TMS Xmas Cards

[saintbletch]

OK, so I've got a Man U-supporting brother-in-law (From Leamington Spa (Royal)), and having replied to his texts through gritted teeth this morning, I need a bit of Xmas cheer.

 

So I thought I'd send a few cards to a few of my closest Muppets.

 

I'll start with Toke, who has litterally(sic) been like a son to me, and will make me a forum-grandpa next year!

 

 

To Toke,

 

Christmas is 'a coming

Turkish is getting fat

The Bear has gone commercial

and Toke is a ****.

 

From Daddy

 

x

 

P.S. In the real world, before sending a card, I usually wait until I receive one first. Hint. Hint.

P.P.S Please excuse the apostrophic error in the image.

[Halo Stickman]

Happy Christmas Bletch, Muppet Master-General.

 

 

Bletch is a wordsmith

Whom we all adore

Except for Toke and Bear

Who says he is a bore

[saintbletch]

Happy Christmas Bletch, Muppet Master-General.

 

 

Bletch is a wordsmith

Whom we all adore

Except for Toke and Bear

Who says he is a bore

 

Shouldn't it be?

 

...who say he is a bore

 

or

 

...who, each says he is a bore

 

or

 

...who says he is a bore?

 

I'm also not sure about Whom we all adore either.

 

If Bletch is the (subject) of all your (object) adoration, then I'd be inclined to use Who we all adore.

 

But I can make a slim case for the subject and object being switched, so I'll have to shout for Flyd Owl's brother - the word-pedant's go-to word-pedant.

 

Bore? Moi?

[Halo Stickman]

Bletch is a wordsmith

Who we all adore

Except for Toke, Bear and Halo

Who say he is a bore

[saintbletch]

Bletch is a wordsmith

Who we all adore

Except for Toke, Bear and Halo

Who say he is a bore

 

Lol

 

Have a rabbit.

 

[saintbletch]

 

Good King Halo knocked one out

Over Bletch's "word games"

And Flyd Owl joined about

And came on Bletch's "verb names"

Neither of them had yet played

The greatest game created

"I am, you are", I'm afraid

Is too weird and x-rated.

 

x

[Halo Stickman]

 

Good King Halo knocked one out

Over Bletch's "word games"

And Flyd Owl joined about

And came on Bletch's "verb names"

Neither of them had yet played

The greatest game created

"I am, you are", I'm afraid

Is too weird and x-rated.

 

x

 

That card you made for me dear Bletch

I promise that I’ll treasure

I will keep it by my bed

And use it to self-pleasure

[Tokyo-Saint]

 

Bletch likes to dress as St Nick

but he's never too pleased with his dick

He said "What is wrong

Is its three inches long

But its seventy one inches thick".

[saintbletch]

 

Bletch likes to dress as St Nick

but he's never too pleased with his dick

He said "What is wrong

Is its three inches long

But its seventy one inches thick".

 

Is that Carson Christmas, Toke?

[Tokyo-Saint]

Yep

[saintbletch]

Yep

 

Ahh, I'm touched.

 

You know when someone goes out of the way to get you a really nice card, it makes all the difference.

 

Here you go, Toke:

 

 

Oh and here's something seasonal - she's in season - dirty b!tch.

 

 

This really is like looking in a mirror for me:

 

[Lighthouse]

[Fowllyd]

 

Good King Halo knocked one out

Over Bletch's "word games"

And Flyd Owl joined about

And came on Bletch's "verb names"

Neither of them had yet played

The greatest game created

"I am, you are", I'm afraid

Is too weird and x-rated.

 

x

 

The birth of young Stenchtail was widely foretold

By prophets and other great figures of old.

Three wise men did come, some shepherds came too,

Their homage to pay to young Bartholomew.

 

Rich gifts did they bring, befitting a king,

For so they considered this lowly offspring.

To one preordained as the Muppet Show lord,

They sang a harmonious, heavenly chord.

 

Yet e'en as the sang, the babe's great flatulence

Bestowed on them all a small sprinkling of sense.

"Would a true lord produce such a sulphurous hum?"

They pondered, while pushing a cork up his bum.

 

"We think not!" they cried, "No boy-king is this,

"Those olden-day prophets were taking the píss!"

Their gifts they took back, their lawyers they sought,

And left the young babe in ordure to cavort.

 

But many a setback did Bart overcome,

And grew up to rule over the slow and the dumb.

He smote them with word clouds, he analysed Twitter,

He rules his domain like a crazed babysitter

 

All hail, all hail, our buttocks we clench,

Yuletide homage we pay to our own Balti Stench.

 

Shouldn't it be?

 

...who say he is a bore

 

or

 

...who, each says he is a bore

 

or

 

...who says he is a bore?

