The Top Ten Conspiracy Theories - If You Believed One Of Them

[aintforever]

As well as Diana's death, I am intrigued with Dr.David Kelly's "suicide". What are peoples thoughts on his death?

 

Kelly was obviously assassinated, there was not even a proper coroner's inquest into his death which is outrageous considering the huge motivation for assassination.

 

Another obvious assassination is this guy...

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-24927078

 

Probably an accident! He was found naked in a padlocked bag in a bath. It appear no matter how obvious a murder there is no limits to what we are supposed to accept as plausible excuses.

[Whitey Grandad]

Kelly was obviously assassinated, there was not even a proper coroner's inquest into his death which is outrageous considering the huge motivation for assassination.

 

Another obvious assassination is this guy...

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-24927078

 

Probably an accident! He was found naked in a padlocked bag in a bath. It appear no matter how obvious a murder there is no limits to what we are supposed to accept as plausible excuses.

 

Perfectly plausible. Perhaps he was trying to save money by posting himself to Scotland and Parcelforce* never turned up?

 

* Insert name of any delivery company here.

[pap]

Kelly was obviously assassinated, there was not even a proper coroner's inquest into his death which is outrageous considering the huge motivation for assassination.

 

Another obvious assassination is this guy...

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-24927078

 

Probably an accident! He was found naked in a padlocked bag in a bath. It appear no matter how obvious a murder there is no limits to what we are supposed to accept as plausible excuses.

 

I know I wasn't going to participate in this thread, and still largely won't - but is this aintforever making the case for state-sponsored assassinations, perchance?

 

Some serious progress being made here. Pray, continue

[Barry Sanchez]

State s[onsored assassination has been going on for as long as there has been people on this Earth, the common man simply does not want to know about it or more to the point their Government doing it, someone elses is fine fine but not theirs.

[ottery st mary]

Has Jason Bourne retired yet?

 

Mind you....Bourne not needed when you can get man to lock himself in a holdall:uhoh:

Edited 13 November, 2013 by ottery st mary

[aintforever]

I know I wasn't going to participate in this thread, and still largely won't - but is this aintforever making the case for state-sponsored assassinations, perchance?

 

Some serious progress being made here. Pray, continue

 

I have always been open to the idea of state-sponsored assassinations just not involving robots flying planes or half of London being crisis actors. Any plot would be simple, only even involve a hand full of people at most, and be very low risk.

[pap]

I have always been open to the idea of state-sponsored assassinations just not involving robots flying planes or half of London being crisis actors. Any plot would be simple, only even involve a hand full of people at most, and be very low risk.

 

What are your feelings on Robin Cook? Legit?

[aintforever]

What are your feelings on Robin Cook? Legit?

 

Havn't read enough about it to be honest but does seem a bit 'convenient'.

[Secret Site Agent]

One of the things that I was taught before I built stuff was that the best way to hide a truth was deep in a lie. That being said you can read much into many of the conspiracy theories given.

One example is the Roswell/Area 51 conspiracy. Make the populace think it's home to alian technology so that when they see a strange shape in the sky - it's a UFO, Not a Stealth Bomber/Stealth Fighter/test bed aircraft.

Also the moon landings. (this is an example) Fake the moon landings to hide the fact that you have already been to the moon and constructed a moon base and nuclear missile battery there pointing to the USSR. Some of these conspiracies re-geneate for a reason, and it's THAT reason that is the biggest conspiracy of all. MI6, also known as the Secret Intelligence Service, didn't officially exist untilk a few years ago, yet Bond has been working for them since the sixties. And if you have MI5 at home, and MI6 abroad, how come we also have the DIS, The Defence Intelligence Staff, who may or may not do the same job? What of the mysterious secretive hidden pipeline that runs through the UK delivering fuel to governemnt instalations and airfields around the UK. It, and the Government Pipeline and Storage system not onl;y don't exist, but you can buy capacity from them for commercial purposes and they are trying to flog off the whole system to private enterprise.

I could go on but there is a man at my door in a hat and dark glasses....no, i don't want to buy any encyclopedias.....what's in you hand...no I never told them anythi...........

