Whitey Grandad Posted 12 April, 2014 Share Posted 12 April, 2014 Dirty dishes in sink Not cleaning as you go Lack of organisation And the good points? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Sanchez Posted 12 April, 2014 Share Posted 12 April, 2014 Ha Ha lots. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 12 April, 2014 Share Posted 12 April, 2014 Ha Ha lots. Very glad to hear it. Grandma and I have been together since we first me in 1966 when we were both still sixteen. When we look back over a life spent together there has been very little to complain about on my part but she has had to put up with me. I wouldn't have had it any other way. Two children and seven grandchildren later and physically you wouldn't recognise us from photographs of when we were eighteen but inside we're still a couple of kids in love. The only problem I have is trying to convince her that we're both on the same side, she can sometimes see things as a competition between us. The longer you stick together the more you realise that you have invested in life, and the more that you have to lose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saint in Paradise Posted 13 April, 2014 Share Posted 13 April, 2014 My wife is the very worst passenger that I have ever driven. Far to many examples to post here but all I will add is that I was a professional coach, bus and limo driver and tour guide for many years. Oh yes and as soon as I go into the kitchen to start preparing some food she nearly always appears and gets in the bloody way. I suspect though that I annoy her even more than she lets on :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sussexsaint Posted 13 April, 2014 Share Posted 13 April, 2014 Honest to god true story. Was looking after an old boy of 98 who was dying in our local cottage hospital. At his bedside was his constantly adoring wife of 96 and they had been childhood sweethearts. I'd heard all about their lives over the weeks. On one occasion when she had gone home I asked him what the secret of a long and happy marriage was. ' you really want to know boy ?' 'Course I do Bill, don't we all ? ' He beckoned me close ' don't get caught son', and winked I was speechless at the time as I really wasn't expecting it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted 13 April, 2014 Share Posted 13 April, 2014 Honest to god true story. Was looking after an old boy of 98 who was dying in our local cottage hospital. At his bedside was his constantly adoring wife of 96 and they had been childhood sweethearts. I'd heard all about their lives over the weeks. On one occasion when she had gone home I asked him what the secret of a long and happy marriage was. ' you really want to know boy ?' 'Course I do Bill, don't we all ? ' He beckoned me close ' don't get caught son', and winked I was speechless at the time as I really wasn't expecting it :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upwind Posted 14 April, 2014 Share Posted 14 April, 2014 Many of the above. I also get chapter and verse on work collegues and their 'issues'..... I don't, and never will give a ****..... She insists on telling me plans when I'm ****ed and then reminds me about them a couple of days before the event is happening - when I've already made other plans..... We also have a 'magic' washing up bowl which she always manages to fill (using most of the kitchen utensils) whilst making an easy soup and a sarnie meal........ it then sits there festering until I wash-up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wurzel Posted 14 April, 2014 Share Posted 14 April, 2014 So pleased to discover this thread. All my concerns re marital bliss (lack of) are vanquished, seems we are quite normal after all. Your views would be appreciated - are washing up and drying up* separate jobs or should they be done by same person at the same time? Talking old school hands in the bowl, not dishwasher here. *Whilst we are at it what's most hygienic way of drying up. Her method, drying it all whilst wet by wiping it with an ever increasingly damp tea towel spreading germs from one item to the next, or a quick pour boiled water from kettle over it on draining board, let it air dry, put away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 14 April, 2014 Share Posted 14 April, 2014 So pleased to discover this thread. All my concerns re marital bliss (lack of) are vanquished, seems we are quite normal after all. Your views would be appreciated - are washing up and drying up* separate jobs or should they be done by same person at the same time? Talking old school hands in the bowl, not dishwasher here. *Whilst we are at it what's most hygienic way of drying up. Her method, drying it all whilst wet by wiping it with an ever increasingly damp tea towel spreading germs from one item to the next, or a quick pour boiled water from kettle over it on draining board, let it air dry, put away. Get a dishwasher, preferably one under 30 with big knockers so you can watch when it's being filled and emptied. Don't stay in the kitchen too long though or you might get roped in to do something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNSUN Posted 14 April, 2014 Share Posted 14 April, 2014 Ooh I had a driving one today, although it was with the missus I suppose it could happen with anyone. "Is anything coming your side?" "No, clear." I go to pull out. "Wait, I meant after the next car." Fkin say that then! I'm sure something similar happened with the two planes that crashed on the Tarmac in Tenerife in the 70s. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 14 April, 2014 Share Posted 14 April, 2014 Ooh I had a driving one today, although it was with the missus I suppose it could happen with anyone. "Is anything coming your side?" "No, clear." I go to pull out. "Wait, I meant after the next car." Fkin say that then! I'm sure something similar happened with the two planes that crashed on the Tarmac in Tenerife in the 70s. Don't worry, it would have hit her first Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNSUN Posted 14 April, 2014 Share Posted 14 April, 2014 Don't worry, it would have hit her first I was more worried about the car! :-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rshephard3 Posted 14 April, 2014 Share Posted 14 April, 2014 Mrs ecuk268 is never ready on time whereas I always leave loads of time to get anywhere. I've resorted to saying that "we need to leave at 11.45" when I really mean 12.00 but I think that she rumbled that one years ago. She did admit this morning when she was rushing off to work that, even if she didn't go to bed at all, she still wouldn't be ready in the morning. Glad I'm not the only one. The only upside is that, when we plan to leave the house around 8pm I normally have time to watch the first half of an evening kick off (in my coat with my shoes on). Pistorius took things too far though. IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcjwills Posted 14 April, 2014 Share Posted 14 April, 2014 Get a dishwasher, preferably one under 30 with big knockers so you can watch when it's being filled and emptied. Don't stay in the kitchen too long though or you might get roped in to do something. A simple lovingly tell her that your not biologically equipped for that job as it is woman's work. She will adore you forever ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Duckhunter Posted 15 April, 2014 Share Posted 15 April, 2014 Mrs Duck has the annoying habit of starting any nag with "whose done x" when she knows full well its me. "Oh, who loaded the dishwasher like that " , "who put recycling in the normal bin", seeing as the brats do **** all round the house and it wasn't her, who else would it be, the ****ing milkman? She also has an annoying habit of asking me to do something I was going to do anyway, which then becomes a battle . Sunday I was going to mow lawn and she went of to work with a "can you mow the lawn, im sick of looking at it in that state, you do nothing round here, blah,blah,blah". So I thought "**** this, I ain't doing it now". If she hadn't of nagged , it would have been done. I keep telling her , dont say anything and more will get done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SO16_Saint Posted 15 April, 2014 Share Posted 15 April, 2014 Money. The only thing we argue (and it's not really arguing) is about money. Essentially, shes good at budgeting and spending my money and I'm always the one who spends a crucial fiver at mc donalds that has the potential to tip us over the edge on to the poverty line. Oh, another thing. She likes a good argument now and again, but due to the fact that im shyt at arguing, I never do it....I just let her fester in her own anger and come back a while later once shes done. Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 15 April, 2014 Share Posted 15 April, 2014 Oh, another thing. She likes a good argument now and again, but due to the fact that im shyt at arguing, I never do it....I just let her fester in her own anger and come back a while later once shes done. Women hate it when you don't argue back. They'll come back with comments like: 'Don't you care? Does it mean nothing to you?' Just sit there, don't look too smug, and say to yourself: 'I am a rock, the sea flows over me and flows back again. I am a tree, I bend with the wind and spring back up again. I shall survive'. Never try to debate the issue with them logically, they don't deal in logic and if you ever prove that you're right then you'll be wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 15 April, 2014 Share Posted 15 April, 2014 She also has an annoying habit of asking me to do something I was going to do anyway, which then becomes a battle . Sunday I was going to mow lawn and she went of to work with a "can you mow the lawn, im sick of looking at it in that state, you do nothing round here, blah,blah,blah". So I thought "**** this, I ain't doing it now". If she hadn't of nagged , it would have been done. I keep telling her , dont say anything and more will get done. They never get this, do they? You have to demonstrate that you're not henpecked. One tactic is to tell them at the start of the day what you might get round to doing later, but don't ever be too definite about it or they'll never let you forget it. Just let them know that it's your idea, not their's. Do you get comments like 'You've left all that stuff lying around'? I always answer: 'I haven't left it, I just haven't put it away yet'. 