Jump to content

Did you ever knob a prostitute thread?

Bearsy

By Bearsy,
in The Muppet Show

 Share

Recommended Posts

Bearsy

Bearsy

Posted
Posted

Dunno bout the legality of this but I just got back from works do in birminghams which ended up at strip club and soon as we got there all my workmates is disappearing upstairs for "private dance" and I'm left watching their coats cos I've always said I'll never pay for sexual whatevers. Anyways this hot bird is hitting on me and I'm feeling a bit no-mates so I'm buying "private dance".

 

She is then taking me upstairs and charging me £140 (!) and then she is taking off her clothes and grabbing my knob or whatever and making me lick on her boobs. I'm like what is that I'm tasting? And she is like it's Rihanna perfume and I'm like did you know it has actual blood in it cos I'm full of fun facts like that.

 

Anyway I'm not sustaining much of a boner. I don't know if it's cos I'm drunken or if it's cos of my higher morality and Respect For Womens, but anyway I ask her bunch of questions bout her profession and we have some Lols or whatever and then she's like " oh noes we've been over your half hour this is gonna cost me £90 now" and I'm like oh that's a shame and I go back downstairs.

 

So I go back downstairs and my boss is like how was it? And I'm like ok we had a nice chat and they is all lolling and calling me gay and then my boss is paying this other bird £318 to show me "good time". I ain't really up for this but I don't want to look pussy so I go along. This b!tch is even more dirty, she is immediately naked and pinned against wall and whispers romantically in my ear "no biting, no visible marks" which is apparently her only 2 rules. Next thing I notice is she has same weird smell as first bird, balls to Rihanna perfume it's obviously some kind of spermicidal body wash.

 

Then she is wanting me to go down on her but I'm like balls to that we just paid you £318 so then she is sucking on my knob and then she is saying I should bone her but then she is saying she has just finished doing one of my other colleagues and my boss. My boner is immediately wilting! Fair play to her she is spending the rest of the time trying to get it back up but I really ain't interested no more. I'm thinking how funny it is and how stupid her job is considering I only just met her and to be honest the girl not being in to it is my ultimate turn-off so I go back downstairs and make out I knobbed her bad cos I don't want to look gay and I don't want to seem ungrateful to my boss for spending £318 for an aborted boning.

 

So in summary, is I gay for not boning prostitute? Do you bone prostitute? Do you know that taste of spermicidal body wash? I can still taste it!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Tokyo-Saint

Tokyo-Saint

Posted
Posted

£318 seems like a very exact amount bear. It's like she has looked at you, considered the deal and said "I'll do it for £318" you boss has gone "I've got £315 on me in cash?" she's refused, then your boss has dug around his pockets found another pound and a couple of 50ps and gone "£317?" at that point she's gotten angry and said "look it's £318 or nothing, take it or leave it!" your other colleagues has scrambled around, chipped on some 20ps and some 10ps and eventually gotten to the majic number.

 

Then she's taken you upstairs and demanded that you spend a good bit of your 30 mins going down on her! Broken Britain!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
PhilippineSaint

PhilippineSaint

Posted
Posted
I think all women are prostitutes to some extent. I'd like to think they attracted to my obvious charm and charisma but I thinks a lot of the girls I've been with would not suck my knob if I was a tramp on the street.

 

That would have been brought about when you were 6 and you offered the girls a sweet in junior class and they would show your there knickers.

 

It obviously never got any better had to take them for a meal and drinks before getting your leg over.

 

Then if it gets serious have to buy them a house and then a car.

 

Then why would the girls suck you off if you looked like a tramp even Bear wouldn't do that to you

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Spudders

Spudders

Posted
Posted

Bearsy, I’ve rated this post five stars as I laughed a lot when reading it.

 

This reminds me of one of the times I went to a strip club in Bournemouth. You’re not allowed to touch the girls there and to be honest I’m not sure what the attraction is with paying money to look at girls when you can’t touch them, it’s a bit frustrating really. I can look at girls and not touch them from the comfort of my own home on my computer.

 

Anyhew, I’d had a lot to drink and a chick came up and talked to me and because I’m all nice and wanting to get to know her and that, we went for a private dance and had a really good chat, but then she said that my time had run out, but because we were having a nice chat and it was so easy to stay chatting by just giving them my credit card details I did that, so we could talk a bit more.

 

But then she said she should probably dance for me a bit as well, as that’s what she was supposed to be doing so she danced whilst we talked for a bit and then she sat back down so we could talk properly for a bit more. I ended up spending £600 on that conversation and a bit like your boss mocking you, my friends were in stiches the next day that I’d spent that much money on a girl and hardly even got any dancing out of it let alone anything else. :facepalm:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Window Cleaner

Window Cleaner

Posted
Posted (edited)

dear oh dear and to think that Bearsy once claimed to have had a sort of 3 way. Men are men, you can always bone a hooker if someone else has paid for it. I mean it's not like Bearsy is attached or anything is it.