[scotty]

Just watched a bit of the JFK documentary while I was having my dinner, and was struck by this priceless piece of commentary, which I quote verbatim:

 

"Did the Secret Service have something to hide?"

[svetigpung]

this has to be up there with the best

 

http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2013/nov/13/mi6-spy-dead-bag-locked-himself-gareth-williams

 

three years to reach the conclusion "he probably did it himself"

 

shame to lose him if he was that good

 

but seroiusly WTF

[jjsaint]

Havn't read enough about it to be honest but does seem a bit 'convenient'.

 

Agree, but what would the state have to gain by killing Robin Cook? Revenge?

[aintforever]

Agree, but what would the state have to gain by killing Robin Cook? Revenge?

 

Maybe Cook had proof or was willing to testify that the government knew Iraq didn't have WMDs when they took us into war?

[aintforever]

this has to be up there with the best

 

http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2013/nov/13/mi6-spy-dead-bag-locked-himself-gareth-williams

 

three years to reach the conclusion "he probably did it himself"

 

shame to lose him if he was that good

 

but seroiusly WTF

 

It is bonkers isn't it, we actually live in a world where our police want us to believe that this guy climbed into a hold all, got into a bath and locked it himself in and accidentally died. All without leaving fingerprints on the lock or bath.

[buctootim]

Maybe Cook had proof or was willing to testify that the government knew Iraq didn't have WMDs when they took us into war?

 

It was only ever a judgement call about Iraq having WMD - there is no way Cook could have known definitively. The main reason the west thought Iraq had WMD as because Saddam Hussein led everybody to believe they did - mainly because he didn't want Iran to know Iraq was weak. Bad judgement by both Saddam and western intelligence. Cock up is far more common than conspiracy.

[pap]

Maybe Cook had proof or was willing to testify that the government knew Iraq didn't have WMDs when they took us into war?

 

He was also Foreign Secretary at the time of Diana's death. Could have potentially known a lot about those events.

[buctootim]

It is bonkers isn't it, we actually live in a world where our police want us to believe that this guy climbed into a hold all, got into a bath and locked it himself in and accidentally died. All without leaving fingerprints on the lock or bath.

 

What is bonkers is the belief that if this real was a state sponsored assassination they would have used this method and would have failed to make the storyline more convincing with basic steps like fingerprints.

[pap]

What is bonkers is the belief that if this real was a state sponsored assassination they would have used this method and would have failed to make the storyline more convincing with basic steps like fingerprints.

 

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/mi6-dirty-secrets-why-do-sex-games-819152

[hypochondriac]

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/mi6-dirty-secrets-why-do-sex-games-819152

 

You have zero willpower.

[aintforever]

What is bonkers is the belief that if this real was a state sponsored assassination they would have used this method and would have failed to make the storyline more convincing with basic steps like fingerprints.

 

In my opinion the most likely reason for the bizarre and nasty method was that it was done as a warning to other MI6 agents. I expect this guy snooped a bit too far into some other country's affairs and by killing him this way they made it obvious that it was assassination.

[buctootim]

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/mi6-dirty-secrets-why-do-sex-games-819152

 

I've managed an A&E dept. You wouldn't believe the number of people bought in with auto-asphyxia; wearing womens clothes, door knobs up their jacksies, critically ill from long dead hamsters in their colon and various other pastimes. Im pretty sure most of them weren't spies.

 

If you want people to cease to be a problem and disappear quietly you lose them at sea in sailing or swimming accident.

[pap]

You have zero willpower.

 

Considerably more than zero.

 

I'm still intent on taking a backseat on this thread. Has been genuinely interesting to see views without a b!tch-fight in the middle.

[buctootim]

it was done as a warning to other MI6 agents. I expect this guy snooped a bit too far into some other country's affairs and by killing him this way they made it obvious that it was assassination.

 

Wouldn't a bullet in the middle of the forehead with a note in Russian / Chinese saying 'Keep out' do that more effectively?

 

Everyone on this thread should read 'Them' by Jon Ronson. Its about 12 years old now but still highly relevant. He spends time with a bunch of people labelled by others as extremists. Omar Bakri, Alex Jones, David Icke, Weaver family (Ruby Ridge) and others.

