dubai_phil Posted 2 May, 2014 Share Posted 2 May, 2014 Dear TMS experts I have just returned home to the Sandpit from a week-long break in Phuket. We visited Tiger Kingdom - http://tigerkingdom.com/Phuket.html While there, Mrs D_P was eaten by a Tiger. Now the problem is that it all happened so fast, one minute she was giving the beast a hug, next moment he turns round grabs her head and chomp. I am kind of in need of advice. Firstly I am now an emotional wreck. Tiger, wife and eating didn't have the sound of a crunching head in the fantasy. So I am now in need of 1) Anyone know the process to get Image Rights to a photo as I am sure the Daily Snail would want to make a front page of the photo I took while it happened 2) Anyone know any good Ambulance Chaser Lawyers? I signed an Insurance Policy from a company in New Hampshire, had a Zurich Travel Insurance issued here in Dubai - just where do I start suing people? At least the few bones left over were able to fit into my cabin baggage allowance 3) I now obviously need to find another sport that I can take up. Not easy at my age with dodgy knees, but I now know I will never be able to hear the word Tiger without the horror of the crunch flashing before my eyes. 4) Anyone know any good dating agencies so I can find a replacement. 5) I am running out of bad jokes about this horrific event and my golfing hero I clearly need a new Avatar. Help I know rule 1 and all that but until I get the image rights sorted out, there is simply no way I am posting the pic on TMS as a world exclusive, I need the money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goatboy Posted 2 May, 2014 Share Posted 2 May, 2014 How's the tiger? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lets B Avenue Posted 2 May, 2014 Share Posted 2 May, 2014 My sincere condolences, Phillip. Coming over for the test match at the Rose bowl? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 2 May, 2014 Share Posted 2 May, 2014 not the first time DP has seen someone's wife eaten out by Tiger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 2 May, 2014 Share Posted 2 May, 2014 I know what you mean. A lady friend of mine was at London Zoo and got too close to the gorilla cage. Before she knew it she had been grabbed by a large silverback who dragged her back to his den and proceeded to have his evil way with her. By the time the keepers had managed to sedate him he had ravaged her at least 18 times and she was covered in bites in bruises but thankfully was alive. I went to see her in hospital and asked how she felt. "How do you think I feel?", she said, "It's been three days and he hasn't phoned... hasn't visited me... hasn't sent me any flowers..." So, how is Mrs DP feeling these days? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 2 May, 2014 Author Share Posted 2 May, 2014 My sincere condolences, Phillip. Coming over for the test match at the Rose bowl? Doubt it, dates are all wrong. I'm over for Glasto then again in September IF I can I know what you mean. A lady friend of mine was at London Zoo and got too close to the gorilla cage. Before she knew it she had been grabbed by a large silverback who dragged her back to his den and proceeded to have his evil way with her. By the time the keepers had managed to sedate him he had ravaged her at least 18 times and she was covered in bites in bruises but thankfully was alive. I went to see her in hospital and asked how she felt. "How do you think I feel?", she said, "It's been three days and he hasn't phoned... hasn't visited me... hasn't sent me any flowers..." So, how is Mrs DP feeling these days? Unfortunately this disaster happened the day before we were due to fly home, despite feeding the big cat a laxative, there was not enough of her left to even start to ask her at a seance. Her pals are all cut up about it. I have offered to console some of them, so they are looking at hiring a plane to come over here for some relief from their grief. How's the tiger? Well, I was kinda expecting the "Tiger Tamers" to have been equipped with Tasers or something. They had these 2ft long bamboo canes so apart from a few whacks to his arse (which strangely didn't seem to do much) I guess he is fine. Now of course, if it had been the EX, then I would have been seriously concerned for the poor Tigers' health. Thanks Bearsy, still need a few more though. Anyone got the email address for the Daily Snail? Do they have some form you fill in to get paid for a picture? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halo Stickman Posted 2 May, 2014 Share Posted 2 May, 2014 Hey D_P, tiger poo (aka Mrs D_P) is very good at warding off foxes. Shame this didn’t happen a few months ago, you’d have made a killing with Saints’ fans. Could always try flogging some to Forest fans, I suppose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buctootim Posted 2 May, 2014 Share Posted 2 May, 2014 I've met a man whose head was crunched by a 'friendly' zoo tiger when he was 12. You've got to be mad to go in the cages and treat them like pussy cats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 2 May, 2014 Share Posted 2 May, 2014 You could always make one of these: [video=youtube;oaw-savyK0s] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saint in Paradise Posted 2 May, 2014 Share Posted 2 May, 2014 Phil your P.M. inbox is full up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pap Posted 2 May, 2014 Share Posted 2 May, 2014 Hello Phil. I cannot help you with most of your issues, but can help with you out with an 80x80 pixel avatar*. It's really no problem. *Free avatar must feature legend "pap is my god" prominently. But hey, it's free design work, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saint-Armstrong Posted 3 May, 2014 Share Posted 3 May, 2014 not the first time DP has seen someone's wife eaten out by Tiger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 3 May, 2014 Author Share Posted 3 May, 2014 Phil your P.M. inbox is full up. Sorted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suewhistle Posted 3 May, 2014 Share Posted 3 May, 2014 Oh Phil, what a shame, particularly after all the money you spent on the wedding and the damage to your liver.. Still, I hope today's win cheered you up. Can't help with any of your points and I don't suppose a lesbian dating agency will be much help, though there are quite a few bi's on there. Don't tell Bearsy though, as he'll get all hot and unnecessary. You might try fishing as a sport, but do it in some little New Forest stream as you wouldn't want to meet a large pike, or the Freshwater Tiger as it's known. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tony13579 Posted 4 May, 2014 Share Posted 4 May, 2014 My mate was curious where this tiger was, and how long until he would be hungry again? It just he's weighing up the cost if a divorce and figures a trip to see the tigers would be easier than building a patio! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 4 May, 2014 Author Share Posted 4 May, 2014 My mate was curious where this tiger was, and how long until he would be hungry again? It just he's weighing up the cost if a divorce and figures a trip to see the tigers would be easier than building a patio! http://tigerkingdom.com/Phuket.html Phuket. You can get very good deals there at the moment on Asiawebdirect.com (found them 20% cheaper than Hotels.Com & 10% Cheaper than Bookings.com We paid $32 (DOLLASR not POUNDS) for a big De - Luxe room in a pretty run down hotel 50 yards from the Beach in Karon. It's the quiet season there now - ie you get a 30 minute rain shower each afternoon. Can then fly on Malaysian via KL very VERY cheap (oh) but also Qatar & Emirates & Thai. So yeah, 1) Cheaper than a Patio 2) Won't get dug up in 20 years time 3) You can actually MAKE money on the deal by i) Taking out Travel Insurance and ii) taking photos of it. Amazingly a mate of mine from the Golf stuff (Professional Snapper) is organising me some image rights - reckons he could get me a bundle from some of those weird US Papers like the Enquirer. Aliens have taken over the bodies of Tigers and are eating Humans type stories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OldNick Posted 4 May, 2014 Share Posted 4 May, 2014 Phil you at least can sample a bit of necrophilia, after all you will be able to see it from Anna's side. That's how she described your honeymoon performance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 4 May, 2014 Author Share Posted 4 May, 2014 Phil you at least can sample a bit of necrophilia, after all you will be able to see it from Anna's side. That's how she described your honeymoon performance Monday 23rd June. Book it in the diary, you'll have a Malibu & Coke behind the bar waiting for you. Oooh I hope I haven't leaked your identity with that comment.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OldNick Posted 5 May, 2014 Share Posted 5 May, 2014 Monday 23rd June. Book it in the diary, you'll have a Malibu & Coke behind the bar waiting for you. Oooh I hope I haven't leaked your identity with that comment....[/quote) Malibu and baileys on the rocks if you don't mind but you are lucky I'm away then Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tony13579 Posted 11 May, 2014 Share Posted 11 May, 2014 Re: http://tigerkingdom.com/Phuket.html They only sell single tickets No returns ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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