When did you last....

[SaintsAhoy]

When you respond to this thread you have to ask the next poster a question. They may only reply truthfully. If the question doesn't apply to you, it's illegal for you to answer. You must provide further details with your responses, as the findings will be collated for the benefit of humanity.

 

I will kick this off with something I think many here will have experienced in their lifetimes. So tell me, please...

 

"When did you last......shart in public and how did you deal with this potentially embarrassing situation?"

[PhilippineSaint]

I dont understand the question it needs to be written in english.

[Upwind]

This thread rocks.................

[Spudders]

SaintsAhoy are you operating in the muppet show area without a muppet show licence? Bearsy have you got a TMS licence application in your backlog for Saints Ahoy?

 

On the assumption all Bearsy rules for registered users to start a thread in the muppet show are in progress, I am going to help stop this thread dying on its arse by following your original post rules.

 

SaintsAhoy, I had to do ploppies outdoors when I was younger, I’d got home from school and I was desperate to drop the kids off, but when I got home there was no-one in and I was locked out. I dealt with this potentially embarrassing situation by applying some Bear Grills thinking (this was back in the 1980s so as we’d not heard of Bear Grills at that point, my thought process was way ahead of its time, it was ground breaking. There was a big bush in the front garden and my dad had a pile of bricks piled up around the side of the house. So I moved the bricks under the bush and constructed a square shape with a hole in the middle which I then sat on and did the business into my brick toilet, using bush leaves for wiping! Voila, embarrassing situation of me soiling my under-crackers avoided.

 

Next question for someone to answer:

 

When I was a lad I ended up with a girl in her car out in the countryside. At one point I needed a pee so I was stood in the dark outside her car naked having a pee and I thought to myself if she were to just drive off I’d have been stuffed. Blokes running about naked or in their crackers is something you see on films, but have any of you had a real life situation where you’ve ended up starkers in public and how did you deal with this potentially embarrassing situation?

[Bearsy]

edit: i was gonna try help thread but spudders has done it so i go way now!

[Spudders]

Can you confirm my point above on OP permissions Bear? I don't want to be posting on an unlicensed thread

[Bearsy]

i want powers to edit muppet shows! i want to be able to delete posts that i consider of insufficient quality. i would keep this place nice and interesting if i had these powers so when someone wanders into muppet shows they is immediately finding interesting threads bout boobs or whatever and not a list of things milton likes to put on toast.

 

i don't know saints ahoy but i think his idea for thread is sound cos it gives opportunity for people to tell interesting stories bout stuff. i will see how it pans out!

[Miltonroader07]

A New Knob joins the Muppett Show BUT he/she/it is a Registered User.......... get ya fiver out

[SaintsAhoy]

Sorry Milton, it was never my intention to antagonise the old nobs, such as yourself.

[Tokyo-Saint]

Milts, I am sure you have noticed the numbers on the muppet show have been decreasing recently. I put this down to 2 things, 1) the banning of the boob and 2) you killing some regular posters. SaintsAhoy has probably been lurking for ages and has chosen now as the time to come out of the shadows. I think we should welcome him. His thread maybe semi mental and written in tongues but anyone can see, he is on the right track. Moving from repeated fan club threads and toast registration to sh!tting in public is a step in the right direct. It is what lord bletch would want. Please be nice to SA.

[Hatch]

When I was a lad I ended up with a girl in her car out in the countryside. At one point I needed a pee so I was stood in the dark outside her car naked having a pee and I thought to myself if she were to just drive off I’d have been stuffed. Blokes running about naked or in their crackers is something you see on films, but have any of you had a real life situation where you’ve ended up starkers in public and how did you deal with this potentially embarrassing situation?

 

Along this line, you only see naked men hiding in wardrobes in Carry On films, right.

 

wrong.

 

In Lincoln once, some girls boyfriend came home unexpectedly, so I hid in said girls wardrobe for about 20 mins while she talked him into going to shops or something.

I then made my escape.

 

Good times.

[PhilippineSaint]

Hotel rooms

 

Bathrooms next to main entrance door

 

Alcohol

 

Wrong turning on exiting bathroom

 

Self locking hotel room

 

Naked in hallway

 

More than once I am afraid

[Bearsy]

almost like ur doing it on purpose phil. "Oh sorry am i naked in reception again! you can't see my balls can you? how bout now?"

[Hatch]

yep, can add naked in hotel hallway to the list

 

Had to walk naked into reception to ask lady to let me back into room.

