trousers Posted 10 October, 2013 Share Posted 10 October, 2013 http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1875847-Do-you-dunk-your-penis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colinjb Posted 10 October, 2013 Share Posted 10 October, 2013 And the next topic in the classics section? "I pooed on my skirt at work today." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buctootim Posted 10 October, 2013 Share Posted 10 October, 2013 No, just hob nobs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNSUN Posted 10 October, 2013 Share Posted 10 October, 2013 I wash my hands after sex. Which sounds overly cautious, until you realise I'm mildly OCD and wash my hands even when I get out of the shower. It's nothing to do with the wife's stinky pussy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colinjb Posted 10 October, 2013 Share Posted 10 October, 2013 Can anyone identify themselves here? http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1827537-Whats-the-worst-funniest-thing-that-a-man-has-ever-said-to-you-after-having-sex Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonnyboy Posted 10 October, 2013 Share Posted 10 October, 2013 Can anyone identify themselves here? http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1827537-Whats-the-worst-funniest-thing-that-a-man-has-ever-said-to-you-after-having-sex Bloody picky these women. Seem whatever a fella says they soon become an ex? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNSUN Posted 10 October, 2013 Share Posted 10 October, 2013 The worst thing a man said to me after sex was "and if you tell anyone about this, I'll kill ya." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sussexsaint Posted 11 October, 2013 Share Posted 11 October, 2013 it can get quite mesy tbh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 11 October, 2013 Share Posted 11 October, 2013 Can anyone identify themselves here? http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1827537-Whats-the-worst-funniest-thing-that-a-man-has-ever-said-to-you-after-having-sex Drink from my fountain. Although that was some time ago, nowadays I usually use the terms "fire hose" or "semolina howitzer". I see that the bear has also been shopped on there. It's just like making love to a schoolgirl being with you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 11 October, 2013 Share Posted 11 October, 2013 I don't use a beaker. I just stand over the toilet bowl and dunk it carefully so as not to cause it to overflow. You have to remember not to flush though or else you can be stuck for hours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colinjb Posted 11 October, 2013 Share Posted 11 October, 2013 (edited) Although that was some time ago, nowadays I usually use the terms "fire hose" or "semolina howitzer". I see that the bear has also been shopped on there. The schoolgirl one reminded me of something that happened to me (no! before you go there, no!!) The girl in question turned to me and said "You make me feel so safe, it's like you're my father or something....." Freud may have had the right idea!! Incidentally, saintbletch..... Semolina Howitzer!? Outstanding. Edited 11 October, 2013 by Colinjb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted 11 October, 2013 Share Posted 11 October, 2013 The schoolgirl one reminded me of something that happened to me (no! before you go there, no!!) The girl in question turned to me and said "You make me feel so safe, it's like you're my father or something....." Freud may have had the right idea!! Beware.... http://www.sickipedia.org/joke/view/sex-and-****/children-1500259 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 11 October, 2013 Share Posted 11 October, 2013 The schoolgirl one reminded me of something that happened to me (no! before you go there, no!!) The girl in question turned to me and said "You make me feel so safe, it's like you're my father or something....." Freud may have had the right idea!! Incidentally, saintbletch..... Semolina Howitzer!? Outstanding. You're not the first, and you certainly won't be the last Colinjb, to see my Semolina Howitzer and describe it as "Outstanding". I think The Muppet Show needs a Sexual Euphemisms thread. Hmmm... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Window Cleaner Posted 11 October, 2013 Share Posted 11 October, 2013 Tipped half a bottle of vodka over mine once, suspect sh@g at Puerto Banus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeintheslowlane Posted 11 October, 2013 Share Posted 11 October, 2013 Tipped half a bottle of vodka over mine once, suspect sh@g at Puerto Banus. There's no such thing as a "suspect" **** at Puerto Banus...they're all guaranteed canker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Window Cleaner Posted 11 October, 2013 Share Posted 11 October, 2013 There's no such thing as a "suspect" **** at Puerto Banus...they're all guaranteed canker. hence the rapid treatment with the Vodka, false alarm though, I spent 3 years with the lady in question afterwards and my dinger didn't drop off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turkish Posted 11 October, 2013 Share Posted 11 October, 2013 I was the one that said ' drink from my fountain' its become my strapline. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 11 October, 2013 Share Posted 11 October, 2013 Tipped half a bottle of vodka over mine once, suspect sh@g at Puerto Banus. Does Port of the bANUS mean something in Spanish? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilippineSaint Posted 12 October, 2013 Share Posted 12 October, 2013 I think The Muppet Show needs a Sexual Euphemisms thread. Hmmm... It will end up being a copy of Roger's Profanosaurus or in the case of Bear Profano sore arse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 12 October, 2013 Share Posted 12 October, 2013 i woke up one time and was smelling a funny smell. "What is that funny smell?" I was saying. Bird was shaking with suppressed mirth. Then she burst out laughing, she was really pissing herself. Turns out that before i woke she had dipped a finger in her vag and wiped a line of pussy juice under my nose, like a snail trail or something. She thinks this is the funniest joke ever, whereas I'm more like what the fuck is the matter with you? I'm thinking of sending her in for testing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNSUN Posted 12 October, 2013 Share Posted 12 October, 2013 i woke up one time and was smelling a funny smell. "What is that funny smell?" I was saying. Bird was shaking with suppressed mirth. Then she burst out laughing, she was really pissing herself. Turns out that before i woke she had dipped a finger in her vag and wiped a line of pussy juice under my nose, like a snail trail or something. She thinks this is the funniest joke ever, whereas I'm more like what the fuck is the matter with you? I'm thinking of sending her in for testing. That's disgraceful. You could get cold sores or something. Imagine a Hitler-like 'stache rash when you're trying to pull the females. Not on. We will happy drink their juices, but wiping it on one's face? That's a no-no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 12 October, 2013 Share Posted 12 October, 2013 That's disgraceful. You could get cold sores or something. Imagine a Hitler-like 'stache rash when you're trying to pull the females. Not on. We will happy drink their juices, but wiping it on one's face? That's a no-no. Yeah, really disgusting. Do you have her phone number? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Badger Posted 12 October, 2013 Share Posted 12 October, 2013 No, just hob knobs Slight amendment to your joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 12 October, 2013 Share Posted 12 October, 2013 Yeah, really disgusting. Do you have her phone number? Sorry mate, Ohio got there first. Meanwhile. God bless the French, the only right thing they ever did in life was inventing the Bidet. Cussons Imperial Leather, almost as good a smell as fresh coffee when one wakes in the morning Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 12 October, 2013 Share Posted 12 October, 2013 That girl sounds utter filth bear! Plse PM me some pics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted 13 October, 2013 Share Posted 13 October, 2013 Sorry mate, Ohio got there first. Meanwhile. God bless the French, the only right thing they ever did in life was inventing the Bidet. Cussons Imperial Leather, almost as good a smell as fresh coffee when one wakes in the morning Ever tried Magno soap? Its a spanish one, best smelling soap I ever used, I buy it in bulk anytime we go to spain as you cant get it here. I imagine in dubai you can buy anything, so try a bar of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Window Cleaner Posted 13 October, 2013 Share Posted 13 October, 2013 Ever tried Magno soap? Its a spanish one, best smelling soap I ever used, I buy it in bulk anytime we go to spain as you cant get it here. I imagine in dubai you can buy anything, so try a bar of it. Available on line though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 14 October, 2013 Share Posted 14 October, 2013 I know what you've been thinking Muppets... "I want my own post-coital, cock cleansing container, but I also want something that will look effortlessly stylish and contemporary." IKEA to the rescue... Or if recycling is important to you... http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/RECYCLABLE-PENIS-BEAKERS-UNUSED-/171145946978 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 14 October, 2013 Share Posted 14 October, 2013 Hi Bletch What's the deal with the microwave? I mean, I am up for a quick dunk as much as the next man but I draw the line at sticking it in the microwave for a quick heat up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buctootim Posted 14 October, 2013 Share Posted 14 October, 2013 Hi Bletch What's the deal with the microwave? I mean, I am up for a quick dunk as much as the next man but I draw the line at sticking it in the microwave for a quick heat up. It a reference to the vasectomy thread - a quicker cheaper alternative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 14 October, 2013 Share Posted 14 October, 2013 Hi Bletch What's the deal with the microwave? I mean, I am up for a quick dunk as much as the next man but I draw the line at sticking it in the microwave for a quick heat up. Hi Toke. So by implication, you're fine sticking it in the dishwasher? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 14 October, 2013 Share Posted 14 October, 2013 (edited) It a reference to the vasectomy thread - a quicker cheaper alternative. yeah right. I go away for a couple of weeks and when I get back that dick bear is famous or something and everyone is getting their balls cut off. WTF! Hi Toke. So by implication, you're fine sticking it in the dishwasher? Yeah, why not. I'm in. Had a Turkish bath last week which is basically a wash down from a horny middle-aged Turkish lady or a skinny teenage member of 1 direction depending on your luck. Dishwasher just takes out the risk I guess. The safe option. Edited 14 October, 2013 by Tokyo-Saint Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 14 October, 2013 Share Posted 14 October, 2013 them penisbeakers do not seem to be big enough. Or is you just rinse the tip? I was thinking of getting my whole shaft+balls in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 14 October, 2013 Share Posted 14 October, 2013 Had a Turkish bath last week which is basically a wash down from a horny middle-aged Turkish lady or a skinny teenage member of 1 direction depending on your luck. Dishwasher just takes out the risk I guess. The safe option. So by my reckoning, you've now bathed with your father in law, and Turkish. Some questions have to be asked and answered. Was your FiL in the same bath with you and Turkish? Who made the most bubbles? Did Turkish wear Burberry speedos? Did your FiL wear anything? (I've read that even granite will wear - if you rub it enough) Rule #1? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 14 October, 2013 Share Posted 14 October, 2013 them penisbeakers do not seem to be big enough. Or is you just rinse the tip? I was thinking of getting my whole shaft+balls in there. #notactualsize #dumbbear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 14 October, 2013 Share Posted 14 October, 2013 Turkish was immaculately dressed as you might imagine bletch. Wearing nothing but a small checked towel, a smile and a semi. A good time was had by all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 14 October, 2013 Share Posted 14 October, 2013 Turkish was immaculately dressed as you might imagine bletch. Wearing nothing but a small checked towel, a smile and a semi. A good time was had by all. LOL. Pay the man the money. Genuine LOL. Toke, I don't know how you came by that picture, but I'm glad you did. BTW, it looks like you need a shave. Where are the rest of the pictures in the series? You know, the ones that show you gently sliding your besudded belly on to Turkish's back in preparation for giving him the "5-limbed massage". Check out the fixed stare in Turkish's eye. He's desperately trying to relax and simply enjoy the moment, but he knows what's coming next. BTW, when you see Turkish, tell him that I like his sandals. Jimmy Chew (sic)? Think about it Toke, think about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 14 October, 2013 Share Posted 14 October, 2013 if I had of known you'd be this interested bletch, I would have invited you along. here you go, more holiday snaps... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 14 October, 2013 Share Posted 14 October, 2013 Why dunk it yourself? Why not get your butler to do it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 14 October, 2013 Share Posted 14 October, 2013 More questions than answers Toke... Where, if you were a betting man Toke, do you think the standing man is about to thrust the seated man's head? Is that Spudgun seated and angry CB Fry standing? Is Spudgun still concious? Exactly what service did Spudgun ask for when he when into the Turkish bath - "Hello, I'd like the cleanest right eye socket the world has ever seen, please"? What is coil of hosing in the bottom left corner of the snap about to be used for? I've haven't seen so much Burberry "slightly-bent-out-of-shape", since the West Ham Social Club screened a lock-in session of Green Street. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 14 October, 2013 Share Posted 14 October, 2013 Where, if you were a betting man Toke, do you think the standing man is about to thrust the seated man's head? Sentences like this have to be read, reread and reread again bletch. Please speaky English, time costs money! Are you asking if you get a Turkish bath will you get a beating and then a suck off? If so, the answer is yes. Try not to think about it in too much depth Bdog. That isn't the bath way. Just relax and let the bubbles do the work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 14 October, 2013 Share Posted 14 October, 2013 Is this the Turkish equivalent of a car wash Toke? If so, is the man in the foreground with his back to us, about to blow his customer dry? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 14 October, 2013 Share Posted 14 October, 2013 Exactly Bletch. So to go back to your original question or implication or whatever. Yes, I am up for an automated dishwasher as in my experience you sometimes get this... But you also sometimes get this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bad Bob Posted 14 October, 2013 Share Posted 14 October, 2013 Hi Toke. So by implication, you're fine sticking it in the dishwasher? Depends if she's bending over the sink or not.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 14 October, 2013 Share Posted 14 October, 2013 Just wait until that table starts spinning! Who'll be the last to come off? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 14 October, 2013 Share Posted 14 October, 2013 (edited) Couldn't tell you whitey. Mine was a reasonably hot middle aged woman. With all those bubbles, I was one of the first to 'come off'. Edited 14 October, 2013 by Tokyo-Saint Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The9 Posted 14 October, 2013 Share Posted 14 October, 2013 I'm disappointed in you lot, that thread is miles funnier than this one. I accept I haven't helped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNSUN Posted 14 October, 2013 Share Posted 14 October, 2013 Come to think of it, I've already got a mug I dip my penis into... ...she married me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilippineSaint Posted 15 October, 2013 Share Posted 15 October, 2013 Why dunk it yourself? Why not get your butler to do it? Is the housemaid an acceptable alternative ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Grandad Posted 15 October, 2013 Share Posted 15 October, 2013 Is the housemaid an acceptable alternative ? Nah, she's the reason it needs cleaning in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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