Seaford Saint Posted 24 October, 2012 Share Posted 24 October, 2012 this is great stuff...don't think that we are not taking this in Bearsy, we are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CB Saint Posted 24 October, 2012 Share Posted 24 October, 2012 In a 100 years time, when Historians dig up the time capsule that TSW gets buried in, they will uncover two critical moments in history recorded for posterity. Of course the main one that they will drool over will be the PTS. But, they will also note this epic thread. No, not for it's services to Literarcy, nor even for containing the most perfect prose ever wrote in a Review. They will note this thread as the one where Frank's Cousin finally got down to less than one typo per 4 lines of posting. Amazing how increased Blood Circlulation can improve the performance of the human brain. (note that was my attempt to distract myself from a Domestic HORROR moment that I uncovered by accident today). I was just finishing packing the wheelie bags for our trip home for Eid & to watch Bale muller Clyne on Sunday when I found in FMDP's bag...... The Book..... Oh crap At least you can tell her to skip the first 7 chapters Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deano6 Posted 24 October, 2012 Share Posted 24 October, 2012 At least you can tell her to skip the first 7 chapters And Chapter 14 from the sounds of it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank's cousin Posted 24 October, 2012 Share Posted 24 October, 2012 In a 100 years time, when Historians dig up the time capsule that TSW gets buried in, they will uncover two critical moments in history recorded for posterity. Of course the main one that they will drool over will be the PTS. But, they will also note this epic thread. No, not for it's services to Literarcy, nor even for containing the most perfect prose ever wrote in a Review. They will note this thread as the one where Frank's Cousin finally got down to less than one typo per 4 lines of posting. Amazing how increased Blood Circlulation can improve the performance of the human brain. (note that was my attempt to distract myself from a Domestic HORROR moment that I uncovered by accident today). I was just finishing packing the wheelie bags for our trip home for Eid & to watch Bale muller Clyne on Sunday when I found in FMDP's bag...... The Book..... Oh crap Whil htey fckc! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 24 October, 2012 Share Posted 24 October, 2012 At least you can tell her to skip the first 7 chapters Hell no.. We gotta get up at 2am your time for a 5am flight. When we hit the smoke we have sightseeing & shopping until 7pm then dinner and talking sh1t with the kids to midnight - a 22 hour day... IF I keep schtum she'll start to read those when we take off giving me a clear extra 3 hours kip before they serve the food & booze.... With it being so dull I can sleep safe in the knowledge that she'll be sitting there with a what's the fuss about look... IF it was like Chapter 10onwards I'd have to stay awake to keep an eye on her in case she needed an emergency subcontractor service from a Gay Steward Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 24 October, 2012 Author Share Posted 24 October, 2012 If FEXMDP is loving the Shades Phil you should try out some of Christian's trademark moves! Turn up unexpectedly and when she is saying What is you doing here you can be menacingly growling "I tracked your phone" Take her to homebase and be buying Cable Ties, Rope and Masking Tape, when she is asking what for be doing a sinister chuckle Tie her up with your necktie and fvvck off down the pub She will be loving these treatments! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 24 October, 2012 Share Posted 24 October, 2012 You'll have to get some guy called Jose to come on to her as well. In my experience of guys called Jose, this can be a dangerous game to play. It's a fine line GP, one minute you are buying duct tape for some sex games, the next you are wondering where you can dump a dead Portuguese guy and booking another one way ticket to an Arab state. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 24 October, 2012 Author Share Posted 24 October, 2012 Yeah if you need someone to finger her up in Weatherspoons car park, I am available. Call my freephone number 0800-DIRTY-BEAR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 24 October, 2012 Share Posted 24 October, 2012 Yeah if you need someone to finger her up in Weatherspoons car park, I am available. Call my freephone number 0800-DIRTY-BEAR Just checked with Emirates web site. They have Aircall installed. Is there a Weatherspoons at 36,000 feet over Qatar? If so you'll get the call around 6am. Really 'preciate the help and support on this, it'll leave me enough strength for the 6 pints of OSH as soon as I hit Londinium Oh and thanks for the advice Tokyos. Will stay well clear of anywhere that has Cataplana or Paella on the menu at lunchtime tomorrow. Hopefully it will be no way Jose in the Moon under the Water in Leicester Sq early afternoon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 24 October, 2012 Author Share Posted 24 October, 2012 50 Shades of Grey: Chapter 15 Now she don't want to get bummed. They is arguing bout it. He's saying "But I really want to claim your ass! We won't do it straight away, your ass