 

I'm also not sure about Whom we all adore either.

 

If Bletch is the (subject) of all your (object) adoration, then I'd be inclined to use Who we all adore.

 

But I can make a slim case for the subject and object being switched, so I'll have to shout for Flyd Owl's brother - the word-pedant's go-to word-pedant.

 

Bore? Moi?

 

I would have to take issue on the who and the whom here - you are undoubtedly the object of stick-like adoration, not its subject.

 

Incidentally, my brother has recently signed up on Saints Web (this is actually true). I am not at liberty to reveal his moniker, but should he ever actually post anything we'll see if you can spot him.

[saintbletch]

The birth of young Stenchtail was widely foretold

By prophets and other great figures of old.

Three wise men did come, some shepherds came too,

Their homage to pay to young Bartholomew.

 

Rich gifts did they bring, befitting a king,

For so they considered this lowly offspring.

To one preordained as the Muppet Show lord,

They sang a harmonious, heavenly chord.

 

Yet e'en as the sang, the babe's great flatulence

Bestowed on them all a small sprinkling of sense.

"Would a true lord produce such a sulphurous hum?"

They pondered, while pushing a cork up his bum.

 

"We think not!" they cried, "No boy-king is this,

"Those olden-day prophets were taking the píss!"

Their gifts they took back, their lawyers they sought,

And left the young babe in ordure to cavort.

 

But many a setback did Bart overcome,

And grew up to rule over the slow and the dumb.

He smote them with word clouds, he analysed Twitter,

He rules his domain like a crazed babysitter

 

All hail, all hail, our buttocks we clench,

Yuletide homage we pay to our own Balti Stench.

 

Well, I really don't give these out willy-nilly, but these rabbits are really multiplying. It's quite electrifying.

 

 

Think of it as a sort of gong from the TMS New Year's Honours' List.

 

And, whilst, at Xmas, I usually like it when you go down on your knees whenever you come into my presents, on this occasion please "rise, Fowllyd, OBE".

 

You are now a proud member of the Order of the Bletch Empire. Members include, well actually it's just you and Jimmy Saville at the moment.

 

I would have to take issue on the who and the whom here - you are undoubtedly the object of stick-like adoration, not its subject.

 

Incidentally, my brother has recently signed up on Saints Web (this is actually true). I am not at liberty to reveal his moniker, but should he ever actually post anything we'll see if you can spot him.

 

I should say that I pulled Halo's post apart for 'comic' purpose, I really am not a grammar Nazi. (BTW I feel "Yet e'en as the sang" should be "Yet e'en as they sang").

 

I think your brother will be easy to spot. He'll be the one stalking Frank's Cousin's posts, telling him that dyslexia is no excuse for poor speeling.

 

Oh, and his user name will have "isn't it?" in it - a nod your proud Welsh roots.

[Fowllyd]

Well, I really don't give these out willy-nilly, but these rabbits are really multiplying. It's quite electrifying.

 

 

Think of it as a sort of gong from the TMS New Year's Honours' List.

 

And, whilst, at Xmas, I usually like it when you go down on your knees whenever you come into my presents, on this occasion please "rise, Fowllyd, OBE".

 

You are now a proud member of the Order of the Bletch Empire. Members include, well actually it's just you and Jimmy Saville at the moment.

 

I am quite overcome. Truly. A proud member indeed, as always - it's just the effect you have on me. Sorry about the presents BTW, but I'm sure they'll clean up just lovely, isn't it.

 

I should say that I pulled Halo's post apart for 'comic' purpose, I really am not a grammar Nazi. (BTW I feel "Yet e'en as the sang" should be "Yet e'en as they sang").

 

I think your brother will be easy to spot. He'll be the one stalking Frank's Cousin's posts, telling him that dyslexia is no excuse for poor speeling.

 

Oh, and his user name will have "isn't it?" in it - a nod your proud Welsh roots.

 

Oh crikey, how could I let that one slip out unedited? What would my brother say? Perhaps I should amend the original and affect a non-comprendi stance - it always works for MLG.

[Halo Stickman]

I am quite overcome. Truly. A proud member indeed, as always - it's just the effect you have on me. Sorry about the presents BTW, but I'm sure they'll clean up just lovely, isn't it.

 

Chrimble cum-covered word-games, eh Fowllyd? Damn, I’ve got Bletch the same present.

 

Still, one can never have too many Chrimble cum-covered word-games, I suppose.

 

On second thoughts, maybe you can in Bletch’s case.

 

 

[dubai_phil]

I was shocked that Tokyo (who we know loves my golf stories) turned up this morning at the Dubai Ladies Masters tournament to personally deliver my card.

Awesome. Love the shoes mate