Is Jeremy Clarkson finished?

[pap]

If Jeremy Clarkson was a passenger in a long car journey, he'd be the pube-headed kid in the back, pushing his knees into the driver's seat, just enough to annoy, just restrained enough not to turn the car into a mangled wreck. This is what you love and adore.

 

Simple button pushing to please simple-minded masses.

[Viking Warrior]

I thiught this was a good article written in the times by Clarkson

 

Bombing a spaniel is a step too far, Mr Putin — we’re sending in the SAS

 

When the ebola virus started to run riot in west Africa we were all very sympathetic but nobody rushed to the kitchen with a chemistry set and a handful of Petri dishes to see if they could develop some kind of antidote.

 

It’s much the same story with Ukraine. We keep being told that this is a war that’s being fought if not on our doorstep then certainly at the bottom of the garden. And we worry about it in the same way as we worry about our neighbours’ marital difficulties. Which is to say, we don’t really worry at all.

 

And then there’s this grubby business in the Middle East. It’s horrific what these Islamic extremists are doing, we all know that. But we’re then not completely sure what exactly it is they are doing. Or where they are. Or what they want. Or what on earth we can do to stop it happening. So we turn over and go back to sleep.

 

The world is full right now of many serious problems and I think it’s fair to say that almost none of us would cross the street to help solve any of them. No, don’t argue. You wouldn’t go to Sierra Leone to be a nurse. You wouldn’t sign up to help the Ukrainian army. And what exactly have you done to help the homeless in Syria? Exactly, and neither have I.

 

And yet when someone set light to a dogs’ home in Manchester, half the city leapt from their beds and ran into the raging inferno to rescue as many of the inmates as possible. Afterwards, when the flames had been extinguished, so many people rushed in their cars to see if they could adopt a damaged dog, the police had to issue a stay-at-home alert, saying that roads were being overwhelmed.

 

Twenty-four hours later the charity that runs the home announced that it had received donations totalling more than £1m. That’s a million quid to rehouse the 150 survivors. And that works out at at least £6,666 per dog. They will be eating peach and peacock for the rest of their ermine-lined lives, that’s for sure. And there’s nobody in the whole country, or what’s left of it — I’m writing this before the vote in Scotland — who would begrudge them a single penny.

 

Apart perhaps from a Coronation Street actor called Jack P Shepherd, who went on Twitter to say: “I have a million ‘hot dog’ jokes.” Straight away there were calls for him to be sacked. You can make jokes about almost anything these days and keep your job. But dead dogs? No. There is a line in the sand, and Rover, trust me on this, is on the other side of it.

 

It’s not just dogs either. It’s all God’s creatures. I posted a picture on Twitter recently from a shooting party in Gloucestershire and plenty of people stepped forward to say that killing birds is wrong and that, er, we should wait for the partridges to die of old age before we put them in the oven.

 

Then you have the animal rights extremists who want to kill all scientists. And we’re not talking about half a dozen teenage girls here. I’d be willing to bet there are more people in Britain who would lay down their lives for a tortoise than there are who would lay down their lives for Allah.

 

Which tells us something we have known for a very long time. Britain is a nation of animal fanatics. Here we have believed for centuries that you must feed your horse before you feed yourself. That you can slaughter Johnny Foreigner and win a medal. But that if you cause a dog to be sad, it’s time to put your affairs in order and start oiling your service revolver.

 

Which gives me an idea. An idea that would end the apathy and malaise we currently have about world affairs.

 

At present, reporters are keen to show us the human suffering in various conflicts. All through the turmoil in Gaza we saw ruined houses, broken businesses and shattered limbs. We heard about dead civilians, and the next morning we went to work as though nothing had happened. But what would happen if we were to be shown pictures of a dead dog?

 

“I say, Jean. The Israelis have mortared a dog. Well, that’s that. I shall organise a bring-and-buy stall in the village hall immediately.”

 

And Ukraine. At present no one has much of an appetite to poke President Vladimir Putin in the eye. We know he is a megalomaniac with one hand on the nuclear red button and another on the tap that feeds continental Europe with gas. He frightens us.

 

But one photograph of a dead hamster would change all that. If we thought that soldiers in his employ had hurt an animal, the SAS would be scaling the Kremlin walls by tomorrow lunchtime.

 

All of which leads me to the sick bastard known as “Jihadi John”. He stands there, in the desert, spouting sixth-form common-room politics and then cuts a hostage’s head off. When I read in the papers about his antics, it makes me seethe with rage and fury. But then, like you, I turn the page and spend a little while reading about some minor celeb’s braless trip to the Chiltern Firehouse restaurant in central London.

