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Tokyo-Saint Had Sex With A Girl

Bearsy

By Bearsy,
in The Muppet Show

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Coxford_lou

Coxford_lou

Posted
Posted
woah goatboy inappropriate! Stick to dogfucking & vaginal tearing on pregnancy thread pls!

 

Is That Good Book? Stupid pagebreak :x:wave:

 

Is that what happens when boys get together in pubs? They talk about doing dogs, and the general wellbeing of women's vaginas? That's kinda sweet :)

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Coxford_lou

Coxford_lou

Posted
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Not even sure the pub is required for that conversation lou

 

Boys are so fascinating! Reading TMS is like be a fly on the wall in a man only pub. I need to have a translator for most of it, but I'm hoping one day I'll be in tune with the conversation enough to understand what on earth you're all saying, and then eventually be accepted into this weird f**ked up world of yours :)

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Goatboy

Goatboy

Posted
Posted
Boys are so fascinating! Reading TMS is like be a fly on the wall in a man only pub. I need to have a translator for most of it, but I'm hoping one day I'll be in tune with the conversation enough to understand what on earth you're all saying, and then eventually be TOLERATED in this weird f**ked up world of yours :)

 

Edited for you Lou ;)

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saintbletch

saintbletch

Posted
Posted
Boys are so fascinating! Reading TMS is like be a fly on the wall in a man only pub. I need to have a translator for most of it, but I'm hoping one day I'll be in tune with the conversation enough to understand what on earth you're all saying, and then eventually be accepted into this weird f**ked up world of yours :)

 

This is one of the most sexist things I've read in TMS.

 

You are making a lot of assumptions there, Lou.

 

Bear is a woman (straight), Toke is a lesbian (but not the attractive sort like in "Orange is the new Black", more like Val McDermid), and Plastic is post-op.

 

You can take your intolerant, assumptive and bigoted views straight back to The Lounge or wherever it was you appeared from.

 

But, I must say that I am even more disappointed with my fellow muppets for behaving like hormonal schoolboys every time you appear.

 

They should be ashamed, especially as I've tracked you down in real life, and I know that you're really a trucker from Swansea called Colin.

 

I suppose the user name "Cocks for Colin" was taken, so you fell back to your middle name of Lewis.

 

Congratulations to Tokyo's sperm for not being defective!

Ladies quite often do poos when popping one out.

If she does one in a birthing pool, they'll give you a fishing net to catch it with. Disgusting.

 

Toke, this is true.

 

They warn you about this in maternity classes. I remember they couched it in formal language, but Plastic is bang on. When they tell you that "If the bowel is loaded, when you push you will likely evacuate", they're not talking about a fire-drill, they really mean that the mother of your child-to-be will shit themselves.

 

I hope you've got a strong stomach, because it's going to be like a scene from Syria in that delivery room.

 

It's all worth it in the end though, son.

 

I think back to the state your massive, Scotch head left your poor mother's fu-fu in, but then I read some of your contributions on here, and it makes it all (nearly) worthwhile.

 

Dad.

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Coxford_lou

Coxford_lou

Posted
Posted
This is one of the most sexist things I've read in TMS.

 

You are making a lot of assumptions there, Lou.

 

Bear is a woman (straight), Toke is a lesbian (but not the attractive sort like in "Orange is the new Black", more like Val McDermid), and Plastic is post-op.

 

You can take your intolerant, assumptive and bigoted views straight back to The Lounge or wherever it was you appeared from.

 

But, I must say that I am even more disappointed with my fellow muppets for behaving like hormonal schoolboys every time you appear.

 

They should be ashamed, especially as I've tracked you down in real life, and I know that you're really a trucker from Swansea called Colin.

 

I suppose the user name "Cocks for Colin" was taken, so you fell back to your middle name of Lewis.

 

Thank you picking me up on my assumptions, Bletch. Life is an education, and I'm learning a lot from you. That does explain why I always feel a close bond with Bear. Plastic, I'm in awe.