 

Oh and in response to the original queston, yes I did, couple of times in the Far East cos well, there's not much no pay nooky in those parts.. Women there ain't going to do it for free when they can get paid.

Edited by Window Cleaner
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Tokyo-Saint

Tokyo-Saint

Posted
Posted (edited)

My friend (yes friend - famous for his Thai condoms fit me story) was having some on the clock sex with a pro in Amsterdam. At the doorway they are all like "do whatever you like for 30 guiders or Euros or whatever) but once you get in there there are more surcharges then Ryan Air. Anyway, he was boning her in missionary and wanted to change position (well that's his story anyway, in truth he probably wanted spanked or something), so she said if he wanted another position it was X Guiders or euros. So he got up from boning, butt naked, little pecker standing to attention and everything and walked across the room to get money from his jeans which were folded across a chair. He was a bit ****ed and stoned and obviously in a hurry so picked is jeans up quickly so as to save the embarrassing process of paying while naked with a boner last longer than it had to. He had forgotten he had loads of change in the pockets and before he knew it coins were pouring out of the pockets and spreading themselves nicely around this hookers boudoir. He was naked scrambling around the floor on all fours trying to collect his coins while an angry Slovakian with her tits out looked on.

Edited by Tokyo-Saint
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Window Cleaner

Window Cleaner

Posted
Posted (edited)
Dunno bout the legality of this but I just got back from works do in birminghams which ended up at strip club and soon as we got there all my workmates is disappearing upstairs for "private dance" and I'm left watching their coats cos I've always said I'll never pay for sexual whatevers. Anyways this hot bird is hitting on me and I'm feeling a bit no-mates so I'm buying "private dance".

 

She is then taking me upstairs and charging me £140 (!) and then she is taking off her clothes and grabbing my knob or whatever and making me lick on her boobs. I'm like what is that I'm tasting? And she is like it's Rihanna perfume and I'm like did you know it has actual blood in it cos I'm full of fun facts like that.

 

Anyway I'm not sustaining much of a boner. I don't know if it's cos I'm drunken or if it's cos of my higher morality and Respect For Womens, but anyway I ask her bunch of questions bout her profession and we have some Lols or whatever and then she's like " oh noes we've been over your half hour this is gonna cost me £90 now" and I'm like oh that's a shame and I go back downstairs.

 

So I go back downstairs and my boss is like how was it? And I'm like ok we had a nice chat and they is all lolling and calling me gay and then my boss is paying this other bird £318 to show me "good time". I ain't really up for this but I don't want to look pussy so I go along. This b!tch is even more dirty, she is immediately naked and pinned against wall and whispers romantically in my ear "no biting, no visible marks" which is apparently her only 2 rules. Next thing I notice is she has same weird smell as first bird, balls to Rihanna perfume it's obviously some kind of spermicidal body wash.

 

Then she is wanting me to go down on her but I'm like balls to that we just paid you £318 so then she is sucking on my knob and then she is saying I should bone her but then she is saying she has just finished doing one of my other colleagues and my boss. My boner is immediately wilting! Fair play to her she is spending the rest of the time trying to get it back up but I really ain't interested no more. I'm thinking how funny it is and how stupid her job is considering I only just met her and to be honest the girl not being in to it is my ultimate turn-off so I go back downstairs and make out I knobbed her bad cos I don't want to look gay and I don't want to seem ungrateful to my boss for spending £318 for an aborted boning.

 

So in summary, is I gay for not boning prostitute? Do you bone prostitute? Do you know that taste of spermicidal body wash? I can still taste it!

 

hah, plenty more Catcher in the Rye style displayed here Bearsy, sure you don't want to get your user name changed to Holden Caulfield.?..go on you know it sounds classy.

 

NB perhaps reb'l fleur perfume just really does smell that bad. Do they sell it in Boot's ?

Edited by Window Cleaner
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Bearsy

Bearsy

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Bearsy, I’ve rated this post five stars as I laughed a lot when reading it.

 

This reminds me of one of the times I went to a strip club in Bournemouth. You’re not allowed to touch the girls there and to be honest I’m not sure what the attraction is with paying money to look at girls when you can’t touch them, it’s a bit frustrating really. I can look at girls and not touch them from the comfort of my own home on my computer.

 

Anyhew, I’d had a lot to drink and a chick came up and talked to me and because I’m all nice and wanting to get to know her and that, we went for a private dance and had a really good chat, but then she said that my time had run out, but because we were having a nice chat and it was so easy to stay chatting by just giving them my credit card details I did that, so we could talk a bit more.

