Facepalm Terrace Behaviour

[Saint Charlie]

Wherever you sit at SMS you are only a couple of seats away from someone who has clearly never had much of a grasp of football.

 

Some of what you hear beggars belief.

 

There are some recent offerings that have made me laugh, plus some old classics, and some that are "non-footy" ie just odd behaviours that are repeated regardless of the game that is being played.

 

One of each please.

 

Recent

 

On Saturday it was very much a case of Boruc vs Gazza and Lambert vs Osvaldo.

 

Early on, one wally behind me was moaning every time Osvaldo touched the ball, basically suggesting that Lambert would have pinged in a 30 yarder with every touch of the ball. Once Osvaldo scored a goal Lambert never could have, he went quiet, then when Osvaldo missed one of the second half chances was back on the "Lambert would have scored that" banddwagon.

 

 

Old Classic

 

Despite having watched passing football for at least 3 or 4 years now, some fans just don't seem to understand how our team plays. If Shaw passes back to Lovren, then to Fonte, then Clyne/Chambers, then into Morgan, back to Shaw etc it isnt long before some goof shouts "Gettt itttt forward".

 

We play a long ball up to the striker. It goes over their head.

 

Same goof: "Get it on the ground you mugs. Get it down."

 

Priceless, and regular.

 

 

Non Footy Incident

 

Despite paying for a footy ticket each week, looking forward to the game etc, checking websites for team news all week, chatting about looking forward to the game...

 

Some people can't:

 

i.) Arrive on time

ii.) Arrive for the second half on time

iii.) Stay to watch the end of the game

 

Just bizarre, all three equally.

[studentsaint]

Had these at the villa game, a few favourites:

 

That wanyama has got such a good touch and passing range.

 

Why does JWP take corners and free kicks? Awful delivery every time I've seen him.

 

Then one asks, did you get cork from Chelsea? Reminds me of a young lampard in how he plays.

 

My favourite though was I don't know why Shaun Davis is playing, he only passes it backwards...

[anothersaintinsouthsea]

I seem to remember someone posting about an idiot who heckled Darren Ferguson when he last brought a team down here with the line "you're a **** manager, just like your dad!". There then followed a Monty Python like comedy routine of people shouting out stuff like "apart from those Premier League titles"..."and those 2 European Cups" etc etc.

[KelvinsRightGlove]

I went and saw Shrewsbury v Bury a few years a back when staying with a friend there.

 

One guy took exception to Shrewsbury only playing one striker, so started the chant (I swear on my mothers life):

 

"4-4-2, it always works, 4-4-2 it always works"

 

[Whitey Grandad]

I went and saw Shrewsbury v Bury a few years a back when staying with a friend there.

 

One guy took exception to Shrewsbury only playing one striker, so started the chant (I swear on my mothers life):

 

"4-4-2, it always works, 4-4-2 it always works"

 

 

Did they win?

[saintrich]

I don't see why people get in such a fuss about others leaving early.

 

Sitting in the second to back row, if I don't start walking down a few minutes early I get stuck on the stairs for at least 10 minutes - not a problem if I don't have plans afterwards, but sometimes I do.

[JN9]

My seat for the past 3 seasons has been in front of two infuriating football geniuses who talk through the whole game and (with a massive amount of help from hindsight) comment on every slight mistake made by any player.

 

Among some of my personal favorite pieces of analysis from them is "Thats the weakest part of Lalana's game, kicking..."

 

I've been hoping that they will stop buying a season ticket every year, no luck so far. That god I can't renew next season...

[KelvinsRightGlove]

Did they win?

 

Yeah, as it goes. Think it was 1-0, though it was a few years ago. And an awful match. I'd probably forget I went if it wasn't for that guy.

[Appy]

Anyone that sits anywhere near me talk utter utter tripe, so the list is endless.

[benjii]

My seat for the past 3 seasons has been in front of two infuriating football geniuses who talk through the whole game and (with a massive amount of help from hindsight) comment on every slight mistake made by any player.

 

Among some of my personal favorite pieces of analysis from them is "Thats the weakest part of Lalana's game, kicking..."

 

I've been hoping that they will stop buying a season ticket every year, no luck so far. That god I can't renew next season...

 

To be fair, that has been the weakest part of his game!

 

There was a family of divs behind me leaving the ground on Wednesday slagging Shaw off. "can't attack""don't know what they see in him""sell him to Chelsea" etc.