 

Note, I didn't come from the Lounge, and I'm offended you thought that. I'm either football, or rude jokes. The Lounge always seems far too serious/up its own backside for me.

 

I also think fair to say I get the most stick around here. If that's what hormones do to men, then God help most English women.

 

I'm not denying the Colin/trucker statement.

 

x

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saintbletch

saintbletch

Posted
Posted
Oh. My. God. We've hit a new low. This deserves a category in next year's awards.

 

Yeah, sorry Col. I forgot that you're still pretending to be female, and are wearing your wounded sensibilities as a device to hide that Y chromosome.

 

It's true though re Syria. At least in my experience.

 

Not saying there was gunfire, just a lot of blood.

 

#keepontrucking

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pap

pap

Posted
Posted
Is that what happens when boys get together in pubs? They talk about doing dogs, and the general wellbeing of women's vaginas? That's kinda sweet :)

 

Of course it is. And don't think we don't know what goes on when you girls get together. Frankly, what you all say about hamsters is disgusting.

 

My favourite vagina monologue involves a hypothetical situation in which ms pap finally has enough of my sorry arse and dumps me. In that situation, I think I'd go for a girl who has never had kids, basically because I would like her to be able to lift me up by my little fella like a crane and take me to different places using her intact vaginal muscles.

 

It's just a dream though. I've told this story to ms pap and she's still around :)

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Coxford_lou

Coxford_lou

Posted
Posted
Of course it is. And don't think we don't know what goes on when you girls get together. Frankly, what you all say about hamsters is disgusting.

 

My favourite vagina monologue involves a hypothetical situation in which ms pap finally has enough of my sorry arse and dumps me. In that situation, I think I'd go for a girl who has never had kids, basically because I would like her to be able to lift me up by my little fella like a crane and take me to different places using her intact vaginal muscles.

 

It's just a dream though. I've told this story to ms pap and she's still around :)

 

Ooh, I don't know what this thing about hamsters is... I need to hang out with Mrs Pap, sounds like she's having way more fun than me.

 

Quite a surreal dream though. Did your mother have a strong influence on you in your formative years? If you would like to lie down on that coach over there...and tell me all about it.

 

But I think you're possibly over estimating the strength of the vagina muscles, although I'm told there are exercises that can help with that.

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pap

pap

Posted
Posted
Ooh, I don't know what this thing about hamsters is... I need to hang out with Mrs Pap, sounds like she's having way more fun than me.

 

Quite a surreal dream though. Did your mother have a strong influence on you in your formative years? If you would like to lie down on that coach over there...and tell me all about it.

 

But I think you're possibly over estimating the strength of the vagina muscles, although I'm told there are exercises that can help with that.

 

It's only surreal if you haven't spent 20 years waving a stick in the Mersey tunnel.

 

Lest anyone think I've forgotten my roots, I will also offer "throwing a sausage up Shirley High Street".

 

It really doesn't help that I'm a small bloke. I find that a plank tied to the back of your arse stops you from falling in.

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Coxford_lou

Coxford_lou

Posted
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It's only surreal if you haven't spent 20 years waving a stick in the Mersey tunnel.

 

Lest anyone think I've forgotten my roots, I will also offer "throwing a sausage up Shirley High Street".

 

It really doesn't help that I'm a small bloke. I find that a plank tied to the back of your arse stops you from falling in.

 

LOL! The mind boggles...

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saintbletch

saintbletch

Posted
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Lol at Bear still trying to prove he's 'above average'.

 

On that note, Gay Boot, I was once on a flight to Boston, sat next to a woman, who I later learned was a psychologist. Apparently she helped people (male and female) deal with body-image issues.

 

Anyway, before I learned that, I realised that she was reading a book called "Sexual activities, statistics and demographics".

 

I stole the odd surreptitious glance at the book, expecting to see some interesting pictures, but it was all text.

