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The pre apocalypse countdown thread


Spudders

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Bit late on here.

 

Will we be able to update our status on FB after the world ends?

 

You know, just shot 27 Zombies, home made Ark working fine after the Tsunami, which way is North now the Poles have reversed.

 

If the Poles have reversed, does this mean FMDP now bats for the other side?

 

I thought she would have done anyway and you were the meat in her sandwich or you will be at the end of the week

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will the zombies (if thats the outcome) be allergic to anything like erm Kaffir Lime Leaves or Bran Flakes as we could stockpile these now.

4 days to go and despite yesterdays warning not to get too hung up on it being Zombies as there’s only a small chance of that happening, Jillyanne seems to have become obsessed in the detail of a zombie attack.

 

For anyone who is not Jillyanne, please just skip the next paragraph.

 

Jillyanne, apparently they are allergic to Peanuts, pollen and mold. You may be able to capture some zombies (good luck) and carry out some additional testing for your Bran Flakes and weird leaves but it’s a risky strategy, I’m no expert but I’d advise staying away from them or just killing them, rather than feeding them bran flakes.

 

For everyone but Jillyanne, take a break from planning today, you’ve earnt it. Sit back with a cup of tea and chuckle to yourself whist you think about how much more prepared for killing you are compared with others who are thinking about trying to give invaders an upset tummy or seeing if they have gluten allergies

 

Here's todays countdown photo:

04days.jpg

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sometime between 12.01 am and 11.59 pm pap, although it's less clear which time zone this is applicable for!

 

Its got to Start at the international date line and go forward from there.

 

You lucky sods in the UK have got 8 hours more than us in the far east. But the TV pics will show the horrors of what you will have to endure. Whilst we will already be in full zombie mode killing and eating anything although Stains had better be quick or the Koreans may get all the dogs before him.

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Well, in true takeover thread style, the good news for us down here is that Friday is our Sunday.

 

So we'll all be down the pub having our Christmas Brunch all day.

 

Oh crap that doesn't work.

 

Because in theory IF the world ends on Friday in the Pacific Rim countries it will still be Thursday night here.

 

OK, so Thursday night is our Friday night. Yep can still be down the pub until 3am.

 

This whole not knowing whether it is going to be instantaneous for all of us or a creeping disaster is worrying me FAR more than fighting off Zombies. We have to do that down here every time we get on the Metro

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I'm thinking that in terms of metres above sea level, higher is better. First, you may survive any tsunamis caused by an asteroid dunking into the sea. Second, the daunting uphill climb may deter chubby zombies. Finally, good sight lines and defensibility.

 

What would people recommend as minimum safe height?

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If Tsunamis are a real possibility Here's a whole new thought, how about we build a wooden boat, that way we would have wood to burn when the water subsides. We could take a couple of each living animal, insect etc (apart from spiders, they are bad and could get zombiefied and turn massive) and when everything is ok, they can all reproduce, oh hang on....

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What would people recommend as minimum safe height?

 

You want to get it just right, and get a property just the right height above sea level. I bought my current house as I worked out once global warming kicks in it would just above sea level (Currently it is 10 miles from the sea).It's slightly higher than the places behind it so it should become a beachfront property. I reckoned it would at least quadruple in value....Not sure how the apocalypse will affect property values as the general "worlds ending scenario" may cancel out the benefit of the sea front property though? However break even will still be better then all those suckers behind me with their flooded houses!

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Spudgun; sorry if you aren't doing requests but are you covering advice on transportation later in the week? My wife is suggesting we should rely on public transport, but that kind of thinking is not going to see her past the first onslaught. Presumably we can loot stuff so do we go small and fast, (dirt bike), or big and unstoppable, (bull dozer)? What should we get, and what should we weld to it?

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Good call colehill, I'll make travel tomorrows subject, but my advice would be to ensure that if you survive the initial onslaught, make sure you are wearing footwear you can run in, tell your wife flip-flops are a no-no. You may also wish to highlight to her the scale of the end of the world as it sounds like she's confusing it with an increase in fuel prices?

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Well, in true takeover thread style, the good news for us down here is that Friday is our Sunday.

 

So we'll all be down the pub having our Christmas Brunch all day.

 

Oh crap that doesn't work.

 

Because in theory IF the world ends on Friday in the Pacific Rim countries it will still be Thursday night here.

 

OK, so Thursday night is our Friday night. Yep can still be down the pub until 3am.