[Saint86]

Had these at the villa game, a few favourites:

 

That wanyama has got such a good touch and passing range. Quite literally

 

Why does JWP take corners and free kicks? Awful delivery every time I've seen him. In fairness, this was after the chelsea game, (where he was awful) and he was pretty poor for some of the crosses/corners vs city. That said he is only 19 and learning, only lallana comes close in the first 11 for deliver.

 

Then one asks, did you get cork from Chelsea? Reminds me of a young lampard in how he plays. to each his own

 

My favourite though was I don't know why Shaun Davis is playing, he only passes it backwards...

 

All in all, not my best day in the stands, sorry if I annoyed you

[Halo Stickman]

At a match some years back, every time Wright-Phillips touched the ball the chap behind me shouted ‘Dyer, you’re effing useless!” Second-half, Wright-Phillips was substituted for Dyer, and every time he touched the ball the same chap shouted: “Wright-Phillips, you’re effing useless!”

 

Couldn’t decide whether the chap was simply short-sighted or had some other non-football related issue.

[Saint Charlie]

Often when a first team player is injured and not on the bench you hearing people stating the team selection as if they have just been left out through choice.

 

Also, and this really annoyed me at the weekend, is the ironic cheers when our keeper catches the ball.

 

Gazza had this a few times from people and you have to wonder what they are doing. If someone is clearly looking a bit nervy then surely they need support rather than abuse?

[Bucks Saint]

FA Cup, Leicester away, January and freezing. Was a truly terrible game, with a total absence of any quality or chances. A young Kenwyne Jones came on, late on, and almost immediately committed a foul and the ref booked him.

 

Lots of shouts of: "Leave him alone ref, he's new, he does not understand the rules yet, you cant book him, he's rubbish, not dirty" etc etc - lots of chuckles from those "ITK". A couple of minutes later, around the 90th minute, Kenwyne duly scores and we win 1-0. Cue long and loud "Kenwyne Jones football genius" chants.

[anothersaintinsouthsea]

At a match some years back, every time Wright-Phillips touched the ball the chap behind me shouted ‘Dyer, you’re effing useless!” Second-half, Wright-Phillips was substituted for Dyer, and every time he touched the ball the same chap shouted: “Wright-Phillips, you’re effing useless!”

 

Couldn’t decide whether the chap was simply short-sighted or had some other non-football related issue.

 

I heard a few do the same thing with Fuller and K Jones. I'm sure there's a connection there but I can't work it out.

[John Boy Saint]

We have the delights of revolving seats behind and to one side of us so we have gotten use to pearls of wisdom from a different perspective every home game.

On Saturday the bloke behind me withered on everytime the ball came into our box "come on goalie you should have been out to that!" every single time the ball came a millimetre into the box, thank god they changed ends at Half time. A regular in front brings his daughter and I don't think she has actually seen 20 minutes of live football in her whole life as her face is permanently down playing a game on her phone!

 

A great one a few weeks back when we were in energy conservation mode second half v Fulham, from a few rows back you heard

"Oh do shut up moaning, we're bloody winning!!!".

 

An Oldie

Walsall last game of the season a couple of years back, 3 20 something's in the Chapel sat behind us were on a day trip from the Northam, they must have loved not having one of them in amongst the massive that afternoon because all we got was verbal diarrhoea . " Oooo we can still stand up down here............. Oooooo games starting better sit down before being told off.................... I wonder if we can sing? .............. Oooooo they do sing down here.................. That's where we sit, bet Smudger is down there............... Much prefer the view from that end of the ground.................. I wonder if the queue for beer is shorter at this end..................... Its quite nice here but I like it down there......................................... 15 minutes of drivel like Japanese water torture!! Until I stated that if it was so bloody great down that end of the ground why aren't you sat in it?, "we couldn't get a ticket" , well you should have got one sooner "I wasn't able tooooooo" Ooops the Northam Uber fan had let himself and those he professed to represent down. Not a peep from either of them after that until 40 minutes on the clock "Wee-Wee time!" all 3 got up and vanished never to be seen until 55 mins when they were quieter than everyone else in the Chapel!!

80 minutes "let's see about trying to get up the other end and get on the pitch at the final whistle!" And up they got and vanished, probably back to the mystical land at the other end of the ground where the people look to be much smaller!!

[lifeintheslowlane]

Early leavers...Saturday's game poised at 1 -1 Saints in the ascendancy, with 5 minutes to play plus another 4 minutes for add-ons. How much did these jerks pay for their tickets. It's like going to the theatre and leaving before the last act.

