Pap Investigates

[Tokyo-Saint]

Where next in the exciting world of 'Pap Investigates'?

 

Having successfully cracked the case of 'is Barry a completely separate cock from dune or the same appendage?', where next for agent Pap? This man will stop at nothing to get to the truth. He will travel, wait in seedy bars for sweaty men and even bring family members along on stake outs.

 

Possible future missions

 

Is Sarb from Hounslow really Simon from Weybridge/Dibden Purlieu?

 

Who is goat boy, why does he know so much and why does he love goats?

 

Is Bearsy really a bear from the Birmingham gay scene or is this just a cover story?

 

What happened to Justice Mike and is Milf hunter spudders trapped in the same place?

 

Is Turkish really a founder member of Right Said Fred or is this just a cover story?

 

Will Bletch ever stop the word games?

 

This is for the people to decide. We could have a poll but the mods never come on here. Bear could do a survey but he'd only bugger it up again, so instead just post you vote/idea below.

 

Agent Pap is ready!

 

[Goatboy]

Which part of Portsmouth is GS from?

[pap]

It's very kind of you to offer my services like this Tokyo. however, what with the computer programming, conspiracy theories, interest in history, and of course the recent Barry investigation, I'm temporarily miffed with the old investigations and am looking to spread my wings.

 

I quite fancy a few years as a dastardly criminal mastermind. However there were no vacancies in Thursday's Echo and I don't see any positions listed on jobsites either.

 

This country.

[KelvinsRightGlove]

It's very kind of you to offer my services like this Tokyo. however, what with the computer programming, conspiracy theories, interest in history, and of course the recent Barry investigation, I'm temporarily miffed with the old investigations and am looking to spread my wings.

 

I quite fancy a few years as a dastardly criminal mastermind. However there were no vacancies in Thursday's Echo and I don't see any positions listed on jobsites either.

 

This country.

 

I blame the EU.

 

Bloody Polish/Romanians/Carlos Kickballs etc taking all the Criminal Mastermind jobs from this country.

 

[Tokyo-Saint]

It's very kind of you to offer my services like this Tokyo. however, what with the computer programming, conspiracy theories, interest in history, and of course the recent Barry investigation, I'm temporarily miffed with the old investigations and am looking to spread my wings.

 

I quite fancy a few years as a dastardly criminal mastermind. However there were no vacancies in Thursday's Echo and I don't see any positions listed on jobsites either.

 

This country.

 

You'll do what you are told or we will make you meet Barry again!

[pap]

You'll do what you are told or we will make you meet Barry again!

 

Being part of a cover-up might be fun. That's the very opposite of investigation. Paying people off, rubbing people out. Why can't I have a holiday?

[Tokyo-Saint]

 

It investigates the posters that we choose and meets them for beer. Or else it gets the hose again.

[Verbal]

As he says, he has no time for other investigations. After the trial and sentencing of the Michaels Adebolajo and Adebowale, he's still trying to work out who killed Lee Rigby. You can't imagine how difficult that is for him.

[pap]

As he says, he has no time for other investigations. After the trial and sentencing of the Michaels Adebolajo and Adebowale, he's still trying to work out who killed Lee Rigby. You can't imagine how difficult that is for him.

 

Investigate the acquisition of a fiver, you peasant.

[Tokyo-Saint]

No don't, it might encourage Ludwig and nobody wants that.

[Spudders]

What happened to Justice Mike and is Milf hunter spudders trapped in the same place?

Justice Mike has turned into Forrest Gump and is now really into running, so he's not got time for forum moderation!

 

I'll be on here a bit more now that I've started the new job and will be working away from home in the week. In fact my evenings will be predominantly devoted to saintswebbing!

[Tokyo-Saint]

Pleased to hear it spud. With this place getting spammed up with lounge stuff, I've actually had to head off to the lounge at times.

[tpbury]

Didn't want to mention on the other thread, but I think Baz may have gripped Pap and his partner. Pap's got to spout the sweet stuff, god knows for how long. He may have even put them into binbags after getting Pap's SWF password (as well as all his bank accounts and more important stuff like Twitter). Bear, this thread should be 'Bearsy Investigates' - think about it, it's a novel idea.

[buctootim]

I'll be on here a bit more now that I've started the new job and will be working away from home in the week. In fact my evenings will be predominantly devoted to saintswebbing!

 

So Spudders, you gave up the Germany job to be near to whatsherface and have taken a job which involves you spending every night in a hotel alone? Gotcha.

