What happened to Baj?

[Turkish]

On of the most arrogant people I've come across on mongboards You could always expect an infraction for the most minor of things when he was around. No doubt still coining it in from this place and a regular at the curry nights the mods have. Maybe pretending to be Serge from Kasabian or chasing ghosts restricts him time on here these days.

[scotty]

Watch it turks, abusing another member = infraction points....

[Tokyo-Saint]

https://twitter.com/baj

[Lighthouse]

https://twitter.com/baj

 

Reminds me of that other golfer who used to be on here. Saint Will or something I think, where did he end up?

[Pancake]

Reminds me of that other golfer who used to be on here. Saint Will or something I think, where did he end up?

 

He's still about on Twitter, some I follow always retweets him. Boring goon.

[KelvinsRightGlove]

https://twitter.com/baj

 

Did you just Doxx baj?

 

Good thing you don't follow me, ya git!

[Tokyo-Saint]

Don't know what doxx is but just Google baj and he is there. Open and free for all the public.

[KelvinsRightGlove]

Don't know what doxx is but just Google baj and he is there. Open and free for all the public.

 

Posting personal info on someone.

[Tokyo-Saint]

Oh don't worry Ldog I won't tell anyone you live in Ruislip or anything dumb like that.

[KelvinsRightGlove]

Oh don't worry Ldog I won't tell anyone you live in Ruislip or anything dumb like that.

 

Left the slip months ago yo.

[Turkish]

https://twitter.com/baj

 

I see he's stopped trying to look like a singer of a midlands indie band and gone for the bearded clam look.

[OldNick]

I've met him a couple of times and don't think he is arrogant

[Lighthouse]

I've met him a couple of times and don't think he is arrogant

 

He isn't. Although I bet he cries himself to sleep every night having to play in a live band because he's not cool enough to have 25,000 posts on an internet 'mongboard'.

[Saint-scooby]

I had his babies

[Turkish]

He isn't. Although I bet he cries himself to sleep every night having to play in a live band because he's not cool enough to have 25,000 posts on an internet 'mongboard'.

 

Not when you're cool enough to own a mongboard, charging people to post on it whilst being drunk on having the power to infract and ban. That's proper cool that.

[CB Saint]

Not when you're cool enough to own a mongboard, charging people to post on it whilst being drunk on having the power to infract and ban. That's proper cool that.

 

He is cool enough to extract a fiver out every year out of the south coast's premier stationary salesman.

[saintbletch]

Not when you're cool enough to own a mongboard, charging people to post on it whilst being drunk on having the power to infract and ban. That's proper cool that.

 

Tell us your secret, Shit Urk.

[Turkish]

He is cool enough to extract a fiver out every year out of the south coast's premier stationary salesman.

 

Im not on the south coast and my loyalty is to Steve Grant.

[Turkish]

Tell us your secret, Shit Urk.

 

The secret to being cool is not trying to be cool.

[Tokyo-Saint]

Is that where you went wrong Turks?

[saintbletch]

The secret to being cool is not trying to be cool.

 

Apologies to you and your shit kru, shit ruk, but we're at crossed purposes.

 

I was wondering how you were able to live with yourself.

 

I mean, you're paying someone (albeit in curry tokens) so that you can demean them; whilst he apparently doesn't give you a second thought, and laughs all the way to the Balti.

 

It's like something Max Mosley would get up to - without the Nazi paraphernalia.

 

Don't you find it, you know, a bit demeaning to pay someone every year so that you can periodically demean them?

 

 

Perhaps you could just be like the rest of us, and pay your £5 to The Man and The Mini Man so that you can see your name on the Internet and feel better about your sad life.

 

x

[Tokyo-Saint]

Is that Robbie Williams? God, I hate Robbie Williams. What you doing with Robbie Williams Bletch?

[saintbletch]

Is that Robbie Williams? God, I hate Robbie Williams. What you doing with Robbie Williams Bletch?

 

Recognise the crutch?

 

I bet you did, you naughty little boy.

 

Sorry, Toke, I'd love to stay and demean you, but I've got to dash.

 

I'm trying to delete my Google images search history before Mrs Bletch gets home.

 

"Two Men S&M", "Male Dominatrix", etc...

[Halo Stickman]

Are those two members of the clique Marsdino was referring to?

[buctootim]

 

A hooker I used to work with (draw your own conclusions) reckoned Rowan Atkinson used to pay her to walk up and down his back in stilettos. Odd choice of pastime imo.

[Tokyo-Saint]

Say what you like about Robbie Williams but there are very few people who can blow a C smoke ring out of their nose and he looks to have it mastered.

