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2014 TMS Awards - RESULTS


saintbletch
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OK, I had to wrangle the data a bit - see before and after here.

 

I also received zero votes via PM, which means that because I stupidly made the process transparent, I haven't won anything - again.

 

1 -> The Bamber Gascoigne "started so you'll finish" Award for Main Board Sense + Knowledge Poster of the year

 Unique votes in the category are:
   -> CB Fry
   -> Colin JB
   -> Turkish
   -> K. Billy's Supersound
   -> Kraken
   -> Sour Mash
   -> Minty
   -> Window Cleaner
   -> SandwichSaint
   -> Chez
   -> Redslo
   -> Shurlock
   -> Monk
   -> There is a main board?
   -> St. Chalet
   -> Smirking_Saint
   -> MLG
   -> Unbelievable Jeff


 Results for this category are:


    #   Votes   Voted for
   --   -----   ---------
    1       8   K. Billy's Supersound
    1       8   Minty
    1       8   Redslo
    2       7   Monk
    3       5   Kraken
    3       5   Chez
    4       4   Window Cleaner
    4       4   St. Chalet
    4       4   Shurlock
    4       4   Smirking_Saint
    4       4   MLG
    5       2   Sour Mash
    6       1   CB Fry
    6       1   Colin JB
    6       1   Turkish
    6       1   SandwichSaint
    6       1   There is a main board?
    6       1   Unbelievable Jeff




2 -> The Polly Toynbee "Liberal Elite" Award for Lounge Poster of the Year


 Unique votes in the category are:
   -> CB Fry
   -> Viking Warrior
   -> View from the Top
   -> Turkish
   -> Buctootim
   -> Bridge too far
   -> pap
   -> minty
   -> Rallyboy
   -> verbal
   -> trousers
   -> Bearsy
   -> saintbletch (when he can be arsed)


 Results for this category are:


    #   Votes   Voted for
   --   -----   ---------
    1      15   Rallyboy
    2      14   pap
    3       7   Buctootim
    4       5   CB Fry
    4       5   verbal
    5       4   View from the Top
    5       4   Bridge too far
    5       4   saintbletch (when he can be arsed)
    6       3   Turkish
    6       3   minty
    7       2   trousers
    8       1   Viking Warrior
    8       1   Bearsy




3 -> The Waldorf and Statler "Who's Hand is up my Arse" Award for Muppet of the Year


 Unique votes in the category are:
   -> pap
   -> Halo Stickman
   -> Goatboy
   -> Bletch
   -> Tokyo-Saint
   -> Bearsy


 Results for this category are:


    #   Votes   Voted for
   --   -----   ---------
    1      21   Bearsy
    2      14   Bletch
    3       8   Goatboy
    4       6   Tokyo-Saint
    4       6   Halo Stickman
    5       3   pap




4 -> The "WTF is a Loki, Bear?" Award for Forum Loki of the Year (Mischief maker apparently)


 Unique votes in the category are:
   -> CB Fry
   -> Grey Crab
   -> Alpine_Saint
   -> Window Cleaner
   -> Glasgow Saint
   -> Charlie
   -> Batman
   -> Pastor Patron
   -> urksh1T
   -> Barry Sanchez
   -> Unbelievable Jeff


 Results for this category are:


    #   Votes   Voted for
   --   -----   ---------
    1      13   CB Fry
    2       7   urksh1T
    2       7   Barry Sanchez
    3       6   Pastor Patron
    3       6   Glasgow Saint
    4       5   Unbelievable Jeff
    4       5   Grey Crab
    5       4   Window Cleaner
    6       2   Batman
    7       1   Charlie
    7       1   Alpine_Saint




5 -> The "FA Rules & Governance - Law 11 Award" for Female Poster of the Year


 Unique votes in the category are:
   -> Coxford_lou
   -> Ladysaint
   -> Georgie
   -> Pinkscarf
   -> Bletch
   -> Bearsy
   -> None
   -> Bridge Too Far
   -> suewhistle
   -> Wibble


 Results for this category are:


    #   Votes   Voted for
   --   -----   ---------
    1      17   Coxford_lou
    2      11   Bridge Too Far
    3      10   Bearsy
    4       8   suewhistle
    5       4   Ladysaint
    6       3   Georgie
    7       2   Wibble
    8       1   None
    8       1   Bletch
    8       1   Pinkscarf




6 -> The Barbara Cartland "Kiss me upstairs, not downstairs" Award for Love Story of the Year


