Should fatties pay more for flights?

[Ohio Saint]

I have nothing against fat people on planes other than my poor unassuming well-behaved arm. Why is it that they can't keep their over-sized blubbery lard assed body parts within the confines of their own seats? I do NOT want to touch people on aircraft except the ones I personally choose to stumble over while pretending to be caught by turbulence. Keep those sweaty layers of flab to yourself asshole! You should definitely pay more for your seat simply because you get to look at me throughout your flight. I should get a discount for having to look at you!!

[dubai_phil]

OK.

 

Frequent Flyer Travel Tip #16,217.

 

How to cope with and annoy a Fat Person sitting next to you on a Long Haul flight.

 

1) When you discover you are sitting next to a Fat Fook, smile charmingly at the Air Hostess (or in emergency, the Steward * see note later). Ask politely "Do you have any spare cushions?"

2) Take your cushion, place it on end between yourself and the armrest alongside said Fat fook.

3) Place your arm on said cushion. You have now surrendered the mentally all important "Armrest", however, your elbow will now be placed firmly into said Fat fook's midriff. Every movement with your arm - tuning TV channel, opening your free booze (I did say LONG haul) will result in you elbowing said Fat fook in the ribs.

4) When Fat fook turns to complain you say "Look I have already let you have the arm rest, and my elbow is firmly INSIDE the seat area that I have paid for. If you have a problem why don't YOU pay me 600 quid for my seat and I will go and stand at the back.

5) Three things now happen. i) They complain to the Air Hostess/Steward (that you have already charmed). They will be on your side and suggest to the Fat fook that next time THEY should book in Business Class. This makes the Fat fook more miserable than you for 8 hours ii) The Air Hostess/Steward apologise to you and move YOU to Business Class iii) The Fat fook goes and stands up for 8 hours annoying the crew/blocking the toilet area while you sit comfy and smug.

 

*note Flying on Long Haul is the only time it is of a benefit or wise to "Smile Charmingly" at another Male. Doing it on any other occassion normally results in a right hook to the jaw OR being stalked (must be where Supermikey went wrong)

When disembarking from the flight with a Fat fook, it is also a great idea to forget what the Cabin Crew say about being careful when opening an overhead locker. A couple of oh oh's and a oh no is a fine way to swing a 10Kg carry on bag onto said Fat fooker's head OR if there is room into their crotch.

 

 

**note said process is also extremely effective in dealing with the other main problem of Long Haul in economy - the moron/bore/obnoxious git

[Whitey Grandad]

Very useful, thanks Phil. Now what about the annoying selfish old ***** sitting in the seat in front who reclines it all the way back into your knees and chest so that you can't even lower your meals tray for 14 hours?

[CB Saint]

Very useful, thanks Phil. Now what about the annoying selfish old ***** sitting in the seat in front who reclines it all the way back into your knees and chest so that you can't even lower your meals tray for 14 hours?

 

Stuff a load of odd shaped items in the pocket - apples are good

 

Put you tray tble up and down forcibly and repeatly during the flight

 

When you get out of your seat (many times) put as much weight on the top of the seat as possible and bounce seat up and down - when they complain apologise and say it is a bit difficult to get out with their seat so far back.

 

Pray that you get put in front of them on the return flight and repay favour

[pap]

And yet I know nothing about you, my internet arch-nemesis. This simply won't stand.

 

If you see an unmarked van following you around for the next few days, don't worry about it. It's nothing.

 

I am aware of Turkish's identity SuperMikey. I am happy to sell you the details.

 

Turks: I'm also willing to betray young Super Michael to your and your no-doubt fully functioning Harrogate nawty crew.

 

Both: let's speak money.

[SuperMikey]

I am aware of Turkish's identity SuperMikey. I am happy to sell you the details.

 

Turks: I'm also willing to betray young Super Michael to your and your no-doubt fully functioning Harrogate nawty crew.

