turn a blind eye to 15MPH over ( approx 24KPH ) ?

 

Well if anyone visits NZ don't exceed the 100KPH limit by more than 4KPH ( approx 2.5 MPH )

or you will get a speeding ticket.

 

It's a good idea to find out the local tolerance level anywhere you go, I reckon. In the US, it often changes from state to state. You can do "ten over" in NC with no real problems. They'll nick you for being five over in Virginia.

[warsash saint]

The list is endless, but tractors on main roads ... especially those farmers driving through the New Forest at rush hour!!!

[pap]

The list is endless, but tractors on main roads ... especially those farmers driving through the New Forest at rush hour!!!

 

Lived in NI for three years. The airport run was always "tractor willing".

 

 

I have known your pain.

[badgerx16]

 

one of the things that annoy me is people who exit the motorway without indicating, or indicate with about 50 yards to go.

 

 

The real b@st@rds do it from the middle lane !!!!!

[View From The Top]

So at the limit of 70 MPH they will turn a blind eye to 15MPH over ( approx 24KPH ) ?

Well if anyone visits NZ don't exceed the 100KPH limit by more than 4KPH ( approx 2.5 MPH )

or you will get a speeding ticket.

 

Also please note:- I posted earlier about plans to put "stealth" average speed cameras on

the M42 and M6 that will have a zero tolerance to speeding...

 

It seems the story is getting worse.

 

It's now been reported that the Highways Agency are also planning to install the cameras

on six stretches of Smart Motorway over the next two years, including on the: M1, M4, M5

and M23. Oh yes and don't forget the M25, where they are already in operation.

 

It seems that the "War on the Motorist" is coming back in full force...

 

All the best,

 

On the M6 (outside of commuter hours) I set cruise for 85mph. Have done for years.

[badgerx16]

 

At the Adanac roundabout, people who biťch and moan when I use the right hand lane to go over the roundabout towards Lordshill. That's what the lane is for, dickhèad.

 

 

Or turning right at a roundabout with double lane exits - use the right hand lane as you leave and then merge if required, don't swing across to the left hand side as you approach your exit. Then again, there are also the numpties who are sat in the left hand lane and refuse to let perfectly legitimate traffic merge from the right hand side.

[pap]

#3 stupid signage

 

First off, here's a recreation of the sign for the M3 at the end of the A34. It's from memory, but the key components are appropriately missing. Yes, after travelling all the way down the A34, we're not actually going to tell you where the M3 goes. I quite like it. It evokes tales of when we messed with the signs during the war to confuse any invaders, except targeted at Northerners.

 

 

The other one that fills me with dread is "How Am I Driving?". Dude, you're in a truck on a busy motorway. I'd hope you'd fkn know!

[warsash saint]

Chavs / lorry drivers that put the blue led light in the front of their cars/cabs .... if you take an accidental eye full, all you can see for next 20 mins is the blinding blue lights burnt into your eyes!

[CHAPEL END CHARLIE]

Methinks some of you lot would do well to concentrate more on the standard of your own driving and less on what everyone else is doing. You never know but a bit less of the 'Death Race 2000' attitude and a little more James May style 'Christian Motoring' might even make our roads a better place for everyone.

 

... and yes I am holier than thou

[pap]

Methinks some of you lot would do well to concentrate more on the standard of your own driving and less on what everyone else is doing. You never know but a bit less of the 'Death Race 2000' attitude and a little more James May style 'Christian Motoring' might even make our roads a better place for everyone.

 

... and yes I am holier than thou

I'm 39, and the only reason I get that reference is because I make a habit of watching films from the 1970s

 

Once you're a confident driver, I think most of the work is actually keeping an eye on everyone else and staying alert for that dangerous moment of road-borne tw4ttery. Had a near miss on the way down, someone trying to get into the outside lane without the whole mirror and signal part going on.

[Kingsbridge Saint]

You lot would love it on Aussie Roads - overtaking and undertaking is allowed on motorways and dual carriageways.

 

My pet hate is aggressive women drivers - is there any other kind? They all seem to think they have to enforce their will over yours. Merging in turn is a particular favourite.

[SO16_Saint]

#3 stupid signage

 

First off, here's a recreation of the sign for the M3 at the end of the A34. It's from memory, but the key components are appropriately missing. Yes, after travelling all the way down the A34, we're not actually going to tell you where the M3 goes. I quite like it. It evokes tales of when we messed with the signs during the war to confuse any invaders, except targeted at Northerners.

 

 

The other one that fills me with dread is "How Am I Driving?". Dude, you're in a truck on a busy motorway. I'd hope you'd fkn know!

 

I do love that sign, and always chuckle to myself when I see it. I can the perplexed faces in other cars as they approach, thinking "WTF am i supposed to do with that information"

[dronskisaint]

I agree with you, but keep that on the down low. I drive a BMW, and if you own one, you are legally mandated to have all possible lights on at all times and never let anyone out, especially if it looks like they're desperate.

 

I rebel, of course - and the missus is a new driver cast in my rebellious mould. It's dip lights and courtesy for ms pap and me;

fighting the system from within.

 

Oh Pap....! All rights to any acceptance of your reasoning disappeared with these 4 words highlighted. You have no opinion, you are the driving anti-Christ, you shall be forever daubed with the word that is an abbreviation for Richard and begins with 'D'....for you the very concept 0f 60mph vs 59mph manoeuvre was conceived and truckers have full right to exercise it in support of all drivers who have been victim to the appalling manners that seem to be instilled in to all BMW drivers on purchase...they're probably even in the handbook ffs!

 

Buy something less wuckfit-associated and restore your standing as a correspondent

[Lets B Avenue]

Prats that have fog lights on when there is none.