Edited 14 November, 2013 by buctootim

[jjsaint]

He was also Foreign Secretary at the time of Diana's death. Could have potentially known a lot about those events.

 

Good point. He could have called the hit on Denver.

[svetigpung]

I've managed an A&E dept. You wouldn't believe the number of people bought in with auto-asphyxia; wearing womens clothes, door knobs up their jacksies, critically ill from long dead hamsters in their colon and various other pastimes. Im pretty sure most of them weren't spies.

 

If you want people to cease to be a problem and disappear quietly you lose them at sea in sailing or swimming accident.

 

Cant really relate to this as a perferted sex-act gone wrong. Unless he was going to blow himself while inside the bag!

Have you seen the bag? I'd struggle to get two legs in there.

A padlock without his fingerprints. On the outside of the bag. Really?

 

That its a hit is not the real question here. Its the police (na goverment) cover up and the subsequent report that is disturbing. How gullible do they take us for?

[CHAPEL END CHARLIE]

Just watched a bit of the JFK documentary while I was having my dinner, and was struck by this priceless piece of commentary, which I quote verbatim:

 

"Did the Secret Service have something to hide?"

 

I too saw this programme 'JFK's Secret Killer:The Evidence' (C5 Tuesday) and I must say it was rather interesting.

 

For those who missed it, the central tenant of the programme is that while Lee Harvey Oswald did indeed shoot and hit the President that black day in Dallas fifty years ago, the actual final 'kill shot' (a shot that cause massive damage to JFK's skull) was it is argued the result of the accidental discharge of a Secret Service agent's AR-15 assault rifle from a following car.

 

There is actually some circumstantial evidence to back this up. Several witnesses traveling in the presidential motorcade report seeing a agent holding the rifle at the time and at least one of them also testifies that he could smell gunpowder in the air - a smell it seems reasonable to conclude that could not possibly have emanated from the distant Texas School Book Depository. Crucially the round that struck the President's brain seems to have shattered into small fragments while the slightly earlier (Lee Harvey) round that had already hit JFK in the neck and gone on to wound Governor Connolly remained intact. This last point, and unresolved questions surrounding the caliber of the kill shot, are key.

 

There are needless to say some problems with this theory, not least of which is that fact that - despite there being hundreds of witnesses present - not one of them seems to have noticed his bodyguard shooting the President of the United States in the head! I also understand that the accused Secret Service man (George Hickey) sued the author of this claim back in the 1990's - he won the case.

 

Nevertheless, what we might call the 'cock-up' theory of history often seems to offer a more convincing explanation of Human behavior than the conspiratorial one, and one can certainly see why the US Secret Service would want to cover up such a cataclysmic example of Human error.

 

 

http://www.channel5.com/shows/jfks-secret-killer-the-evidence/episodes/jfks-secret-killer-the-evidence

[buctootim]

[Verbal]

There are needless to say some problems with this theory, not least of which is that fact that - despite there being hundreds of witnesses present - not one of them seems to have noticed his bodyguard shooting the President of the United States in the head! I also understand that the accused Secret Service man (George Hickey) sued the author of this claim back in the 1990's - he won the case.

 

This is not strictly true. He sued outside the statute of limitations and the case was dismissed, but he subsequently reached an out-of-court settlement with the author and publishers, which amounted to an admission that they were wrong. Of course, now he's dead, Hickey is once again open season for those such as the Channel 5 schlockmeisters.

[aintforever]

It was only ever a judgement call about Iraq having WMD - there is no way Cook could have known definitively. The main reason the west thought Iraq had WMD as because Saddam Hussein led everybody to believe they did - mainly because he didn't want Iran to know Iraq was weak. Bad judgement by both Saddam and western intelligence. Cock up is far more common than conspiracy.

 

But Cook may have known that Blair was aware that Iraq posed little or no WMD threat to the UK and purposely sexed up the idea to force regime change. At the moment Blair gets away with it because he can always point to the official line from the secret services, and that's where any inquiry hits a brick wall because what happens there remains secret.

 

Iraq barely had a working tank when we invaded, let alone anything near WMDs, you have to be naive in the extreme to believe the US, UK or Israeli secret services didn't know that at the time. Their military was decimated through years of sanctions. In fact I would say the only reason we DID invade was because they knew for a fact that there was no threat, even to countries near them like Israel.

