Saint in Paradise Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 Stolen from another forum "One of the guys posed this question: Early morning, wife still asleep (or at least pretending), he jumps into the shower and his mind wanders lustfully to thoughts of nubile bodies on the beach the previous day. Next thing he realises is that his morning glory is demanding attention, so he decides to rub one out in the inviting surroundings of his warm shower, pleasant mind-games, etc. As he is well into it he gets this feeling of being watched, and realises that his wife has come into the bathroom unheard by him (claims water was 'loud' and besides, his mind was elsewhere). His question was what to do? Pretend he is washing enthusiastically so he is very clean 'for her'; close his eyes and carry on; or invite wife to join him in the shower? So, accepting that *** ***** is the font of all knowledge, I undertook to pose the question here and get back to him next week. Until then he expects to be on very short rations, and may even have to cook for himself. I'll tell you the reasons at the end of the week, as I'd like the creative collective her to approach the matter in hand without going of with premature indications." david1300 is offline Report Post Reply Re bold bit - I will post the answer IF I remember Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilippineSaint Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 You should have told her you were checking it was still working and need to do that at least once a day whether you want to or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 Lols why was Bearsy w@nking off an ilk? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilippineSaint Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 (edited) Lols why was Bearsy w@nking off an ilk? It was an elk and he was having interspecies relations (stops the gene pool going dead unlike down the wrong end of the M27) Edited 6 January, 2013 by PhilippineSaint Wrong button push Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 It was an elk and he was having interspecies relations (stops the gene pool going dead unlike down the wrong end of the M27) Well he's paid his money (or his boss has), he can do what he likes I suppose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Window Cleaner Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 any decent wife wouldn't need asking, she'd be on it like a flash, BJ with half the work done for her already, followed by a little treat in the shower for her as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilippineSaint Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 Well he's paid his money (or his boss has), he can do what he likes I suppose. I didn't think the Bear could get it up if it was paid for? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 Bear, please confirm? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the stain Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 Cor! This thread has given me an erection. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 what? So the guy in the shower has his phone in there with him and has logged on to a forum to ask people what to do, that's odd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilippineSaint Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 has it occurred to anybody that all us respondents are the bears ilks? I may need a scrub down after realising that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Window Cleaner Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 has it occurred to anybody that all us respondents are the bears ilks? I may need a scrub down after realising that. don't know about Bear's ilk but I once wrote a few agony aunt replies for a well known ladies weekly in the 70's. Girl I was living with at the time had a part time job writing them for said magazine but as she had her Master's thesis to work on I wrote them for her for a couple of weeks, not all published of course but a couple were. Amazing the number of letters that Agony Aunt column got each day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 Amazing the number of letters that Agony Aunt column got each day. What was the strangest one you can remember? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Window Cleaner Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 What was the strangest one you can remember? well most of them were pretty routine, cheating husbands,husband keen on swinging-wife not sort of stuff, over eager boyfriends, contraception advice etc, amazing the naivety of some of them . I don't remember all that well because it was a long time ago but there was definitely one from a lesbian twin who was all in a tizz because her twin sister lover had dumped her for a room-mate at Uni and she was asking for advice on whether it was best to top herself or kill her sister. Left that one well alone. Then again some of them were obviously wind ups as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 but there was definitely one from a lesbian twin who was all in a tizz because her twin sister lover had dumped her for a room-mate at Uni and she was asking for advice on whether it was best to top herself or kill her sister. Left that one well alone. crumbs. I'd have said I needed her to send photos of her & her lesbian sister for me to be able to provide a proper response! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Window Cleaner Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 crumbs. I'd have said I needed her to send photos of her & her lesbian sister for me to be able to provide a proper response! Might have been possible in our digital age but not in the mid 70's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilippineSaint Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 Has the OP got his response yet or not? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Window Cleaner Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 Has the OP got his response yet or not? well I don't know, depends on how the wife is about "home cooking" really. Some women take great pride in their "cooking" and don't like you having a "snack" between meals. I just know what my good lady would probably do, why? I couldn't say, perhaps the situation has already arisen at sometime in the past because I am distinctly mindful of one occasion when it well might have, although that was her fault in the first place, expecting too much too often.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilippineSaint Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 After having ditched the UK based wife found its a lot easier to tell the female that i am with i want this this and this get on with it works like a dream most of the time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Window Cleaner Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 After having ditched the UK based wife found its a lot easier to tell the female that i am with i want this this and this get on with it works like a dream most of the time Indeed it is, I think there are a lot of semi-frigid women in the UK. I really don't see that what happened in the OP would pose a problem for most women (not UK though). Most would just pile in or at least give you a hand Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 I spose that no-one is more of my elk than me, but i dunno if i can help with this one. I ain't married. Ain't you allowed to spank off in front of ur wife when ur married? I assumed once ur married u can do it whenever you like, in the front room while she's watching Emmerdale. At the dinner table while she's eating her bolognese. Is that not how it is? What is the benefit of being married then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raging Bull Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 If your wife was doing here job properly Paradise you would't be having those lustful thoughts......I mean your married aren't you, therefore you own her! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 6 January, 2013 Share Posted 6 January, 2013 I spose that no-one is more of my elk than me, but i dunno if i can help with this one. I ain't married. Ain't you allowed to spank off in front of ur wife when ur married? I assumed once ur married u can do it whenever you like, in the front room while she's watching Emmerdale. At the dinner table while she's eating her bolognese. Is that not how it is? What is the benefit of being married then? Stops her moaning about getting married and allows her to move on to moaning about all new topics. You do get a holiday out of it and at least 1 gaurenteed boning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilippineSaint Posted 7 January, 2013 Share Posted 7 January, 2013 Stops her moaning about getting married and allows her to move on to moaning about all new topics. You do get a holiday out of it and at least 1 gaurenteed boning. And a blow job twice a year on your birthday and christmas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 7 January, 2013 Share Posted 7 January, 2013 And a blow job twice a year on your birthday and christmas CHRISTMAS??? What???!! I'm being short changed here. We are going to have a very frank discussion tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buctootim Posted 7 January, 2013 Share Posted 7 January, 2013 On my 40th birthday we went for a weekend away in London. I didnt want anything extravagant - west end show, dinner in Chinatown, back rub followed by 'it'. She moaned about hotel, wouldnt eat chinese and we went to see a film she chose and I hated so much I wanted to leave halfway. We had a row and she stormed off. Happy 40th ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Window Cleaner Posted 7 January, 2013 Share Posted 7 January, 2013 (edited) On my 40th birthday we went for a weekend away in London. I didnt want anything extravagant - west end show, dinner in Chinatown, back rub followed by 'it'. She moaned about hotel, wouldnt eat chinese and we went to see a film she chose and I hated so much I wanted to leave halfway. We had a row and she stormed off. Happy 40th ! Never a good plan to do things in that order, needed to have the "it" before the rest, always works. So sex, go to London, sex,show, chinese, film, back rub, sex. Try it that way next time. Second thoughts cut out the show or the film, spread them over 2 days. Edited 7 January, 2013 by Window Cleaner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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