 

About 20 people still in the adjacent bar as well.

[PhilippineSaint]

almost like ur doing it on purpose phil. "Oh sorry am i naked in reception again! you can't see my balls can you? how bout now?"

 

Normally get a lady to take back to the room to let you in and she's already seen the goods so no ice to be broken

[Tokyo-Saint]

Does she not recoil at the sight of your scrotal scar?

[KelvinsRightGlove]

Along this line, you only see naked men hiding in wardrobes in Carry On films, right.

 

wrong.

 

In Lincoln once, some girls boyfriend came home unexpectedly, so I hid in said girls wardrobe for about 20 mins while she talked him into going to shops or something.

I then made my escape.

 

Good times.

 

When at uni I had to quickly escape via a ground floor window, whilst naked for a similar reason.

 

In the rush I grabbed her, size 6 jeans. I wasn't fat then, but I am 6"3, so they were never going to fit. And only one of my trainers.

 

Walking around the outside of a halls site in a tshirt & boxers, with only one shoe at 9am really doesn't make you many friends quickly.

[Spudders]

:lol: Good work, I like these stories but you're all missing instructions on the OP, you need to come up with new questions spazpeckers!

[Spudders]

Milts, I am sure you have noticed the numbers on the muppet show have been decreasing recently. I put this down to 2 things, 1) the banning of the boob and 2) you killing some regular posters. SaintsAhoy has probably been lurking for ages and has chosen now as the time to come out of the shadows. I think we should welcome him. His thread maybe semi mental and written in tongues but anyone can see, he is on the right track. Moving from repeated fan club threads and toast registration to sh!tting in public is a step in the right direct. It is what lord bletch would want. Please be nice to SA.

 

Yeah SaintsAhoy, don't be put off by Milts being a big bully. Hopefully you will get sucked into the world of the muppet show and want to spend £5 so you can post more than three times a day. That way Milts will stop ignoring you because you are a Registered User, or being mean to you because he can't stick to his first rule about ignoring Registered User. Also once you sign up you will stop seeming such a tightwad and Steve Grant will have extra money for poppadoms to go with his curry. Everyone's a winner.

[PhilippineSaint]

Does she not recoil at the sight of your scrotal scar?

 

How did you know about that? I thought I got all the negatives back from Kodak.

[Tokyo-Saint]

I've got a story, nothing to do with this thread but no one else seems to care why should I.

 

Anyway, I was going out with this bird when I was a teenager. I had put all my money into this good looking car and she was pretty impressed. When I went to pick her up, her younger brother and dad came out to meet me and were both impressed with my good looking car (which little did they know was a piece of junk). Anyway we went out (probably to centros as that was my old sure thing safe bet 2nd date venue), things went well and when I took her home I pulled up just around the corner from her house, not quite in view of the kitchen window. We started getting in with each other, one thing lead to another and I get the 18 years old's 2nd date dream - wet smelly fingers. We carried on for a bit and after I gave up on her touching my knob, I decided it was time to leave. She got out the car and I started thinking "mmm not bad - date at my house coming up next, ill get me knob out there and wave it in her face, she won't be able to ignore that and you can do stuff like that in your own house - it's your house ain't it?". I then went to pull off but my car wouldn't start. I was a dumb teenager and didn't realise that although my lights were off the seedy music (R Kelly 'aint nothing wrong with a little bump and grind' on repeat) I was playing was enough to drain my battery. She was then like "everything ok" I was "yeah yeah, see you later" but it was obvious everything was not ok. Then the lights in our house started to come on, curtains were twitching and of course her dad and brother came out again. It quickly came apparent that my car was actually as piece of **** and not anywhere near as good as it's recent body kit and respray suggested. Then came the next obvious question "how did your battery go flat if you were just driving a minute ago, how long have you been out here, what have you been doing?" - Smell my fingers wasn't going to be the best answer here, so I quickly mumbled something about the alternator. I then called one of my mates who was happy to come along 15 minutes later with a car full of my other mates. As they arrived she quickly said see you later and started to wander in. She was just in time to hear one of them say "how did it go?" leave a pause and then say "what do you mean she had BO..... Oh you mean a smelly fanny?"

 

Needless to stay the relationship went downhill from there and she never did feel my knob.

 

Back to the game - When is the last time you had a date go badly wrong?

