Short vs bald

[Goatboy]

I'll stick to emoticons in future.

[saintbletch]

I'll stick to emoticons in future.

 

Good idea you .

 

Sorry about that Gay Boot, I was only kidding - didn't mean to come across as all nanny-state on you.

[Goatboy]

Good idea you .

 

Sorry about that Gay Boot, I was only kidding - didn't mean to come across as all nanny-state on you.

 

No worries. I'll butt out now.

[saintbletch]

Fk me, bletch - I haven't felt this interrogated since the time the Anti-Semitism Finder General publicly quizzed me on here!

 

No, I am not a hobbit. I do not have particularly hairy feet, which is a pity because that and a four day Haribo binge are all that's really holding me back from hobbit glory.

 

Perhaps I should order the Tangfastic anyway and Pritt Stick some pubes to my feet. Do you think it'll work?

 

Or you could swallow your pubes and stick Haribo to your feet?

 

For the record, we're all still waiting to see a picture of your ring.

[saintbletch]

No worries. I'll butt out now.

 

It's best that one does.

[Halo Stickman]

One of the barbers (a woman) was attending to a customer when she became aware that he was playing with himself under the protective gown that they wrap around your shoulders. Apparently she tried to ignore it at first or so the story goes, but as she started to make out what she took to be longer and longer strokes of the shaft, she hit him over the head with a hairdryer. There was blood everywhere and he had to go to hospital.

 

It turns out that the gentleman in question was cleaning his sunglasses under the gown. (not a euphemism)

 

It made the papers and the barber in question moved on. This was a great personal loss to me as she used to cut my hair from time to time. She reminded me of Jane from Rainbow, and I was aware of a strange tingle somewhere deep inside my body every time she touched my "head".

 

Bletch 'cleans his sunglasses' whilst Rainbow Jane fetches her hairdryer.

 

 

Edited 12 September, 2014 by Halo Stickman

[Fowllyd]

Good shout re the 70s barber shop, Folly. As I said, men want to be me, women want to be with me - and now you can see why. Deal with it, or I'll do you!

 

I'm surprised that you came up with that barber's shop reference; I wasn't sure that they had barbers in the 70s in Wales? Isn't it?

 

That reminds me of an anecdote from my childhood in Gosport in the 70s involving the barber shop that I used to entrust to secure personal hair encuttments (all of them). The story has gone down in local folklore.

 

Are you sitting comfortably? Good, then I'll begin...

 

One of the barbers (a woman) was attending to a customer when she became aware that he was playing with himself under the protective gown that they wrap around your shoulders. Apparently she tried to ignore it at first or so the story goes, but as she started to make out what she took to be longer and longer strokes of the shaft, she hit him over the head with a hairdryer. There was blood everywhere and he had to go to hospital.

 

It turns out that the gentleman in question was cleaning his sunglasses under the gown. (not a euphemism)

 

It made the papers and the barber in question moved on. This was a great personal loss to me as she used to cut my hair from time to time. She reminded me of Jane from Rainbow, and I was aware of a strange tingle somewhere deep inside my body every time she touched my "head".

 

To this day I don't know what that tingle was, except that I've experienced it twice since - amazingly on both occasions it happened almost 9 months to the day before the birth of our two children.

 

I imagine that I must have been thinking that "Jane's" hand at some point would have almost certainly touched Zippy and Bungle too, and that by extension all of us were now in some strange way 'one' in the universe. I can't think what else it would have been.

 

Re Turkish posing for me?

 

You're right, he agreed because I have a super-long glans - which fortunately is in proportion to the rest of the structure. Some people don't suit being bald (hence my wig), but some, like Turkish do (Despite looking like the before picture from a Cadbury's Smash advert). For mash get Smash.

 

OK, I'm out of 70s references now. Shame I couldn't fit in a reference to The Tomorrow People, Love Thy Neighbour, Chip Club (books bought from the school) or Debbie Does Dallas.

 

Bletch, I'm truly touched that you have chosen to share this with us. Not touched in the same way that you were, of course, but profoundly afflicted nonetheless.

 

You missed out Tiswas though. Shame on you.

[Tokyo-Saint]

[saintbletch]

Bletch 'cleans his sunglasses' whilst Rainbow Jane fetches her hairdryer.

