Middle age?

[Barry Sanchez]

I'm 37 and act a child, I know it and love it but I think half of the punters on here are either

Fat and lonely

Lonely and fat

Cardigan wearing

Single

Single as they hate women/men

87 and drive a lawn mower

52 and think an allegro is a racy motor

Drink mild

Always watch the vicar of dibley

 

 

Cheers Ta, Merry Christmas

[PhilippineSaint]

I'm 37 and act a child, I know it and love it but I think half of the punters on here are either

Fat and lonely

Lonely and fat

Cardigan wearing

Single

Single as they hate women/men

87 and drive a lawn mower

52 and think an allegro is a racy motor

Drink mild

Always watch the vicar of dibley

 

 

Cheers Ta, Merry Christmas

 

Talking of punters your on the wrong thread should be have you ever paid a prostitute for it one.

 

But of your list regarding myself all appear incorrect.

[Barry Sanchez]

Talking of punters your on the wrong thread should be have you ever paid a prostitute for it one.

 

But of your list regarding myself all appear incorrect.

 

I am well on the wrong thread then, Amsterdam, Hamburg, Derby Road, Kellet St, done em all.

[Spudders]

I’m not so sure the cardigan wearing lawn mower types come into the muppet show area baz, as they think it’s full of spotty kids acting childish, not realising that most of us are middle age.

[the stain]

Some of the posters on here are right wing spoon collectors who often pretend to be drunk.

[Bearsy]

We should do Saintsweb census barry!

 

Higher the score more of ultimate Saintsweb sadsack you is! Here is the criterias as I see it:

 

• Do you wear 36" or greater belt size? (Yes = 3 points)
  
• Have you paid more than £7.50 for haircut in last 5 years? (No = 3 points)
  
• List your top 10 albums, was any of them released this millennium? (No = 3 points)
  
• Have you had sex with more than one lady this year? (No = 3 points)
  
• Bonus: Was they same time! (Yes = -10 points)
  
• When did you last wash your car by hand (Within week = 6 points, within month = 3 points)
  
• When did you last go to garden centre (Within week = 6 points, within month = 3 points)
  
• When Barry said Allegro just now did you know what that looked like without googles (Yes = 3 points)
  

 

List ur scores! Also if you can think of more good questions that is cool too!

[the stain]

Can you tie your balls into a knot? Yes = 3 points.

[Spudders]

Do you use a handkerchief? Yes = 3 points

[the stain]

Do you use a handkerchief? Yes = 3 points

 

Surely a more accurate question is "do you use a separate handkerchief for your nose and masturbation?" yes = 3 points

[Bearsy]

I'd be more troubled bout people using same handkerchief

[Saint-Fred]

Surely a more accurate question is "do you use a separate handkerchief for your nose and masturbation?" yes = 3 points

 

My "friend" does that but it causes real issues when someone sneezes and he gives them the one from the wrong pocket.

 

I keep telling him you shouldn't share hankies as it could spread aids but he don't listen

[PhilippineSaint]

-1 even with the extra questions

[Bearsy]

Erm report to the 3some thread Phil!

[Spudders]

Stupid question removed

Edited 24 December, 2012 by Spudders
I'm stupid

[Window Cleaner]

Hey minus 10, is that good ?

[Bearsy]

I wouldn't have expected anything else! Saintsweb legend!

[PhilippineSaint]

Bearsy Where is your score then ??

 

Not enough Talons to count up to it?

 

Report for the 3some thread will be on its way when you put the link up

[Spudders]

I got 9 points

[Bearsy]

Bearsy Where is your score then ??

 

Not enough Talons to count up to it?

 

Report for the 3some thread will be on its way when you put the link up

 

I got the zero bro. I was whisker away from the -10, it depends on ur definition of same time!

 

Then again it's a bit fixed cos I kind of wrote the questions!

[PhilippineSaint]

I got the zero bro. I was whisker away from the -10, it depends on ur definition of same time!

 

Then again it's a bit fixed cos I kind of wrote the questions!

 

Same Time: one on your face and one on your cock is a pretty standard meaning

 

Or one sucking your balls and the other sucking your cock would work to get an official threesome.

[Bearsy]

Yeah i know really. One on your cock and one sitting in corner checking her email don't count. This is old news!

 

Tell me bout ur 3some so I can live vicarious! You can append to I'm a dirty bear thread or do ur own 3 some thread or the Ramirez Off Topic thread just best not put it in here. This is for middle aged. I'm worried bout these old farts getting coronary!

