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Posted

I just had a banging dump, one of those poos you really need and feel so much better following. Minimal wipeage too.

 

I also love that first sip of a cold pint, especially when you feel you deserve it. (Though this example is less Muppet Show-worthy.)

 

What are your favourite feelings in life?

Posted
Having a p*ss when you have been absolutely bursting for ages.

 

The relief is wonderful.

 

Better than sex.

 

Especially when it smells like Sugar Puffs.

Posted

Waiting at traffic lights; those rare moments when the lights turn green at the same time a song really kicks in on your car stereo.

Posted

There's a reason ratemypoo exists. Having a quality dump is a spiritual experience and can change your mood for the rest of the day. Equally an unsastifactory, non emptying poo will throw curses on your house.

Posted

When a stunning fit blonde chick spots you, her face lights up into a huge beaming smile, she waves, pushes through a crowd of several hundred people and says "Hay Phil! How you doing"

And about 20 guys around you stare and say how the feck did... I even got a "Way to go man" from the annoying Yank who turns up everywhere to shout In The Hole.....

 

It also helps when she's very rich and pretty famous as well.

 

#thinkrorysmissessecretlyfanciesme

 

Today's Golf Story was brought to you by Ibuprofen & Red Bull "Providing Pain Relief to Golf Marshalls for over 15 Years

Posted

Experiencing, and the subsequent reflection upon, exquisite pleasure visited upon oneself by the act of defaction, is a well-known precursor flag for latent homosexuality. #notfudgejudgingjustsaying

 

Pompously disparaging threads about the exquisite pleasure visited upon oneself by the act of defecation, is a well-known precursor flag for latent heterosexuality. #not****braggingjustsaying

Posted
When a stunning fit blonde chick spots you, her face lights up into a huge beaming smile, she waves, pushes through a crowd of several hundred people and says "Hay Phil! How you doing"

And about 20 guys around you stare and say how the feck did... I even got a "Way to go man" from the annoying Yank who turns up everywhere to shout In The Hole.....

 

It also helps when she's very rich and pretty famous as well.

 

#thinkrorysmissessecretlyfanciesme

 

Today's Golf Story was brought to you by Ibuprofen & Red Bull "Providing Pain Relief to Golf Marshalls for over 15 Years

 

Having Phil on ignore

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry phil

 

Quoting people who are on ignore to annoy people who have them on ignore :D

Posted

I had an abscess t'other day and it was killing and big.

 

I kept pushing and prodding it with my finger and it suddenly popped, I could hear the popping noise and feel the push shot out from it.

 

It may sound gross but I can promise you it was sweet relief...

Posted
I had an abscess t'other day and it was killing and big.

 

I kept pushing and prodding it with my finger and it suddenly popped, I could hear the popping noise and feel the push shot out from it.

 

It may sound gross but I can promise you it was sweet relief...

 

Fascinating. Any more details? Location? Video?

Posted
Fascinating. Any more details? Location? Video?

 

Top left wisdom tooth. Big pussy abscess. No video but it was sort of like this

 

 

But quicker and more explosive, imagine popping a big zit but in your mouth

Posted

Well, I'm in the exact same position with my unerupted widom tooth. I am looking forward to the pleasure of that hot fluid pumping into my mouth. One spelling mistake and repeated word in Bletch's last post, must be drunk.

Posted
Well, I'm in the exact same position with my unerupted widom tooth. I am looking forward to the pleasure of that hot fluid pumping into my mouth. One spelling mistake and repeated word in Bletch's last post, must be drunk.

 

Alas, not drunk my friend, just human. If I had but one ounce of your widom*, tpbury.

 

(*I should point out that I am not a grammar or spelling snob, and whilst I do my damndest to ensure I spell and punctuate to the best of MY ability, I'm not a truly learned man).

 

Top left wisdom tooth. Big pussy abscess. No video but it was sort of like this

 

 

But quicker and more explosive, imagine popping a big zit but in your mouth

 

Experiencing, and the subsequent reflection upon, exquisite pleasure visited upon oneself by (ahem, apparently) hot, viscous fluid suddenly rushing into one's mouth, is a well-known precursor flag for latent homosexuality. #notblowjobberysnobberyjustsaying

Posted

 

Experiencing, and the subsequent reflection upon, exquisite pleasure visited upon oneself by (ahem, apparently) hot, viscous fluid suddenly rushing into one's mouth, is a well-known precursor flag for latent homosexuality. #notblowjobberysnobberyjustsaying

 

What you doing tonight bletch? I'm at a loose end and was, well, wondering......

Posted

Anyone else find that the #first****afterthekebabthenightbefore can be very hit and miss. The level of stung always reflects the quality of the jalapeños used by the kebab establishment.

Posted

Did 4 loads to the dump today (rubbish dump), took all day in 29 degrees. Covered in scratches and filth (as a consequence of all the stuff I was humping and lumping). Sat down at 7pm and downed two stubbies of cider. Superb feeling. Now I'm on the Big Bash, might also take in the T20 cricket.

Posted
Did 4 loads to the dump today (rubbish dump), took all day in 29 degrees. Covered in scratches and filth (as a consequence of all the stuff I was humping and lumping). Sat down at 7pm and downed two stubbies of cider. Superb feeling. Now I'm on the Big Bash, might also take in the T20 cricket.

 

For some strange reason I read that as 'all the staff I was humping'. I really must wash my mind out with soap and water.

Posted

Having a kick-about with a mate early on Sunday morning after a drinking session the day before.

 

Did 4 loads to the dump today (rubbish dump), took all day in 29 degrees. Covered in scratches and filth (as a consequence of all the stuff I was humping and lumping). Sat down at 7pm and downed two stubbies of cider. Superb feeling. Now I'm on the Big Bash, might also take in the T20 cricket.

 

Yeah, I'd echo that, the first pint of cold cider after exercising.

 

If we're talking less viscerally, perhaps the first real early spring sun of the year that reaches and warms your face through the open car window; signalling that warmer weather is on the way.

 

For some strange reason I read that as 'all the staff I was humping'. I really must wash my mind out with soap and water.

 

Freudian, Whitey?

Posted
Jizzing

 

****ing when you have been holding it

 

achieving something

 

So if you really needed a **** and when you got to the bog there was a little target, that you hit and then decided to Jizz on said target itll be like your perfect day ?

 

Bucket list addition that Stevo

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