What happened to Baj?

[Baj]

My own thread. Cute. x

[saintbletch]

My own thread. Cute. x

 

Nice Crocs!

[Turkish]

My own thread. Cute. x

 

Posted from outside the BIC in between grooming your beard and trying to get a glimpse of your idol, yes?

[Turkish]

Come on Tush, we all know you're more Adrian than Rocky, more Patrick than Bobby Moore, and that you've more in common with Jedward than The Krays.

 

As you know, most of the posters from TSW meet up regularly because we just really enjoy each other's company. We know that you eschew these sort of gatherings, so we've stopped inviting you.

 

We can understand that you don't want to meet with randoms from a Mong Board, and we all respect that, but we secretly wonder whether you're embarrassed about, well, the delta between your online persona and your forum hardman persona.

 

Secretly, some members have mentioned to me that the only time you truly deserve the hardman moniker is when you've just ironed out someone on here for discussing the quality of the food at SMS - and that's more of a reference to the viagral effect that Mrs Tush 'enjoys', from your catering-fuelled anger.

 

Anyway, we all met last Wednesday evening. I was Chair for the evening as CB Fry had sent his apologies, but I did share a note with the Forum that he'd asked to be read, which was entitled "Harmony. On the rights of man to hold different opinions".

 

To be honest, it was a bit sentimental and conspiratorial for my liking. He apologised to everyone that he'd upset over the years, and explained that he'd recently been through some sort of Opinion-Epiphany, brought about when a vision involving Edward de Bono and Mother Teresa came to him one night and urged him to have empathy for different perspectives.

 

He then went on to discuss his volte face on his attitude to the press - thanking comrade pap in the process for his insight, before suggesting that most of the Press exist only to annoy Saints' fans. It was a typed note, and he hadn't signed it as he was apparently "wearing his jacket backwards", but a warden at The Priory had initialled it in his stead.

 

Other members then addressed the forum through The Chair, but the meeting was delayed for some minutes after an ambulance was called to attend to trousers. Unfortunately, david in sweden had just given a very colourful PowerPoint presentation that featured a tartan background, lime and magenta colours, and so many font effects that it must have triggered trousers' latent epilepsy. Things were further delayed when trousers insisted on going to a private hospital, but eventually he was convinced that his immediate health was more important than free market economics.

 

Finally, the The Chair recognised Baj.

 

He rose to he feet and said that he wanted to discuss a difficult situation regarding him and another poster, and it soon became clear that he was referring to you. He'd arrived in The Man's Aston as his Porsche was in for detailing - apparently he'd been driving to the nightsafe at the bank to deposit a load of five pound notes when a fit of the giggles made him spill takeaway curry over the upholstery. Incidentally, did you know that Baj's personalised plate is TRK 15 H - and that The Man's Aston is registered as MUG 5?

 

That's by the by, Baj was standing and looking very smart wearing a very sharp Paul Smith suit, Thomas Pink shirt and shoes by Crocs. He spoke movingly about his relationship with you, and of how you'd been close 'friends' ever since you and he had set up a matchday stall selling ridiculously large bendy hands and other fan-focused tattery. He had the group in his thrall, and a respectful silence fell as he went on to describe the breakdown in your relationship, and of how he taught you the meaning of unrequited.

 

He smiled wistfully as he told Forum of how, at 5 minutes after kickoff, you'd both close up "Bajish's Foam Hands Stall", and run to your seats inside SMS; laughing, joking and looking round with pride at the sea of hats and fancy dress that you'd supplied, before taking your seats 10 minutes after kick-off. He described a movingly close business relationship that might have, on occasion strayed into areas of forbidden colours (like your burberry check against his Barbour waxed number). He got choked up as he described the chance meeting with The Man, and how it changed both of your worlds overnight. We learned that The Man ran the pie and beer concessions within SMS, and as soon as Baj and The Man met, they knew they had to start a saints-based, Internet forum together.

 

Baj described the moment that he told you of their plans as the worst moment of his life, because he knew you'd take it bad. He said that since then your life had spiralled into an anger-fuelled journey of resentment and insecurity towards him, The Man and all of the things that you used to hold dear; the matchday tat, food in the ground, the Mong Board itself.

 

The Chair interrupted at this point, because, as moving as his speech was, I had to ask him if there was a point to the story. He apologised and got straight to the point. He said that since your anger had found expression on this forum, he had decided to keep away. He mentioned some psychological terms that I didn't really understand such as projection, closure and hat-stand. He said that he'd been happy to allow you to snipe at him from the sidelines, and had in fact seen it as playing some sort of role in your recovery - along with moving to Yorkshire and the kettlebells.

 

But, he'd now had a change of heart, and he was feeling uncomfortable about the situation. He assured us that he didn't have an issue with you laying into him on his own forum, but he said that it wasn't right that you were effectively paying him to abuse him. He felt, he said, "dirty". He said that he was happy to charge "the rest of you mugs" a fiver, but charging you had made him feel "like some sort of prostitute".

 

I have to say that Forum was sympathetic to his position, and we passed a motion that whenever you start a thread, or comment about Baj on this forum, we should each post images of S&M-style self-flagellation.

 

Baj then got out a guitar and started playing a cover of The Drugs Don't Work by The Verve. It seemed a little inappropriate, but he is The Little Man.

 

The meeting came to a somewhat chaotic end, as the police had arrived to tow away Chapel End Charlie vintage Austin 7. Apparently, he had left it parked in 1943. In the closing moments, comrade pap, moved a composite motion after his original motion had been challenged by Sour Mush, which led to the somewhat ridiculous compromise that will see all future gatherings closed by singing the words of The Red Flag to the tune of Land of Hope and Glory - camels and committees and all that.

 

Toke's a ****.

 

 

 

That really is very good, Halo.

 

 

I don't hand out bunny ears willy-nilly. It should be coveted.

 

Embarrassingly, that really is the sort of droll stuff my family is victimised with daily.

 

Seriously, I will be found dead with a pair of scissors in my chest, and my wife will be standing over me giggling inanely; explaining to the policeman that she asked me to pass the pair of scissors, but I told her that I could only see one.

 

this was all very believable and going very well right up until the point you mentioned Baj strumming the drugs dont work, we all know he'd be slip into an acoustic version of Where did all the love go.

[Tokyo-Saint]

Nice try Turks but there is no way I am believing you read all of Bletch's 10,000 word dissertation post.