 Unique votes in the category are:
   -> Bletch ♥ CB Fry
   -> Kraken and Turkish
   -> CB Fry ♥ Turkish
   -> Whelk ♥ CB Fry
   -> Sue Whistle ♥ Turkish
   -> pap ♥ Barry Sanchez
   -> Bearsy ♥ Tokyo-Saint
   -> MLG ♥ Prayers
   -> Coxford_lou ♥ Plastic


 Results for this category are:


    #   Votes   Voted for
   --   -----   ---------
    1      18   pap ♥ Barry Sanchez
    2       9   Bearsy ♥ Tokyo-Saint
    3       7   MLG ♥ Prayers
    3       7   Whelk ♥ CB Fry
    4       5   CB Fry ♥ Turkish
    5       4   Bletch ♥ CB Fry
    5       4   Sue Whistle ♥ Turkish
    6       3   Coxford_lou ♥ Plastic
    7       1   Kraken and Turkish




7 -> The Alan Carr "No man's behind left" Award for Fallen Comrade and Most Missed Poster Of The Year


 Unique votes in the category are:
   -> Deppo
   -> Ron Manager
   -> Glasgow
   -> Spudders
   -> Ottery St. Mary
   -> Tokyo-Saint
   -> Dune
   -> Clapham Saint
   -> Barry Sanchez


 Results for this category are:


    #   Votes   Voted for
   --   -----   ---------
    1      12   Spudders
    2      11   Barry Sanchez
    3      10   Deppo
    4       7   Ottery St. Mary
    5       5   Tokyo-Saint
    6       4   Dune
    7       1   Glasgow
    7       1   Ron Manager
    7       1   Clapham Saint




8 -> Best thing to happen on Saintsweb this year


 Unique votes in the category are:
   -> Defector's watch
   -> Bletch versus CB Fry - This time it's personal
   -> Glasgow being banned
   -> Summer meltdown turning into autumnal content
   -> Barry Sanchez being banned
   -> Crab Lungs "The mess we're in" Thread
   -> Bear posting a picture of Morgan Schneiderlin
   -> Barry Sanchez - A Man For One Seasons
   -> Barry Sanchez coming back from the dead by paying £5
   -> MLG going mental over kind comments about Clarke Carlisle
   -> only to be re-banned an hour later
   -> The 'Barry and pap meet up on a date' thread.


 Results for this category are:


    #   Votes   Voted for
   --   -----   ---------
    1      16   Barry Sanchez coming back from the dead by paying £5
    1      16   only to be re-banned an hour later
    2      15   The 'Barry and pap meet up on a date' thread.
    3       8   Summer meltdown turning into autumnal content
    3       8   MLG going mental over kind comments about Clarke Carlisle
    4       7   Glasgow being banned
    5       6   Bletch versus CB Fry - This time it's personal
    6       4   Defector's watch
    6       4   Barry Sanchez being banned
    7       1   Crab Lungs "The mess we're in" Thread
    7       1   Bear posting a picture of Morgan Schneiderlin
    7       1   Barry Sanchez - A Man For One Seasons




9 -> The Tokyo Saint "Most Vacuous ***** 2013" Award for Most Valuable Poster 2014


 Unique votes in the category are:
   -> CB Fry
   -> pap
   -> Smirking_saint
   -> Halo
   -> Bletch
   -> trousers
   -> Bearsy
   -> Fowllyd


 Results for this category are:


    #   Votes   Voted for
   --   -----   ---------
    1      19   Bearsy
    2       9   pap
    3       7   Bletch
    4       6   trousers
    4       6   Halo
    5       5   Smirking_saint
    6       3   Fowllyd
    7       1   CB Fry




10 -> The Osama Bin Laden "That ruined my day" Award for Least Valuable Poster 2014


 Unique votes in the category are:
   -> Window Cleaner (at the moment)
   -> Turkish
   -> Roger
   -> View from the top
   -> Big Bad Bob
   -> UnbelivableJeff / DPS / Sarb / Can anyone tell me how to park properly
   -> Wes Tender
   -> Tokyo-Saint
   -> Bearsy
   -> Hypochondriac
   -> Saint in Paradise
   -> Barry Sanchez
   -> Ludwig
   -> cb fry


 Results for this category are:


    #   Votes   Voted for
   --   -----   ---------
    1      10   UnbelivableJeff / DPS / Sarb / Can anyone tell me how to park properly
    1      10   Hypochondriac
    2       8   Window Cleaner (at the moment)
    3       6   Roger
    3       6   Wes Tender
    3       6   Barry Sanchez
    4       3   Saint in Paradise
    4       3   Tokyo-Saint
    4       3   Ludwig
    5       1   Turkish
    5       1   Big Bad Bob
    5       1   Bearsy
    5       1   View from the top
    5       1   cb fry




