How many of these do you use?

[KK the 2nd]

The problem is it becomes contagious and you find that you start slipping in to using the same bull****. I confess to quite a few (but not the real cringeworthy ones!).

[eurosaint]

The jargon thing becomes even more hilarious when applied by 'non native' English speakers (I worked in an international head office, based in Brussels).

One director famously (and quite forcibly) said :

" I'm not going to do it for you, I just want you to take your tools in your hands and get on with it ! "

[Golden Balls]

The problem is it becomes contagious and you find that you start slipping in to using the same bull****. I confess to quite a few (but not the real cringeworthy ones!).

 

Same. I dislike it but accidents use a few.

 

Someone from my company uses pretty much all of these and some other not listed.

 

The one that annoys me the most is when she's doing training for a group or making a point that needs to be remembered, she always says "get it into the muscle". She'll say it's 3 times minimum per day.

[CB Saint]

Same. I dislike it but accidents use a few.

 

Someone from my company uses pretty much all of these and some other not listed.

 

The one that annoys me the most is when she's doing training for a group or making a point that needs to be remembered, she always says "get it into the muscle". She'll say it's 3 times minimum per day.

 

Perhaps you should oblige her

[The9]

Everyone: Annual Leave, Expectations, Issues and Quality (both are official government PRINCE2 terminology for Project Managers), Matrix, Take this offline.

 

I know people who do, but I don't: Backfill, Close of Play (or COP which is far worse), Drill down, Run this up the Flagpole, Key, No-brainer, Paradigm Shift, upskill, vertical, workshop (as a verb), Yield.

 

I do: Going forward, Heads Up, Leverage (pronounced the american way due to WWF).

 

Never heard it used: Journey, Revert (in the context of replying), sunset, thought shower, Theory X, Zero cycles.

 

Surprised not to see "blue-sky" in there, that's pervading my speech at the moment due to the nature of the project.

Edited 25 October, 2013 by The9

[The9]

We're supposed to be "proactive" and "think around" our problems in my job now. Horrifying.

 

Being proactive is in our bloody competence framework and has been for at least 5 years.

[The9]

Same shit different day, that's mine. Exsqueeze me instead of Excuse me, and wank you very much.

 

Baking powder, but I'm pretty sure Mike Myers and Dana Carvey are responsible for the latter two.

[The9]

Working with kids all day all I hear is the equally annoying "reem", "mint" or "lush"...

 

My etymology of these is as follows (in my head):

 

Reem = Used by Joey Essex in The Only Way Is Essex circa 2010, sort of means stylish, but in an overdone Essexy kind of way.

Mint = a NE England term which came to prominence when Antony the Geordie bloke won Big Brother in the early/mid 2000s just before everyone stopped watching it, and proclaimed everything which was good to be "mint" for the better part of 2 months. Had a recent revival amongst idiots due to Geordie Shore on MTV.

Lush = a word which verbally challenged girls used for "really good" in terms of (mainly) food or drink (but sometimes fashion) when I was a teenager in South Wales in the late 80s, which has now gone national, finally, amongst idiot kids, probably due to The Valleys being on in the same timeslot as Geordie Shore and also on MTV. Has slightly changed meaning in the meantime though, it used to mean "exceptionally luxuriant" and now just means "good".

Edited 25 October, 2013 by The9

[The9]

Oh yeah, and the bloody Cloud, Jesus. I've recently been talking to normal people about IT solutions and have taken to explaining the concept of the Cloud to them in terms they can understand. They have all been universally grateful.

[manji]

The one in my company I hate with a passion is "populate" . You dont fill in a spreadsheet you populate it. Another more obvious one is "we work as a team", no we dont the place is infected with laziness , petty rivalries and snobbery. Veering off slightly another thing our company does is if they want to announce a new initiative

they have a team meeting at some ridiculous time i.e. 6 o'clock Sunday evening get in free pizza , try and make it a "laugh" and if you suggest it is ******** and dont turn up you are cast as not a team player.

[manji]

Oh yeah and non-team players are classed as "terrorists".

[dubai_phil]

You Arabs are a couple of years behind pal, it's all about BYOD and SDN this year.still I'm sure you'll find that out on the golf course.

 

Yeah true that. Was enjoying listening to some Promo girl get her pitch wrong and explain how she was SDN ready on the who are we stand. She got all confused when I asked for her position on SDCN and the NextGen extensibility of networking.

 

Last year was the Cloud, this year it was the Private Cloud and how Microsoft are going to destroy the telephone.

 

and

 

We are mining Big Data and optimizing our Social Media Back End operations.

 

I really preferred it when the world only worried about shifting it's Paradigms by using Focus, Ownership & Commitment to use Scalability to achieve ROI improvements.

[dubai_phil]

Oh yeah, and the bloody Cloud, Jesus. I've recently been talking to normal people about IT solutions and have taken to explaining the concept of the Cloud to them in terms they can understand. They have all been universally grateful.

 

My favourite when someone gets all Cloudy on me is to say "Yes but until you solve the issue of Jurisdiction with secure Digital Forensics..."

 

(No I don't know what it means either but it is their achilles heal and makes them STFU or simply go all mumbly)

[dubai_phil]

The jargon thing becomes even more hilarious when applied by 'non native' English speakers (I worked in an international head office, based in Brussels).

One director famously (and quite forcibly) said :

" I'm not going to do it for you, I just want you to take your tools in your hands and get on with it ! "

 

French Director. Conference Room with 600 salepeople from around the world.

 

we farce a see rheus thrweat to zee kompany at zees time. Eet is eempotent zat you must follow our leedership and f\/ckus.

 

As long as you f\/ck us wee weel be suck sessed.

 

Took us an hour to stop laughing

[Miffy]

Totally love Office Space, it should be on every office workers "to watch" list.

 

I hate buzz words and refuse to use them.

 

Isn't buzzword a buzzword?

Edited 26 October, 2013 by Miffy
Inappropriate spacing

[Turkish]

Concerns car park and wash and wipe were two more utterly cringeworthy ones I heard today whilst on a training course.

[Hamilton Saint]

In my line of work, it's called "Eduspeak" (as in education).

 

Some more recent examples: diversity, inclusivity, 21st century thinking, co-creation.

 

Our Educational authority ("Board of Education") has recently discovered the wonders of Twitter. OMG! This is one path to the future I'm not taking, thank you very much.