[Whitey Grandad]

I too saw this programme 'JFK's Secret Killer:The Evidence' (C5 Tuesday) and I must say it was rather interesting.

 

For those who missed it, the central tenant of the programme is that while Lee Harvey Oswald did indeed shoot and hit the President that black day in Dallas fifty years ago, the actual final 'kill shot' (a shot that cause massive damage to JFK's skull) was it is argued the result of the accidental discharge of a Secret Service agent's AR-15 assault rifle from a following car.

 

There is actually some circumstantial evidence to back this up. Several witnesses traveling in the presidential motorcade report seeing a agent holding the rifle at the time and at least one of them also testifies that he could smell gunpowder in the air - a smell it seems reasonable to conclude that could not possibly have emanated from the distant Texas School Book Depository. Crucially the round that struck the President's brain seems to have shattered into small fragments while the slightly earlier (Lee Harvey) round that had already hit JFK in the neck and gone on to wound Governor Connolly remained intact. This last point, and unresolved questions surrounding the caliber of the kill shot, are key.

 

There are needless to say some problems with this theory, not least of which is that fact that - despite there being hundreds of witnesses present - not one of them seems to have noticed his bodyguard shooting the President of the United States in the head! I also understand that the accused Secret Service man (George Hickey) sued the author of this claim back in the 1990's - he won the case.

 

Nevertheless, what we might call the 'cock-up' theory of history often seems to offer a more convincing explanation of Human behavior than the conspiratorial one, and one can certainly see why the US Secret Service would want to cover up such a cataclysmic example of Human error.

 

 

http://www.channel5.com/shows/jfks-secret-killer-the-evidence/episodes/jfks-secret-killer-the-evidence

 

Three shots were fired in total. The first missed, the second went through Kennedy's neck and into Governor Connolly and the third hit Kennedy on the back of the right side of his head and fragmented giving a very large exit wound. There was a very interesting TV programme many years ago which was in the form of an inquest at which many of the original witnesses gave evidence including the autopsy surgeon. He showed a drawing or it might have been an x-ray of the bullet fragments in Kennedy's skull. The second bullet is often referred to as the 'magic bullet' because it appeared to have fallen out of Connolly onto the hospital trolley completely undamaged. There was nothing in the evidence to suggest that Oswald did not or could not have killed Kennedy but one witness described seeing somebody the other side of the underpass with a rifle who put it into the trunk of his car and drove off. The witness followed him for some distance and even took the licence number but none of the officials was interested at the time and he eventually threw the number away.

[buctootim]

But Cook may have known that Blair was aware that Iraq posed little or no WMD threat to the UK and purposely sexed up the idea to force regime change. At the moment Blair gets away with it because he can always point to the official line from the secret services, and that's where any inquiry hits a brick wall because what happens there remains secret.

 

Iraq barely had a working tank when we invaded, let alone anything near WMDs, you have to be naive in the extreme to believe the US, UK or Israeli secret services didn't know that at the time. Their military was decimated through years of sanctions. In fact I would say the only reason we DID invade was because they knew for a fact that there was no threat, even to countries near them like Israel.

 

I'm not disputing the faulty intelligence or highly dubious motives for wanting to invade Iraq. Its on record that Cook disagreed with the cabinet decision to go to war and he gave a powerful speech against the decision in the House of Commons. Its a hell of a long way from there to saying Blair ordered his assassination.

[pap]

Back and to the left.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11Fl9ZVJ7B8

[Horley CTFC Saint]

Back and to the left.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11Fl9ZVJ7B8

 

http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/12904734/fpart/all/vc/1

[Saint in Paradise]

When are you all going to accept the fact that all Governments never tell lies, they always tell the truth,

the whole truth and nothing but the truth about everything.

 

Anything you see in the sky that you don't recognize is obviously a Chinese lantern and anything you

see on the ground that you don't recognize is caused by mass hysteria.

 

Everyone just become a sheeple, like some on here already are, so that you can live a happier life as you

will then stop worrying about things that the Governments don't want you to know about. Simples

[Window Cleaner]

When are you all going to accept the fact that all Governments never tell lies, they always tell the truth,

the whole truth and nothing but the truth about everything.