 

 

 

Yeah, that's the wig that makes me 6'2" Halo.

 

BTW "Cleaning your glasses" has become a popular euphemism with people of a certain age down Gosport way.

 

For the younger viewers, Jane is the one on the left, or the right, I can't remember now.

 

I think Jeffrey is the one on the right, and for the record he's definitely "cleaning his glasses".

 

 

Also for the uninitiated, Bungle (the furry thing in the middle - the middle of the picture that is, not the middle of Jane) was a very camp bear.

 

Art imitating life?

[saintbletch]

 

Oh Toke, you found the CCTV of the incident.

 

That brings back some memories.

[Tokyo-Saint]

No probs you big glass cleaner!

[pap]

Or you could swallow your pubes and stick Haribo to your feet?

 

For the record, we're all still waiting to see a picture of your ring.

 

[The9]

Does the lifelong misery of being short trump the traumatic experience of losing all your hair?

 

Well, my hair's finally developed a little bit of a hole at the back and is on its way out at the age of 41 (and a half...) and I'm 5'9" (also "and a half", but that just sounds desperate so feel free to ignore it).

 

By this age I no longer have use for the sexytime benefits of head hair anyway (as I am married). I'd rather be a slaphead than a midget, pretty sure none of the girls I've ever been involved with would have been put off if I was a slaphead anyway. Plus it's been working its way backwards at the sides for about 15 years gradually - it was about 1999 the last time I had it completely how I wanted it, since then there's always been some kind of styling to cover some bit consideration.

 

There are a bunch of other age-related issues which are worse anyway, pee drips, random stinkiness, delayed recovery rates, tooth sensitivity all suck and have more impact.

 

Though if I end up shaving my head in a few years, we shall see how I feel about it then. Not sure if my blockhead is suitably shaped for nakedness.

[Halo Stickman]

BTW "Cleaning your glasses" has become a popular euphemism with people of a certain age down Gosport way.

 

D' you know what Bletch, Gosport Gladys charged me ten quid extra when I asked her to clean my spectacles. I do wish she’d get her ears done – my testicles were so sore afterwards, I couldn’t sit down for a week. Still, I suppose it was my fault, I should have gone to Specssavers.

[pap]

Well, my hair's finally developed a little bit of a hole at the back and is on its way out at the age of 41 (and a half...) and I'm 5'9" (also "and a half", but that just sounds desperate so feel free to ignore it).

 

By this age I no longer have use for the sexytime benefits of head hair anyway (as I am married). I'd rather be a slaphead than a midget, pretty sure none of the girls I've ever been involved with would have been put off if I was a slaphead anyway. Plus it's been working its way backwards at the sides for about 15 years gradually - it was about 1999 the last time I had it completely how I wanted it, since then there's always been some kind of styling to cover some bit consideration.

 

There are a bunch of other age-related issues which are worse anyway, pee drips, random stinkiness, delayed recovery rates, tooth sensitivity all suck and have more impact.

 

Though if I end up shaving my head in a few years, we shall see how I feel about it then. Not sure if my blockhead is suitably shaped for nakedness.

 

It's just as well I've still got the barnet. I've a weird shaped back-of-the-head. Looked like a dry-roasted peanut the last time I got skinned ( 1997 ).

[Bath Saint]

I'm 5'9", so not very tall, but luckily I never find tall women attractive, could be connected though. Baldness? Well at about 23 I was convinced my hair was starting to thin out and a friend and I both became resigned to the fact that we'd lose our hair early. He was a slaphead within two years and I've still got a full head of hair 20 years later. It'll come one day though, so might as well accept it.

 

I'd go for bald over very short though, definitely. If you're going bald you just cut what you're left with down to a couple of millimetres and you look okay, I've known quite a few baldies who have no trouble getting women. Growing the little you have left long will make you look a **** though.

 

Being short is being short and you will rightfully be judged for it by your peers.

 

Jeez, what a short arse. What must it be like, living in Norway - it must feel like you've landed in the Land of the Giants.