[Joe Kirkup]

24 inc the extra questions

[badgerx16]

15 points ( including the extra questions ), and proud of it.

 

Q1) How do you know you are middle aged if you don't know how long you are going to live ?

 

Q2) When does 'middle age' end and 'old fogey' begin ?

Edited 24 December, 2012 by badgerx16

[PhilippineSaint]

15 points ( including the extra questions ), and proud of it.

 

Q1) How do you know you are middle aged if you don't know how long you are going to live ?

 

Q2) When does 'middle age' end and 'old fogey' begin ?

 

 

I hope you got the -10 bonus points Badger

 

Three Score and ten is one life approx, so anything in the middle of that would be middle age give or take 5 to 10 either side

 

Old Fogey would begin when you get the same clothes your father/mother are wearing or they are beige

[Barry Sanchez]

We should do Saintsweb census barry!

 

Higher the score more of ultimate Saintsweb sadsack you is! Here is the criterias as I see it:

 

• Do you wear 36" or greater belt size? (Yes = 3 points)
  
• Have you paid more than £7.50 for haircut in last 5 years? (No = 3 points)
  
• List your top 10 albums, was any of them released this millennium? (No = 3 points)
  
• Have you had sex with more than one lady this year? (No = 3 points)
  
• Bonus: Was they same time! (Yes = -10 points)
  
• When did you last wash your car by hand (Within week = 6 points, within month = 3 points)
  
• When did you last go to garden centre (Within week = 6 points, within month = 3 points)
  
• When Barry said Allegro just now did you know what that looked like without googles (Yes = 3 points)
  

 

List ur scores! Also if you can think of more good questions that is cool too!

 

1) 32-33

2) £15-20

3) NO

4) No

5) Married

6) Like **** do I wash my car

7) Last week (blushes)

I wrote it so no .

[scotty]

9 points for me. Favourite albums, *****es, and Allegro.

[Raging Bull]

Hey minus 10, is that good ?

 

Shut up old man, the wife and the dog dont count!

[buctootim]

My old physics teacher had an Austin Allegro estate in beige, and I used to think it was quite cool. Thats got to be worth more than three points.

[Turkish]

True middle aged men are fat, scruffy, divorced after their wives left them because they are failures with no ambition or pride in themselves or still single because they are faliures who simply cant hold down a realtionship. They usually use Internet dating websites Due to the fact no one in the real world will spend any time with them. They will try to either dress far too young for their years and physique from primark or dress like a 60 year old man in ill fitting casual gear from Burtons. they are generally stupid and unambitious, resigned to the cards dealt them but secretly desiring but never able to strive for more.

[dubai_phil]

I had an Orange Austin Allegro while I was at College. Does that give me -20?

 

One important question left out the quiz though.

 

Do you cook the Sunday Roast/Xmas Dinner - that has to be +3 for each.

[scotty]

I had an Orange Austin Allegro while I was at College. Does that give me -20?

 

One important question left out the quiz though.

 

Do you cook the Sunday Roast/Xmas Dinner - that has to be +3 for each.

 

Thanks a bunch phil, thats me up to 12. I always cook the sunday roast.

[Tokyo-Saint]

9 points for me. Don't see why I get punished for having an expensive haircut though? Maybe not seeing why is why?

 

Edit, just read its good to have an expensive haircut. Bit hungover at the moment, will have to do this scientific survey when more with it.

Edited 25 December, 2012 by Tokyo-Saint

[Spudders]

Yeah I think the point is that middle age people have little hair and as such don't have anything to 'style'. I've not been inside a hairdressers for about 15 years now.

[Tokyo-Saint]

I hate batting my hair cut, I hate being nice, the small talk etc. most of all I hate the bit when they say "would you like a head massage?" of course I ****ing do! And do it with your top of this time.

[SNSUN]

• Do you wear 36" or greater belt size? Yes, just, but I'm figuring it could be more after Chrimbler dinners :-(
  
• Have you paid more than £7.50 for haircut in last 5 years? Yes, but my hairdresser has massive knockers so it's worth it.
  
• List your top 10 albums, was any of them released this millennium? No, in fact I don't think I've ever bought 10 albums.
  
• Have you had sex with more than one lady this year? No, just the wifey. (In case she's spying)
  
• When did you last wash your car by hand Owned my car 4 years, washed it once under pressure from wife.
  