 

Anything you see in the sky that you don't recognize is obviously a Chinese lantern and anything you

see on the ground that you don't recognize is caused by mass hysteria.

 

Everyone just become a sheeple, like some on here already are, so that you can live a happier life as you

will then stop worrying about things that the Governments don't want you to know about. Simples

 

Occasionally words must serve to veil the facts. But let this happen in such a way that no one become aware of it; or, if it should be noticed, excuses must be at hand to be produced immediately.

 

from the 16th century guru that still guides most of them, what can you expect.

[Viking Warrior]

Watched the tv programme . So Kennedy was accidentally shot by a fed agent . Lucky shot falling backwards as he tried to get his weapon after the first shot or was it deliberate . Shame jack ruby and Oswald died so soon after events

[RonManager]

Shame jack ruby and Oswald died so soon after events

 

...ooorrr diiid theeeey?

 

eh? eh?

 

[Viking Warrior]

Some great old black and white photos on BBC news web site . I have always believed that Kennedy was killed by a n others and Oswald was either involved or was a decoy . I have believed this since I was about 14 . Anyway back to the photos . Nobody looks startled or surprised in them when a cool smartly dressed ruby appears and shoots Oswald . No anguish shock surprised look on their faces when this happens . I am of the firm believe Oswald did not act alone . Ruby shot him not as a concerned Texan but because he was part of the assassination . I'm going to go into my attic and find all the school project I did for this .

[Verbal]

I'm going to go into my attic and find all the school project I did for this .

 

Quite.

 

The real problem for anyone trying to discover the "truth" about the Kennedy assassination is that he was shot by the archetypal conspiracy theorist. Lee Harvey Oswald was dreaming up conspiracy theories as he sat in his jail cell. "I was just a patsy" was, ironically, the sound of a starting pistol for all the other conspiracy theorists to pile in after him.

[pap]

Quite.

 

The real problem for anyone trying to discover the "truth" about the Kennedy assassination is that he was shot by the archetypal conspiracy theorist. Lee Harvey Oswald was dreaming up conspiracy theories as he sat in his jail cell. "I was just a patsy" was, ironically, the sound of a starting pistol for all the other conspiracy theorists to pile in after him.

 

I may well be slow on the uptake, but isn't VW positing a non-Oswald theory, and isn't your contribution here just a proofless assertion that he's wrong?

 

What year do you think it is right now? If it's pre-'77, you might get a pass.

[dubai_phil]

I'm keeping my powder dry on JFK until next week's 2 day non stop History & Discovery Channel Conspiracy Fest.

 

Meanwhile

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2509626/Brittany-Murphys-father-believes-husband-poisoned-death-government-spooks.html

 

Brittany Murphy's father has sensationally claimed that the tragic ‘Clueless’ actress was poisoned to death by after offering her celebrity backing to a whistleblower fighting the government.

Angelo Bertolotti, 87, alleges that at the time of her death his daughter was under surveillance from shadowy government operators who wiretapped her phone and terrorized her after she spoke out in support of a Department of Homeland Security whistleblower.

 

 

I have a pretty big question on this one, who the hell was Brittnay Murphy? Shouldn't they have gone after Ms Spears?

[Halo Stickman]

I've managed an A&E dept. You wouldn't believe the number of people bought in with auto-asphyxia; wearing womens clothes, door knobs up their jacksies, critically ill from long dead hamsters in their colon and various other pastimes. Im pretty sure most of them weren't spies.

 

If you want people to cease to be a problem and disappear quietly you lose them at sea in sailing or swimming accident.

 

My sister worked in an A & E department; she too can cite plenty of examples of patients with weird things inserted in strange places; and some of the explanations as to how they got there are truly hilarious – my favourite being an old chap with a carrot up his backside who insisted he had slipped over whilst working on his allotment.

[Viking Warrior]

I also worked in a A&E and can confirm a number if strange objects having to extracted fron parts of the anatomy . A gear stick being one such item

[pap]

How to stop high-profile political assassinations.

 

1) Don't bother sending anyone to get treated if they develop a mental illness. Cap them there and then.

2) No-one to ever live alone again.