 

Both: let's speak money.

 

But... I thought we were both part of the liberal elite? Why would you try and sell out one of your comrades for money?!

 

PS: Please send me a PM

[Special K]

I guess it's only a problem for those who cannot afford business class, but then again, you get what you pay for.

[Turkish]

I am aware of Turkish's identity SuperMikey. I am happy to sell you the details.

 

Turks: I'm also willing to betray young Super Michael to your and your no-doubt fully functioning Harrogate nawty crew.

 

Both: let's speak money.

 

Harrogate Chaos Crew FFS!!!

 

Is this like a mongboard version of the final scene in Scooby Doo? Rips off mask to reveal true identity, Super Mikey is shocked at who it is, meanwhile i cry "and i'd have got away with it if it wasnt for you pesky kids"?

[scotty]

These fat f*ckers should have to buy two seats. If they whinge about it, console them by saying at least they'll get two meals.

[Ohio Saint]

These fat f*ckers should have to buy two seats. If they whinge about it, console them by saying at least they'll get two meals.

 

And the air hostess gets to ask the fatty "How many meals would you like to eat today sir?"

[Whitey Grandad]

Stuff a load of odd shaped items in the pocket - apples are good

 

Put you tray tble up and down forcibly and repeatly during the flight

 

When you get out of your seat (many times) put as much weight on the top of the seat as possible and bounce seat up and down - when they complain apologise and say it is a bit difficult to get out with their seat so far back.

 

Pray that you get put in front of them on the return flight and repay favour

 

This was the return flight. I tried most of these but the selfish old cow just complained even louder. Her pig of a husband next door was almost as bad. "I've paid a lot of money for this seat and I expect to use all of it" . What is he think I had paid?

[buctootim]

I guess it's only a problem for those who cannot afford business class, but then again, you get what you pay for.

 

Business class is for those flying on expenses and a few people who think image is more important than value imo. Anybody who is the position to pocket the difference does so.

 

I fly long haul about ten times a year in economy and usually have no problem sleeping for most of the way - which is the best way to get through long haul whichever cabin you're in. Business class is typically about 4x times more expensive so I often save around £1,500 per flight - times that by 10 flights a year and it totals £15,000pa - the cost of a very nice holiday and a good lease car each year or supporting a much heftier mortgage for a better house - all for the sake of getting a hard bed to lay down on for a few hours, a slightly bigger tv screen and some farmed salmon. Whoopy do.

[CB Saint]

This was the return flight. I tried most of these but the selfish old cow just complained even louder. Her pig of a husband next door was almost as bad. "I've paid a lot of money for this seat and I expect to use all of it" . What is he think I had paid?

 

eat garlic and lots of beer - breathe over tosspot in front when they recline, stop when their seat is in upright

 

Alternatively start fa rting

[John Boy Saint]

eat garlic and lots of beer - breathe over tosspot in front when they recline, stop when their seat is in upright

 

Alternatively start fa rting

 

Sadly: read somewhere and tested Botty Coughs in an aircraft cabin do not smell!??!

[Special K]

Business class is for those flying on expenses and a few people who think image is more important than value imo. Anybody who is the position to pocket the difference does so.

 

I fly long haul about ten times a year in economy and usually have no problem sleeping for most of the way - which is the best way to get through long haul whichever cabin you're in. Business class is typically about 4x times more expensive so I often save around £1,500 per flight - times that by 10 flights a year and it totals £15,000pa - the cost of a very nice holiday and a good lease car each year or supporting a much heftier mortgage for a better house - all for the sake of getting a hard bed to lay down on for a few hours, a slightly bigger tv screen and some farmed salmon. Whoopy do.