• When did you last go to garden centre Sunday, get in.
  
• When Barry said Allegro just now did you know what that looked like without googles I thought it was a type of musical speed.
  

[EastleighSoulBoy]

I'm 37 and act a child, I know it and love it but I think half of the punters on here are either

Fat and lonely

Lonely and fat

Cardigan wearing

Single

Single as they hate women/men

87 and drive a lawn mower

52 and think an allegro is a racy motor

Drink mild

Always watch the vicar of dibley

 

 

Cheers Ta, Merry Christmas

 

You can't drive a lawnmower, you loaned it to the son of the old lady next door and he'll not return it.

 

Some of the posters on here are right wing spoon collectors who often pretend to be drunk.

 

In one.

[AussieDog]

We should do Saintsweb census barry!

 

Higher the score more of ultimate Saintsweb sadsack you is! Here is the criterias as I see it:

 

• Do you wear 36" or greater belt size? (Yes = 3 points)
  
• Have you paid more than £7.50 for haircut in last 5 years? (No = 3 points)
  
• List your top 10 albums, was any of them released this millennium? (No = 3 points)
  
• Have you had sex with more than one lady this year? (No = 3 points)
  
• Bonus: Was they same time! (Yes = -10 points)
  
• When did you last wash your car by hand (Within week = 6 points, within month = 3 points)
  
• When did you last go to garden centre (Within week = 6 points, within month = 3 points)
  
• When Barry said Allegro just now did you know what that looked like without googles (Yes = 3 points)
  

 

List ur scores! Also if you can think of more good questions that is cool too!

 

ignoring the questions about having sex with more than one lady and whether I've had more than one at the same time I'm on 19.

And based on the "three score and ten" + or - 5 I'm approaching the "old fogey" category.

 

Now the question is...is it just the -3 for having sex with more than one woman this year or is it -3 for each one?

The same with the 3sum. Can I have -10 for each time? With different women I mean - I don't think it should be more than -10 if it's been multiple times with the same women but as long as one of the women was different I think it should (the Missus doesn't like being left out, and I'm not going to upset the applecart when it's totally loaded with golden delicious).

[Itchen_block4]

• Do you wear 36" or greater belt size? (Yes = 3 points) No
  
• Have you paid more than £7.50 for haircut in last 5 years? (No = 3 points) Not out of choice. I'm just blessed with thick hair that the hairdresser charges £9.50 to cut.
  
• List your top 10 albums, was any of them released this millennium? (No = 3 points)I was only born in 1992, so bit of a silly question.
  
• Have you had sex with more than one lady this year? (No = 3 points) Not for want of trying, but unfortunately not.
  
• Bonus: Was they same time! (Yes = -10 points) If only!
  
• When did you last wash your car by hand (Within week = 6 points, within month = 3 points) I don't drive
  
• When did you last go to garden centre (Within week = 6 points, within month = 3 points) That renowned hotbed of picking up snatch... If only I had a garden
  
• When Barry said Allegro just now did you know what that looked like without googles (Yes = 3 points) A car?
  

[Barry Sanchez]

True middle aged men are fat, scruffy, divorced after their wives left them because they are failures with no ambition or pride in themselves or still single because they are faliures who simply cant hold down a realtionship. They usually use Internet dating websites Due to the fact no one in the real world will spend any time with them. They will try to either dress far too young for their years and physique from primark or dress like a 60 year old man in ill fitting casual gear from Burtons. they are generally stupid and unambitious, resigned to the cards dealt them but secretly desiring but never able to strive for more.

 

Sorry casual gear from Burtons, am I missing something here, Southampton was never Paris or Milan but please, can anyone remember Fosters was it by the bargate?

[PhilippineSaint]

Sorry casual gear from Burtons, am I missing something here, Southampton was never Paris or Milan but please, can anyone remember Fosters was it by the bargate?

 

The other end of Above Bar on the same side as Woolworths

[pap]

I got a score of 3 points in Bearsy's census thing.

 

I don't think that is very middle-aged at all.

 

I'm actually a bit fearful of it, hence my ire toward the Ship and Mitre and real ale pub experiences ( quite like ale, though ).

 

Having kids about the place keeps you young and relatively up to date. I was watching 1 vs 100 the other day; the "1" knew absolutely nothing about some pretty common cultural touchstones that parents would know about ( he'd never seen Shrek, for example ). It was bloody infuriating.