3) No-one to ever write a diary again

[Halo Stickman]

A couple of years ago whilst travelling on a train to watch Somerset play Hampshire in the county championship I noticed that the chap sat next to me was reading some papers on Dr David Kelly. We got talking and it transpired that his name was Dr David Halpin, a retired surgeon and one of six doctors who had pressed for a reopening of the inquest into Kelly’s death. He seemed like a genuine chap and was certainly passionate in his belief that Kelly had not committed suicide. He told me how his colleagues had had to give up the fight (because of health and financial reasons) for a reopening of the inquest, but that he was determined to continue his struggle for the truth to be told. As I departed the train at Taunton I promised to look at his website.

 

After a glorious summer’s day watching Adams and Carberry putting the Somerset bowlers to the sword, I fulfilled my promise and visited his website, where I saw that he had a history of fighting causes, which included chartering a Brixham trawler to sail medical and food supplies to the Palestinians in 2003. Part of me thought: how wonderful it is that people are prepared to fight so hard for something they believe in; but another, perhaps more cynical, part of me thought: isn’t this just an example of people, especially retired, previously very active people, needing to find a cause to fight in order to justify their existence – a raison d’etre, if you like?

 

Just like everyone else, I can never be absolutely certain as to how Dr Kelly met his death, but something David Halpin said to me on that train stuck in my mind ever since: “With all the deadly materials Dr Kelly had easy access to, there’s no way I will ever believe he would choose to kill himself by taking a few tablets and slitting his wrists with a blunt penknife.”

 

Yes, perhaps, that does sound bizarre, just like the death (accidental or deliberate) of the M15 agent in the bag sounds bizarre; but couldn’t it be the case that these deaths only seem bizarre to people that are neither in a suicidal frame of mind nor engaging in some form of masochistic sexual behaviour (hadn’t the M15 agent on a previous occasion padlocked himself naked to his bed)? Couldn’t it be the case that these strange deaths seem so bizarre to us that we tend to turn to conspiracy theories in order to get our heads around them?

 

I’m not ruling out more sinister explanations entirely, I’m just positing a more mundane theory.

[pap]

A couple of years ago whilst travelling on a train to watch Somerset play Hampshire in the county championship I noticed that the chap sat next to me was reading some papers on Dr David Kelly. We got talking and it transpired that his name was Dr David Halpin, a retired surgeon and one of six doctors who had pressed for a reopening of the inquest into Kelly’s death. He seemed like a genuine chap and was certainly passionate in his belief that Kelly had not committed suicide. He told me how his colleagues had had to give up the fight (because of health and financial reasons) for a reopening of the inquest, but that he was determined to continue his struggle for the truth to be told. As I departed the train at Taunton I promised to look at his website.

 

After a glorious summer’s day watching Adams and Carberry putting the Somerset bowlers to the sword, I fulfilled my promise and visited his website, where I saw that he had a history of fighting causes, which included chartering a Brixham trawler to sail medical and food supplies to the Palestinians in 2003. Part of me thought: how wonderful it is that people are prepared to fight so hard for something they believe in; but another, perhaps more cynical, part of me thought: isn’t this just an example of people, especially retired, previously very active people, needing to find a cause to fight in order to justify their existence – a raison d’etre, if you like?

 

Just like everyone else, I can never be absolutely certain as to how Dr Kelly met his death, but something David Halpin said to me on that train stuck in my mind ever since: “With all the deadly materials Dr Kelly had easy access to, there’s no way I will ever believe he would choose to kill himself by taking a few tablets and slitting his wrists with a blunt penknife.”

 

Yes, perhaps, that does sound bizarre, just like the death (accidental or deliberate) of the M15 agent in the bag sounds bizarre; but couldn’t it be the case that these deaths only seem bizarre to people that are neither in a suicidal frame of mind nor engaging in some form of masochistic sexual behaviour (hadn’t the M15 agent on a previous occasion padlocked himself naked to his bed)? Couldn’t it be the case that these strange deaths seem so bizarre to us that we tend to turn to conspiracy theories in order to get our heads around them?

 

I’m not ruling out more sinister explanations entirely, I’m just positing a more mundane theory.