[Special K]

I'd rather be bald than short. I imagine being a shorty is much worse than being a baldy. You can look cool as a baldy, but short fellas cannot do much to change being a short arse and looking like a little fella. And lasses generally don't like fella's shorter than them, (so i'm told, but this could be bollix as I suspect it depends on the size of the wallet)

[pap]

I'd rather be bald than short. I imagine being a shorty is much worse than being a baldy. You can look cool as a baldy, but short fellas cannot do much to change being a short arse and looking like a little fella. And lasses generally don't like fella's shorter than them, (so i'm told, but this could be bollix as I suspect it depends on the size of the wallet)

 

Odd you should mention the money angle. Was making £50 an hour as a 25 year old during the dot com boom. Standard of women went up during that period.

 

Went down after the dot com bubble burst

 

It doesn't really affect serious relationship potential but it's shíte for one night stands.

[Bath Saint]

Being a shorty didn't seem to do Tom Cruise much harm.

 

On the other hand, being a Scientologist....

[Tokyo-Saint]

So would you rather be a scientologist or a baldy?

[saintbletch]

So would you rather be a scientologist or a baldy?

 

I'm both Toke.

 

May the Lord L. Ron Hubbard bless you and your full head of hair.

 

Baldness makes it easier to communicate with extra terrestrials. Tom's as bald as Turkish under his wigs.

 

Think of your brain as a CB radio and your hair as tin foil wrapped around the antenna. Us baldies are kicking out 60 watts. Whereas to an alien you're all like:"Am I getting out? Good buddy".

[Bath Saint]

I have noticed that a large % of women won't consider going out with someone shorter than them.

 

Despicable discrimination.

 

[Jonnyboy]

 

Two men.

[Halo Stickman]

I'd rather be bald than short. I imagine being a shorty is much worse than being a baldy. You can look cool as a baldy, but short fellas cannot do much to change being a short arse and looking like a little fella. And lasses generally don't like fella's shorter than them, (so i'm told, but this could be bollix as I suspect it depends on the size of the wallet)

 

[tpbury]

Ah, it's a shame that I've been watching loads of sport and have missed this thread. I am sorry to put it to death.

 

I read all three pages and noted that lots of people have admitted to being either short or bald, but not short and bald. Apart from the 5'9" bloke, but he never admitted that was short. That's a matter for another thread after this has died. Because I killed it. That's what I do. I was bald at 19, and haven't got any taller since.

[saintbletch]

Ah, it's a shame that I've been watching loads of sport and have missed this thread. I am sorry to put it to death.

 

I read all three pages and noted that lots of people have admitted to being either short or bald, but not short and bald. Apart from the 5'9" bloke, but he never admitted that was short. That's a matter for another thread after this has died. Because I killed it. That's what I do. I was bald at 19, and haven't got any taller since.

 

Did you ever see that TV show "Heroes", Burpy T? Did they have it in Australia?

 

It was about a group of people all over the world that each had a "superpower". I only ask because, whilst I used to think the show was fiction, it has now occurred to me that you may have been gifted a sort of superpower. As you suggested, you have the power to kill threads at will. I think you've been given Mod powers. Use them wisely.

 

So Muppets, in an attempt to combat the evil Burpy T and to try to keep this thread going, what is the superpower you would have if you could? Or perhaps you can suggest the powers that other posters obviously have.

 

Some ground rules.

 

pap, I'm sorry, but you're not allowed the power of height. But somehow I think you'll know enough about superheroes to suggest some alternatives.

 

No Toke, you can't turn into a female labrador at will. You only think you can.

 

Turkish already has the biblical strength of Samson, but due to a cruel twist of genetic fate he can't exercise it due to male pattern balding. I think it was the book of Joshua that claimed that Samson could kill lions and do Turkish Get Ups all day long without stopping. In fact the only difference between the myth and the Legend is that whilst Samson used the jawbone of an ass to slay his enemies, Turkish uses the assbone of his jaw on here. (That's Biblical Samson BTW, not the footballer Kenny Samsung)

 

I hope my power is obvious. I can use words to put people to sleep.......Zzzzzz

[Big Bad Bob]

Diamond Digger Saga is all over your shít. Sayin'

 

(actually, Farm Heroes is probably my fave King game)

 

Nah mate, Bubblewitch 2 rocks, apart from I'm stuck and refuse to Facebook due to my diminutive (5' 9.5") stature..

[Big Bad Bob]

Ah, it's a shame that I've been watching loads of sport and have missed this thread. I am sorry to put it to death.

