Bearsy Posted 18 November, 2012 Share Posted 18 November, 2012 I thought I done a thread bout this once before, but I can't find it no more. What you do is have a sweet idea for a movie and then post it on here so any passing hollywood execs can steal ur ideas! SHERLOCK BONES This is bout a famous police detective, but the twist is he don't really solve the crimes himself, he is followed round by the ghost of Jimmy Savile who helps him solve the crimes but only if Sherlock Bones does bad stuff like flash his wiener at old ladies in Hyde Park. This is drama cos Sherlock Bones is conflicted bout having to do bad stuff like flashing his wiener at old ladies in Hyde Park in order to do good stuff like deductions to catch criminals. It opens up with Sherlock Bones at a police psychiatrist cos he's been suspended since he got drunk at the Christmas Party and Jimmy Savile made him vvank off into the punch bowl. He is trying to convince psychiatrist that he's ok to go back to work and he don't drink no more and he ain't seeing things no more, but it's tough cos every time the psychiatrist opens her mouth Jimmy Savile pretends to felate her with his cigar. Anyway, Jimmy Savile does an amazing deduction when looking up the psychiatrists skirt that she was born with balls and a vagina and Sherlock Bones uses these informations to blackmail her into getting his job back. Then we is in the Police Offices and we is finding Sherlock Bones has got a new partner who is Hot Girl. She is like "Oh you don't look like him," and he is like, "Who?" and she is like "They said not to mention Jimmy Savile, I assumed you'd look like him," and he is like "Now then, now then." Sherlock Bones most famous case before he got arrested was when he done deductions to catch people who was stealing the crown jewels. The Queen is remembering this, so when she has new crimes at the Palace she is always calling for Sherlock Bones. They is having one now. Sherlock gets there and finds someone has been bum raping the Queens corgis. They don't know who done it, and they want Sherlock Bones to do his deductions. Sherlock Bones is like, "How do you know it was rape?" and they're like, "Are you saying it was consensual?" and Sherlock is like, "How do you know it was even a dude, it might have been a big dog." But they have a vet who says that the knob that went up the corgi's bum was definitely too big to be just a dog. Sherlock Bones is a bit flumoxed. It's bad cos he wants to impress Hot Girl. Jimmy Savile is smoking nonchalantly on his big cigar, and saying he knows how they can find out, but he'll only help if Sherlock Bones goes out, get's wasted and flashes his wiener at old ladies in Hyde Park. Sherlock Bones is like no way, I'm gonna solve this one myself, and spends the day looking at Corgi bumholes and examining the wieners of the Palace staff, looking for bite marks and dog biscuits. The next day everyone at the Police Station is ripping the p!ss out of Sherlock Bones and putting sexy pictures of dogs on his computer. The Dumb Chief is also riding him bout getting the case solved. Jimmy Savile is winding Sherlock up, and saying that not only has he solved the crimes, but that the Queen's life is in danger. Under pressure to get case solved Sherlock Bones goes out, gets wasted and flashes his wiener at old ladies in Hyde Park. The next day everyone is talking bout the return of the Hyde Park Flasher. Sherlock Bones is assigned to the case. He has to interview all the old ladies which is lols cos he's worried bout being recognised, and also cos they keep mugging him off saying it was very small wiener. Here is some dialogues: SAVILE: Now then, now then. The Queen is going to die tonight, unless you do what I say. SHERLOCK: Oh FFS. Go on then. SAVILE: Take off all your clothes. Savile makes Sherlock go the Palace with the Hot Girl. She is confused why Sherlock is naked, but whatever. They sneak over the gates into the Palace and up into the Queens state rooms. Savile is like "Smell that?". Hot girl is like "Who farted?". Sherlock is like, "Dog poo!" They is finding loads of small bombs under the Queens bed, all covered in dog boo. Turns out terrorists was smuggling bombs into the palace in the Corgis bumholes! Sherlock Bones is big hero! FIN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 18 November, 2012 Author Share Posted 18 November, 2012 Just by the by can anyone remember seeing all my other sweet movie ideas? The ones I remember is: LONG THROW - A sports biopic bout Rory Delap 2 - This is the movie version of 24 with Jack Bauer SKILLZ THAT KILLZ- Based on a True Story bout when George Samson saved the world in Intergallactic Dance Off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 18 November, 2012 Share Posted 18 November, 2012 gnomes on the run It’s about garden gnomes that come to life when people aren’t looking and they play pranks on people, but then sometimes the pranks go wrong and people end up dying. So the gnomes place themselves near people who are about to go on holiday. These people think they’ve come up with a really funny idea of taking the gnomes on holiday with them to take pictures of them in different places, but actually what they don’t realise is the gnomes have been putting those ideas in their heads by whispering to them whilst they’ve been sleeping. The film follows the gnomes around the world as they deal with their mental conflict, where on the one hand they are troubled by guilt because of the accidents they’ve caused, whilst on the other hand there’s the excitement of travelling around the world, seeing new places and getting up to some more jolly japes in different parts of the world. Each individual film will focus on one gnome and one trip, with sequels focusing on different gnomes in different locations. I’d like to think these could run for more films than police academy films. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 18 November, 2012 Author Share Posted 18 November, 2012 I'm also in negotiations to do remake of Man On Fire with Denzel Washington. In my version he is literally on fire the whole time! It causes difficulties in his personal life and also professionally, cos he is postman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 18 November, 2012 Share Posted 18 November, 2012 I got a letter in the post this week Bear that was posted to me last August. I have no idea why it took 15 months to arrive, but it didn't show any signs of being involved in any postman on fire situations Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 18 November, 2012 Author Share Posted 18 November, 2012 gnomes on the run It's good, but you need more motivation for your gnomes. International Terrorism is very hot at the moment. Perhaps the Gnomes is muslim, and are duping british citizens so they can get to Disneyworld to commit Acts Of Terrorism On American Soil. We can tie it in with my Jack Bauer movie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glasgow_Saint Posted 18 November, 2012 Share Posted 18 November, 2012 I am writing a film about my life...... The ups and downs on SWF will feature (alot) Film will be called "the glory days on SWF" Cast as follows - Me: brad pitt Delldays: george clooney Tokyo: jacky chan Bearsy: will farrell Alpine: john goodman Dubai phil: ben stiller Dibden Purlieu Saint: helen flanagan Smirking_saint: Shane MacGowan Miltonroader07: adam sandler Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperMikey Posted 18 November, 2012 Share Posted 18 November, 2012 The Clarkson Identity Jeremy Clarkson is betrayed his colleagues and is a wanted man. Constantly persued by his Top Gear cohorts and several thousand striking public sector workers, Clarkson has to survive against the odds to clear his name. He also drives some cars really fast in it. Scope for possible sequels/prequels/spin-offs. The Shooter Adam Sandler plays a loveable slacker with a heart of gold. He is deeply in love with the girl who lives next door to him, a high-school student called Natalie. Natalie is an outsider in her school, constantly teased and picked on because of her freakishly large nipples. After a period of wooing, Natalie agrees to go on a date with Adam Sandler, but with one catch: he has to go to her school and shoot as many of her fellow students as possible! Much japes occurr, including a hilarious montage in which Sandler slaughters the fat kids who can't run away fast enough. In the last scene, Sandler and Natalie make love on a pile of bodies in the cafeteria before the police burst in and blow Sandler's brains out. Beep Beep Willem Dafoe plays the manager of a small-town supermarket accused of paedophilia. He is cleared of these allegations, but the townsfolk still regard him oddly. His wife divorces him, taking the children with her. Willem quits his job and sets off on a spiritual quest to "find himself". He travels all over Eastern Asia, where a wise Buddhist monk tells him that his true calling in life is to be the greatest paedophile that there has ever been. Moving back to America some years later, Willem sets up a small independent Leather shop in his small town. His jackets are a hit with the locals, but a spate of disappearances of the local children leads the Sheriff (Timothy Olyphant) to discover the sinister link between Willem's successful Leather shop and the disappearing children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colinjb Posted 18 November, 2012 Share Posted 18 November, 2012 Dodgeball An interactive movie theatre spectacular, featuring cannons firing balls, wrenches, inanimate household objects at the audience while the film is running. The last person standing gets a free cookie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 18 November, 2012 Author Share Posted 18 November, 2012 The Shooter Adam Sandler plays a loveable slacker with a heart of gold. He is deeply in love with the girl who lives next door to him, a high-school student called Natalie. Natalie is an outsider in her school, constantly teased and picked on because of her freakishly large nipples. After a period of wooing, Natalie agrees to go on a date with Adam Sandler, but with one catch: he has to go to her school and shoot as many of her fellow students as possible! Much japes occurr, including a hilarious montage in which Sandler slaughters the fat kids who can't run away fast enough. In the last scene, Sandler and Natalie make love on a pile of bodies in the cafeteria before the police burst in and blow Sandler's brains out. I would like an Option on this please! I specially like the feel-good ending bout Sandler getting his brains blown out. Green Lit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 18 November, 2012 Author Share Posted 18 November, 2012 The Clarkson Identity Think you missed one or two important plot points here Mikey. Clarkson is betrayed by Hammond and James May while on a routine Chrysler Junket. He wakes up on a fishing boat with complete amnesia. Slowly he discovers he has unexplained talents for making car metaphors and faux controversial opinions. What is the Clarkson Identity? Why do so many people think he is a cvnt? He has to hook up with an Asylum Seeker chick and go on the run in her Mini. Things become awkward when he finds himself telling her that her car drives like a child's shoe on wheels, and she shouldn't be in this country anyway. FIN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperMikey Posted 18 November, 2012 Share Posted 18 November, 2012 Think you missed one or two important plot points here Mikey. Clarkson is betrayed by Hammond and James May while on a routine Chrysler Junket. He wakes up on a fishing boat with complete amnesia. Slowly he discovers he has unexplained talents for making car metaphors and faux controversial opinions. What is the Clarkson Identity? Why do