[Barry Sanchez]

People who wear anything christmassy, I love Christmas but these are seriously challenged people, elf hats, Father Christmas outfits, antlers, in fact the whole sheebang, ban the lot of it.

[torsaint]

This is a problem without a solution. Feels to me that it is getting worse. One guy behind us misidentifies players regularly and has to be politely told no that particular player hasn't played for several weeks. The man next to me has to be calmed down otherwise I swear he would turn round and hit him.

[Restark19]

they guy who sits behind me who constantly fails to have a shower in the month preceding a game

[Appy]

People who wear anything christmassy, I love Christmas but these are seriously challenged people, elf hats, Father Christmas outfits, antlers, in fact the whole sheebang, ban the lot of it.

 

Someone near me on Saturday was wearing a Turkey christmas hat, I bet he thought he was the life of the party.

 

******.

[John Boy Saint]

Early leavers...Saturday's game poised at 1 -1 Saints in the ascendancy, with 5 minutes to play plus another 4 minutes for add-ons. How much did these jerks pay for their tickets. It's like going to the theatre and leaving before the last act.

We had 2 on Saturday leaving at 88 minutes, fair enough crouching down, then the stupid Saints players move into the City box and the pair of them stop in front of 5'2" Mrs JBS and my mate and make to stand up in front of them to watch the action!!!

if you have to go, go but don't let the door bang on your ar$e on the way out!!!

[Saint Charlie]

We had 2 on Saturday leaving at 88 minutes, fair enough crouching down, then the stupid Saints players move into the City box and the pair of them stop in front of 5'2" Mrs JBS and my mate and make to stand up in front of them to watch the action!!!

if you have to go, go but don't let the door bang on your ar$e on the way out!!!

 

Thats a good one.

 

Either leave, or stay, don't just go to leave, realise it was a stupid idea and get in everyone's way.

[buctootim]

We haven't had a 'other people are ****' or I'm a better fan than you' thread for days, so this was really timely.

[rshephard3]

FA Cup, Leicester away, January and freezing. Was a truly terrible game, with a total absence of any quality or chances. A young Kenwyne Jones came on, late on, and almost immediately committed a foul and the ref booked him.

 

Lots of shouts of: "Leave him alone ref, he's new, he does not understand the rules yet, you cant book him, he's rubbish, not dirty" etc etc - lots of chuckles from those "ITK". A couple of minutes later, around the 90th minute, Kenwyne duly scores and we win 1-0. Cue long and loud "Kenwyne Jones football genius" chants.

 

I was there. And I sung. And sir, you have reminded me of a game of football so bad that I had shunted the whole day as far from my memory as is humanly possible. I thank you.

[Colinjb]

Early leavers...Saturday's game poised at 1 -1 Saints in the ascendancy, with 5 minutes to play plus another 4 minutes for add-ons. How much did these jerks pay for their tickets. It's like going to the theatre and leaving before the last act.

 

This is the big one for me. After Dad and I quite vocally criticised those who did make an early dash for it (85 minutes, really!? These tickets cost you 40 pounds up and you miss as much as 10% of the game!?) the bloke next to Dad made just the same departure while avoiding any kind of eye contact.

Edited 10 December, 2013 by Colinjb

[Grey Crab]

I hate it when I try to hug the man next to me when we score and I get a bit hard and he gets all sh*tty about it and when his wife gets all weird if I cup his buttocks with my hands. Call yourself Saints fans?

[sotonjoe]

Wherever you sit at SMS you are only a couple of seats away from someone who has clearly never had much of a grasp of football.

 

Some of what you hear beggars belief.

 

There are some recent offerings that have made me laugh, plus some old classics, and some that are "non-footy" ie just odd behaviours that are repeated regardless of the game that is being played.

 

One of each please.

 

Recent

 

On Saturday it was very much a case of Boruc vs Gazza and Lambert vs Osvaldo.

 

Early on, one wally behind me was moaning every time Osvaldo touched the ball, basically suggesting that Lambert would have pinged in a 30 yarder with every touch of the ball. Once Osvaldo scored a goal Lambert never could have, he went quiet, then when Osvaldo missed one of the second half chances was back on the "Lambert would have scored that" banddwagon.

