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Awkward moments


Crouchie's Lawyer
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Listening to Radio 1 this morning, I heard a clip Chris Moyles played of Sir Alan Sugar on Radio 5 Live. They were doing an interview with him (presumably shoehorning him in after his appearance on the Moyes Show) and asked him a few questions.

 

The final question was 'Sir Alan, if you only had enough money to save either Amstrad or Spurs, which would it be?'

 

He was not happy with this and said 'What an absolutely stupid question, I would save both. I have already saved Spurs and its now in the hands of someone else, but this would never happen' He then goes onto say (in the middle of the interview) 'I have had a wonderful time, but I must rush off now as I am very busy' and the interviewer was flumoxed and had to go to the news!

 

Very funny.

 

Also got me thinking, what awkward moments have you been in before? We have all sent a text to the wrong person etc, but anyone else been in any other awkward situations which they care to divulge so we can all laugh at?

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I've a good'un. When I was 17, I was quite a good looking young lad. I definately looked older than my real age. I was on holiday with my mum and step dad at the family villa in Spain. Needless to say I was desperate from the moment the plane touched down to get out there and meet some fine ladies. I went to a club and met a young lady by the name of Kimberley. Beautiful she was. Blonde hair, proportionate boobs, a body you could cut diamonds with, it was so toned. We got chatting and it turned out this girl was 22 and studying to become a dancer. Needless to say, I had come to the conclusion she wasnt going to be interested in some 17 year old oik who was at sixth form college, so I came up with the story that I was 23, was a journalist (its what I aspired to be at the time) and drove around in an Audi TT back home.

 

By about mid-night, things were progressing quite nicely in my favour so I asked if she fancied going for a walk (my intentions to be down to the beach for a bit of howsyourfather). We set about walking in the general direction of the beach, when we walked past a restaurant on the sea front. The same restaurant my parents were at. They were eating outside on the patio. My mum began waving and cooing like an absolute mentalist trying to get my attention. When I noticed it was my mum that was shrieking, I felt I had to go over and say hello. I introduced Kimberley to her and Mum offered us a couple of chairs. We joined them for a drink, me having totally forgotten I'd fed this poor girl an unbelievable amount of ****** about myself. One by one, every single lie I had told to get this girl on the way to the beach was unravelled by my unsuspecting mum. She asked whether Kim was at college and then went on to explain I was studying English Language, I.T and Media Studies at college but working very hard at ASDA for pocket money. She then mentioned that she bought me driving lessons for my birthday, which I was currently doing and how much fun my 17th birthday party was. Kim was a very well raised girl though who was very polite towards my mum but I had to sit there thinking "20 minutes ago, I thought I'd be banging the hottest girl I've ever seens brains out, and in that time my Mum has totally naused it up for me". Needless to say, Kim made her excuses and left shortly after.

 

She was in the same club 2 days later and I couldnt muster up the balls to go and talk to her. I did see her pulling some other lucky fella later on in the evening though. Shame.

 

Thanks Mum.

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Did you ever tell her she fooked up your chances?

 

More or less as soon as the lovely Kimberley upped and left.

 

With the benefit of hindsight, I should have maintained my Kevin-the-teenager attitude and ignored her whilst she was cooing at me. I would have definately closed the deal then as up until that moment, I was on top form that evening.

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The most awkward situation I found myself in was when I got caught raping a dog by the local policeman in Cardiff in 1987. Little did I know he would make me do it in front of all his friends who were w@nking while watching.

 

I was ashamed.

 

What breed, it matters.

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