 

This whole not knowing whether it is going to be instantaneous for all of us or a creeping disaster is worrying me FAR more than fighting off Zombies. We have to do that down here every time we get on the Metro

 

I think you will be ok, the Mayans are at least five hours behind us, so if you get out early enough, you can still die with a full belly

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Spudgun; sorry if you aren't doing requests but are you covering advice on transportation later in the week? My wife is suggesting we should rely on public transport, but that kind of thinking is not going to see her past the first onslaught. Presumably we can loot stuff so do we go small and fast, (dirt bike), or big and unstoppable, (bull dozer)? What should we get, and what should we weld to it?

 

I can't help feeling your missus is totally missing the point.

 

If anything, you should be loading up on petrol, shotgun shells, morning stars, knives - all that stuff.

 

The instructional video, Mad Max 2, is available for very reasonable prices in most places that sell video media. It comes with free humungus.

 

H5.jpg

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I can't help feeling your missus is totally missing the point.

 

If anything, you should be loading up on petrol, shotgun shells, morning stars, knives - all that stuff.

 

The instructional video, Mad Max 2, is available for very reasonable prices in most places that sell video media. It comes with free humungus.

 

H5.jpg

 

If only she would wake up to the good sense available on SWF she might improve her survival chances by up to 2 or 3%. Instead of that its endless re-runs of "what happens in Vegas" and "sleepless in Seattle". Friday can't come soon enough for me.

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Need an asteroid for that though. Anyway I've heard from good "sources" that the end of the world has been cancelled due to poor ticket sales and an Underground drivers strike.

Are you questioning Gods ability to instantaneously create a giant asteroid from absolutely nowhere!

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Spudgun; sorry if you aren't doing requests but are you covering advice on transportation later in the week? My wife is suggesting we should rely on public transport, but that kind of thinking is not going to see her past the first onslaught. Presumably we can loot stuff so do we go small and fast, (dirt bike), or big and unstoppable, (bull dozer)? What should we get, and what should we weld to it?

 

As requested, today we’ll think about transportation and movement from location to location in the days after the apocalypse, before you die.

 

If any of your family are like colehillsaints wife and think it be better to get the bus as they don’t want to risk getting the car damaged with all the carnage, they’re not comprehending what the end of the world means! The reality is that we’re all going to die Friday or in the following few weeks, so is there really any point in trying to survive those extra weeks anyway?

 

If you do want to drag it all out so you can see lots of pain and suffering and maybe participate in some looting, raping and pillaging, then you are going to need to get about! The better transportation you can find, the more of a target you’ll be to others trying to nick your wheels.

 

Colehill has referenced two things, a dirt bike and an unstoppable bull dozer. I’d question if a bull dozer that travels at walking pace is really unstoppable? I’ll leave you to think about that. A dirt bike would be great but sooner or later some big bully like the stain will nick it from you (and he’ll probably give you AIDS for fun at the same time).

 

So your best option for wheels isn’t wheels, it’s your feet. These are less likely to be stolen from you, so get yourself some footwear that you can run in as you’re likely to be doing a lot of that if you survive.

 

If you are a total fatso you are doomed, don’t bother prepping over the last few days, just get some family sized bags of doritos (two for one at tescos at the moment) and enjoy your last couple of days.

 

Here's todays countdown photo:

03days.jpg

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wouldn't He need a referendum on that first ? Or at least a majority vote from the tripartite committee.

 

You’ve made an assumption God is a democratic entity, whereas in reality he’s more akin to Stalin, he’s a doer rather than an asker*!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(*Dear god, I was just joking, please forgive me on Friday as I am very very sorry)

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If you were a real man you'd carry her!

 

Much as I appreciate your survival advice up to now Spugun, I think you're way off beam with this one. I can see it all now; I am carrying Mrs C across a creator filled wasteland, and Stain creeps up on us. I put her down and she is all; " ooh The Stain, I've heard so much about you. You can satisfy a woman using faraway as a prophylactic. Ooh .......". I'm too puffed out to defend myself, and me and the dog are history before you can say muppet show. I don't think so. In fact after 10 days of following this thread, she is going to be carrying me.

Edited by colehillsaint
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Much as I appreciate your survival advice up to now Spugun, I think you're way off beam with this one. I can see it all now; I am carrying Mrs C across a creator filled wasteland, and Stain creeps up on us. I put her down and she is all; " ooh The Stain, I've heard so much about you. You can satisfy a woman using faraway as a prophylactic. Ooh .......". I'm too puffed out to defend myself, and me and the dog are history before you can say muppet show. I don't think so. In fact after 10 days of following this thread, she is going to be carrying me.

