Crap Towns UK - Southampton Nominated

[Tokyo-Saint]

The obviously haven't been to bletch's poetry evenings, or one of Bear's recitals.

 

Southampton – a 'cultureless abyss with amenities and nightlife that make Chelmsford look like New York,' according to one disaffected denizen.

 

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/-crap-towns--revealed--david-cameron-and-jeremy-clarkson-in-chipping-norton-set-105306518.html#WsakJAs

[TheSpankBoy]

Obviously never been to For Your Eyes Only. Cultureless indeed!!

[Smirking_Saint]

Not entirely sure how Basingstoke or Reading missed that list TBH

[TheSpankBoy]

Or Stoke.

[mack rill]

wipe your feet on the way out sunny,

[Tokyo-Saint]

Don't worry Mack, you made the chav towns list:

 

The feral packs of kids, the endless bass of the exhausts, the no go area that is Guildhall Walk, the eastern European thugs trading blows and insults and drug dealerships with the locals, the almost total absence of culture (Hornpipe Cinema, where are you when we need you), the North End Wetherspoons, the asbos, the dilapidation of Fratton Park where millionaire footballers drive away from the gloom to their pads in the countryside with the last few hard-earned tenners of the locals burning holes in their armani trousers, the fading splendour of the Southsea villas now carved up into bedsits for ‘transient gentlemen’ and behaviourly-challenged young people, the tiny numbers of beggars (like babies in an orphanage they soon learnt the futility of crying for help), the sewage pumping station that is below sea level, the historic dockyard with its head stuck up its historic arse, gunwharf quays, the students who quickly learn the value of avoiding eye contact, the Somerstown skyline in the day’s dying light, the murders, the crammed urban streets packed with four-wheel drives, the hatchet-faced young women, the horrified old men working in the newsagents, the cheap housing being built on every square millimetre of greenery, the football club chairman who thinks he’s Caesar, Fred sodding Dineneage, the endless rows of terraced houses, the diet of lager and kebabs, the shaved heads, the baseball caps, the stripey tops, the beerbellies, the knuckles, the sovereign rings, the white trainers, Pompey dots, the fights over cabs, the nervous-looking coppers, the sense of dread on every street corner, the tense queues in the One Stops, the drives to the country to escape only to find Leigh Park and Wecock Farm, the pounding of the waves that will one day drown the place, the pleading hope inside that somewhere in the town there are people who don’t find mindless violence funny, Paulsgrove, the muggings, the vandalism, the bi-annual footie-related misplaced patriotism fest that always, always turns into riots, the hatred of Southampton, the hatred of everyone else, the bastardised cockney accent, the kids swigging from lager cans, the tracksuits, the red faces, the baffled old people thinking death might not be quite so bad after all, the smell of dogs**t, the dogs**t, the look you get when buying a broadsheet newspaper and a bottle of wine that doesn’t come in a two-litre bottle, the stabbings, the slashings, the shouting, the racism, the crappy jobs, the grey factories, the drizzle, that f**king pointless £20 million tower they built 100 yards away from one of the most-deprived wards in Britain, the traffic lights that favour a non-existent flow of traffic, the empty libraries, the jam-packed bookies, Fratton Wetherspoons, the tailgating, those poor, brave cyclists, the white vans, the tatoos, the sailors, the endless drivel about regeneration (note to council: a tower block with a few bits of plastic stuck on it is still a tower block), the refusal to do any recycling, that strange orange glow you get in the evenings, the cctv, the concrete, the neighbours that won’t even make eye contact with you, the ordinary people looking to move to Fareham, Cosham Wetherspoons, the buses full of pikeys, Port Solent, Time and Envy, South Parade Pier, the sea, the sea…

[Tokyo-Saint]

And urban dictionary:

 

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=portsmouth

 

portsmouth

546 up, 376 down

The biggest ****hole in the UK. Full of Skate (see definition) and the place smells of nats **** and fish (Grimbsy pales into comparison compared to Port****hole).

 

Relative pawpers in terms of a football team compared to their superior counter parts along the coast. Common sense though will soon prevail and the team of foreign refugee's will be relegated back down where they belong.

[Tokyo-Saint]

It's a great day for Hampshire.

