Stage fright

[farawaysaint]

5 or 6 years ago, out of the blue, I developed "stage fright", and found myself unable to perform when it counts.... In public. As I'm sure you can all imagine, there's nothing worse than finding yourself in a public restroom having whipped out the business end of your custard launcher only to stand staring at the wall unable to make with the yellow river.

 

After some serious soul searching and bouts of depression I found a solution to my problem in one of my greatest passions, the mighty Saints. At the time as I'm sure you'll all remember, because for the life of me I can't forget it, we had good ol' boozey George in charge of some of the most forgettable footballers I've ever had the misfortune to see in the red and white. Through extensive training I managed to indoctrinate myself into ****ing on thinking of three words... George Burley, Jermaine Wright, Kenwyne Jones; simultaneously curing me of my condition and allowing me to vent my frustrations towards the direction our club was going in a socially acceptable manner.

 

"Time heals all wounds," or so the expression goes and I no longer feel the same resentment towards these three wastes of good oxygen as I once did. Sadly, as a result of this, the art of making water no longer holds the satisfaction it once did as I gleefully protested or club's demise.

 

With that in mind, I feel the need to bring my bathroom practices kicking and screaming into the year 2013 with a key-phrase update. Our club is doing far too well at the moment though and there's no one I really loathe enough to consider using as a ****ing aide.

 

I was hoping, dear muppets, you'd be willing to offer me up some suggestions as to who you dislike enough as to be the new triggers of my bladder evacuation. All ideas are welcome and no douche-bag is too small for consideration.

[Jonnyboy]

Plenty of skate related people might work?

[Spudders]

Hi farawaysaint, sorry to hear that your consciousness of having a small wiener gave you toilet problems but your solution of thinking of other men whilst you have hold of your fella seems a pretty gay way of getting over it. Maybe Bearsy will correct me and it’s actually double gay so ok, but I’ll let Bearsy confirm that. In the interim, why don’t you switch to thinking of woman you don’t like (or like) and imagine you are doing weewees on them?