Edited 22 February, 2013 by Tokyo-Saint

[Spudders]

off topic for op, but what sort of car was it Tokyo?

[Bearsy]

ffs spud

[Tokyo-Saint]

[Spudders]

Sweet, I can see how you'd get fish fingers in that, dirty girls love a big spoiler!

[Tokyo-Saint]

She was actually a good girl. In truth things started to go wrong when I noticed some extreme differences in our social activities. I called her on Halloween and asked what she was up to, she said "making cakes and brownies for the trick or treaters" at that point we were filling a supersoaker with **** and preparing our eggs to throw at the (teenage) trick or treaters. It was never going to work out - standard Romeo and Juliet stuff really.

[PhilippineSaint]

She was actually a good girl. In truth things started to go wrong when I noticed some extreme differences in our social activities. I called her on Halloween and asked what she was up to, she said "making cakes and brownies for the trick or treaters" at that point we were filling a supersoaker with **** and preparing our eggs to throw at the (teenage) trick or treaters. It was never going to work out - standard Romeo and Juliet stuff really.

 

This is where it falls over Tokes as the car is obviously on an English housing estate and no self respecting English girl/woman/tart/slapper/lady would use the words in bold above an explanation is needed.

[Tokyo-Saint]

That isn't my exact car Phil (although it does look like it and for a bit I was thinking it might be it) and she was much posher and nicer than me.

[PhilippineSaint]

That isn't my exact car Phil (although it does look like it and for a bit I was thinking it might be it) and she was much posher and nicer than me.

 

so was this liaison outside the UK maybe in the US of A which I could then understand her words making sense but your friends remarks to a smelly fanny then become very suspect if you know what I mean ?

[Tokyo-Saint]

She lived on Salcombe Close in Valley Park chandlers ford.

 

Here is a street view of the area

 

https://maps.google.co.uk/maps?hl=en&safe=off&q=valley+park+chandlers+ford&ie=UTF-8&hq=&hnear=0x48747312cce4a023:0x23d81ffc5d969fe9,Chandler's+Ford,+Hampshire&gl=uk&ei=EI0nUaGFJ9LJ0AXxm4G4Dw&ved=0CHsQtgM

 

Where the blue van is parked is where I was parked more or less, maybe a bit further back but you get the idea. She is English, we have brownies here, I don't like cakes but I do like brownies. Maybe I should have gotten one of her before things went wrong but in those days I wasn't thinking straight.

 

Here is some rolo brownies as proof:

 

 

Edit - that link isn't working but the post code is SO53 4PJ - here you can find the blue van and paint your own picture.

Edited 22 February, 2013 by Tokyo-Saint

[PhilippineSaint]

She lived on Salcombe Close in Valley Park chandlers ford.

 

Here is a street view of the area

 

https://maps.google.co.uk/maps?hl=en&safe=off&q=valley+park+chandlers+ford&ie=UTF-8&hq=&hnear=0x48747312cce4a023:0x23d81ffc5d969fe9,Chandler's+Ford,+Hampshire&gl=uk&ei=EI0nUaGFJ9LJ0AXxm4G4Dw&ved=0CHsQtgM

 

Where the blue van is parked is where I was parked more or less, maybe a bit further back but you get the idea. She is English, we have brownies here, I don't like cakes but I do like brownies. Maybe I should have gotten one of her before things went wrong but in those days I wasn't thinking straight.

 

Here is some rolo brownies as proof:

 

 

Edit - that link isn't working but the post code is SO53 4PJ - here you can find the blue van and paint your own picture.

 

the girl guides turned you down then or you were just grooming?

[Tokyo-Saint]

She was 17 at the I think and I was 18. I honestly think she was a leader in the girl guides or something though. She was far too straight and nice for me, that is for sure.

 

Anyway Phil, back on topic of this game. I gave the question of bad dating experiences, time for you to tell a ladyboy story ala Begbie in trainspotting.

[PhilippineSaint]

She was 17 at the I think and I was 18. I honestly think she was a leader in the girl guides or something though. She was far too straight and nice for me, that is for sure.

 

Anyway Phil, back on topic of this game. I gave the question of bad dating experiences, time for you to tell a ladyboy story ala Begbie in trainspotting.