 

Anyway, after a few beers we got talking and I asked her if it was a good book.

 

She gave a coy smile, told me about her job, and with a flirty look said that "yes" the book was "fascinating"! I had to know, so I asked her what sort of statistics the book covered.

 

She told me that, for example, "on average" the Japanese male has the shortest penis (true - true as in she really said it, rather than I have first handjob experience), the average native American indian has the longest penis (by some margin), and oddly enough the average bloke from Poland has the widest girth.

 

We chatted for a bit longer, and had a few more beers, before she said that she didn't even know my name. I apologised, and introduced myself as "Tonto. Tonto Kowalski".

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Fowllyd

Fowllyd

Posted
Posted

I seem to have joined this thread a tad late - I have a good reason, but I certainly can't be arsed sharing it with you lot.

 

Anyways, congratters to Tokyo and commiserations to humanity. Should the child be a boy dog, I'd like to suggest Labi as a fine name, both in homage to Mr Siffre and as a nod to the mother. Should it be a girl then Daisy would be my choice - I know a very nice Labrador of that name (though not, I would stress, in the biblical sense).

 

As to the weight, I think 7lb 11oz.

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Coxford_lou

Coxford_lou

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I seem to have joined this thread a tad late - I have a good reason, but I certainly can't be arsed sharing it with you lot.

 

Hi Fowllyd,

 

I'm trying really hard to get my head round your opening sentence. I've read it several times, but it's still confusing me. So I thought best to break it down, and reply to each statement separately.

 

1. I'm not sure why you think too late to join the thread. Now is probably a better time than ever! Welcome!

2. Ah, you have a good reason why you couldn't. Well I guess that's good! Though I'm not sure you needed a reason in the first place, because you're not too late to join the thread.

3. You can't be arsed sharing it with us?? Now I feel really hurt! But, hang on, I didn't ask you share it with me in the first place?! And it's not even necessary because you weren't too late joining the thread!

 

Fowllyd - you and I - it's over!!!

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pap

pap

Posted
Posted
Hi Fowllyd,

 

I'm trying really hard to get my head round your opening sentence. I've read it several times, but it's still confusing me. So I thought best to break it down, and reply to each statement separately.

 

1. I'm not sure why you think too late to join the thread. Now is probably a better time than ever! Welcome!

2. Ah, you have a good reason why you couldn't. Well I guess that's good! Though I'm not sure you needed a reason in the first place, because you're not too late to join the thread.

3. You can't be arsed sharing it with us?? Now I feel really hurt! But, hang on, I didn't ask you share it with me in the first place?! And it's not even necessary because you weren't too late joining the thread!

 

Fowllyd - you and I - it's over!!!

 

This reminds me of a workplace tale of love lost and found, funnily enough involving another Lou.

 

A mate of mine, who has a missus and a kid, went through a period where he was sexting another lady - happened to be monikered Lou. He'd never actually met her in person, so the joke around the office was that Lou was actually some thick-moustachioed trucker that spent his time stroking himself, stimulated by my mate's texts.

 

The back and forth was pretty intense for a month or so. He'd sit next to his missus, watching telly, sexting Lou. He was whipping his phone out all the time at work, sexting Lou. This was all done on a company phone, and was so frequent that one month, he alone had used 37% of the entire company's text message allocation. Around 200 people have company phones.

 

His trick for avoiding detection was putting a vaguely professional suffix on her name in his contacts list. She was listed as Lou (Citrix).

 

The missus finally twigs that something is going on, obviously gets a look at his phone, and then confronts him about it.

 

"Who's this Lou, then?"

 

"Ah, it's just some fella that we're working with. He's helping us on a project"

 

"And he wants to suck your cock, does he?"

 

He was spare-roomed for six months, and then forced into marriage to get back on his girl's good side. She's still píssed off, he's utterly hen-pecked and we still don't know if Lou was actually a girl or a hairy trucker operating out of Sheerness.