'Are you going to leave that there?' Yeah, I though I might. I didn't think you'd notice amongst all the shoes and handbags kicking around the floor. The one that really upsets me is 'Nobody ever puts anything away' or 'Nobody ever helps me'. There's usually only two of us here but I never know who she's talking about. It's just as well I'm tolerant and mild-mannered. We Cancerians are like that. Thick-skinned and don't show our emotions. Women, eh, what would you do with 'em? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pap Posted 15 April, 2014 Author Share Posted 15 April, 2014 Arf, Lord D and Whitey G. I like ms pap's subtle use of "would you like to", employed when she wants to make some onerous job more attractive. "Would you like to clean the kitchen?" Err, no. Just tell me to clean the f**king kitchen. I don't want to do it, but I can do it a lot faster if I'm not deciphering coded messages Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bucks Saint Posted 15 April, 2014 Share Posted 15 April, 2014 Always putting her (not very clean) shoes on by the front door, just before heading out, and only then stopping to think what she needs to take with her. Cue searching the house for keys, lipstick, phones, coat etc. Takes her 10 minutes to finally get everything, while I stand there ready to leave. Oh, and she still has her fecking shoes on. You want new carpet? Do one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bucks Saint Posted 15 April, 2014 Share Posted 15 April, 2014 Please do not get me started on my cheating two-timing lying ***** of a soon to be ex-wife I feel your pain, but it does get much better Bob. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Duckhunter Posted 15 April, 2014 Share Posted 15 April, 2014 I remember an occasion when Mrs Duck totally lost it with me. After a particularly heavy and long Sunday lunchtime session I rolled in about 2130 to the silent treatment. This was followed by plenty of banging around, deliberate use of the hoover whilst I'm attempting some shut eye on the sofa and other assorted women mood things. Eventually I said "what's up with you", to which came the reply "what do you think". Quick as a flash I said " well it cant be anything I've done, as I haven't been here" needless to say she didn't see the joke . I did get some shut eye on the sofa, a whole nights worth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upwind Posted 15 April, 2014 Share Posted 15 April, 2014 I get nagged/pecked for for loads of things but here are just a few..........biting my nails, scratching my nuts in company, picking my feet, swearing inapproriately...... at inappropriate times, not listening, rolling my eyes, talking under my breath, being sarcastic, not buying flowers and/or forgetting important dates, critcising her cooking/clothing/weight retention/make-up/driving ability, not having enough patience, not showing sympathy when she is ill, giving her 'love-bites' on her forehead, feeding her dog wine/chocs/nuts etc, not watering plant things, missing the toilet, not putting the seat down after missing the toilet, damp towel issues.............. are a few, there are a others - I'm sure there are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timayes Posted 15 April, 2014 Share Posted 15 April, 2014 I like tidy, she claims to like clean - however, she cannot for the life of her see how keeping things tidy helps to keep things clean. She cannot put things away. Anything. For example shopping. Whatever it is, it comes home, clothes etc, stay in the carrier bag and sit either on the stairs or in the sh!t tip that is her side of the bedroom. Food, gets put on the kitchen worktop, removed from the bag and left on the worktop. Post, gets opened, read, and then put back into the envelope and then left on the hallway table. Things do not ever get put away. With me, food goes into the cupboard, fridge etc, clothes get put in the wardrobe and post gets sorted, filed or binned as appropriate. Stuff that can go into the dishwasher doesn't ever get put in there. Unless I do it. mugs, are put into the sink, plates put into the sink - you would have thought