 

I cannot believe that I do this. A British man was beheaded on the bloody internet. Somewhere out there, in this green and pleasant land, he has a family who are suffering from a grief that would beggar belief. And what are we doing? Rushing to Manchester to adopt a dog.

 

We need an event that changes our priorities. Which is why I’m wondering what would happen if an actor dressed up in black robes and stood in a desert somewhere, mimicking Jihadi John. And then, on camera, shot a dog.

 

Tragically, that would cause the nation to choke on its cornflakes. It’d get us on the streets. It’d cause us to stop worrying about a celeb’s side boob.

 

And who knows? We might even start supporting any action that would bring the real murderer to justice.

[trousers]

This odd situation reminds me somewhat of Maggie Thatcher - the records show that she won three General Elections, but nowadays no one admits to ever voting for her!

 

Ahem.... Not quite "no one"

[Batman]

I like top gear. Take it for what it is. The specials over the years have been outstanding.

[Sour Mash]

I like top gear. Take it for what it is. The specials over the years have been outstanding.

Loads of people love it the world over, it's a massively popular programme and a great success for the BBC.

[Lorne Malvo]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/motoring/top-gear/11137879/Jeremy-Clarkson-stoned-as-Top-Gear-crew-abandon-cars-and-flee-Argentina.html

[CHAPEL END CHARLIE]

Top Gear must be a anathema to the BBC top brass. Unlike virtually every other programme the corporation produces it positivity revels in it's rejection of political correctness. Any concern for environmental issues is well concealed as Clarkson power slides the latest ridiculous 500 bhp sports car around the track. For that matter it's presenters are all white middle aged men, which is definitely a 'no-no' in a world that demands that at least half of them (yes 1.5 people) should be a disabled black lesbian.

 

I suspect there are many at the Beeb who would love to see the programme canned because it goes against everything they stand for. I further suspect that these faceless execs are behind much of the negative publicity Top Gear is attracting in the press - it may well be that this covert campaign to 'get Clarkson' will prove to be successful before very long.

 

And they'll be wrong because Top Gear, for all its failings, is loved by millions around the world preciously because it is so gloriously immature, outdated and irrelevant. It will be a sad day when the BBC decides that it can find no room any longer for Top Gear - afterall the founding purpose of this organisation was supposed to be to inform, educate and entertain was it not?

[Patrick Bateman]

If Jeremy Clarkson was a passenger in a long car journey, he'd be the pube-headed kid in the back, pushing his knees into the driver's seat, just enough to annoy, just restrained enough not to turn the car into a mangled wreck. This is what you love and adore.

 

Simple button pushing to please simple-minded masses.

 

I don't think I've ever come across any as self-righteous as you come over.

 

Maybe some of us, after a long week at work, want to get home and spend some time with our families watching "simple-minded" TV that we find entertaining?

 

Jesus.

[pap]

I don't think I've ever come across any as self-righteous as you come over.

 

Maybe some of us, after a long week at work, want to get home and spend some time with our families watching "simple-minded" TV that we find entertaining?

 

Jesus.

 

Fk me mate, what do you do in the week that makes Jeremy Clarkson entertaining?

 

Testing anal dildos for people with splinter fetishes?

[Patrick Bateman]

Fk me mate, what do you do in the week that makes Jeremy Clarkson entertaining?

 

Testing anal dildos for people with splinter fetishes?

 

I'm not your "mate".

[pap]

I'm not your "mate".

 

That's nice, but it's not an answer to the question.

 

Seriously, if you want to use one of your 2800+ posts to come on here and tell me I'm self righteous, when the text evidently shows me having an articulate laugh about the many failings of your favourite blokey-bloke, Jezza, that's your right, as is your gratuituous second post that proclaims that we're not mates.

 

When speaking to the grandchildren, you can let them know that one day, years ago, you used to be a brilliant academic that was so good you could mount a cogent defence for Jeremy Clarkson.

 

But for fúck's sake, don't show them this thread as proof.

[Patrick Bateman]

That's nice, but it's not an answer to the question.

 

Seriously, if you want to use one of your 2800+ posts to come on here and tell me I'm self righteous, when the text evidently shows me having an articulate laugh about the many failings of your favourite blokey-bloke, Jezza, that's your right, as is your gratuituous second post that proclaims that we're not mates.

 

When speaking to the grandchildren, you can let them know that one day, years ago, you used to be a brilliant academic that was so good you could mount a cogent defence for Jeremy Clarkson.