[mulletsaint]

Not entirely sure how Basingstoke or Reading missed that list TBH

 

It's not the first list. I believe Basingstoke was in the original book or it's follow up. One of the co-writers Dan is a Saints fan.

[Polaroid Saint]

Not entirely sure how Basingstoke or Reading missed that list TBH

 

Reading?

 

It's ugly for sure, but has a vibrate arts scene and is excellent for Music all year round, with a number of small venues hosting the most cutting edge bands.

 

Include the surrounding towns and Reading is, cultural at least, a pretty decent town.

 

But then, I'd that's not your sort of thing you wouldn't know that.

 

Basingstoke on the other hand, yes awful.

[Smirking_Saint]

Reading?

 

It's ugly for sure, but has a vibrate arts scene and is excellent for Music all year round, with a number of small venues hosting the most cutting edge bands.

 

Include the surrounding towns and Reading is, cultural at least, a pretty decent town.

 

But then, I'd that's not your sort of thing you wouldn't know that.

 

Basingstoke on the other hand, yes awful.

 

Having worked extensively in reading, it is indeed a s!thole, a nothing town with no nightlife and full of yuppies.

 

I never want to stay for a coffee let alone the music !!

[Tokyo-Saint]

But then, I'd that's not your sort of thing you wouldn't know that.

 

Plus 1 rep points. Actually plus 2 rep points, smirker had it coming to him since that whole Vman thing on the mainboard.

 

**** it - take 3.

[Polaroid Saint]

Having worked extensively in reading, it is indeed a s!thole, a nothing town with no nightlife and full of yuppies.

 

I never want to stay for a coffee let alone the music !!

 

There is a plenty to dislike, but it does sound like you're referencing your personal experiences of working there (and the people you worked with) rather than the town itself.

 

Never ventured to the Oakford? Or Sub89? Rising Sun (either pub or arts centre)? 21 south street?

 

Or even the Rivermead? Or Hexagon?

 

Not forgetting the numerous arts and music festivals.

 

I am not sure why I am defending Reading quite so much, it is hardly my favourite place in the world, but it is renowned for good art and music on the 'alternative' scene at least.

[Smirking_Saint]

There is a plenty to dislike, but it does sound like you're referencing your personal experiences of working there (and the people you worked with) rather than the town itself.

 

Never ventured to the Oakford? Or Sub89? Rising Sun (either pub or arts centre)? 21 south street?

 

Or even the Rivermead? Or Hexagon?

 

Not forgetting the numerous arts and music festivals.

 

I am not sure why I am defending Reading quite so much, it is hardly my favourite place in the world, but it is renowned for good art and music on the 'alternative' scene at least.

 

Listen polaroid, you got your rep points son, I dont doubt that having to drive up to that **** hole on a fairly regular basis had a large part of my hatred, that coupled with doing part of my degree at Reading Uni before the company realised it was indeed a **** hole.

 

Plus you can add the fact whilst I stayed up in reading for the weeks I was at Uni there was **** all to do.

 

Ill take your festival point, but this isnt the 100 worst festivals book, nor is this the Arts section.

 

This is TMS polaroid, and Im not taking none of this culture crap, the only arts we allow here has an F infront of it

[TheSpankBoy]

I have been to the Korean border and Thailand but have never feared for my life more than when walking down Oxford Road in Reading.

[Polaroid Saint]

Listen polaroid, you got your rep points son, I dont doubt that having to drive up to that **** hole on a fairly regular basis had a large part of my hatred, that coupled with doing part of my degree at Reading Uni before the company realised it was indeed a **** hole.

 

Plus you can add the fact whilst I stayed up in reading for the weeks I was at Uni there was **** all to do.

 

Ill take your festival point, but this isnt the 100 worst festivals book, nor is this the Arts section.

 

This is TMS polaroid, and Im not taking none of this culture crap, the only arts we allow here has an F infront of it

 

I have been to the Korean border and Thailand but have never feared for my life more than when walking down Oxford Road in Reading.

 

Whoops. Didn't realise I was in TMS. Just replying to latest threads on a tablet, whilst listen to TMS (the other one, you know with the cricket). Next time I will say something like:

Reading is the tits, I got offered three rocks of crack for only ten quids last time I was hanging outside 613 the pleasure zone.