that after 40 years a female could learn what goes into the dishwasher can go straight into it, and what doesn't, doesn't. But the most annoying thing of all, is the fact that her mother is exactly the same, so I know that I have an absolute cat in hells chance of changing her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 15 April, 2014 Share Posted 15 April, 2014 feeding her dog chocs She is correct about this, don't do it, the dog will die. Carry on regardless with the rest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thefunkygibbons Posted 15 April, 2014 Share Posted 15 April, 2014 Music I will happily leave any number of classical music CDs on for hours But anything of mine gets 3 seconds, if I am lucky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergei Gotsmanov Posted 15 April, 2014 Share Posted 15 April, 2014 I always try to avoid confrontation and head straight to the spare room. Its a home from home now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcjwills Posted 15 April, 2014 Share Posted 15 April, 2014 I remember an occasion when Mrs Duck totally lost it with me. After a particularly heavy and long Sunday lunchtime session I rolled in about 2130 to the silent treatment. This was followed by plenty of banging around, deliberate use of the hoover whilst I'm attempting some shut eye on the sofa and other assorted women mood things. Eventually I said "what's up with you", to which came the reply "what do you think". Quick as a flash I said " well it cant be anything I've done, as I haven't been here" needless to say she didn't see the joke . I did get some shut eye on the sofa, a whole nights worth. Respect for the " well it cant be anything I've done, as I haven't been here" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonnyboy Posted 15 April, 2014 Share Posted 15 April, 2014 I'm finding it quite amusing the contradicting stories that indicate us men and women aren't really that different. Apart from driving. Women are cvnting shyte drivers FFS!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pap Posted 15 April, 2014 Author Share Posted 15 April, 2014 I always try to avoid confrontation and head straight to the spare room. Its a home from home now. I have two man caves now. This is a potentially worrying omen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pap Posted 15 April, 2014 Author Share Posted 15 April, 2014 I'm finding it quite amusing the contradicting stories that indicate us men and women aren't really that different. Apart from driving. Women are cvnting shyte drivers FFS!!! I kept this gender neutral for a purpose. My overall take is that anyone viewed up close is subjectively mental. We're just crazy in different ways. ms pap is a pain in the metaphorical arse sometimes, but I know she says the same of me. I think it's the "mental you can handle" that defines successful relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Duckhunter Posted 15 April, 2014 Share Posted 15 April, 2014 I think mrs pap must be totally devoted to you or mentally unstable. Any women who travels half way across Liverpool to meet Bazza must be special. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goatboy Posted 16 April, 2014 Share Posted 16 April, 2014 I think mrs pap must be totally devoted to you or mentally unstable. Any women who travels half way across Liverpool to meet Bazza must be special. Or for sale. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bad Bob Posted 16 April, 2014 Share Posted 16 April, 2014 I always try to avoid confrontation and head straight to the spare room. Its a home from home now. I avoid confrontation by not saying anything, but then that drives her madder....can't win. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CB Saint Posted 16 April, 2014 Share Posted 16 April, 2014 Or for sale. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 16 April, 2014 Share Posted 16 April, 2014 One of my wife's ancestors used to have a butcher's shop in North Hampshire. In 1893 the pub next door caught fire and his shop was burnt down with it. Luckily his insurance covered his mortgage so he wasn't out of pocket but he no longer had a business and eventually went bankrupt. The judge asked him to what he attributed his downfall and his answer was: 'A change of circumstances, and a wife whose expectations exceeded my ability to fulfil them'. You have been warned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pap Posted 16 April, 2014 Author Share Posted 16 April, 2014 Or for sale. Classy, boys. You must let me know the names of your respective finishing schools. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Duckhunter Posted 16 April, 2014 Share Posted 16 April, 2014 I had a conversation with the Mrs last night that shows what strange creatures they are. Whilst discussing the season ticket prices and the rise, she came out with a really stupid suggestion. Its so stupid that I'm not sure I should post it as people will think I'm married to a bimbo. She had the ridiculous idea that I could soften the blow of the rise by drinking less before the game , meaning the day out would, in effect, cost the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Secret Site Agent Posted 16 April, 2014 Share Posted 16 April, 2014 Ok here is mine. Mrs SSA: the toilet is doing that thing again where it wont stop flushing. You need to do something as it's wasting water and we aren't made of money. I thought you had sorted it last time. Me: Ok i'll just get my tools and have a look. I think it's just the plunger sticking on the side of the cistern again. It;ll take two minutes. Mrs SSA: we can't be wasting water and I don't think it is healthy either. You need to sort it out. It's not just the flsushing but the noise too. Me: I'm just getting my tools. Mrs SSA: I don't know why it does it, it shouldn't you know. The old one didn't do it. I hate to think how much money we waste. You need to get it done. I preferred the handle thingy, as the button ones are stupid. I reckon the quick flush uses the same amount of water. Me: One uses 3 litres, the big flush uses 6 litres. Mrs SSA:So what's the point of that.How stupid. Who's stupid idea is it anyway. It's probably just a money making scheme. Me: Bruce Thompson. He was an Aussie. Mrs SSA: Don't call me sarkie. Me: I said AUSSIE. One uses 3 litres for wee wee, the other uses 6 litres for poos. Mrs SSA: The little one is ok for both in my mind. The big one is a waste. And when it just keeps flushing and wasting water, we're wasting money. You have to fix it, we can't afford to waste money. Me: I'm fixing it now. There I was right, the plunger housing is pushing on the side of the cistern tank. Mrs SSA: I still don't see why we couldn't keep the old one. Me: The old one used too much water. Water equals money as you just said. Mrs SSA: Shut up. Don't have a go at me. Me: i'm not, I'm just saying. Mrs SSA: How much. Me: What? Mrs SSA: How much water. Me: The old one, about 15 litres. This one, is 6 maximum. Mrs SSA: How much is that then? me: 15 lites is 15 of the small pints of milk. 6 is obviously 6 pints of milk. Mrs SSA: Don't take the mickey. Me: It's fixed now. Mrs SSA: Good, it's about time you sorted it, because when the toilet is doing that thing again where it wont stop flushing, it's wasting water and we aren't made of money. I thought you had sorted it last time, you had better sorted it now, because when the toilet is doing that thing again where it wont stop flushing, it's wasting water wasting money . I get the point. I got it the first time she said it. Women, Can't live with them, can't murder them either for the insurence money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 16 April, 2014 Share Posted 16 April, 2014 that was great SSA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeShmoe Posted 16 April, 2014 Share Posted 16 April, 2014 5 days ago : Tells me about her sister or dad or whoever coming over at some point in the next few days - right in the middle of the football. Rather than one clear simple statement of fact this is said in about 500 words.Mumbled yes but wasn't really listening 5 days - 1 day ago: Tells me a hundred other things about whats happening, coming up, where the kids need to be, jobs i need to do etc Today: Asks me if i remember who is coming over and at what time. I have absolutely no idea so have to try and blag. She gets humpty Repeat this constantly for 15 years Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CB Saint Posted 16 April, 2014 Share Posted 16 April, 2014 Classy, boys. You must let me know the names of your respective finishing schools. Sorry pap, no offence intended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Secret Site Agent Posted 16 April, 2014 Share Posted 16 April, 2014 that was great SSA Thanks Bearsy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pap Posted 16 April, 2014 Author Share Posted 16 April, 2014 Thanks Bearsy I enjoyed it too mush, and have many a conversation like that in our house. I reckon ms pap has only ever provided about 2 years of original conversation content over a 20 year period. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 16 April, 2014 Share Posted 16 April, 2014 I enjoyed it too mush, and have many a conversation like that in our house. I reckon ms pap has only ever provided about 2 years of original conversation content over a 20 year period. A 20 year period!!! You have my deepest sympathies, and respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperMikey Posted 16 April, 2014 Share Posted 16 April, 2014 Is it a bit odd that I have these exact same annoyances but with my housemate rather than a partner? I think we might be a bit too close.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now