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Henry signs for.... yes yes yes


Crouchie's Lawyer
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I'm going to go rob a bank tomorrow.

 

I plan on dressing up in a clown wig and make up and only wearing a thong and nipple tassels.

I'll carry a goat and a can of fluorescent paint in one arm and, while in the bank, I'm going to f*ck the goat and throw the paint over the walls, all the time ripping up pages of a phonebook and swearing my head off. After getting the money, I'll take a sh*t on the floor and p*ss everywhere. I then will escape in a van shaped like a giant pink c*ck.

 

Let's see Crimewatch f*cking stage a reconstruction of that.

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I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night... I wanted my first time to be special.

 

 

I had a pet spider when I was younger. I discovered that when I shouted 'LEFT' he went left, and when I shouted 'RIGHT' he went right, and when I pulled his legs off. . . . he went deaf.

 

 

I went to the hairdressers yesterday and asked for a Number 2 all over....So he shat on my head.

 

 

I was in the pub with my brother yesterday, waiting for his friend Steve. I was a little nervous, because Steve has been trapped in a house fire and was horrifcally burned, so i wasn't sure how to act around him. "Don't worry!" my brother said, "Just treat him like any other person". Just then, Steven had walked into the pub, seen us and came over. "Steve!" my brother said, "we were just talking about you; were your ears burning again?"

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I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night... I wanted my first time to be special.

 

 

I had a pet spider when I was younger. I discovered that when I shouted 'LEFT' he went left, and when I shouted 'RIGHT' he went right, and when I pulled his legs off. . . . he went deaf.

 

 

I went to the hairdressers yesterday and asked for a Number 2 all over....So he shat on my head.

 

 

I was in the pub with my brother yesterday, waiting for his friend Steve. I was a little nervous, because Steve has been trapped in a house fire and was horrifcally burned, so i wasn't sure how to act around him. "Don't worry!" my brother said, "Just treat him like any other person". Just then, Steven had walked into the pub, seen us and came over. "Steve!" my brother said, "we were just talking about you; were your ears burning again?"

 

PM me your e.mail address, I have a special advent calendar for you.

 

Dog - just e.mailing it to you now

 

Jillyanne - What's ur e.mail?

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I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night... I wanted my first time to be special.

 

 

I had a pet spider when I was younger. I discovered that when I shouted 'LEFT' he went left, and when I shouted 'RIGHT' he went right, and when I pulled his legs off. . . . he went deaf.

 

 

I went to the hairdressers yesterday and asked for a Number 2 all over....So he shat on my head.

 

 

I was in the pub with my brother yesterday, waiting for his friend Steve. I was a little nervous, because Steve has been trapped in a house fire and was horrifcally burned, so i wasn't sure how to act around him. "Don't worry!" my brother said, "Just treat him like any other person". Just then, Steven had walked into the pub, seen us and came over. "Steve!" my brother said, "we were just talking about you; were your ears burning again?"

 

You started off very well, I lol'd at the first one, chuckled at the second one and wanted to kill you by the end of the fourth.

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A guy lies sprawled out over three seats in the second row of a busy theatre. As he lies there moaning and breathing heavily an usher approaches him and says, "That's very rude of you, taking up three seats, Sir. Don't you have any manners?" The guy grumbles but barely moves. "Where did you come from?" the usher asks. The guy looks up, groaning, and says, "The f*cking balcony."

 

 

Just got an advent calendar from Woolworths.

 

All the windows were boarded up.

 

 

What do you call a prostitute with her hands down her knickers?

 

Self-employed.

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