[Smirking_Saint]

Whoops. Didn't realise I was in TMS. Just replying to latest threads on a tablet, whilst listen to TMS (the other one, you know with the cricket). Next time I will say something like:

Reading is the tits, I got offered three rocks of crack for only ten quids last time I was hanging outside 613 the pleasure zone.

 

+2 rep points

[mack rill]

And urban dictionary:

 

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=portsmouth

 

portsmouth

546 up, 376 down

The biggest ****hole in the UK. Full of Skate (see definition) and the place smells of nats **** and fish (Grimbsy pales into comparison compared to Port****hole).

 

Relative pawpers in terms of a football team compared to their superior counter parts along the coast. Common sense though will soon prevail and the team of foreign refugee's will be relegated back down where they belong.

 

Whooooooosh, Toke's pikey island is not on that list, Av a look under Holiday island,

[Barry Sanchez]

Southampton will always be a middle of the road town, a City in name only, its awfu, woeful and ****e for the arts, culture and nights out and always will be.

[Tokyo-Saint]

Cheers Baz, have a good weekend, keep smiling.

[saintbletch]

The obviously haven't been to bletch's poetry evenings, or one of Bear's recitals.

 

Southampton – a 'cultureless abyss with amenities and nightlife that make Chelmsford look like New York,' according to one disaffected denizen.

 

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/-crap-towns--revealed--david-cameron-and-jeremy-clarkson-in-chipping-norton-set-105306518.html#WsakJAs

 

Toke Toke.[/Quote]

 

I wrote that poem for you Toke. It's called Toke Toke.

 

What you have to work out is how many nouns and verbs I used, and in which order they appear. It can be done. I promise you, you'll have hours of fu...where you going Toke? Come back Toke, come back!

 

By the way, you got it wrong. We don't host recital and poetry evenings, you're thinking of the Bletch And The Bear rectal pottery evenings, which are very popular in the main.

 

Although one philistine punter did tell Bear to shove it up his arse. Which he did, to be fair.

[tpbury]

I will always have a soft spot for Reading. Having done 10 hours moving house in Croydon, I hightailed it to the Purple Toitoise (or whatever it was called) and got laid at a house party in the toilet. Not my finest moment, but enjoyable nevertheless1

[dubai_phil]

What's wrong with teh Nightlife in Reading?

 

At least I once pulled in that town, which is a huge step up from Southampton.

 

Mind you I've only ever had two nights out in Southampton.

 

And that night in Reading feels like it must have been back in the 30's

[dubai_phil]

Ooh I told a lie. I did of course have 3 nights out in Southampton.

 

The first one was in the car park at The Dell starting at HT against Hull (if I recall) before running out to spend a cultural night playing 3 card Brag in the Car Park waiting for the Ticket Office to open to sell the Cup Final Tickets.

 

The lads next to us swapped their copy of Playboy for a cup of coffee at 3am so I suppose you could say I nearly pulled........

[pap]

Southampton is mostly sh!t as a place to visit. I wouldn't go there if I wasn't from there. Pretty much the only worthwhile things down there are friends, family and the football team. The rest I can take or leave.

 

It comes to something when your favourite place to drink in the whole of the city is Bevois Valley. Or, in an age where clubs can stay open all night, a local ordnance which ensures that Southampton clubs shut at 2AM. Anyone with any sense either won't go out or will go somewhere else. The 2AM cut-off point says "hey kids, that crappy drinking culture that has kept this city as a provincial backwater is now crystallised. Bournemouth will CONTINUE to be a better night out than Southampton".

 

Of course, I mention how crap Southampton nightlife is most times I'm down. The near universal response when I do? "Well, why don't you f*ck off back to Liverpool. then?".

 

I do. Every time.

[pap]

It doesn't have to be sh1t. It's well positioned, lots of good stuff nearby, coastal etc. But it's never made the most of any of it. Severely lacking in culture or class, too many ugly buildings, generic sh1t shopping centre, no character, no interesting shops, awful, awful nightlife although largely catering to fairly scummy people to be fair.

 

There's loads of stuff at play here, adriansfc. The biggest problem is that most Sotonians seem outwardly incapable of showing a good time, either on a night out or in day to day life. I don't want to single Sotonians out here; boring, frosty and reserved is a trait you'll find all over the South East. It's also not fair to say that there aren't people down there who do know how to have fun. There are, but they're far and few between and in many cases, their idea of fun is quite different to what yours might be.