 

Fowllyd - you're better off out of it, mate. Bullet dodged!

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Whitey Grandad

Whitey Grandad

Posted
Posted
This reminds me of a workplace tale of love lost and found, funnily enough involving another Lou.

 

A mate of mine, who has a missus and a kid, went through a period where he was sexting another lady - happened to be monikered Lou. He'd never actually met her in person, so the joke around the office was that Lou was actually some thick-moustachioed trucker that spent his time stroking himself, stimulated by my mate's texts.

 

The back and forth was pretty intense for a month or so. He'd sit next to his missus, watching telly, sexting Lou. He was whipping his phone out all the time at work, sexting Lou. This was all done on a company phone, and was so frequent that one month, he alone had used 37% of the entire company's text message allocation. Around 200 people have company phones.

 

His trick for avoiding detection was putting a vaguely professional suffix on her name in his contacts list. She was listed as Lou (Citrix).

 

The missus finally twigs that something is going on, obviously gets a look at his phone, and then confronts him about it.

 

"Who's this Lou, then?"

 

"Ah, it's just some fella that we're working with. He's helping us on a project"

 

"And he wants to suck your cock, does he?"

 

He was spare-roomed for six months, and then forced into marriage to get back on his girl's good side. She's still píssed off, he's utterly hen-pecked and we still don't know if Lou was actually a girl or a hairy trucker operating out of Sheerness.

 

Fowllyd - you're better off out of it, mate. Bullet dodged!

 

Probably it was his missus doing it in order to get him to commit.

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Fowllyd

Fowllyd

Posted
Posted
Hi Fowllyd,

 

I'm trying really hard to get my head round your opening sentence. I've read it several times, but it's still confusing me. So I thought best to break it down, and reply to each statement separately.

 

1. I'm not sure why you think too late to join the thread. Now is probably a better time than ever! Welcome!

2. Ah, you have a good reason why you couldn't. Well I guess that's good! Though I'm not sure you needed a reason in the first place, because you're not too late to join the thread.

3. You can't be arsed sharing it with us?? Now I feel really hurt! But, hang on, I didn't ask you share it with me in the first place?! And it's not even necessary because you weren't too late joining the thread!

 

Fowllyd - you and I - it's over!!!

 

Hi Colin,

 

Do you mind if I call you Colin? I don't want to appear overly familiar, but as it seems that there's been something going on between us perhaps I shouldn't stress about it. Anyway, I have to admit that I feel overwhelmed by the force of your devastating logic; so much so, in fact, that I am starting to suspect that you may actually be MLG in disguise. Which, in and of itself, requires me to suspect that MLG is in fact a hirsute trucker from Swansea called Colin.

 

Frankly, I'm finding this hard to live with.

 

Best wishes and big sloppy kisses,

 

Fowllyd

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Bearsy

Bearsy

Posted
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Posted (edited)
FYI, for all this forum's posturing, I have never once received a PM. Just saying.

 

Guise! I just took Lou's PM virginity! Score!

 

In the traditional manner, she found it to be brief, unsatisfactory, and somewhat painful. I shall now proceed to stage two, and ignore all her calls!

 

Edit: Also, you'll note, the first thing I thought to do, was go brag to my mates :D

Edited by Bearsy
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Coxford_lou

Coxford_lou

Posted
Posted
Guise! I just took Lou's PM virginity! Score!

 

In the traditional manner, she found it to be brief, unsatisfactory, and somewhat painful. I shall now proceed to stage two, and ignore all her calls!

 

Edit: Also, you'll note, the first thing I thought to do, was go brag to my mates :D

 

It was a hasty experience but sweet none the less. I tried to let him down gently, explaining I'm looking for more in a PM, but instead of taking it like a man, he decided to embarrass me by telling the whole forum.

 

I thought you were a GENT, Bearsy!

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