[Tokyo-Saint]

It is what they call a 'business bachelor' in Japan Tim.

[Spudders]

So Spudders, you gave up the Germany job to be near to whatsherface and have taken a job which involves you spending every night in a hotel alone? Gotcha.

 

Yeah pretty much. But this job allows me to work from home Fridays & have weekends (and Fridays) with whatsherface, whereas the job in Germany was 4 months away.

[Fowllyd]

Yeah pretty much. But this job allows me to work from home Fridays & have weekends (and Fridays) with whatsherface, whereas the job in Germany was 4 months away.

 

Sounds like an awfully long time to get to Germany to me. You could walk it in less time than that. Are you sure you made the right travel arrangements?

[Tokyo-Saint]

But Monday to Thursday is 'business time'.

 

[pap]

Yeah pretty much. But this job allows me to work from home Fridays & have weekends (and Fridays) with whatsherface, whereas the job in Germany was 4 months away.

 

This reminds me of the old joke.

 

Q: Why do blokes think with their d!cks?

A: Because they haven't got enough blood to service their brains and their hard-ons at the same time.

Edited 5 March, 2014 by pap
Damn swearfilter. Who'd be called D!ck these days?

[dubai_phil]

Hmmm...

 

OK here's one for you Pap. You can investigate the upcoming Gulf War.

 

Saudi & The UAE have gotten all riled up with Qatar. Qatari Journos are being tried in Egypt.

 

This will get you some airmiles, some decent sunshine, AND while you are there you can report on their readiness for the World Cup, why so many Nepalese Labourers are dying AND meet the sub branch of Dubai Saints.

 

http://gulfnews.com/news/gulf/uae/government/uae-saudi-arabia-and-bahrain-recall-their-ambassadors-from-qatar-1.1299586

 

I am sure they'll welcome your questioning brain with open arms while you actually get to the BIGGEST worry we have..........

 

What will happen to the PL TV rights if we go & blow Qatar up?

 

I can get you a really good deal on a flight there at the moment - Ukraine International, nice flight times, only a 7 hour stop over in Kiev each way.

[Tokyo-Saint]

FFS - Pap P.I. save the golf war until the other ones are done. We need to prioritise here.

[shurlock]

Follow the money and papadum crumbs, pap. That's where it always ends up.

 

[pap]

FFS - Pap P.I. save the golf war until the other ones are done. We need to prioritise here.

 

More than anything else, I think Dubai Phil's scheme a bit ambitious for this fledgling enterprise. And a bit deadly.

 

You've got to do what you're good at. At great personal cost to my own repute, I did manage to solve the mystery of Barry Sanchez. Perhaps something in a similar vein, poster-related, is in order.

 

I'd quite like a go at "Why isn't Verbal a full member anymore?". I've heard* some baseless rumours about him living out of bins, robbing people's smartphones and siphoning all the free wifi he can from Starbucks before they are reported stolen. I would like to see if there's anything in them.

 

(* invented myself)

[pap]

Follow the money and papadum crumbs, pap. That's where it always ends up.

 

 

Why they cast a guy who resembles Morgan Freeman and gave his character a phonetically identical surname as his older lookalike is beyond me.

 

Probs my 3rd fave character in the Wire though.

[dubai_phil]

More than anything else, I think Dubai Phil's scheme a bit ambitious for this fledgling enterprise. And a bit deadly.

 

You've got to do what you're good at. At great personal cost to my own repute, I did manage to solve the mystery of Barry Sanchez. Perhaps something in a similar vein, poster-related, is in order.

 

I'd quite like a go at "Why isn't Verbal a full member anymore?". I've heard* some baseless rumours about him living out of bins, robbing people's smartphones and siphoning all the free wifi he can from Starbucks before they are reported stolen. I would like to see if there's anything in them.

 

(* invented myself)

 

Perhaps a more gentle task would be to deliver some Prozac to certain posters to consume during Match Threads?

[Tokyo-Saint]

Ffs Phil, I said realistic tasks. He's not superman

[pap]

Ffs Phil, I said realistic tasks. He's not superman

 

I don't know. Phil's well connected. I'm sure he has a pal who could lend me a helicopter. We'd sweep over terra Austria looking for Alpine Saint armed with a Prozac-dart rifle.

 

That said, if we're going to go to all that trouble, liquid MDMA might be more amusing.

 

What's the story Phil? Do you know someone with an available chopper who ain't too choosy about where it's waved? I'm sure the Glasto crowd can arrange the rest.