11 -> The saintbletch "Oxymoronic Approbatory Opprobrium" Award for Mod of the year **NEW for 2014


 Unique votes in the category are:
   -> JustMike
   -> The Little Man
   -> Jimmy_D
   -> St. Chalet
   -> Saint-Armstrong (More like a sort of community support Mod - than a real Mod)
   -> The Man


 Results for this category are:


    #   Votes   Voted for
   --   -----   ---------
    1      12   St. Chalet
    2       3   Jimmy_D
    2       3   Saint-Armstrong (More like a sort of community support Mod - than a real Mod)
    2       3   The Man
    2       3   JustMike
    3       1   The Little Man




13 -> The Colin Montgomeries's Breasts' award from contribution to golf discussion on a football forum


 Unique votes in the category are:
   -> Anyone else
   -> grandad dubai_phil


 Results for this category are:


    #   Votes   Voted for
   --   -----   ---------
    1      15   grandad dubai_phil
    2      11   Anyone else




14 -> The Richard Fairbrass Award for most homoerotic use of kettlebells


 Unique votes in the category are:
   -> Anybody else
   -> Turkish


 Results for this category are:


    #   Votes   Voted for
   --   -----   ---------
    1      21   Turkish
    2       5   Anybody else


Edited by saintbletch
Changed the rank to show where there had been a tie.
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This feels like a homage to crab lungs 'I know something' thread.

We want results!

 

You can't rush probity, Spatlic.

 

I fully expect this process to descend into chaos. Every good thing I've ever tried to do for TMS has (see the hilarious fun with words thread(s) as a case in point), and this will be no different.

 

Last year, the Awards were run by Les frères de Chuckle, and through a combination of dishonesty and innate incompetence, the results should have been declared null and void. Toke as MVP - I ask you. Next we'll be playing World Cups in the Qatar.

 

After that debacle, these awards will be the most open and honest in the 2 year history of the TMS Awards.

 

It will mean that I haven't won anything - I know that is difficult to believe, but it's true.

 

And with all the effort I put TMS this year, that makes me sad - in both senses of the word.

 

But what makes me happy, is the knowledge that (if you give me a little time), these results will stand any scrutiny.

 

Bletch != Blatter. Not on my watch.

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That victory has given me the energy to keep on keeping on throughout 2014. Thanks to all the unspeakable cu nts who took the time to vote for me.

 

Also nice to see a couple of categories where the only person voting for me was me.

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Putting "Most Vacuous Cunt" in the MVP category title, was prob a mistake, beltch! I'm not complaining, I'm just saying! I shall treasure this award, and all the riches that will naturally follow, as if it were the dripping minge of my favourite hollyoak skank!

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That victory has given me the energy to keep on keeping on throughout 2014. Thanks to all the unspeakable cu nts who took the time to vote for me.

 

Also nice to see a couple of categories where the only person voting for me was me.

 

A worthy winner.

 

Nobody could say you didn't deserve it, CB Fry.

 

It's a lesson to the rest of us - look what you can do with little to no talent, if you're prepared to put the hours in.

 

BTW was the reference to 2014 a cryptic suggestion that you might have hung up your boots?

 

I do hope not.

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That victory has given me the energy to keep on keeping on throughout 2014. Thanks to all the unspeakable cu nts who took the time to vote for me.

 

Also nice to see a couple of categories where the only person voting for me was me.

 

Well done CB. You bloody deserved it for all the effort you put it. Just a shame the biased media won't be picking up on this story!

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I think you've got to rape them first, I will check with MLG

 

Thanks bear, that will be a weight off my shoulders. There comes a crossroad in every forumers life that you need to assess your future. Having put in the effort my posting legs have largely gone. Only achieving sporadic posts with never the effort to write anything over 3 paragraphs or to check spelling at any level.

 

Do we have an MLS equivalent ? I feel I need to move on to the reject league.. The ugly if you will, perhaps I could do a Lampard and be loaned back.. Who knows

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A worthy winner.

 

Nobody could say you didn't deserve it, CB Fry.

 

It's a lesson to the rest of us - look what you can do with little to no talent, if you're prepared to put the hours in.

 

BTW was the reference to 2014 a cryptic suggestion that you might have hung up your boots?

 

I do hope not.

 

As the old saying goes: the more I practice, the c untier I get.

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why am i in the females lists, you cunts?

 

Wait, does this mean i get access to the secret ladies forum? Oh, yeah!

 

I did laugh when I saw you coming behind Bridge too far.