 

 

Old Classic

 

Despite having watched passing football for at least 3 or 4 years now, some fans just don't seem to understand how our team plays. If Shaw passes back to Lovren, then to Fonte, then Clyne/Chambers, then into Morgan, back to Shaw etc it isnt long before some goof shouts "Gettt itttt forward".

 

We play a long ball up to the striker. It goes over their head.

 

Same goof: "Get it on the ground you mugs. Get it down."

 

Priceless, and regular.

 

 

Non Footy Incident

 

Despite paying for a footy ticket each week, looking forward to the game etc, checking websites for team news all week, chatting about looking forward to the game...

 

Some people can't:

 

i.) Arrive on time

ii.) Arrive for the second half on time

iii.) Stay to watch the end of the game

 

Just bizarre, all three equally.

 

 

I have this sad bastard behind me who seems to spend more time getting annoyed at what everyone else is doing than he does just enjoying the game of his own accord. Remind you of anyone?

 

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Saint Charlie]

I have this sad bastard behind me who seems to spend more time getting annoyed at what everyone else is doing than he does just enjoying the game of his own accord. Remind you of anyone?

 

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

Missed the point Joe. Its more funny than annoying. If you read the post you would see. Can you read mate?

[studentsaint]

All in all, not my best day in the stands, sorry if I annoyed you

 

I assume you were born in 86? These guys were a lot older so doubt it was you. Plus, I wouldn't say these opinions annoy me, I quite enjoy hearing funny comments like that about "Shaun Davis".

[Chopper71]

My favourite was an old guy I used to sit next to at The Dell, and he kept getting his players mixed up. Ken Monkou made a mess of a clearance and his response was 'for God's sake Benali!'. Quite how he mixed them up I will never know!

[Barry Sanchez]

This is the big one for me. After Dad and I quite vocally criticised those who did make an early dash for it (85 minutes, really!? These tickets cost you 40 pounds up and you miss as much as 10% of the game!?) the bloke next to Dad made just the same departure while avoiding any kind of eye contact.

 

There can be reasons to be fair, I had to leave early once due to train connections and the like at a game (Plymouth home years ago 0-1 I think), a couple of guys tutted and they were very quickly told that I did not have the luxury of getting 10 miles home but 250 miles up the road, they blushed after the 2nd foxtrot oscar, but in the main yes its annoying, stay or leave, nothing inbetween.

[Patrick Bateman]

Definitely the "geettttt itt foorrrwwaaAAAArd" Hampshire terrace managers. Without fail, you'll hear one from any part of the ground, obviously wishing they supported a Fat Sam team ...

 

Also, why do we have so many fans that smell of wee?

[mcjwills]

they guy who sits behind me who constantly fails to have a shower in the month preceding a game

 

Turn up at the game prior to Xmas and give him a gift wrapped present of shower gel and antiperspirant. He may take the hint but I doubt it.

[The Kraken]

Definitely the "geettttt itt foorrrwwaaAAAArd" Hampshire terrace managers. Without fail, you'll hear one from any part of the ground, obviously wishing they supported a Fat Sam team ...

This and the panic merchants who start shouting "get it awaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!" when our defenders are in perfect control of the ball trying to play their way out, and come within 5 yards of a closing down striker. Just calm down, FFS. We're not about hoofball, we play from the back.

[S-Clarke]

I sit with a great crowd in the Kingsland these days, but over the years have had some pretty ****ty experiences. Back in our L1 days, I'm never massively early, so I did have to walk past a few people to get to my seat. It must have been about 2:50ish, and this bloke and woman were both sat with a plastic/paper plate full of food, flasks of tea all laid out on their laps. Christ, the **** I got as I needed to get past... Not directly to me...but you heard them muttering ''Why do people come so late'' ''This is so inconvenient'' and the best bit.....''The design of this stadium isn't good''. Yeah, sorry, they didn't include dining arrangements in the stands.

 

Holy jesus, some people. And thank **** they didn't have a flaming season ticket there, otherwise I may have been kicked out for rearranging their picnics on the bloody floor.

Edited 10 December, 2013 by S-Clarke

[Dig Dig]

The most irritating are those (they usually come in two's) who think that everyone else around them want to hear their running commentary of the game. Regardless of whether they are talking absolute ****e (which most of it is) or not, keep it to yourself and watch the game/support the team.

[Mystic Force]

I remember the massive bloke behind me at Spurs who kept putting his hands on my shoulders everytime something happened. That I could have lived without.

[Dig Dig]

People who wear anything christmassy, I love Christmas but these are seriously challenged people, elf hats, Father Christmas outfits, antlers, in fact the whole sheebang, ban the lot of it.