so many people think he is a cvnt? He has to hook up with an Asylum Seeker chick and go on the run in her Mini. Things become awkward when he finds himself telling her that her car drives like a child's shoe on wheels, and she shouldn't be in this country anyway. FIN And what's your offer to make the Sandler movie? I was thinking we need at least £60m. Sandler will insist on Rob Schneider making an appearance too, perhaps he can play the Principal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 19 November, 2012 Author Share Posted 19 November, 2012 I reckon cos of the scope of this movie we're gonna need a budget of at least $90m. That will come out your end. Plus say another $20m to make it 3D (kids love 3D). That will come out your end too. You can cast all the dudes, I'll cast the goth chick with the big nipples. I will probably need to feel up quite a few actresses to get this done, but I'm willing to make the sacrifice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smirking_Saint Posted 19 November, 2012 Share Posted 19 November, 2012 twitter A man is held hostage by a sniper, he keeps voting for Rylan on the X factor behind his wifes back and now has a choice to make. The sniper says that he will shoot him if he doesnt reveal all. This is made all the worse as he was standing up when he was held hostage, and so his legs and back ache and he has Arthritis abnormally early for his age. The sniper says he only has until his followers reach 100,000. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colinjb Posted 19 November, 2012 Share Posted 19 November, 2012 (edited) Sex Bomb It's an all-American high school house party. Our story follows a group of 7 friends, 3 lads and 4 girls. The party is in full flow, then all of a sudden, while 3 of the girls are chatting cr@p to each other.... KABOOM!!!!!! An explosion upstairs. The 4th girl is splattered up the walls.... the only conclusion, she has been killed.... nay ****ed to death by one of the lads. But which one, the geeky shy one, the football player or the wisecracking joker, which one is..... the SEX BOMB!? We now enter into a night of paranoia as the friends threaten to turn on each other, yet the girls and guys are looking as if they are pairing off with each other. So, will someone give in, for the first and maybe last time? Edited 19 November, 2012 by Colinjb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pap Posted 19 November, 2012 Share Posted 19 November, 2012 Sex Bomb It's an all-American high school house party. Our story follows a group of 7 friends, 3 lads and 4 girls. The party is in full flow, then all of a sudden, while 3 of the girls are chatting cr@p to each other.... KABOOM!!!!!! An explosion upstairs. The 4th girl is splattered up the walls.... the only conclusion, she has been killed.... nay ****ed to death by one of the lads. But which one, the geeky shy one, the football player or the wisecracking joker, which one is..... the SEX BOMB!? We now enter into a night of paranoia as the friends threaten to turn on each other, yet the girls and guys are looking as if they are pairing off with each other. So, will someone give in, for the first and maybe last time? It's a waste of a good title in my opinion. My pitch for your title would be an alternate reality Battle of Britain, in which the Germans decide to drop sexually charged frauleins onto the British population, literally re-defining the term "carpet bombing" in the process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colinjb Posted 19 November, 2012 Share Posted 19 November, 2012 (edited) It's a waste of a good title in my opinion. My pitch for your title would be an alternate reality Battle of Britain, in which the Germans decide to drop sexually charged frauleins onto the British population, literally re-defining the term "carpet bombing" in the process. #Whip-crack# YOU VILL OBEY ZE FATHERLAND!!!! Yes, my little German wench you....... 50 Shades Deutscher Edited 19 November, 2012 by Colinjb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pap Posted 19 November, 2012 Share Posted 19 November, 2012 Think you missed one or two important plot points here Mikey. Clarkson is betrayed by Hammond and James May while on a routine Chrysler Junket. He wakes up on a fishing boat with complete amnesia. Slowly he discovers he has unexplained talents for making car metaphors and faux controversial opinions. What is the Clarkson Identity? Why do so many people think he is a cvnt? He has to hook up with an Asylum Seeker chick and go on the run in her Mini. Things become awkward when he finds himself telling her that her car drives like a child's shoe on wheels, and she shouldn't be in this country anyway. FIN I have made it my life's work to ensure that every thread that mentions Clarkson gets a trip to Clarkson Island. [video=youtube;DMuO-8S_0Wg] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 19 November, 2012 Author Share Posted 19 November, 2012 It's a waste of a good title in my opinion. My pitch for your title would be an alternate reality Battle of Britain, in which the Germans decide to drop sexually charged frauleins onto the British population, literally re-defining the term "carpet bombing" in the process. I was actually gonna say Sex Bomb is similar in essence to that screenplay you wrote bout the guy who has a gun fused to his pen!s and it's firing the whole time, which makes it difficult for him to score ch!cks and use urinals. Can't remember what it was called. "Pee Shooter" would of been a good title! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colinjb Posted 19 November, 2012 Share Posted 19 November, 2012 50 Shades of Gay Aiming for the pink pound. Sod the ethics of the situation there's money to be made. Our resident series expert can adapt the plot accordingly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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