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Irritating stuff you need to offload

Halo Stickman

By Halo Stickman
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Halo Stickman

Halo Stickman

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Just wasted 20 minutes queuing at my bank – why the hell have they got four counter positions, but only ever have two of them occupied by staff, except on busy times when they reduce it to one! :x

 

Anyone else need to offload irritating stuff before the festive spirit of Christmas kicks in?

Bearsy

Bearsy

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Anyone else need to offload irritating stuff before the festive spirit of Christmas kicks in?

 

my gf. i think i might of left it too late tho, i've already bought present.

Smirking_Saint

Smirking_Saint

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You don't need to weight yourself naked at the gym unless you are going into the space program. Put some pants on!

 

This !! And old men walking around completely starkers with their shrivvled old balls on display

 

And old people driving !!! Middle lane hogging, underspeed, cutting up senile old gits

 

And Monk and Minty, Im better then them

 

Merry xmas

Bearsy

Bearsy

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This !! And old men walking around completely starkers with their shrivvled old balls on display

 

The other day i went to toilet at pub where i watch football and there was old man stood at urinal next to me. He was v.old man like pensioner. He was making kind of a wanking movement so i glanced across to see if he was wanking. He weren't, he was just vigorously shaking drips and it was obv a bit of a job cos he had the biggest penis i ever saw in my life! The thing was ginormous like elephant trunk!

 

I didn't say anything, i just tucked my own gear out of sight and left him to it. When I went back like an hour later for another piss he was still there!

Tokyo-Saint

Tokyo-Saint

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While we are in the gym:

 

Old people:

 

Don't blow dry your balls dry, this is just weird.

Don't spit in the drain bit of the pool, it will just make its way back into the pool.

If you are standing (usually naked) talking to your mates in front of lockers, keep an eye out for people like me trying to get to their lockers.

 

Young people:

 

Don't dive bomb into the pool people are doing laps on dickheads.

Don't stand around the bench press in groups of 6 just chatting.

Try not to answer your phone while in the gym. If you do, don't just sit on the equipment chatting at the top of your voice.

Smirking_Saint

Smirking_Saint

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The other day i went to toilet at pub where i watch football and there was old man stood at urinal next to me. He was v.old man like pensioner. He was making kind of a wanking movement so i glanced across to see if he was wanking. He weren't, he was just vigorously shaking drips and it was obv a bit of a job cos he had the biggest penis i ever saw in my life! The thing was ginormous like elephant trunk!

 

I didn't say anything, i just tucked my own gear out of sight and left him to it. When I went back like an hour later for another piss he was still there!

 

Fid he have twitchy eyes and fire in his head ? How was his speech etc ?

Bearsy

Bearsy

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dunno, i said are you having a stroke? do you need help? He smiled, turned his elephant trunk towards me and said "yes please". But he weren't slurring or anything.

SNSUN

SNSUN

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I want to complain about my wife buying Plenty kitchen roll instead of Cushelle kitchen roll. Granted, the Plenty holds the sperm better, but it's too rough - the Cushelle was softer on my willy tip. I can't complain about it to her face though.

Tokyo-Saint

Tokyo-Saint

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People dawdling on pavements. Especially bad at xmas in shopping centres.

 

Women are ninjas at this. The fat ones walk around in small packs, then when they see something interesting in a shop window, move as a group to block the whole pavement. "oh look Barbara, your David would like that."

 

This is what caused 'Hey bitch, get out the way' to be written. Ludacris had a similar situation when shopping in Atlanta.

Pugwash

Pugwash

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People who walk through the main doors of a shopping mall/airport/hospital and just stop, block the doors and gaze around expecting to be instantly transported to their shop/terminal/ward of choice.

latter day saint

latter day saint

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People in supermarkets blocking the aisle while they have a chat to their mates for 10 mins. FOAD!

Old people who drop their guts in public & just carry on as normal even though everyone in a radius of 10m heard & smelt it

 

Sent from my CnM TouchPad 7DC using Tapatalk

Halo Stickman

Halo Stickman

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  • Author
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People who start a thread on things that annoy you when we only had a things that annoy us thread a couple of months ago

 

People who think that every poster has spent the last couple of months reading every thread :p

pap

pap

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People that havnt spent the last couple of months reading every thread.....

 

People that have!

 

I know it's panto season, but the pair of you can stop this immediately, tyvm.

bridge too far

bridge too far

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So people that start every conversation with a superfluous co-ordinating conjunction

 

This!