 

Edit: Tim, is this a subtle way of telling us you were/are a rent boy?

[buctootim]

Say what you like about Robbie Williams but there are very few people who can blow a C smoke ring out of their nose and he looks to have it mastered.

 

Edit: Tim, is this a subtle way of telling us you were/are a rent boy?

 

Alas no, my career has been much more mundane (although I used to work with rent boys too). NHS innit

 

Robbie Williams is snorting black ectoplasm btw.

Edited 20 November, 2014 by buctootim

[Tokyo-Saint]

You can get rent boys on the NHS? Is that where bear has been?

[saintbletch]

A hooker I used to work with (draw your own conclusions) reckoned Rowan Atkinson used to pay her to walk up and down his back in stilettos. Odd choice of pastime imo.

 

You were a professional rugby player?

 

Say what you like about Robbie Williams but there are very few people who can blow a C smoke ring out of their nose and he looks to have it mastered.

 

Edit: Tim, is this a subtle way of telling us you were/are a rent boy?

 

That's not a smoke ring Toke, that's the C*nt Signal shining in the sky.

 

It's being used to call the enslaved C*nt Man to come to the forum, and be a C*nt.

[buctootim]

You can get rent boys on the NHS? Is that where bear has been?

 

You can get them with NSU too. Thats probably where Bear has been.

[Lighthouse]

A hooker I used to work with (draw your own conclusions) reckoned Rowan Atkinson used to pay her to walk up and down his back in stilettos. Odd choice of pastime imo.

 

Could be cheaper than a professional masseuse.

[pap]

He looks pretty active on Twitter, tbf.

 

More chicks on Twitter. He may as well whip it all out there.

[Halo Stickman]

You can get them with NSU too. Thats probably where Bear has been.

 

I once had an NSU Quickly

 

[buctootim]

I once had an NSU Quickly

 

That doesn't look any more fun than the infection.

[Halo Stickman]

That doesn't look any more fun than the infection.

 

You're not wrong. If only I could show you the helmet that came with it. Not a pretty sight!

[Turkish]

Apologies to you and your shit kru, shit ruk, but we're at crossed purposes.

 

I was wondering how you were able to live with yourself.

 

I mean, you're paying someone (albeit in curry tokens) so that you can demean them; whilst he apparently doesn't give you a second thought, and laughs all the way to the Balti.

 

It's like something Max Mosley would get up to - without the Nazi paraphernalia.

 

Don't you find it, you know, a bit demeaning to pay someone every year so that you can periodically demean them?

 

 

Perhaps you could just be like the rest of us, and pay your £5 to The Man and The Mini Man so that you can see your name on the Internet and feel better about your sad life.

 

x

 

We all need out release Bletch. Some people choose drugs or alcohol, for some it's sex and violence for others it's jigsaws or making things out of paper. For me it's internet mongboards and the sheer buzz from making a good post or retort to someone's comment. There's nothing like it, the sheer f*ck offness of it all. It takes a brave poster to mug off the forum owner on his own manor, but if there is one man than can it do it's the man that wishes he was Jason statham. What's your release pal?

[Tokyo-Saint]

Two girls, sisters probably. I'm just watching.

[Lighthouse]

I personally enjoy passing electric currents through small rodents.

[Tokyo-Saint]

[Goatboy]

[saintbletch]

We all need out release Bletch. Some people choose drugs or alcohol, for some it's sex and violence for others it's jigsaws or making things out of paper. For me it's internet mongboards and the sheer buzz from making a good post or retort to someone's comment. There's nothing like it, the sheer f*ck offness of it all. It takes a brave poster to mug off the forum owner on his own manor, but if there is one man than can it do it's the man that wishes he was Jason statham. What's your release pal?

 

Telling you that I'm not your pal, pal.

 

See the door of friendship that I've held open all these many years?

 

It's shut rik.

 

But to your question - dunno. Probably something to do with words (usually an anagram of someone's name), or showing everyone how clever I think I am.

 

Or both.

 

So, tell me, do you get wood when you mug off the forum owner on his own manor?

 

I only ask because I get wood when I mug off the mug that mugs off the forum owner on his own manor.

 

U R SHIT, 'K?

[Turkish]

Telling you that I'm not your pal, pal.

 

See the door of friendship that I've held open all these many years?

 

It's shut rik.

 

But to your question - dunno. Probably something to do with words (usually an anagram of someone's name), or showing everyone how clever I think I am.

 

Or both.

 

So, tell me, do you get wood when you mug off the forum owner on his own manor?