 

Norman Baker, MP for Lewes, has probably done the most public work on the death of Dr. Kelly. He took a sabbatical from his shadow ministerial post to write a book about it. He concludes that Kelly was likely murdered, but stops well short of implicating anyone in government circles. One of his theories is that an Iraqi cell took Dr Kelly out.

 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Strange-Death-David-Kelly/dp/1842752170

 

I'll never forget the day myself. I was in Parliament on business at the time and was with two civil servants. Their immediate reaction was that he'd been "done". At the time, I was a little disturbed that they reached the conclusion so readily.

[Special K]

My sister worked in an A & E department; she too can cite plenty of examples of patients with weird things inserted in strange places; and some of the explanations as to how they got there are truly hilarious – my favourite being an old chap with a carrot up his backside who insisted he had slipped over whilst working on his allotment.

 

:lol:

 

A Doctor I knew told a story of an aging Gent who came into A&E claiming he has the plastic top from a can of deodorant stuck up his kyber. He explained that is was after "playing games with his wife" and that he couldn't get it out, although it was only "just inside". The Doctor said (although i do not know if it is true) that he asked the mush to bend over and started searching for the cap and inserted his fingers into the fellas anus. After a while of not being able to feel anything he could see that the bloke was moving around and squealing, before realising that that the old boy was banging one out :poundit:and didn't actually have anything up his dirtbox! Don't know it is true, but it had me laughing in the pub nonetheless.

 

Also, a Nurse I was seeing at the time told a story of a bird who was being frigged off by her boyfriend who was using a beer bottle, which splintered inside her ! ****ing ouch! And a old boy came in with the stalk of a stinging nettle shoved down his japs, right into his bladder as he thought the stings would give him a fun sensation.

 

Some weird bug gers out there.

[Whitey Grandad]

I've never been convinced by the Stephen Milligan explanations.

[buctootim]

:lol:

 

A Doctor I knew told a story of an aging Gent who came into A&E claiming he has the plastic top from a can of deodorant stuck up his kyber. He explained that is was after "playing games with his wife" and that he couldn't get it out, although it was only "just inside". The Doctor said (although i do not know if it is true) that he asked the mush to bend over and started searching for the cap and inserted his fingers into the fellas anus. After a while of not being able to feel anything he could see that the bloke was moving around and squealing, before realising that that the old boy was banging one out :poundit:and didn't actually have anything up his dirtbox! Don't know it is true, but it had me laughing in the pub nonetheless.

 

Also, a Nurse I was seeing at the time told a story of a bird who was being frigged off by her boyfriend who was using a beer bottle, which splintered inside her ! ****ing ouch! And a old boy came in with the stalk of a stinging nettle shoved down his japs, right into his bladder as he thought the stings would give him a fun sensation.

 

Some weird bug gers out there.

 

I was having lunch at work with a really attractive consultant in her mid thirties. She apologised for being late - explaining very matter of fact over the mashed potato that her last patient - a very camp gay guy in his 50s turned up without his semen sample which she needed to measure his viral load and said he wasnty able to produce one in the clinics booth used for the purpose. "So I got him to pull his trousers down, inserted my finger and tickled his prostate, it only took about 30 seconds, but he developed a major crisis and wanted to talk to me for ages about how he'd never come with a woman before and did it mean he'd turned and was his whole life to date was a sham? (I think the answer was "no").

 

As an excuse for being late for lunch that was pretty special and I've always envied that guy getting her to make him come for nothing on the NHS.

Edited 19 November, 2013 by buctootim

[Whitey Grandad]

I was having lunch at work with a really attractive consultant in her mid thirties. She apologised for being late - explaining very matter of fact over the mashed potato that her last patient - a very camp gay guy in his 50s turned up without his semen sample which she needed to measure his viral load and said he wasnty able to produce one in the clinics booth used for the purpose. "So I got him to pull his trousers down, inserted my finger and tickled his prostate, it only took about 30 seconds, but he developed a major crisis and wanted to talk to me for ages about how he'd never come with a woman before and did it mean he'd turned and was his whole life to date was a sham? (I think the answer was "no").

 

As an excuse for being late for lunch that was pretty special and I've always envied that guy getting her to make him come for nothing on the NHS.

 

I hope she washed her hands before passing you the salt.