 

I read all three pages and noted that lots of people have admitted to being either short or bald, but not short and bald. Apart from the 5'9" bloke, but he never admitted that was short. That's a matter for another thread after this has died. Because I killed it. That's what I do. I was bald at 19, and haven't got any taller since.

 

Go somewhere else Thread Killer, Pap distanced you from this thread at the start, now go away..

 

Is it better to be short or bald?

 

* Short and bald men: sorry, this question is not for you. Try and get through it.

[tpbury]

Go somewhere else Thread Killer, Pap distanced you from this thread at the start, now go away..

 

I am extremely average in height, therefore not short, though I do take your point re Pap's original post. That could be OP hahahahahahhahaha!

 

I have more than one story when I have been interviewed for a Vox Pop and it has been terminated early by the producer.

 

Go to sleep, my little ones.

[Special K]

Odd you should mention the money angle. Was making £50 an hour as a 25 year old during the dot com boom. Standard of women went up during that period.

 

Went down after the dot com bubble burst

 

It doesn't really affect serious relationship potential but it's shíte for one night stands.

 

I bet you were like a rat up a dirty drainpipe Papage! Banging out innernet business plans during the day and banging the arse of a different Doris every night, with a bottle of Cristal in one hand and a copy of the Fortean Times in the other, you old roister doister, you!

 

Bloody sh!t luck though, the old bubble bursting like that and having to go back to some one handed surfing.

 

Anyway, how many notches on the old pappy bedpost did you rack up during the good times (and have to stand on a stepladder to etch in too, I bet!)? Bloody loads I reckon, you ledge!

[pap]

Alas, it wasn't the rich seam of flange that sir suggests. Was still very much doing the girlfriend thing, which limited opportunities. However, I would own up to all of them, and would actually be fairly proud in a couple of cases.

 

The dot com boom was a weird time. You are extremely mistaken if you think there were any workable business plans about. Everything depended on advertising revenue, which was a problem because the infrastructure wasn't really there at the time. A lot of people jostling for the same stuff too.

[tpbury]

Infrastructure. I see, how interesting.

 

Having just watched Wolf of Wall Street (set in the 80s, I think), I realise that a hell of a lot of people were off their head on coke in the early nineties also, ie dot com boom. It's funny to have lived through it, got the big pay rises, but not realised that the sales guys and management were off their faces ALL THE TIME!! I just had fun going to the pub, not realising that most of the company was sky high and banging each other. A great source of regret.

[Polaroid Saint]

As a 'punker' I was able to counter my receding hairline by first adopting a mohican. As I got older, and my working circumstance changed to something a bit more 'respectable' I started shaving to a grade 2 buzzcut and growing a massive 'tache.

 

My advice, therefore, is to match or outperform the baldiness with ridiculous facial hair. Works a treat.

[pap]

As a 'punker' I was able to counter my receding hairline by first adopting a mohican. As I got older, and my working circumstance changed to something a bit more 'respectable' I started shaving to a grade 2 buzzcut and growing a massive 'tache.

 

My advice, therefore, is to match or outperform the baldiness with ridiculous facial hair. Works a treat.

 

Choose your weapon.

 

[Polaroid Saint]

Choose your weapon.

 

Oh Dear!

 

The last one is so close I thought you had actually found a picture of me! - It isn't - I would NEVER have a soul patch! :-)

 

Freaky (on several levels!)

[KelvinsRightGlove]

Some strong face hair game going on there.

 

I'm going for the lion look at the moment, long hair coupled with a long beard. Full mane effect. Rawr.

[Fowllyd]

Some strong face hair game going on there.

 

I'm going for the lion look at the moment, long hair coupled with a long beard. Full mane effect. Rawr.

 

In the manner of the late, great Vivian Stanshall? I think it's a look that could work for you.

 

[Lorne Malvo]

Some strong face hair game going on there.

 

I'm going for the lion look at the moment, long hair coupled with a long beard. Full mane effect. Rawr.

 

AKA lazy scruffy bugger mode.

[Bearsy]

Harry Potter vs Lord Voldemort - Short Wins!

Homer Simpson vs Bart Simpson - Bald Wins!

Snoopy vs Charlie Brown - Short Wins!

Walter White vs Jesse Pinkman - Bald Wins!

 

Such draw!

[Deano6]

Richard O'Brien > Ed Tudor-Pole, but I don't know if he's a shorty.