 

I only ask because I get wood when I mug off the mug that mugs off the forum owner on his own manor.

 

U R SHIT, 'K?

 

Wood? do I get wood? I live for this sort of schiiiiittt, TSW is like snuff movie to me so what do you think? Bobby Moore says it was when he lifted the World Cup, rocky balboa said it was when he beat Apollo, I say it'd every time I iron someone out on the main board. The Krays were the kings of the east end, we're the kings of the mongboard. You f*ck with me and I execute retribution.

 

On another note I've just seen someone wearing a stone island jacket on Jamie Oliver programme, SI hits an all time low.

Edited 21 November, 2014 by Turkish

[Tokyo-Saint]

Turkish watching Jamie Oliver. Guess who gets the iron out in his manor.

[Turkish]

Turkish watching Jamie Oliver. Guess who gets the iron out in his manor.

 

I was reading the Jason Statham workout for Despensibles two or whatever it's called FFS.

[saintbletch]

Tush, I'll deal with you later - you naughty boy, when I've got a bit more time.

[saintbletch]

 

I really like what you've done with your hair there, Toke. It really suits you. Truly.

 

You look like a cross between Nucky Thompson and Gollum.

[OldNick]

I really like what you've done with your hair there, Toke. It really suits you. Truly.

 

You look like a cross between Nucky Thompson and Gollum.

unfortunately some on here would!!

[Halo Stickman]

 

I'm trying to delete my Google images search history before Mrs Bletch gets home.

 

"Two Men S&M", "Male Dominatrix", etc...

 

Come on Bletch, we both know that the above photo comes from our own personal stash – I shall never forget the way you demanded me to keep yanking your chain:

 

Bletch: Give me a hard yank, Halo.

Halo: Clint Eastwood.

Bletch: Would he?

Halo:

Bletch: This is fun, isn’t it, Halo?

Halo: Yes Bletch, it’s hilarious

[saintbletch]

Wood? do I get wood? I live for this sort of schiiiiittt, TSW is like snuff movie to me so what do you think? Bobby Moore says it was when he lifted the World Cup, rocky balboa said it was when he beat Apollo, I say it'd every time I iron someone out on the main board. The Krays were the kings of the east end, we're the kings of the mongboard. You f*ck with me and I execute retribution.

 

On another note I've just seen someone wearing a stone island jacket on Jamie Oliver programme, SI hits an all time low.

 

Come on Tush, we all know you're more Adrian than Rocky, more Patrick than Bobby Moore, and that you've more in common with Jedward than The Krays.

 

As you know, most of the posters from TSW meet up regularly because we just really enjoy each other's company. We know that you eschew these sort of gatherings, so we've stopped inviting you.

 

We can understand that you don't want to meet with randoms from a Mong Board, and we all respect that, but we secretly wonder whether you're embarrassed about, well, the delta between your online persona and your forum hardman persona.

 

Secretly, some members have mentioned to me that the only time you truly deserve the hardman moniker is when you've just ironed out someone on here for discussing the quality of the food at SMS - and that's more of a reference to the viagral effect that Mrs Tush 'enjoys', from your catering-fuelled anger.

 

Anyway, we all met last Wednesday evening. I was Chair for the evening as CB Fry had sent his apologies, but I did share a note with the Forum that he'd asked to be read, which was entitled "Harmony. On the rights of man to hold different opinions".

 

To be honest, it was a bit sentimental and conspiratorial for my liking. He apologised to everyone that he'd upset over the years, and explained that he'd recently been through some sort of Opinion-Epiphany, brought about when a vision involving Edward de Bono and Mother Teresa came to him one night and urged him to have empathy for different perspectives.

 

He then went on to discuss his volte face on his attitude to the press - thanking comrade pap in the process for his insight, before suggesting that most of the Press exist only to annoy Saints' fans. It was a typed note, and he hadn't signed it as he was apparently "wearing his jacket backwards", but a warden at The Priory had initialled it in his stead.

 

Other members then addressed the forum through The Chair, but the meeting was delayed for some minutes after an ambulance was called to attend to trousers. Unfortunately, david in sweden had just given a very colourful PowerPoint presentation that featured a tartan background, lime and magenta colours, and so many font effects that it must have triggered trousers' latent epilepsy. Things were further delayed when trousers insisted on going to a private hospital, but eventually he was convinced that his immediate health was more important than free market economics.

 

Finally, the The Chair recognised Baj.