 

Unluckily I dont have any experience of bad dates with ladyboys and sadly haven't seen train spotting so have no idea who Begbie is

[Tokyo-Saint]

You need to sort that out as soon as possible as it is one of the best films of its generation. Here is what I am going on about

 

[PhilippineSaint]

just hang around in Makati Manila better looking and less meat and veg Shims will make them selves available

[SaintsAhoy]

This thread has evolved more than I could ever have hoped, particularly given the inauspicious start. If I am permitted, I would like to change the rules. I don't think anyone will have any problem with that as noone is following them anyway!

 

No need to ask questions, just tell us your embarrassing stories so we can provide some kind of a support group and laugh at you.

 

Regarding becoming a full member, I always like to try before I buy. I suppose 3 and a half years is a long time to trial something, but one has to be sure before making such a financial commitment

[Tokyo-Saint]

Stop changing the rules and start telling your stories then SA, so far it is just me exposing their sole to the general public. Sooner or later someone on here is going to know the girl from Salcombe close and I will be busted! Quick, change the subject.

[SaintsAhoy]

My mum used to be married to a landlord, whose brother was staying in the flat above the bar on the same weekend as I.

 

Apparently, after consuming many Newcastle Brown Ales (why the **** did I ever drink that shoite?) I removed all my clothing, threw it down the stairs and then promptly fell asleep on the sofa...where he was sat

 

Let me make this crystal clear - I am quite sure this was not latent homosexuality showing itself. And i sat next to him, not on him.

 

I had no recollection of said events in the morning, but was mortified by my drunken nakedness.

 

There ya go

 

...and I had to pay £5 to post that crap

[Tokyo-Saint]

That story will definitely confuse and distract people - thanks!

 

Mods - you watching this? That is another £5 sale I have made, puts me above bearsy as salesman of the year. Mines a chicken Tikka Maslala please.

[Bearsy]

dunno what's so confusing bout that tokyos, seems pretty clear SaintsAhoy got roofie raped by the brother. "oh no you took own clothes off and threw them down stairs! Don't u remember?". Oldest trick in book.

[Tokyo-Saint]

This sentence was enought to cause a distraction for me bear:

 

My mum used to be married to a landlord, whose brother was staying in the flat above the bar on the same weekend as I.

 

This is probably what done for SA too. By the time he worked our who was related to who and where everyone was staying, it was too late. He had already been roofied and was sitting naked on a sofa.

[Bearsy]

yeah that took some figuring and i ain't sure it was all that germane informations. It would have been lot simpler story if SaintsAhoy just said "I had sex with my uncle".

[raynesparksaint]

SaintsAhoy - not too late for a refund. If you want to spend £5 on getting abused by a bear and a Japanese pedo there are better ways out there.

[Tokyo-Saint]

Bet you are glad you paid up your fiver now eh SA?

 

Come on bear, your turn with a bumming or fingering story.

[Tokyo-Saint]

Ah RP saint, now I know you have some bad stories. Let's start off in Thailand (either time) and go from there. You can start with, "it was a very dark night and I was very very drunk" if you like.

[SaintsAhoy]

It's all in the spirit of the thread. So come on then Bearsy...

 

reveal something you are ashamed or embarrassed about

[Tokyo-Saint]

You do know you will now get a PM of a picture of his knob now don't you SA - pretty standard bear grooming stuff.

[Spudders]

Mods - you watching this? That is another £5 sale I have made, puts me above bearsy as salesman of the year. Mines a chicken Tikka Maslala please.

Hold on just a cotton pickin' minute! I think this sale should be chalked up as a team effort as Milts & I also did some ground work!

[scotty]

just hang around in Makati Manila better looking and less meat and veg Shims will make them selves available

 

A mate of mine got back from his first holiday in thailand, he sank a few drinks and recounted his, ahem, experiences. Seems he got back to his hotel with what turned out to be a ladyboy, we asked wtf did he do when he found this out; answer, "flipped her over and did her up the sh*tter". I asked what do you mean, "her"?? He said it was too late by then to get fussy. (I suppose it was too late to get pussy as well )

[Joe Kirkup]

Bad dates? Many years back, in my youth I got to know a married couple who came into my local. He was a copper and she was a nurse. I've always had a thing for nurses so always got chatting as soon as they came in. After a while I got the impression she was game so managed to get her to agree for me to pop round when the old man was on shift.

Anyway things went just as I hoped and it wasn't long before she was getting it good and proper. Just as I finished I heard a noise and looked round to see the old man in the wardrobe knocking one out. Wasn't going to hang around so grabbed clothes and legged it, fell down the stairs and broke 3 ribs. Never saw either of them again strangely.