 

This sounds interesting and frightening. Why hasn't Spudgun mentioned that we will be living in a wasteland full of creators?This post apocalypse world will see all the Gods return to Earth to battle for control. Pick the wrong one and you'll be done for. Another tricky obstacle to overcome.

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Oh, another thing, colehillsaints, rule 1 your mrs and if she's any good i'll make sure she's looked after and even keep you on as a slave. I can't say fairer than that. But if she's a hideous beast, I'll slaughter the pair of you, chop your bodies up into tiny pieces and stuff you up the ripped anus of your dead dog.

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I shall be mid-Atlantic on a cruise ship so I should be ok as far as tsunamis and zombies are concerned. What should I look out for?

 

The other passengers? Those limited stocks won't last long so i reckon your best bet is to go early to take control of the ship!

You need to round up the strongest blokes to become your army. Thursday evening you need to make your move as once the chaos starts on Friday it will be too late.

Take the captain and crew out first then all other men and then the muntas. You and your army can then sit back and await the armegedon in full control with a hoard of beautiful women at your beck and call. (Thinking about it- it would probably be a good move to get the wife overboard early on as she would 1) give you ear ache that you haven't cleaned up all the blood 2) get upset with all your new girlfriends.)

 

I will watch the news Thursday night with interest!- which ship are you on (in case someone else has the same idea and I mistakenly think the reported hijack is you when it's not)?

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This sounds interesting and frightening. Why hasn't Spudgun mentioned that we will be living in a wasteland full of creators?This post apocalypse world will see all the Gods return to Earth to battle for control. Pick the wrong one and you'll be done for. Another tricky obstacle to overcome.

 

Spudgun; are we likely to wake up on Friday and draw the curtains to a creator filled wasteland?

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The other passengers? Those limited stocks won't last long so i reckon your best bet is to go early to take control of the ship!

You need to round up the strongest blokes to become your army. Thursday evening you need to make your move as once the chaos starts on Friday it will be too late.

Take the captain and crew out first then all other men and then the muntas. You and your army can then sit back and await the armegedon in full control with a hoard of beautiful women at your beck and call. (Thinking about it- it would probably be a good move to get the wife overboard early on as she would 1) give you ear ache that you haven't cleaned up all the blood 2) get upset with all your new girlfriends.)

 

I will watch the news Thursday night with interest!- which ship are you on (in case someone else has the same idea and I mistakenly think the reported hijack is you when it's not)?

I'm on the Aurora, which is full of geriatrics and only few young families, so there should be plenty of fresh meat to go round, even if it is a bit chewy. We should have enough fuel to get halfway round the world, what's left of it. If not, then they will all have to get out in the lifeboats to give us a tow and start rowing.

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Spudgun; are we likely to wake up on Friday and draw the curtains to a creator filled wasteland?

I dunno, do you currently have that view?

If yes = yes

If no = no

 

Unless you get up really late and then I guess things may have changed a bit, but by that point your curtains may be on fire, so you may want to avoid touching them?

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You’ve made an assumption God is a democratic entity, whereas in reality he’s more akin to Stalin, he’s a doer rather than an asker*!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(*Dear god, I was just joking, please forgive me on Friday as I am very very sorry)

 

Just one rather important question at this point (so I know which direction to point on Friday when I start praying)

 

Do we actually know which God is going to actually be driving this event? Or will it be one of his minions?

Which Bad Guy has finally pulled an Ace out of his sleeve?

 

Just want to know in case I should brush up on my Koran (what happens if it all happens in between Prayer Times oh strewth).

 

What if it it is Buddha cleansing the earth? Should I get all Tantric?

 

Or can I just blame Tom Cruise and all his mates @christianscience because he thought he could be Jack Reacher?

 

That's it! The end of the World is Lee Child's revenge.

 

OK I can accept that

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Just one rather important question at this point (so I know which direction to point on Friday when I start praying)

 

Do we actually know which God is going to actually be driving this event? Or will it be one of his minions?

Which Bad Guy has finally pulled an Ace out of his sleeve?

 

Just want to know in case I should brush up on my Koran (what happens if it all happens in between Prayer Times oh strewth).

 

What if it it is Buddha cleansing the earth? Should I get all Tantric?

 

Or can I just blame Tom Cruise and all his mates @christianscience because he thought he could be Jack Reacher?

 

That's it! The end of the World is Lee Child's revenge.

 

OK I can accept that

 

Oh Krap. It'll be Thor won't it.

 

That's me screwed then FMDP will be off after him faster than you can say give me a piggy back colehill.

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