 

But for fúck's sake, don't show them this thread as proof.

 

Seriously, you're boring, do one.

[pap]

Seriously, you're boring, do one.

 

2034:

 

Grandad PB: 'And then kids, I was like "Seriously, you're boring, do one"'

 

Kids: "Mum. Can we go to our other grandad's please? This one's shít. We think he's seen too much Jeremy Clarkson and has turned out witless"

[Hatch]

I like Top Gear , it entertains me, exactly what I expect from a TV program. And I don't even like cars.

 

I don't give a sh^t that Clarkson offends people, I spend half my life doing that myself anyway.

[pap]

"Big man" Jezza fleeing Argentina in terror.

 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/motoring/top-gear/11137879/Jeremy-Clarkson-stoned-as-Top-Gear-crew-abandon-cars-and-flee-Argentina.html

 

Wha? They didn't appreciate your accidentally bought numberplate? Wah!

[Batman]

pretty sad that a number plate causes a riot

[pap]

pretty sad that a number plate causes a riot

 

Probably number plate + a bit of rousing the locals through publicity. I'm sure it'll make for GREAT tv, and wasn't engineered one fkn bit.

[benjii]

The sad thing is that Pap thinks he gets stick for his maverick, out-there opinions; because he's a free-thinker who just can't be pinned down.

 

But no. It's because he's an odious, verbose, supercillious narcissist, dripping with self-satisfaction and remarkably free of self-awareness.

 

Clarkson's a knob. But he knows it. And he's got a great job.

[pap]

The sad thing is that Pap thinks he gets stick for his maverick, out-there opinions; because he's a free-thinker who just can't be pinned down.

 

But no. It's because he's an odious, verbose, supercillious narcissist, dripping with self-satisfaction and remarkably free of self-awareness.

 

Clarkson's a knob. But he knows it. And he's got a great job.

 

That is an uncharacteristically top quality set of insults.

 

Did you go cap in hand to your mum again, begging for cash to hire professional writers?

[Bearsy]

Local councillor Juan Manuel Romano said the digits 269 on the number plate of the Ford Mustang Mustang Richard Hammond was driving were close to the 255 Britons killed during the 1982 war. He added that the numbers 646 on James May's Lotus could be taken as a reference to the 649 Argentinian casualties.

 

hmm

[pap]

hmm

 

F982 FLK

1982 Falklands

 

As with many other things, own goal that didn't need scoring - although I agree that your quoted bit is tenuous.

[Bearsy]

oh gotcha, the 982 thing didn't occur to me tbh!

[CHAPEL END CHARLIE]

Probably number plate + a bit of rousing the locals through publicity. I'm sure it'll make for GREAT tv, and wasn't engineered one fkn bit.

 

If you hate Top Gear so very much then why don't you try tuning the TV over to another channel ... god knows there is plenty of choice out there now. For instance I can't abide Big Brother, Strictly Come Dancing and bloody Eastenders - but I'm not on here moaning about them constantly because I understand that many others like them so their popularity justifies their existence - cue the usual 'but bear baiting & public hanging were popular' false analogies.

 

This is akin to a TV version of democracy - if many millions of people vote with their remote controls to watch a programme because they are obviously entertained by it, then producers should probably keep on making it while that level of popularity endures.

 

Now come back on here and tell me that the real reason you dislike Clarkson so has nothing to do with the fact that he's from the political right, while you obviously are not.

[Batman]

Probably number plate + a bit of rousing the locals through publicity. I'm sure it'll make for GREAT tv, and wasn't engineered one fkn bit.

 

still, pretty sad, what are your thoughts on the violence by the locals over a number plate?

[pap]

If you hate Top Gear so very much then why don't you try tuning the TV over to another channel ... god knows there is plenty of choice out there now. For instance I can't abide Big Brother, Strictly Come Dancing and bloody Eastenders - but I'm not on here moaning about them constantly because I understand that many others like them so their popularity justifies their existence - cue the usual 'but bear baiting & public hanging were popular' false analogies.

 

This is akin to a TV version of democracy - if many millions of people vote with their remote controls to watch a programme because they are obviously entertained by it, then producers should probably keep on making it while that level of popularity endures.

 

Now come back on here and tell me that the real reason you dislike Clarkson so has nothing to do with the fact that he's from the political right, while you obviously are not.

 

I love the simplicity of your mind, man. I write a series of diatribes saying exactly why I don't like him, but you come up with the emboldened anyway.