 

But then she said she should probably dance for me a bit as well, as that’s what she was supposed to be doing so she danced whilst we talked for a bit and then she sat back down so we could talk properly for a bit more. I ended up spending £600 on that conversation and a bit like your boss mocking you, my friends were in stiches the next day that I’d spent that much money on a girl and hardly even got any dancing out of it let alone anything else. :facepalm:

 

I know what you mean spudgun, i was genuinely interested in finding out bout what it's like for the chick being a hooker and having to suck off disgusting old men and what not. I was also interested bout the bullsh!t things they say tho to try and get your money.

 

BEARSY: Lols how many dudes have you done tonight so far?

HOOKER: You is my first one tonight baby!

LIES!

 

BEARSY: What do you do when dude is really disgusting fat or smelly or whatever?

HOOKER: We only choose the dudes we're attracted to!

LIES!

 

HOOKER: Here is the £68 bottle of champagne you ordered!

LIES!

 

HOOKER: Oh noes I was so enjoying myself we've run over time, they're gonna make me pay £90 unless you help me out baby!

LIES!

 

HOOKER: OMG you have really big knob! This might be 2 girl job!

I THINK SHE WAS TELLING TRUTH HERE!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Bearsy

Bearsy

Posted
  • Author
Posted
My friend who posts on this board sometimes has some ladyboy stories. I'll give you a clue bear, RPS - he's being all serious at the moment over on the main board at the moment being all serious.

 

Don't try me to high tokyos. I'm hanging bad! Who is RPS?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Window Cleaner

Window Cleaner

Posted
Posted

HOOKER: OMG you have really big knob! This might be 2 girl job!

I THINKSHE WAS TELLING TRUTH HERE!

 

 

 

yeah, yeah, yeah. Only truth in the matter is that you (or your friend and your boss) spent err let's see 458£ and didn't actually sh@g anyone. A real man would have stepped up and done them both and probably gone back for a hat-trick. Your 3 way story of a couple of months back is in tatters.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Tokyo-Saint

Tokyo-Saint

Posted
Posted
Seriously?

 

I'm a well travelled man, loads of my mates have ladyboy stories. I've said about it before. I can honestly say I haven't, not my type. Not as in because it is a bloke as many times it is difficult to tell but they are usually tall, slender types bit glamorous Essex style, done up to the 9, loads of make up, big hair and stuff. Anyone who has travelled around Asia or brazil will have come across one (pun intended) at some point or other.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Bearsy

Bearsy

Posted
  • Author
Posted
yeah, yeah, yeah. Only truth in the matter is that you (or your friend and your boss) spent err let's see 458£ and didn't actually sh@g anyone. A real man would have stepped up and done them both and probably gone back for a hat-trick. Your 3 way story of a couple of months back is in tatters.

 

wait.. cos I'm not knobbing prostitutes I'm incapable of knobbing anyone? Come round bearsy manor and count the rings on my penis homes!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
buctootim

buctootim

Posted
Posted (edited)
I'm a well travelled man, loads of my mates have ladyboy stories. I've said about it before. I can honestly say I haven't, not my type. Not as in because it is a bloke as many times it is difficult to tell but they are usually tall, slender types bit glamorous Essex style, done up to the 9, loads of make up, big hair and stuff. Anyone who has travelled around Asia or brazil will have come across one (pun intended) at some point or other.

 

I was just making a lame funny in reference to your typo "he's being all serious at the moment over on the main board at the moment being all serious".

 

I spent a lot of time in SE Asia in the early 1980s, yeah I know, and though Bangkok was complete with everything I could imagine at 19 I never saw any ladyboys there. Bugis Street in Singapore by contrast was famous for it. They used to do a kind of passeggiata in the evening, less obvious than the Thais, really elegant and subtle. It was easy to make a mistake....again not that I did but I know a couple of lads who were way down to business before realisng.

Edited by buctootim
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Tokyo-Saint

Tokyo-Saint

Posted
Posted
I was just making a lame funny in reference to your typo "he's being all serious at the moment over on the main board at the moment being all serious".

 

I spent a lot of time in SE Asia in the early 1980s, yeah I know, and though Bangkok was complete with everything I could imagine at 19 I never saw any ladyboys there. Bugis Street in Singapore by contrast was famous for it. They used to do a kind of passeggiata in the evening, less obvious than the Thais, really elegant and subtle. It was easy to make a mistake....again not that I did but I know a couple of lads who were way down to business before realisng.