 

I've got a mate who alternates between the intellectual sci fi nerd crowd and the people he plays football with. He once reported a night out to me that pretty much describes why I don't bother. This is their fun. Apparently, he'd slapped someone with glasses the night before, thus violating the "never hit a man with glasses" rule. The reason? Well, my mate had repeatedly called this bloke Joe 90. "Joe 90" eventually takes the hump and gets uppity, before being decked. Now I happen to think my mate a bit of a d!ck for doing this, but 9/10 times, can't have seen this scenario playing out the way it did in Liverpool or Ireland, places that have got a well-observed culture of p!ss-taking without leading to violence. Southampton? Nah.

 

Weird, but I'd often curtail my Southampton nightlife activity whenever I had a girlfriend, mistakenly believing that a night out was "only good for f*cking or fighting". I'm cured of that notion now, having experienced Liverpool and the general club scene. I'm not so sure Southampton is.

[South City Si]

Some of you must have some weird nights out in town or just choose the ****tiest places to visit. If you go to Yates etc then this what to expect. Some the bars round Bedford Place aren't bad, have a good time in Orange Rooms, the bars round their are good if that's your thing. Bevois Valley has got better, ie not just a student sh1thole anymore and with the Rockstone and Star it's a fairly decent night out. Music wise the Brook and Talking Heads are decent venues, and we if course have the Joiners if you really want to go to St Marys. But as this is TMS: chavs n fighting and tings, lolz, bloody students send em back to the library.

[Wade Garrett]

My missus was having a dance in the London Hotel on Saturday and a 6 foot transvestite put his stiletto right into her big toe, while he was dancing next to her, and didn't even realise.

 

No culture my arse.

[mulletsaint]

Some of you must have some weird nights out in town or just choose the ****tiest places to visit. If you go to Yates etc then this what to expect. Some the bars round Bedford Place aren't bad, have a good time in Orange Rooms, the bars round their are good if that's your thing. Bevois Valley has got better, ie not just a student sh1thole anymore and with the Rockstone and Star it's a fairly decent night out. Music wise the Brook and Talking Heads are decent venues, and we if course have the Joiners if you really want to go to St Marys. But as this is TMS: chavs n fighting and tings, lolz, bloody students send em back to the library.

 

I haven't been out in Southampton since I was a student in Portsmouth. I always found it a pretty ropey place to spend a night out. Actually tell a lie I remember going to see the Charlatans in about 1996.

 

Anyway I know many people haven't got time for students but to be brutally honest most towns and cities with a decent, varied nightlife, do so because of a thriving student population. A quality colleage or uni with a varied prospectus will breed a more varied nightlife.

[Sour Mash]

Southampton is mostly sh!t as a place to visit. I wouldn't go there if I wasn't from there. Pretty much the only worthwhile things down there are friends, family and the football team. The rest I can take or leave.

 

It comes to something when your favourite place to drink in the whole of the city is Bevois Valley. Or, in an age where clubs can stay open all night, a local ordnance which ensures that Southampton clubs shut at 2AM. Anyone with any sense either won't go out or will go somewhere else. The 2AM cut-off point says "hey kids, that crappy drinking culture that has kept this city as a provincial backwater is now crystallised. Bournemouth will CONTINUE to be a better night out than Southampton".

 

Of course, I mention how crap Southampton nightlife is most times I'm down. The near universal response when I do? "Well, why don't you f*ck off back to Liverpool. then?".

 

I do. Every time.

2am cut off point? Not in Southampton as far as I'm aware.

[pap]

2am cut off point? Not in Southampton as far as I'm aware.

 

My knowledge may be out of date, so PLEASE let me know. Where can one go after 2AM in Southampton? Would be very handy for next visit. Rhino?

[South City Si]

I think Rhino and Junk are open til 4-6 am, could be wrong but certainly not 2! Even though the Shooting Star and Hobbit in the Valley are open til 3, so was the Dorch but not sure if still open. Certainly no "local ordnance". Sounds like you got some strange chip on your shoulder mate. It's not as vibrant as Liverpool yes but most cities in Britain aren't, there are only a handful that are. Southampton has improved and if all plans go ahead (Cultural Quarter, West Quay Watermark, etc) then will be better. Also a lot of people I know complain leave rather than try to make it better, how does that help!