 

I made it in that list too, although I didn't come as close to Lou as I'd hoped.

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What yo gonna do bout the 3-way tie for Sense+Knowledge? Set them Sense+Knowledge Riddle, as tiebreaker!

 

Good question, Bear.

 

We could settle it through Russian Hangman like they did in The Deer Hunter.

 

We'd need a bottle of chilled Absolut Vodka, a six-chambered pistol with only one bullet, a notepad and a pen.

 

I'll get the notepad and pen, if you can get the other stuff.

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OK, there's an elephant in the room, Bear.

 

Well, there's a couple.

 

In fact, we've got a bloody memory of elephants here.

 

First elephant is Tokyo-Saint's performance.

 

How on earth do you go from MVP in one year, to not even featuring in the results the next year?

 

I have literally some ideas how that could have happened.

 

Second elephant is Jeff.

 

Now Jeff was worried about being Loki (whatever that might be), and instead won LVP (jointly with Hypochondriac which will be settled by Russian Hangman when Bear's got the gun).

 

Now, I'm no expert, but being Loki is being intentionally unpopular like BF Cry does (due to anger and self-esteem issues), but winning LVP is just being unpopular.

 

Now, between you and me Bear, I don't think Jeff featured in those results before he libellously defamed me. Can it be libel and defamation if it's true?. Anyway, after Jeff posted a load of non-defamatory facts about me, it's clear that posters leapt to my defence and voted Jeff joint-LVP. So either a) Jeff planned it that way all along, or b) he should have embraced the Loki vote and left Bletch alone.

 

There are more elephants. I could go on, and probably will later.

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Elephant #3 is Rallyboy.

 

It's been Bletchentifically proved that Rallyboy only posts in one thread in The Lounge, and he goes and wins the Polly Toynbee award. (I note with interest that the erudite and incredibly handsome - in a Carson from Downtown(sic) Abbey sort of a way - saintbletch came equal 5th despite only posting in The Lounge on a couple of occasions)

 

Elephant #4 is pap.

 

pap, is my brother from another mother (switched at birth by CIA operatives acting on behalf of the Bilderberg Group), but how can someone who is so controversial in The Lounge manage to come second? It's almost like we didn't have enough votes to make these awards meaningful in any way, shape or form bletch you bloody idiot. OR, perhaps everyone secretly believes that Fabregas is a diving crisis-actor, and that Liverpool really is a city of culture. You couldn't make it up.

 

Elephant #5 is dubai_phil (now Grandad). grandad_dubai_phil nearly lost the Colin Mongomerie's Breasts' award for talking about golf on a football forum to "Anyone else". I mean, to come that close to losing out when you are the only person on the forum that even mentions golf is going to be difficult to swallow. As difficult to swallow as the time grandad_dubai_phil proved to Turkish that he'd been chatting with German fans about Adam Lallana (or whatever).

 

There are more elephants, and I could go on.

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I cant belive Colin "i'm protesting against the new shirt but buying it anyway" JB came above me FFS. These votes are rigged.

 

Come and have a look at what you could have won...

 

Heaviest-iPhone-case-ever-is-your-personal-dumbbell-too.jpg

 

 

 

But congratulations on the award you did win, Shit Urk - or Shit - Can I call you Shit?.

 

 

 

e51ef13de729f8100fc6c9f81d0008611147837b4004dd953d9f8faebd6fb947.jpg

 

 

 

And look who's here to present it...

 

 

 

p15_b.jpg

 

x

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7 -> The Alan Carr "No man's behind left" Award for Fallen Comrade and Most Missed Poster Of The Year

 

Results for this category are:

 

 

# Votes Voted for

-- ----- ---------

1 12 Spudders

2 11 Barry Sanchez

3 10 Deppo

4 7 Ottery St. Mary

5 5 Tokyo-Saint

6 4 Dune

7 1 Glasgow

7 1 Ron Manager

7 1 Clapham Saint

 

 

I am giddy with excitement to win this award ........ and to beat Barry Sanchez to this award by just one vote, considering the massive number of votes cast, is just amazing!!!! Massive thanks to all those who voted to me!!!!! :) I promise I may or may not start posting a bit more during 2015.

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I need to go for a poo

 

Coincidentally, I went for a poo the other day.

 

I must have had a lot on my mind, think I sat there for a while.

 

Anyway, it turned out that, when I stood up, I couldn't remember if I had done a poo or not.

 

I actually had to look in the toilet to see if there was a poo there in order to ascertain whether I needed to wipe my arse or not.

 

In the end, it transpired that I had not in fact done a poo, and no arse wipes were required.

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