 

dune hated that as well. I think you two would get on like a house on hire.

[Sour Mash]

Anyone that calls football "footy"

[Wade Garrett]

Anyone that calls football "footy"

 

Agreed, w@nkers.

[aintforever]

Non Footy Incident

 

Despite paying for a footy ticket each week, looking forward to the game etc, checking websites for team news all week, chatting about looking forward to the game...

 

Some people can't:

 

i.) Arrive on time

ii.) Arrive for the second half on time

iii.) Stay to watch the end of the game

 

Just bizarre, all three equally.

 

It's not really bizarre though is it? People are late for stuff, that's life, it's not exactly one of the mysteries of the universe.

 

i.) I'm guessing 9 out of 10 late-comers were just having a good time down the pub with their mates and lost track of time. I'm often late because I'm having a laff with mates I don't see that often and am not particularly fussed if I miss the first couple of minutes. Plus we traditionally tend to leave the pub 15mins before kick-off (think it goes back to the old Dell days) regardless of where we are drinking, after a few pints getting from anywhere in town to the ground in 15 seems achievable. This can be a bigger problem on away games, especially in London.

 

ii.) At St Mary's it is physically impossible to watch the whole first half, queue for a beer, drink the beer and be back in your seat before the second half kicks-off. Unless you down it in one something has got to give.

 

iii.) I guess some people just need to be somewhere after the game so can't afford to get stuck in traffic. Not really rocket science.

[Dig Dig]

It's not really bizarre though is it? People are late for stuff, that's life, it's not exactly one of the mysteries of the universe.

 

i.) I'm guessing 9 out of 10 late-comers were just having a good time down the pub with their mates and lost track of time. I'm often late because I'm having a laff with mates I don't see that often and am not particularly fussed if I miss the first couple of minutes. Plus we traditionally tend to leave the pub 15mins before kick-off (think it goes back to the old Dell days) regardless of where we are drinking, after a few pints getting from anywhere in town to the ground in 15 seems achievable. This can be a bigger problem on away games, especially in London.

 

ii.) At St Mary's it is physically impossible to watch the whole first half, queue for a beer, drink the beer and be back in your seat before the second half kicks-off. Unless you down it in one something has got to give.

 

iii.) I guess some people just need to be somewhere after the game so can't afford to get stuck in traffic. Not really rocket science.

 

just watch the game mate, it's only a couple of hours.

[Turkish]

Fancy dress in any form.

People who wear saints shirts over hoodies

TheGet if foooooooooorward!!!!, GET RID OF IT! GET IN THE MIXER! brigade

Santa hats, tinsel wigs, reindeer hats, Elfs hats etc.

Blokes over the age of 14 having players names on the backs of their shirts

People having hilarious comedy names/phrases or their nicknames on the backs of their shirts

As mentioned already calling Soccerball 'footy'

Women trying to speak intelligently about what is going on on the pitch

People who think they are comedians, like the bloke who used to sit near me who called Hooliveld 'Hoover' would shout 'come on 'oover' in his broadest 'ampshire accent and then look round to see if anyone was laughing

Clapping over songs like demented seals.

[Wrensup]

Fancy dress in any form.

 

was waiting for this haha

[Jonnyboy]

I hate it when I try to hug the man next to me when we score and I get a bit hard and he gets all sh*tty about it and when his wife gets all weird if I cup his buttocks with my hands. Call yourself Saints fans?

 

[CB Saint]

I have one seriously annoying old git sat behind me. All game it is "get it forward" and "rubbish" and other whining and whinging.

 

The best so far this season was this week when started having a pop at the team for too much negativity. The irony was completely lost on him.

[LeBenali]

Apparently Luke Shaw is a poor player because he's one too one footed.

[Steeleye Saint]

 

Despite paying for a footy ticket each week, looking forward to the game etc, checking websites for team news all week, chatting about looking forward to the game...

 

Some people can't:

 

i.) Arrive on time

ii.) Arrive for the second half on time

iii.) Stay to watch the end of the game

 

Just bizarre, all three equally.

 

Quite agree, everyone should stay in their seat until the final whistle blows... then I'd get a clear run at getting out of the ground early, back to my car and away before the rest of the numpties jam up the town. Sweet.

[benjii]

Running round an empty terrace on your own at a youth match then getting bundled down a stair well by the stewards and handed over to the cops.