Saint Charlie Posted 17 January, 2014 Share Posted 17 January, 2014 Luke Shaw, the left back coveted by both Manchester clubs and Chelsea, was so bought into the Cortese vision that he had a second mobile phone, used only to update the Swiss businessman of his mood, innermost thoughts and feeling and overall wellbeing. Shaw is devestated by Cortese's departure and I understand he may not travel to Sunderland as he has not been eating since the news of his dramatic departure broke late on Wednesday. Whats yours? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
St.Patrik Posted 17 January, 2014 Share Posted 17 January, 2014 I hope you are joking - since English is my second language I may get this wrong and it´s just a joke - if not it´s almost sickening....Don´t poor Luka have a mum and dad to talk about how he feels? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badgerx16 Posted 17 January, 2014 Share Posted 17 January, 2014 "German woman plans to destroy England's preparation for Brazil World Cup campaign." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kpturner Posted 17 January, 2014 Share Posted 17 January, 2014 I hope you are joking - since English is my second language I may get this wrong and it´s just a joke - if not it´s almost sickening....Don´t poor Luka have a mum and dad to talk about how he feels? I think the idea is that you are supposed to make up a (preferably humorous) paragraph that did not, for some reason, get included with the rest of the hysterical cr @ p that got printed in the red tops yesterday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glasgow_Saint Posted 17 January, 2014 Share Posted 17 January, 2014 great humour Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trousers Posted 17 January, 2014 Share Posted 17 January, 2014 "Saints Web Forum members expressed delight that the breaking of the Cortese/Liebherr story temporarily diluted the impact of the resident wind-up posters" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dig Dig Posted 17 January, 2014 Share Posted 17 January, 2014 Southampton players will wear chastity rings in their game away to Sunderland on Saturday as a show of loyalty and purity towards axed chairman Nicola Cortese. A source close to a senior player told us that the idea came from right back Nathaniel Clyne with all but Guly Do Prado agreeing to show their support. Guly has been angered with Cortese since the slick Italian removed a gaurenteed 15 minute playing time claus from his contract after the club were promoted to the Premier League. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasonb Posted 17 January, 2014 Share Posted 17 January, 2014 The Mail understands that former Portsmouth chairman Milan Manderic is interested in making a surprise bid to buy Southampton Football Club. In a statement released by his solicitors he said of the bid "it is a very exciting project that needs a stern Serbian-hand to move it forward. I also want the opportunity of re-instating my statue that was cruelly removed several years ago". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DuncanRG Posted 17 January, 2014 Share Posted 17 January, 2014 Cortese's planning was meticulous. Last season he took the players to a secret sexual health clinic in the New Forest, where the club doctor took scans of their genitalia. Cortese then commissioned modern artist Damien Hirst to create hand-molded statuettes to be affixed to the walls of the dressing room at Staplewood. Some players now touch them for luck on the way out to training, claiming the move has boosted self-esteem and team spirit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trousers Posted 17 January, 2014 Share Posted 17 January, 2014 Cortese's planning was meticulous. Last season he took the players to a secret sexual health clinic in the New Forest, where the club doctor took scans of their genitalia. Cortese then commissioned modern artist Damien Hirst to create hand-molded statuettes to be affixed to the walls of the dressing room at Staplewood. Some players now touch them for luck on the way out to training, claiming the move has boosted self-esteem and team spirit. You're not allowed to include facts in this thread sir - only made up stuff.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatch Posted 17 January, 2014 Share Posted 17 January, 2014 Planning for games was so detailed even the best hair cuts were decided for the players to help with aero-dynamics. Which explains why they all have the same style. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 17 January, 2014 Share Posted 17 January, 2014 Planning for games was so detailed even the best hair cuts were decided for the players to help with aero-dynamics. Which explains why they all have the same style. explains the poor form of ramirez+osvaldo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SW5 SAINT Posted 17 January, 2014 Share Posted 17 January, 2014 "German woman plans to destroy England's preparation for Brazil World Cup campaign." Lolz….. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNOWY Posted 17 January, 2014 Share Posted 17 January, 2014 Good to have a bit of humour injected into the debate to go with all the vitriol. I'm surprised we haven't had Hitler's reaction to the news yet.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saint Charlie Posted 17 January, 2014 Author Share Posted 17 January, 2014 (edited) In the state of the art canteen at the sprawling Marchwood training ground, a selection of Southampton's first team squad are sat eating lunch. Rickie Lambert, Jack Cork and Adam Lallana have just showered in bespoke cubicles which jet propel the players with a range of vitamins and minerals specifically designed to boost their immune systems in order to maintain maximum performance on the pitch. So high are the standards at the club, that Dutch central defender Jos Hooiveld has been banished by Captain Lallana to re-shower, following a series of disappointing performances. "To be the best we have to drive each other on", says Lallana, whilst shovelling a spoonful of grass into his mouth. This is yet another innovation of Executive Chairman Nicola Cortese. Southampton players replicate match conditions during all training sessions, becoming accustomed to scenarios such as swallowing a mouthful of Anfield turf after a slide tackle from Steven Gerrard. Lallana, incidently, is feasting upon clumps of the playing surface of Craven Cottage, ahead of the upcoming away trip to Fulham. Rickie Lambert meanwhile eats in silence. He has been widely linked with a move to West Ham United, but is currently concentrated upon his spaghetti letters on toast. This is a meticulous task for the striker, who hooks each letter with his fork, before discarding most into the Cortese designed bin sitting besides him. Lambert, it soon appears, will only eat the pieces representing particular letters - N and C. This, is the Southampton Way. Edited 17 January, 2014 by Saint Charlie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Viking Warrior Posted 17 January, 2014 Share Posted 17 January, 2014 Saints caterers are concerned that Rickie lambert wants a to move to uptown park that they are now refusing to serve him jellied eels and cockles MOPO said we allowed SRL to have jellied eels and cockles longer serve jellied eels after training as we were led to believe it gave him extra energy and confidence to score more goals A club spokesman Eddy Morayno confirmed the club no lounger serves players jellied eels Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now