[Sour Mash]

My knowledge may be out of date, so PLEASE let me know. Where can one go after 2AM in Southampton? Would be very handy for next visit. Rhino?

Lennons and Junk off the top of my head.

[Sour Mash]

I think Rhino and Junk are open til 4-6 am, could be wrong but certainly not 2! Even though the Shooting Star and Hobbit in the Valley are open til 3, so was the Dorch but not sure if still open. Certainly no "local ordnance". Sounds like you got some strange chip on your shoulder mate. It's not as vibrant as Liverpool yes but most cities in Britain aren't, there are only a handful that are. Southampton has improved and if all plans go ahead (Cultural Quarter, West Quay Watermark, etc) then will be better. Also a lot of people I know complain leave rather than try to make it better, how does that help!

Well summed up. There is loads of room for improvement, but it's no-where near as bad as is being made out. What I'd really like is to see the bottom end of town used more, some great old buildings, the city walls, would feel like a really lively, proper city. Can't believe a pub like the Ferryman and Firkin has been empty for so long.

[Tokyo-Saint]

It used to be used quite a lot SM but for some reason always ended up being a bit of a sh!t hole with a fight behind every corner. No idea why, even los marinos was a bit of a dump at the end.

[pap]

I think Rhino and Junk are open til 4-6 am, could be wrong but certainly not 2! Even though the Shooting Star and Hobbit in the Valley are open til 3, so was the Dorch but not sure if still open. Certainly no "local ordnance". Sounds like you got some strange chip on your shoulder mate. It's not as vibrant as Liverpool yes but most cities in Britain aren't, there are only a handful that are. Southampton has improved and if all plans go ahead (Cultural Quarter, West Quay Watermark, etc) then will be better. Also a lot of people I know complain leave rather than try to make it better, how does that help!

 

As I said, my knowledge could be well out of date, so it is good to know that Rhino, Junk and possibly Lennons are open past two. There's also the benefit of them being relatively close to each other. Apart from being ever so slightly rebuffed on these three places, I still feel pretty much the same way.

 

Never been to Junk, but been to the other two gaffs. Nothing special. Southampton lacks a decent continuous drinking area. The only thing that even comes close is the Portswood -> Bevois -> London Road crawl.

 

Let's take a look at what the council has seen fit to approve. F**king Leisureworld, an oblong monstrosity that sits at the edge of a load of other oblong monstrosities ( out of town shopping centre in the city centre, another depressing town planning choice! ).

 

When you talk about the handful of cities on a par with Liverpool, I'd bet that London excepted, they're all in the North. My general point was that attitudes prevalent in the South East get in the way of a good time.

[ant]

I've just moved out to Hedge End but spent the best part of 7 or 8 years drinking at The Hobbit, The Shooting Star (formerly Kolebka), The Dungeon, The Alex and more recently The Rockstone. Overall I have to say I was happy enough.

 

Between The Talking Heads, The Brook, The Joiners and The Cellar, Southampton is really picking up for gigs. When I moved down here you generally had to go to Southsea, Brighton or London for decent bands, but most of them are getting booked here now. Looking at my calendar, there's at least half a dozen Southampton gigs I want to go to in the next couple of months.

 

I don't think the city's quite as bad as has been made out - really it's just disconnected. Random bits and pieces strewn across the place with little thought, not least the hastily-built parts in the areas that were worst affected by the war. With a concerted, focused effort over a few years I genuinely believe it'd be easy to inject some soul into Southampton.

 

Still, at least there's some rhinos dotted about the place now.

[pap]

Well summed up. There is loads of room for improvement, but it's no-where near as bad as is being made out. What I'd really like is to see the bottom end of town used more, some great old buildings, the city walls, would feel like a really lively, proper city. Can't believe a pub like the Ferryman and Firkin has been empty for so long.

 

Completely agree about the bottom end of town. It really needs to be joined to Town Quay, in one continuous space. The last time I was in town I was amazed at how derelict the place has become.