 

It's obviously not too busy at the weekends. You should consider hiring it out.

[pap]

still, pretty sad, what are your thoughts on the violence by the locals over a number plate?

 

Poorly implemented. They didn't get him.

[Batman]

Poorly implemented. They didn't get him.

 

do you not think it was way OTT over a number plate?

[Whitey Grandad]

do you not think it was way OTT over a number plate?

 

Of course it was, but what was the point of the whole exercise? Taking British cars to Argentina always had the potential to be problematic. I would have thought that when you are visiting a distant country with whom we had been at war in recent times then you should act with respect for the local sensitivities at all times and not go looking for trouble. Why didn't they just hire an Argentinian car in the first place?

[pap]

do you not think it was way OTT over a number plate?

 

Pompey fans threw rocks at my missus and kids in Southampton once (aged 5 and 1 at the time). She's not a Sotonian, and wasn't driving around in a motor with "Fuk Pmpy" written on it. That was over the top.

 

Of course it was, but what was the point of the whole exercise? Taking British cars to Argentina always had the potential to be problematic. I would have thought that when you are visiting a distant country with whom we had been at war in recent times then you should act with respect for the local sensitivities at all times and not go looking for trouble. Why didn't they just hire an Argentinian car in the first place?

 

Exactly.

[Batman]

Pompey fans threw rocks at my missus and kids in Southampton once (aged 5 and 1 at the time). She's not a Sotonian, and wasn't driving around in a motor with "Fuk Pmpy" written on it. That was over the top.

 

 

 

Exactly.

 

So, the violence was fully justified?

 

fair doos

[The Cat]

Is there any footage of this violence or is it another part of the story exaggerated to make better press and get people talking about Top Gear?

 

FWIW I don't like cars or Clarkson so unsurprisingly don't watch Top Gear. I also never buy Murdoch newspapers. The only time I come across him is when people are wittering on about him here.

[pap]

So, the violence was fully justified?

 

fair doos

You'll have to show me your satnav because sometimes, I'm not sure how you get from one place to the other.

 

The violence was not fully justified but it is explainable. I doubt that either of us fully appreciates the depth of feeling in Argentina over the Falklands.

 

I've seen the Argentinian arguments and i'm not convinced myself, but you should never underestimate the power of propaganda on a worked up mob.

 

Depending on how cynical you are, Top Gear producers either underestimated the response or played it to a tee.

[Batman]

You'll have to show me your satnav because sometimes, I'm not sure how you get from one place to the other.

 

The violence was not fully justified but it is explainable. I doubt that either of us fully appreciates the depth of feeling in Argentina over the Falklands.

 

I've seen the Argentinian arguments and i'm not convinced myself, but you should never underestimate the power of propaganda on a worked up mob.

 

Depending on how cynical you are top gear producers either underestimated the response or played it to a tee.

 

F892 FLK

 

i get it. it was over 30 years ago

 

you would be going mental if half educated 20-something white males, smashed up a car with 'ISIS' driven by a brown man through bermondsey

 

because it is Clarkson. it seems a bit more fair game

[pap]

i get it. it was over 30 years ago

 

you would be going mental if half educated 20-something white males, smashed up a car with 'ISIS' driven by a brown man through bermondsey

 

because it is Clarkson. it seems a bit more fair game

 

Your short fiction needs a bit of editing. I get the general gist, that people only care about the causes they're interested in. Have you ever considered how you can flip that like a burger? The charge can always be thrown back. It's just not worth pointing out because it's fúcking obvious.

[pap]

Is there any footage of this violence or is it another part of the story exaggerated to make better press and get people talking about Top Gear?

 

FWIW I don't like cars or Clarkson so unsurprisingly don't watch Top Gear. I also never buy Murdoch newspapers. The only time I come across him is when people are wittering on about him here.

 

I'm expecting something akin to the collapse of Havana in Godfather 2 going by the reports.

 

I apologise for my part in keeping Clarkson on your radar.

[Whitey Grandad]

So, the violence was fully justified?

 

fair doos

 

Not to us, but 'tis the nature of the beast.

Edited 4 October, 2014 by Whitey Grandad

[CHAPEL END CHARLIE]

I love the simplicity of your mind, man. I write a series of diatribes saying exactly why I don't like him, but you come up with the emboldened anyway.

 

It's obviously not too busy at the weekends. You should consider hiring it out.

 

You seem unusually 'tired and emotional' today my friend.

 

Wrong side of the bed, PMT, or is it finding yourself on the wrong side of yet another argument?