 

And people loading up supermarket trolleys with ridiculous amounts of food before Christmas. FFS the shops open the next day!

pap

pap

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people named after smears

 

I take it I'm talking to a slow typist :)

 

I work with far-flung people and frequently have to instant message them. This is fine. Waiting for the response does my f**king head in.

 

One bloke, a fellow programmer if you can believe it, typed so slowly that I could only assume that he had replaced the traditional "finger-based" approach with an unorthodox method of typing only with his cock.

 

And as for the muggles on Facebook, Jesus wept. F*ckers would be quicker sending me a letter in the post.

sussexsaint

sussexsaint

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I take it I'm talking to a slow typist :)

 

I work with far-flung people and frequently have to instant message them. This is fine. Waiting for the response does my f**king head in.

 

One bloke, a fellow programmer if you can believe it, typed so slowly that I could only assume that he had replaced the traditional "finger-based" approach with an unorthodox method of typing only with his cock.

 

And as for the muggles on Facebook, Jesus wept. F*ckers would be quicker sending me a letter in the post.

 

:lol: No I'm not slow but not very accurate. And you are touchy ;) I was talking about my friend Mr Vault and an Aunt Cervical

revolution saint

revolution saint

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Small talk - hate it. It's mostly obvious (the weather) and very dull.

 

Attempts within a workplace to improve morale by instigating "fun" events - away days, BBQs etc. I'd rather work thanksverymuch. Oh, and whilst I'm at it airy fairy concepts like "corporate values" - most don't make any sense such as "We aspire to be the best".

 

Jamie fu(cking Oliver

 

South Africans - now I know this could be racist but I've never met a nice one and the accent (Afrikaans?) makes me want to cut myself and smear salt and lemon in the wound. Obviously there must be nice South Africans around - I think they must stay there though.

 

Cookery programmes - particularly the masterchef type ones. You poncy b*stards. Also, dramatic build ups for who leaves and who stays..

 

News programmes - now I like news programmes but I hate several things about them. Firstly, the obsession with interviewing the general public who are mostly either ignorant, incoherent or will blindly follow the obvious "public stance" - ie what the Sun tells them. Also outside weather broadcasts - I really don't need to see someone outside to know they are telling the truth.

FloridaMarlin

FloridaMarlin

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Cyclists who cycle on the road when there is an empty cycle lane alongside the road.

These are usually the tossbags who think they are Bradley Wiggins and because they have paid a couple of thousand for a hand-crafted Italian bike, all the figure-hugging spandex gear, they think they are too cool to use cycle paths which have been constructed at great expense specifically to stop them getting knocked of their bikes.

They have also started wearing Go-Pro head cams now to provide proof if they are the victims of bad driving. I hope the Go-Pros keep whirring when the cyclists pedal through red lights, which never seem to apply to them.

 

Food packaging. There's too much of it, and it's too tough. I expect nature to provide it's own packaging, ranging from bananas - easy to peel - to nuts, which are hard to break into.

But there's no f**ing need for supermarkets to make it as hard to get into a pack of meat/cheese/fruit/vegetables than it is to get the drawers off Anne Widdicombe. On occasions, I have given up in frustration (at trying to open the packaging, not getting the virginal anne's knicks off) and just thrown the ravaged but defiantly unopened pack into the bin.

 

Bus drivers/taxi drivers; Yes, you might earn you living from the road, but you don't actually own it. Not unless you can produce a certificate of purchase that shows me you have bought the stretch of road you are being an arsehole on.

 

Tesco petrol stations; Your petrol might be cheap and tempting, but your pumps have actually got to work to allow motorists to put it into the their cars and buy it.

And if you offer a 'Pay at pump' option make sure the bloody card readers work. Especially if you are trying to pay with a bloody Tesco credit card!! There's no bloody point in offering a 'Pay at Pump' facility if you still have to go into the kiosk.

And in the kiosk, please try and ensure there is more than one till working.

 

Middle-lane hoggers; Yes, I despise them as much as other people. My understanding was that legislation has been brought in to make this an offence. Why haven't I seen the Feds cracking down on this on our motorways.?

 

I'm just getting warmed up now....

Hamilton Saint

Hamilton Saint

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So people that start every conversation with a superfluous co-ordinating conjunction

 

Yes. This is rampant over here in radio interviews. Interviewer will ask question; respondent will begin answer with "So, what we did was ...".

 

Why? I can understand "well", but "so"?

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