[Sour Mash]

When you talk about the handful of cities on a par with Liverpool, I'd bet that London excepted, they're all in the North. My general point was that attitudes prevalent in the South East get in the way of a good time.

I pretty much agree with all your other points in that post, but really can't agree with this one. Bristol and Brighton p**s all over most cities in the north, including Liverpool some might argue.

[Sour Mash]

I pretty much agree with all your other points in that post, but really can't agree with this one. Bristol and Brighton p**s all over most cities in the north, including Liverpool some might argue.

Probably can add Bournemouth to that list.

[Sour Mash]

It used to be used quite a lot SM but for some reason always ended up being a bit of a sh!t hole with a fight behind every corner. No idea why, even los marinos was a bit of a dump at the end.

Used to be made up of ropey old bars and clubs, Brannigans, New Yorks etc. Just think the combination of lots of good old buildings, city walls, close to the water, Oxford Street could make up a quality city centre. Be interesting to see what the Old Northam Road regeneration produces, could have potential.

[Sour Mash]

I don't think the city's quite as bad as has been made out - really it's just disconnected. Random bits and pieces strewn across the place with little thought, not least the hastily-built parts in the areas that were worst affected by the war.

That's the main, over-riding problem.

[pap]

I pretty much agree with all your other points in that post, but really can't agree with this one. Bristol and Brighton p**s all over most cities in the north, including Liverpool some might argue.

 

I'll have to take your word for it on Bristol, and I haven't been to Brighton in over a decade, so I've no recent knowledge there. However, I am intrigued. In what sense do they p!ss all over these Northern cities, specifically the ones I mentioned?

 

How would you sell them to tourists?

[Sour Mash]

I'll have to take your word for it on Bristol, and I haven't been to Brighton in over a decade, so I've no recent knowledge there. However, I am intrigued. In what sense do they p!ss all over these Northern cities, specifically the ones I mentioned?

 

How would you sell them to tourists?

Just based on mine and my mates experiences of various night's outs in those places, certainly don't seem to be a problem with people going out and having a good time in any of those places in the South of England.

[Big Bad Bob]

How would you sell them to tourists?

 

Right, so a City is sold to tourists based on the premise that you can get out or your head until 5 in the morning!!

 

No mention of Culture or History

[pap]

Just based on mine and my mates experiences of various night's outs in those places, certainly don't seem to be a problem with people going out and having a good time in any of those places in the South of England.

 

I have a good time every time I go out with my mates, Sour Mash. I had a f**king blast in Carlisle eight years ago, but that doesn't make Carlisle a brillant nightspot.

[Tokyo-Saint]

Used to be made up of ropey old bars and clubs, Brannigans, New Yorks etc. Just think the combination of lots of good old buildings, city walls, close to the water, Oxford Street could make up a quality city centre. Be interesting to see what the Old Northam Road regeneration produces, could have potential.

 

I agree with you but think it needs a massive overhaul at council level, maybe including saints. The area is for unknown reasons sh!t and always has been. It has loads of potential. I think it should start at the bar gate and go all the way down to the waterfront. I know when I was young they tried to revamp that area but found a load of medieval stuff and had to stop the work for ages. Not sure if this has anything to do with it. At around the same time, they decided to revamp the old bus station area and build that way - now we have all the shops going off in that direction.

[pap]

Right, so a City is sold to tourists based on the premise that you can get out or your head until 5 in the morning!!

 

No mention of Culture or History

 

You are more than welcome to discuss other attractions, Big Bad Bob.

 

We've been discussing drinking establishments for a bit though. Don't read too much into us not discussing other areas.

[Sour Mash]

I have a good time every time I go out with my mates, Sour Mash. I had a f**king blast in Carlisle eight years ago, but that doesn't make Carlisle a brillant nightspot.

And I've had a cracking night out in Barnstaple before, doesn't mean I included it on my list! Point being I've done plenty of nights and days out on the beer in these places and as well as plenty of times out in all the major northern cities (apart from Nottingham), so I'm able to say that these is very little difference between north/south in terms of people going out to enjoy themselves and have a laugh, which was your point that I was responding to.

[The Kraken]

Liverpool is one of the best cities in the country to go out in, so its a bit pointless to highlight that various other towns and cities don't come up to scratch. Its a bit like saying Southampton isn't as good for a night out as London.