[pap]

You seem unusually 'tired and emotional' today my friend.

 

Wrong side of the bed, PMT, or is it finding yourself on the wrong side of yet another argument?

 

Ah Charlie, have you learned nothing?

 

Being on the wrong side of an argument is my favourite place to be

 

Good to see you've woven a bit of the ol' sexism into the Victorian Dad archetype. It's really coming along.

 

[View From The Top]

That is an uncharacteristically top quality set of insults.

 

Did you go cap in hand to your mum again, begging for cash to hire professional writers?

 

[CHAPEL END CHARLIE]

Ha! Like it.

 

It least after some pretty nasty replies you seem to have recovered your sense of humour.

[View From The Top]

You seem unusually 'tired and emotional' today my friend.

 

Wrong side of the bed, PMT, or is it finding yourself on the wrong side of yet another argument?

 

Pap can be a right knoob at times but he's laid out in simple terms why he dislikes Clarkson so don't be surprised when you are shot down for making up something that has no basis in the facts laid out in front of you.

[CHAPEL END CHARLIE]

Pap can be a right knoob at times but he's laid out in simple terms why he dislikes Clarkson so don't be surprised when you are shot down for making up something that has no basis in the facts laid out in front of you.

 

I was shot down?

 

Two insurance claims in a month are DEFINITELY going to make me persona non grata at AXA

[pap]

Ha! Like it.

 

It least after some pretty nasty replies you seem to have recovered your sense of humour.

 

"Never start a fight. Always be prepared to finish it", Captain John Sheridan's old man in Babylon 5.

 

Words to live by. My posts will show that I'm prepared to give anyone's point of view a fair crack of the whip if they're being reasonable, even former foes, including you.

 

What reply did you expect from your post? "Oh yeah, you're right there, Charlie. I hate Clarkson because he's a Tory. I'd never really considered that angle before. I was too busy laying down my precise pet hates."

 

Pap can be a right knoob at times but he's laid out in simple terms why he dislikes Clarkson so don't be surprised when you are shot down for making up something that has no basis in the facts laid out in front of you.

 

Agree with all of the above.

 

Not self-aware, my arse

[CHAPEL END CHARLIE]

Okay then.

 

Pap has told us that his deep dislike of Clarkson has nothing to do with the man's politics (which coincidently just happen to be the polar opposite of his own) and everything to do with the nature of the appalling programme he fronts.

 

I would like to publicly thank the Papster for this clarification and express how glad I am that this important question has been cleared up so succinctly.

[pap]

Okay then.

 

Pap has told us that his deep dislike of Clarkson has nothing to do with the man's politics (which coincidently just happen to be the polar opposite of his own) and everything to do with the nature of the appalling programme he fronts.

 

I would like to publicly thank the Papster for this clarification and express how glad I am that this important question has been cleared up so succinctly.

 

And benjii calls me supercilious.

 

If that's what you've derived from your dig into my detail, there's no helping you.

[View From The Top]

And benjii calls me supercilious.

 

 

TBF though he probably had to borrow that word from his mum as well.

[CHAPEL END CHARLIE]

TBF though he probably had to borrow that word from his mum as well.

 

I'm happy to accept the 'super' bit, but rather less pleased with being described as 'cilious'. Indeed you will both be hearing from my team of lawyers as soon as the small matter of a bent Lexus is cleared up.

[TopGun]

PAp you certainly do have a problem with clarkson.

 

is it becuase he has a different political ideology to yours by any chance?

 

Also read the Mirror story more closely

 

Clarkson didnt buy the car etc etc and it has been used since 1991 with those number plates

 

 

The Mirror can confirm that Top Gear bought the Porsche in August 2014. The car's numberplate is the original one which has been used on the car since 1991.

 

 

Also Pap are you on the campaign group that considers Tom and Jerry as being racist by any chance

 

Amazon has put a racism disclaimer on its series of “Tom and Jerry” cartoons. Critics say this is “empty-headed” and “PC madness.”

 

I'd hazard a guess that the number plate was known or discovered to be extant on an old porsche, of all things, setting up an innocent looking challenge of driving three old mid-range super cars through South America including Argentina. I'd also guess that some unwitting leak took place to galvanise a load of Argentinians into action.

Edited 4 October, 2014 by TopGun

[aintforever]

This sort of thing will only make Clarkson more popular.

 

Winding up a bunch of Argie c*nts is classic Top Gear.

[St Chalet]

Have to say I have always fancied a 928 Porsche since an episode of Streethawk. Also happens to be the Chase HQ car for arcade fans.