 

Sorry missed it. I've been on my iPhone for a while (sob story about laptop) and currently in a cafe eating a fry up with a hangover. My English is going to be worse than Bearsy's for a while.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Jonnyboy

Jonnyboy

Posted
Posted
I was just making a lame funny in reference to your typo "he's being all serious at the moment over on the main board at the moment being all serious".

 

I spent a lot of time in SE Asia in the early 1980s, yeah I know, and though Bangkok was complete with everything I could imagine at 19 I never saw any ladyboys there. Bugis Street in Singapore by contrast was famous for it. They used to do a kind of passeggiata in the evening, less obvious than the Thais, really elegant and subtle. It was easy to make a mistake....again not that I did but I know a couple of lads who were way down to business before realisng.

 

Quite a few of the Navy types prefer it, particularly "thebellbays."

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Bearsy

Bearsy

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I watched documentary bout submarines and they had to change the design of torpedo tubes cos one time a submarine got chased down and raped by a blue whale and all the seaman drowned in semen.

 

Ever since i like to think of submarines getting chased round the ocean by blue whales with Benny Hill music playing

Link to comment
Share on other sites
PhilippineSaint

PhilippineSaint

Posted
Posted
I've told you before I have a mate who posts on here. He's a big Ben Goddards fan.

 

That lets me out then as I still have no idea who he(Ben) is unless your being very ironic, and it is me

 

If so I have very limited experience with the ladyboys, though the hairdresser that comes to do the wifes hair is one and a few bars where you have to stay relatively sober as you wouldn't know which one you could be taking home.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
scotty

scotty

Posted
Posted
I was just making a lame funny in reference to your typo "he's being all serious at the moment over on the main board at the moment being all serious".

 

I spent a lot of time in SE Asia in the early 1980s, yeah I know, and though Bangkok was complete with everything I could imagine at 19 I never saw any ladyboys there. Bugis Street in Singapore by contrast was famous for it. They used to do a kind of passeggiata in the evening, less obvious than the Thais, really elegant and subtle. It was easy to make a mistake....again not that I did but I know a couple of lads who were way down to business before realisng.

 

Apparently its quite common to slip a hand into the young "lady"s panties and find meat and two veg instead of lettuce. And by that stage, the only realistic option is to flip her over.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Bearsy

Bearsy

Posted
  • Author
Posted
like many, can't believe the number of regular posters not willing to own up to(or boast if you like) of having banged at least one prostitute in their lives.

 

Yeah! I'm disappointed not to be reading more bout people knobbing prostitutes!

 

One thing i remembered is after i come back down i found that my phone was missing, so I've gone back upstairs to investigate and found my boss at the counter negotiating prices. I'm like Oi ring my phone homes i seem to have mislaid it, so he's giving it a call. While we're waiting I'm chatting on the bird behind the counter asking her to go check the rooms but she ain't keen cos there's all people in there boning and they're only sposed to interrupt to extract more money. Anyway, I'm not hearing my phone ringing so I'm looking at my bosses phone and finding he is not dialling my number... he is accidentally calling his actual wife!

 

Maybe you had to be there, but i had good lols bout this! He weren't so keen!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Saint137

Saint137

Posted
Posted

Nope, but have hooked up with random birds on the internets for one-nighters. From AdultFriendFinder and the like. I also hear that a lot of the models on sites like ModelMayhem do extras, forget the name of the site (as I'm a happily married man now) but there's one with reviews and price lists etc. So fairly easy to find a bird who's been in say Razzle and spend the night with them apparently. Loads of swinger/dogging sites about, things have definitely changed since I was a nipper. I would say if you are a young lad without much experience its very easy to get experienced in a wide variety of pursuits without paying prostitutes these days

 

/wishes he could rewind 20 years

Link to comment
Share on other sites
lloydie

lloydie

Posted
Posted
I know what you mean spudgun, i was genuinely interested in finding out bout what it's like for the chick being a hooker and having to suck off disgusting old men and what not. I was also interested bout the bullsh!t things they say tho to try and get your money.

 

BEARSY: Lols how many dudes have you done tonight so far?

HOOKER: You is my first one tonight baby!

LIES!

 

BEARSY: What do you do when dude is really disgusting fat or smelly or whatever?

HOOKER: We only choose the dudes we're attracted to!

LIES!

 

HOOKER: Here is the £68 bottle of champagne you ordered!

LIES!

 

HOOKER: Oh noes I was so enjoying myself we've run over time, they're gonna make me pay £90 unless you help me out baby!

LIES!

 

HOOKER: OMG you have really big knob! This might be 2 girl job!

I THINK SHE WAS TELLING TRUTH HERE!

 

I think i actually came close to crying with laughter here. Then just cried because all of those things happened to me... Apart from the last one.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...