 

He rose to he feet and said that he wanted to discuss a difficult situation regarding him and another poster, and it soon became clear that he was referring to you. He'd arrived in The Man's Aston as his Porsche was in for detailing - apparently he'd been driving to the nightsafe at the bank to deposit a load of five pound notes when a fit of the giggles made him spill takeaway curry over the upholstery. Incidentally, did you know that Baj's personalised plate is TRK 15 H - and that The Man's Aston is registered as MUG 5?

 

That's by the by, Baj was standing and looking very smart wearing a very sharp Paul Smith suit, Thomas Pink shirt and shoes by Crocs. He spoke movingly about his relationship with you, and of how you'd been close 'friends' ever since you and he had set up a matchday stall selling ridiculously large bendy hands and other fan-focused tattery. He had the group in his thrall, and a respectful silence fell as he went on to describe the breakdown in your relationship, and of how he taught you the meaning of unrequited.

 

He smiled wistfully as he told Forum of how, at 5 minutes after kickoff, you'd both close up "Bajish's Foam Hands Stall", and run to your seats inside SMS; laughing, joking and looking round with pride at the sea of hats and fancy dress that you'd supplied, before taking your seats 10 minutes after kick-off. He described a movingly close business relationship that might have, on occasion strayed into areas of forbidden colours (like your burberry check against his Barbour waxed number). He got choked up as he described the chance meeting with The Man, and how it changed both of your worlds overnight. We learned that The Man ran the pie and beer concessions within SMS, and as soon as Baj and The Man met, they knew they had to start a saints-based, Internet forum together.

 

Baj described the moment that he told you of their plans as the worst moment of his life, because he knew you'd take it bad. He said that since then your life had spiralled into an anger-fuelled journey of resentment and insecurity towards him, The Man and all of the things that you used to hold dear; the matchday tat, food in the ground, the Mong Board itself.

 

The Chair interrupted at this point, because, as moving as his speech was, I had to ask him if there was a point to the story. He apologised and got straight to the point. He said that since your anger had found expression on this forum, he had decided to keep away. He mentioned some psychological terms that I didn't really understand such as projection, closure and hat-stand. He said that he'd been happy to allow you to snipe at him from the sidelines, and had in fact seen it as playing some sort of role in your recovery - along with moving to Yorkshire and the kettlebells.

 

But, he'd now had a change of heart, and he was feeling uncomfortable about the situation. He assured us that he didn't have an issue with you laying into him on his own forum, but he said that it wasn't right that you were effectively paying him to abuse him. He felt, he said, "dirty". He said that he was happy to charge "the rest of you mugs" a fiver, but charging you had made him feel "like some sort of prostitute".

 

I have to say that Forum was sympathetic to his position, and we passed a motion that whenever you start a thread, or comment about Baj on this forum, we should each post images of S&M-style self-flagellation.

 

Baj then got out a guitar and started playing a cover of The Drugs Don't Work by The Verve. It seemed a little inappropriate, but he is The Little Man.

 

The meeting came to a somewhat chaotic end, as the police had arrived to tow away Chapel End Charlie vintage Austin 7. Apparently, he had left it parked in 1943. In the closing moments, comrade pap, moved a composite motion after his original motion had been challenged by Sour Mush, which led to the somewhat ridiculous compromise that will see all future gatherings closed by singing the words of The Red Flag to the tune of Land of Hope and Glory - camels and committees and all that.

 

Toke's a ****.

 

Come on Bletch, we both know that the above photo comes from our own personal stash – I shall never forget the way you demanded me to keep yanking your chain:

 

Bletch: Give me a hard yank, Halo.

Halo: Clint Eastwood.

Bletch: Would he?

Halo:

Bletch: This is fun, isn’t it, Halo?

Halo: Yes Bletch, it’s hilarious

 

That really is very good, Halo.

 

 

I don't hand out bunny ears willy-nilly. It should be coveted.

 

Embarrassingly, that really is the sort of droll stuff my family is victimised with daily.

 

Seriously, I will be found dead with a pair of scissors in my chest, and my wife will be standing over me giggling inanely; explaining to the policeman that she asked me to pass the pair of scissors, but I told her that I could only see one.

Edited 25 November, 2014 by saintbletch
terrible typo on titillating thread intended to triage therapeutic treatment for Turkish

[Halo Stickman]

 

I don't hand out bunny ears willy-nilly.

 

Go on with you, Bletch – Portsea Lil tells me you’ve handed out bunny ears to half of Gosport. That notwithstanding, rest assured, I shall treasure those ears for the rest of my days and promise to wear them at our next forum gathering. Talking of which, Mrs Stickman and I would like to invite Lord Duckhunter, egg and you to a select soiree at the week-end. Mrs Stickman has suggested we have duck egg tart.