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Do you dunk your penis?

trousers

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in The Muppet Show

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SNSUN

SNSUN

Posted
Posted

I wash my hands after sex.

 

Which sounds overly cautious, until you realise I'm mildly OCD and wash my hands even when I get out of the shower.

 

It's nothing to do with the wife's stinky pussy.

saintbletch

saintbletch

Posted
Posted

 

Drink from my fountain.

 

Although that was some time ago, nowadays I usually use the terms "fire hose" or "semolina howitzer".

 

I see that the bear has also been shopped on there.

 

It's just like making love to a schoolgirl being with you!
Colinjb

Colinjb

Posted
Posted (edited)
Although that was some time ago, nowadays I usually use the terms "fire hose" or "semolina howitzer".

 

I see that the bear has also been shopped on there.

 

The schoolgirl one reminded me of something that happened to me (no! before you go there, no!!)

 

The girl in question turned to me and said "You make me feel so safe, it's like you're my father or something....."

 

Freud may have had the right idea!! :lol:

 

Incidentally, saintbletch..... Semolina Howitzer!? Outstanding. :)

Edited by Colinjb
saintbletch

saintbletch

Posted
Posted
The schoolgirl one reminded me of something that happened to me (no! before you go there, no!!)

 

The girl in question turned to me and said "You make me feel so safe, it's like you're my father or something....."

 

Freud may have had the right idea!! :lol:

 

Incidentally, saintbletch..... Semolina Howitzer!? Outstanding. :)

 

You're not the first, and you certainly won't be the last Colinjb, to see my Semolina Howitzer and describe it as "Outstanding".

 

I think The Muppet Show needs a Sexual Euphemisms thread. Hmmm...

Window Cleaner

Window Cleaner

Posted
Posted
There's no such thing as a "suspect" **** at Puerto Banus...they're all guaranteed canker.

 

hence the rapid treatment with the Vodka, false alarm though, I spent 3 years with the lady in question afterwards and my dinger didn't drop off.

Bearsy

Bearsy

Posted
Posted

i woke up one time and was smelling a funny smell. "What is that funny smell?" I was saying. Bird was shaking with suppressed mirth. Then she burst out laughing, she was really pissing herself. Turns out that before i woke she had dipped a finger in her vag and wiped a line of pussy juice under my nose, like a snail trail or something.

 

She thinks this is the funniest joke ever, whereas I'm more like what the fuck is the matter with you? I'm thinking of sending her in for testing.

SNSUN

SNSUN

Posted
Posted
i woke up one time and was smelling a funny smell. "What is that funny smell?" I was saying. Bird was shaking with suppressed mirth. Then she burst out laughing, she was really pissing herself. Turns out that before i woke she had dipped a finger in her vag and wiped a line of pussy juice under my nose, like a snail trail or something.

 

She thinks this is the funniest joke ever, whereas I'm more like what the fuck is the matter with you? I'm thinking of sending her in for testing.

 

That's disgraceful. You could get cold sores or something. Imagine a Hitler-like 'stache rash when you're trying to pull the females. Not on.

 

We will happy drink their juices, but wiping it on one's face? That's a no-no.

Whitey Grandad

Whitey Grandad

Posted
Posted
That's disgraceful. You could get cold sores or something. Imagine a Hitler-like 'stache rash when you're trying to pull the females. Not on.

 

We will happy drink their juices, but wiping it on one's face? That's a no-no.

 

Yeah, really disgusting. Do you have her phone number?

dubai_phil

dubai_phil

Posted
Posted
Yeah, really disgusting. Do you have her phone number?

 

Sorry mate, Ohio got there first.

 

Meanwhile.

 

God bless the French, the only right thing they ever did in life was inventing the Bidet.

 

Cussons Imperial Leather, almost as good a smell as fresh coffee when one wakes in the morning

scotty

scotty

Posted
Posted
Sorry mate, Ohio got there first.

 

Meanwhile.

 

God bless the French, the only right thing they ever did in life was inventing the Bidet.

 

Cussons Imperial Leather, almost as good a smell as fresh coffee when one wakes in the morning

 

 

Ever tried Magno soap? Its a spanish one, best smelling soap I ever used, I buy it in bulk anytime we go to spain as you cant get it here. I imagine in dubai you can buy anything, so try a bar of it.

Window Cleaner

Window Cleaner

Posted
Posted
Ever tried Magno soap? Its a spanish one, best smelling soap I ever used, I buy it in bulk anytime we go to spain as you cant get it here. I imagine in dubai you can buy anything, so try a bar of it.

