Big Bad Bob Posted 14 January, 2014 Share Posted 14 January, 2014 Hand Shandy Tickle the man in the boat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 14 January, 2014 Author Share Posted 14 January, 2014 Hand Shandy Tickle the man in the boat Put my mind at rest would you 3B, please tell me you didn't learn that second one at a young age during a bath time spent in the company of a distant uncle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 14 January, 2014 Share Posted 14 January, 2014 If you had read all of the over-long intro, Never gonna happen. Tokyo says "I am go to watch CBBC" **** off vulture! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bad Bob Posted 14 January, 2014 Share Posted 14 January, 2014 Put my mind at rest would you 3B, please tell me you didn't learn that second one at a young age during a bath time spent in the company of a distant uncle. I didn't learn the second one at a young age during a bath time spent in the company of a distant uncle!! Anyhoo it's a female euphemism... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 14 January, 2014 Share Posted 14 January, 2014 Never gonna happen. **** off vulture! -1 reps for not correctly using correct spelling of vulcher when used in a Dumb Bear related context Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halo Stickman Posted 14 January, 2014 Share Posted 14 January, 2014 Will I get an infraction for turning Japanese? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 14 January, 2014 Share Posted 14 January, 2014 Only if you are Justin Lee Collins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 14 January, 2014 Author Share Posted 14 January, 2014 I didn't learn the second one at a young age during a bath time spent in the company of a distant uncle!! Anyhoo it's a female euphemism... So you say, 3B. So you say. Nice use of literal interpretation BTW. Did you know that literal interpretation kills sarcasm. I've often wondered why people on the main bored (see what I did there?) don't just take Turkish, CB Fry and other spewers of sarcasm, literally. When someone says that they think we should expand the stadium, but don't really believe it, why don't people just quote them and agree with it. Game over. #liks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 14 January, 2014 Author Share Posted 14 January, 2014 I didn't learn the second one at a young age during a bath time spent in the company of a distant uncle!! Anyhoo it's a female euphemism... Also, I did some work with a small software startup recently and the CEO was Canadian (of Nigerian and Irish parentage). You'd never meet a more intelligent, charismatic, eloquent or erudite bloke. I had immense respect for him until I heard him say "Anyhoo". Is that a Canadian thing I wonder? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 14 January, 2014 Share Posted 14 January, 2014 I didn't learn the second one at a young age during a bath time spent in the company of a distant uncle!! gotcha. it was guy from next door. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 14 January, 2014 Share Posted 14 January, 2014 the CEO was Canadian (of Nigerian and Irish parentage). his accent must've been hilarious! Oi went ta talk ta ya aboot software an tings! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notnowcato Posted 14 January, 2014 Share Posted 14 January, 2014 ...back on topic choke the chicken five knuckle shuffle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notnowcato Posted 14 January, 2014 Share Posted 14 January, 2014 A Sweaty walked into a bakers in Glasgee "Is that a doughnut or meringue?" Sweaty shop assistant replied "It is a doughnut and you were right the first time." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bad Bob Posted 14 January, 2014 Share Posted 14 January, 2014 Man walks into a Scottish butchers and points to some meat "Is that your Ayrshire bacon?" "Nae laddy, I'm just warming my hands by the fire." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bad Bob Posted 14 January, 2014 Share Posted 14 January, 2014 So you say, 3B. So you say. Nice use of literal interpretation BTW. Did you know that literal interpretation kills sarcasm. I've often wondered why people on the main bored (see what I did there?) don't just take Turkish, CB Fry and other spewers of sarcasm, literally. When someone says that they think we should expand the stadium, but don't really believe it, why don't people just quote them and agree with it. Game over. #liks What a wonderful idea, I'd never really thought to bounce their sarcasm back to them... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bad Bob Posted 14 January, 2014 Share Posted 14 January, 2014 Buffing the Banana Holding Your Sausage Hostage Jackin' the Beanstalk Rounding up the Tadpoles Slap Boxing the One-Eyed Champ Spank the Frank Applying the hand brake Attacking the one-eyed purple-headed warrior Auditioning the finger puppets Beef-stroke-it-off Boxing the bald champ Charming the snake Checking for testicular cancer Choking Kojak Squeezing the cream from the flesh Twinkie Straddle your paddle Taking matters into your own hands Teasing the weasel Thumping the pump Tickling the pickle etc etc by Master Bates March 23, 2003 RIP @masterbates, we miss him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 14 January, 2014 Author Share Posted 14 January, 2014 Man walks into a Scottish butchers and points to some meat "Is that your Ayrshire bacon?" "Nae laddy, I'm just warming my hands by the fire." A dad walks into his bathroom to find his long-lost brother fiddling with his 5 year old son in the bath. He says "Oi, are you molesting my son?" His brother replies "No brother, I'm just tickling the man in the boat!" Man apologies, leaves the room and tells his brother to carry on - 5 year old son (called Robert) grows up with trust issues. Holding Your Sausage Hostage 1 RIP @masterbates, we miss him 2 1 Very good! 2 True dat. What a wonderful idea, I'd never really thought to bounce their sarcasm back to them... Are you being sarcastic? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notnowcato Posted 14 January, 2014 Share Posted 14 January, 2014 Are you being sarcastic? Is that a rhetorical question? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bad Bob Posted 14 January, 2014 Share Posted 14 January, 2014 Is that a rhetorical question? notnowcato Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bad Bob Posted 14 January, 2014 Share Posted 14 January, 2014 A dad walks into his bathroom to find his long-lost brother fiddling with his 5 year old son in the bath. He says "Oi, are you molesting my son?" His brother replies "No brother, I'm just tickling the man in the boat!" Man apologies, leaves the room and tells his brother to carry on - 5 year old son (called Robert) grows up with trust issues. And I suppose my father's long-lost brother was called Jimmy!! Are you being sarcastic? In this instance, no.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 14 January, 2014 Author Share Posted 14 January, 2014 And I suppose my father's long-lost brother was called Jimmy!! Now then, now then, what have we here 3B? Goodness gracious me! Is that a rhetorical question? No notnowcato, but I knew the answer before asking it, and I didn't expect 3B to answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 15 January, 2014 Author Share Posted 15 January, 2014 God, this thread is a struggle to keep going. It's almost as if you Muppets don't celebrate language as much as I do. Euphemisms for female menstruation (or the period for which it lasts). Aunt Flo' is in town The circus is closed as the monkey has a nosebleed Closed for maintenance Attracting the lesbian vampires Do you want ketchup with that sausage? On the blob She's on her question mark (husbands of menopausal or post-menopausal women will relate to this) (male perspective) She's on her period, I'm on my comma. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 15 January, 2014 Share Posted 15 January, 2014 Rag week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bad Bob Posted 15 January, 2014 Share Posted 15 January, 2014 Painters and decorators in Liverpool playing at home Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notnowcato Posted 15 January, 2014 Share Posted 15 January, 2014 Southampton playing at home Mr Blobby is in town Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 15 January, 2014 Share Posted 15 January, 2014 Better have a shower afterwards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halo Stickman Posted 15 January, 2014 Share Posted 15 January, 2014 God, this thread is a struggle to keep going. It's almost as if you Muppets don't celebrate language as much as I do. Euphemisms for female menstruation (or the period for which it lasts). Try taking it on to the main board, bletch – appears to be plenty of menstruating women on there today! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 15 January, 2014 Author Share Posted 15 January, 2014 And I suppose my father's long-lost brother was called Jimmy!! In this instance, no.. Try taking it on to the main board, bletch – appears to be plenty of menstruating women on there today! I don't go over the any more Halo. Nothing of importance is ever discussed on the main board. What's happening this time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halo Stickman Posted 15 January, 2014 Share Posted 15 January, 2014 What's happening this time? News has broke that Bearsy's a woman, apart from that it's very quiet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 15 January, 2014 Author Share Posted 15 January, 2014 News has broke that Bearsy's a woman, apart from that it's very quiet. It was ever thus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 15 January, 2014 Share Posted 15 January, 2014 Just cause something loves cock doesn't mean they're a hen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halo Stickman Posted 15 January, 2014 Share Posted 15 January, 2014 Just cause they’re a hen doesn’t mean they love cock – Clare Balding loves horses Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raynesparksaint Posted 15 January, 2014 Share Posted 15 January, 2014 Why is there no aspirin in the jungle? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 15 January, 2014 Share Posted 15 January, 2014 Just cause they’re a hen doesn’t mean they love cock – Clare Balding loves horses How much hair does she have left? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 16 January, 2014 Author Share Posted 16 January, 2014 Why is there no aspirin in the jungle? Because the parrots consumed em' all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 16 January, 2014 Author Share Posted 16 January, 2014 How much hair does she have left? Toke's playing the verb name game! #soproud #thatsmyboy Clare Balding. Is she? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 16 January, 2014 Share Posted 16 January, 2014 Because the parrots consumed em' all. Please don't speak to RP. His constant moaning about no one replying to him helps the day pass smoothly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 16 January, 2014 Share Posted 16 January, 2014 Craig David is quitting his singing career to join the British Olympic 2016 Archery team. He's going to be their bow selector. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 16 January, 2014 Share Posted 16 January, 2014 Sort of on topic... Some years back my old employer got taken over by a big French conglomerate... We had a huge 1,000 person+ Sales Conference in Rhode Island to start "Ze Iteegrashion" We were an American outfit they were French, pretty clear things were not going to go well when the American VP of Marketing showed this clip in his presentation It got worse when Zee new Fronche CEEO came on zee staage to make 'ees motivational speak... We 'av a vorry deeeficult tome a'ead of ussz. Zee competeetion weel be attacking us at ovary hopportunity. In zees time we must bend our backs to zee stone and f\/ckus. Zees f\/ckus ees zee most important sing you can do ovary day while you bend at your desks f\/ckus ovary day......... Yeah that worked, 75% of the Management from the US company did just that to the French as we ran for the exits p1ssing ourselves laughing. The best bit was he TRULY could not understand why over half his audience were convulsed in hysterics Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pap Posted 16 January, 2014 Share Posted 16 January, 2014 Mr Blobby is in town Please do not popularise Edmonds or any of his works. It makes you look like the sort of moron that watched his shows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 16 January, 2014 Author Share Posted 16 January, 2014 Sue Perkins. Why, what's he done wrong? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halo Stickman Posted 16 January, 2014 Share Posted 16 January, 2014 (edited) How much hair does she have left? Let’s make one thing clare: Balding has got a fine bush of hair – Sue Perkins told me. Edited 16 January, 2014 by Halo Stickman Being an even smarter ass Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bad Bob Posted 16 January, 2014 Share Posted 16 January, 2014 My mate's mum was born in Italy, Genoa. No I don't Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bad Bob Posted 16 January, 2014 Share Posted 16 January, 2014 Let’s make one thing clare: Balding has got a fine bush of hair – Sue Perkins told me. Why, what's he done wrong? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 16 January, 2014 Author Share Posted 16 January, 2014 My mate's mum was born in Italy, Genoa. No I don't "I took my wife to the Caribbean" "Jamaica?" "No, the Dominican republic" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 16 January, 2014 Share Posted 16 January, 2014 How does Bob Marley like his donuts Bletch? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 16 January, 2014 Author Share Posted 16 January, 2014 How does Bob Marley like his donuts Bletch? wi' custard in? Try saying "Beer, Can." without sounding like a pig flesh loving Jamaican. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tpbury Posted 16 January, 2014 Share Posted 16 January, 2014 So now it's the East Anglian Geordie exile pub team: Norfolk Enchance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 16 January, 2014 Author Share Posted 16 January, 2014 Cary Grant? He'd probably be too heavy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tpbury Posted 16 January, 2014 Share Posted 16 January, 2014 How to say hello like Prince Charles? Air, hair lair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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