 

But timmy, the question is whether one has to put up with fatties paying the same as the rest of us for a flight? Judging by the obvious problem this causes as indicated by the posts on this thread, I thought a simple suggestion of recommending business class to be an appropriate answer for getting more room. I didn't need you getting all right-on with me in your answer and indulging in a little self congratulation by saying how many pennies you manage to put in the teddy bear after a long flight. Crikey! But well done you! Although I would have thought that with all that money you can afford somewhere a bit nicer than Hassocks?

[Whitey Grandad]

Business class is for those flying on expenses and a few people who think image is more important than value imo. Anybody who is the position to pocket the difference does so.

 

I fly long haul about ten times a year in economy and usually have no problem sleeping for most of the way - which is the best way to get through long haul whichever cabin you're in. Business class is typically about 4x times more expensive so I often save around £1,500 per flight - times that by 10 flights a year and it totals £15,000pa - the cost of a very nice holiday and a good lease car each year or supporting a much heftier mortgage for a better house - all for the sake of getting a hard bed to lay down on for a few hours, a slightly bigger tv screen and some farmed salmon. Whoopy do.

 

I've done both and business class is ok if you're on business and can put it through as an expense. If you're paying over 50% tax then the net difference in your pocket is not so great. There are other advantages beyond just the flight conditions, the lounge beforehand is very relaxing but also the priority disembarkation and luggage offloading can mean that you are at your eventual destination two or three hours earlier and you may even save a day off your visit. There is also the increased luggage allowance.

[pap]

But timmy, the question is whether one has to put up with fatties paying the same as the rest of us for a flight? Judging by the obvious problem this causes as indicated by the posts on this thread, I thought a simple suggestion of recommending business class to be an appropriate answer for getting more room. I didn't need you getting all right-on with me in your answer and indulging in a little self congratulation by saying how many pennies you manage to put in the teddy bear after a long flight. Crikey! But well done you! Although I would have thought that with all that money you can afford somewhere a bit nicer than Hassocks?

 

Not only that, but after all that money saved, he can't afford to pay his fiver!

[pap]

But timmy, the question is whether one has to put up with fatties paying the same as the rest of us for a flight? Judging by the obvious problem this causes as indicated by the posts on this thread, I thought a simple suggestion of recommending business class to be an appropriate answer for getting more room. I didn't need you getting all right-on with me in your answer and indulging in a little self congratulation by saying how many pennies you manage to put in the teddy bear after a long flight. Crikey! But well done you! Although I would have thought that with all that money you can afford somewhere a bit nicer than Hassocks?

 

btw, my comments on Tim's allegedly parlous financial state should by no means be taken as an endorsement of your post on business class, or your general attitude toward fat people.

 

Though not a tubster now, I have been in the past. It gives me tremendous satisfaction, 20 years on, to attend school reunions and wonder whether a Japanese whaler is going to harpoon my former tormentors.

 

You may well be on this forum in a decade or two on the weight loss blog Better stick to your namesake cereal

Edited 26 March, 2013 by pap
Took the "kid" out - spending too much time talking to Irish people.

[dubai_phil]

This was the return flight. I tried most of these but the selfish old cow just complained even louder. Her pig of a husband next door was almost as bad. "I've paid a lot of money for this seat and I expect to use all of it" . What is he think I had paid?

 

Bloody hell. You were sitting in the row behind me.

 

My best moment on that was flying to Munich day time flight the git in front would not put his seat up when the Stewardess asked nicely when serving the meals. His tray got cleared he instantly rammed his seat back. My (probably 4th) small bottle of Red Wine simply flew up in the air and rotated perfectly onto his head and then into his lap.

 

Oh how he went all stand up red in face and angry. Everyone else just laughed including the stewardess who simply said oh well done, great shot

 

Anyways nowadays there is a simple answer to solve that problem - fly the A380 - much more space in cattle class

[Hockey_saint]

 

 

Anyways nowadays there is a simple answer to solve that problem - fly the A380 - much more space in cattle class

 

Oh good, I'm flying with Emirates in September to NZ on an A380 and whilst, yes, from my experience of once being fat (completely preventable now however as they don't think I was allergic at all...potential medical negligence case against the NHS) are not good, I agree, being a very slim guy these days it does appear that being fat rather than slim appears to be the norm.