 

Available on line though.

buctootim

buctootim

Posted
Posted
Hi Bletch

 

What's the deal with the microwave? I mean, I am up for a quick dunk as much as the next man but I draw the line at sticking it in the microwave for a quick heat up.

It a reference to the vasectomy thread - a quicker cheaper alternative.

saintbletch

saintbletch

Posted
Posted
Hi Bletch

 

What's the deal with the microwave? I mean, I am up for a quick dunk as much as the next man but I draw the line at sticking it in the microwave for a quick heat up.

 

Hi Toke.

 

So by implication, you're fine sticking it in the dishwasher?

Tokyo-Saint

Tokyo-Saint

Posted
Posted (edited)
It a reference to the vasectomy thread - a quicker cheaper alternative.

 

yeah right. I go away for a couple of weeks and when I get back that dick bear is famous or something and everyone is getting their balls cut off. WTF!

 

Hi Toke.

 

So by implication, you're fine sticking it in the dishwasher?

 

Yeah, why not. I'm in. Had a Turkish bath last week which is basically a wash down from a horny middle-aged Turkish lady or a skinny teenage member of 1 direction depending on your luck. Dishwasher just takes out the risk I guess. The safe option.

Edited by Tokyo-Saint
saintbletch

saintbletch

Posted
Posted
Had a Turkish bath last week which is basically a wash down from a horny middle-aged Turkish lady or a skinny teenage member of 1 direction depending on your luck. Dishwasher just takes out the risk I guess. The safe option.

 

So by my reckoning, you've now bathed with your father in law, and Turkish.

 

Some questions have to be asked and answered.

 

Was your FiL in the same bath with you and Turkish?

 

Who made the most bubbles?

 

Did Turkish wear Burberry speedos?

 

$(KGrHqV,!oEFJOdotTeIBSU1QNeNVQ~~60_57.JPG

 

Did your FiL wear anything? (I've read that even granite will wear - if you rub it enough)

 

Rule #1?

saintbletch

saintbletch

Posted
Posted
Turkish was immaculately dressed as you might imagine bletch. Wearing nothing but a small checked towel, a smile and a semi. A good time was had by all.

 

Attendant-Tellak-Hammam-Turkish-Baths.jpg

 

LOL. Pay the man the money. Genuine LOL.

 

Toke, I don't know how you came by that picture, but I'm glad you did.

 

BTW, it looks like you need a shave.

 

Where are the rest of the pictures in the series?

 

You know, the ones that show you gently sliding your besudded belly on to Turkish's back in preparation for giving him the "5-limbed massage".

 

Check out the fixed stare in Turkish's eye. He's desperately trying to relax and simply enjoy the moment, but he knows what's coming next.

 

BTW, when you see Turkish, tell him that I like his sandals. Jimmy Chew (sic)?

 

Think about it Toke, think about it.

saintbletch

saintbletch

Posted
Posted

0.jpg

 

More questions than answers Toke...

 

Where, if you were a betting man Toke, do you think the standing man is about to thrust the seated man's head?

 

Is that Spudgun seated and angry CB Fry standing?

 

Is Spudgun still concious?

 

Exactly what service did Spudgun ask for when he when into the Turkish bath - "Hello, I'd like the cleanest right eye socket the world has ever seen, please"?

 

What is coil of hosing in the bottom left corner of the snap about to be used for?

 

I've haven't seen so much Burberry "slightly-bent-out-of-shape", since the West Ham Social Club screened a lock-in session of Green Street.

Tokyo-Saint

Tokyo-Saint

Posted
Posted

 

Where, if you were a betting man Toke, do you think the standing man is about to thrust the seated man's head?

 

Sentences like this have to be read, reread and reread again bletch. Please speaky English, time costs money! Are you asking if you get a Turkish bath will you get a beating and then a suck off? If so, the answer is yes.

 

Try not to think about it in too much depth Bdog. That isn't the bath way. Just relax and let the bubbles do the work.

Tokyo-Saint

Tokyo-Saint

Posted
Posted

Exactly Bletch.

 

So to go back to your original question or implication or whatever. Yes, I am up for an automated dishwasher as in my experience you sometimes get this...

 

women-in-turkish-bath-women-in-hamam.jpg

 

But you also sometimes get this...

 

istanbul-turkish-bath-mas-010.jpg

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