[dubai_phil]

Oh good, I'm flying with Emirates in September to NZ on an A380 and whilst, yes, from my experience of once being fat (completely preventable now however as they don't think I was allergic at all...potential medical negligence case against the NHS) are not good, I agree, being a very slim guy these days it does appear that being fat rather than slim appears to be the norm.

 

Seat 47G in the front bit saves 30 mins getting on and off, only one person next to you IF it is chocka AND the lunch gets to you quicker. Any further forward you can be too close to the brats the VERY front by the stairs is a nightmare as people keep standing on your feet while queuing for the bogs or getting away from the fat git next to them.

Eric was on stopover patrol this past weekend for another tsw'er passing through. Always welcome if you want to stop over for some beers.

[JPTCount]

You could argue that us fatties die younger and don't incur the cost that being unable to dress or bathe yourself for the last 20 years of our lives, surely sitting in a seat drooling for 20 years is more of a drain on resources than a fatty working and paying taxes?

 

sorry but i'm already part of a group that pays in more tax than it takes out. in the last tax year i've probably paid an extra £250 from being part of this group but i havn't taken anything out, at all. and i have to deal with the foul pictures they use to try and brain wash me into quiting, u should get a picture of something disgusting on the side of your bargain bucket. and fat people pay less for their **** food and then i do because i like to eat well, and due to my healthy, well balanced, more expensive diet i don't get ill. I mean how much is the government spending on trying to educate the fatties, all that ad time stacks up.

 

the bottom line is i don't see any way in which fat people further contribute to society even though they are more of a drain on resources, and this is only increasing.

[Special K]

btw, my comments on Tim's allegedly parlous financial state should by no means be taken as an endorsement of your post on business class, or your general attitude toward fat people.

 

Though not a tubster now, I have been in the past. It gives me tremendous satisfaction, 20 years on, to attend school reunions and wonder whether a Japanese whaler is going to harpoon my former tormentors.

 

You may well be on this forum in a decade or two on the weight loss blog Better stick to your namesake cereal

 

Oh Papoir! You smear me with accusations of a bad attitude towards fat people. But this is not the case. Fat people are my friends. Not many admittedly and not really in public, but I do count a calorifically challenged chap as one of my closest friends. And if i'm honest i could do with shedding a few pounds myself, although i'm nowhere near the "taking up two seats" category yet. Maybe i should be on that weight loss blog thread now?

 

How much did you used to weight then papage? I'm intrigued....

 

And timmy, i didn't mean to "diss" Hassocks. I should have put a wink next to my comments. My only experience of Hassocks is when the clutch went on the Roller as i was about to drive through the place, so I might be jaundiced in my view.

[buctootim]

Oh Papoir! You smear me with accusations of a bad attitude towards fat people. But this is not the case. Fat people are my friends. Not many admittedly and not really in public, but I do count a calorifically challenged chap as one of my closest friends. And if i'm honest i could do with shedding a few pounds myself, although i'm nowhere near the "taking up two seats" category yet. Maybe i should be on that weight loss blog thread now?

 

How much did you used to weight then papage? I'm intrigued....

 

And timmy, i didn't mean to "diss" Hassocks. I should have put a wink next to my comments. My only experience of Hassocks is when the clutch went on the Roller as i was about to drive through the place, so I might be jaundiced in my view.

 

Thats ok. Im partial to a bit of business class myself, when someone else is paying or its an upgrade using frequent flier miles. A manual gearbox Roller? you dont see many of those

[Special K]

Thats ok. Im partial to a bit of business class myself, when someone else is paying or its an upgrade using frequent flier miles. A manual gearbox Roller? you dont see many of those

 

A "Northern" Roller actually!! Rover 75 estate about 6 years ago!!