will need training. It'll need careful preparation, but anal intercourse can be very pleasurable, trust me." "You've done it?" she says surprised. "Yes." B!tch goes quiet for a second. "With a man?" I have to put the book down for a minute cos I'm lolling so bad at that one! They is then going through the list of stuff he's gonna stick up her arse. It's all part of the contract. There is butt plugs which I've heard of before, then there is beads I ain't quite sure bout that I'm picturing them on a string or something, then the next item is eggs... I'm wondering where this is going! I mean butt plugs is fairly normal i spose but now we're into everyday household objects! Telephone. Shoes. Sofa cushions. Eggs is my favourite though. So they sort out the contract thing, then he is kissing on her and messing with her boobs. Then he is taking off her dress and he dips a finger in her vag to check she's wet. Then she sucks him off for a bit. Then he makes her put the condom on his knob. This takes her ages. For the first time in my 21 years etc. Then he knobs her. We hear quite a lot bout the Inner Goddess (curse her!) this chapter. At one point she is getting ice cream. At another point someone is taking her ice cream away. We are also hearing a bit from this new character called her subconscious. I prefer her to the Inner Goddess. Dude has bought Anastasia a new car, and the subconscious is pointing out quite rightly that this makes her a Ho. Dumb converation of the week: GREY: I thought we'd celebrate your graduation. Nothing beats a good Bollinger. STEELE: Interesting choice of words. GREY: Oh, I like your ready wit, Anastasia If you can explain the above let me know! I was staring blankly at the page for like 5 minutes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonnyboy Posted 24 October, 2012 Share Posted 24 October, 2012 Is she thinkings "Bollinger" is sounding like "boning"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperMikey Posted 24 October, 2012 Share Posted 24 October, 2012 You've never used eggs Bearsy? Scrambled works best I find, all you need to do is cook some up, let them cool and then cover them in melted chocolate (brown sauce can also work in this situation). Contain the eggs within your rectum, and complain of having a "gippy tummy" to your partner but insist on still having sex. At the point of ejaculation, scream out "I CAN'T HOLD IT ANY LONGER!" and promptly release the eggs from within your man passage. The dual pleasure of the jizz and the look on your partner's face as they survey the bedsheets covered in splattery diarrhoea should provide many lols. Although tbh you could probably save yourself the hassle of preparing the eggs and just sh!t yourself instead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 25 October, 2012 Share Posted 25 October, 2012 You've never used eggs Bearsy? Scrambled works best I find, all you need to do is cook some up, let them cool and then cover them in melted chocolate (brown sauce can also work in this situation). Contain the eggs within your rectum, and complain of having a "gippy tummy" to your partner but insist on still having sex. At the point of ejaculation, scream out "I CAN'T HOLD IT ANY LONGER!" and promptly release the eggs from within your man passage. The dual pleasure of the jizz and the look on your partner's face as they survey the bedsheets covered in splattery diarrhoea should provide many lols. Although tbh you could probably save yourself the hassle of preparing the eggs and just sh!t yourself instead. Anyone see the Bear's game last week? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 25 October, 2012 Share Posted 25 October, 2012 Supermikey infract yourself. Bear give yourself a sanction as well for egging him on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 25 October, 2012 Author Share Posted 25 October, 2012 Oh, I like your ready wit Tokyos! Here is an abbreviated review for dudes what is just catching up and don't want to read the whole thing: Chapter 1-7: Nothing happens Chapter 8: B!tch gets boned Chpter 9-14: Nothing happens Chapter 15: B!tch gets boned Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CB Saint Posted 25 October, 2012 Share Posted 25 October, 2012 Oh, I like your ready wit Tokyos! Here is an abbreviated review for dudes what is just catching up and don't want to read the whole thing: Chapter 1-7: Nothing happens Chapter 8: B!tch gets boned Chpter 9-14: Nothing happens Chapter 15: B!tch gets boned Extrapolating this Chapter 16-21: Nothing happens Chapter 22: B!tch gets boned See you all next wednesday then!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 25 October, 2012 Share Posted 25 October, 2012 Wrong CB. At some point b!tch is going to get bummed! That deserves it's own section in the summary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suewhistle Posted 25 October, 2012 Share Posted 25 October, 2012 They will note this thread as the one where Frank's Cousin finally got down to less than one typo per 4 lines of posting. (I was just finishing packing the wheelie bags for our trip home for Eid & to watch Bale muller Clyne on Sunday when I found in FMDP's bag...... The Book..... Oh crap Frank, he does have a point.. As for your discovery, laughing also helps the performance of the human brain! It wasn't callous laughter though, it was quite sympathetic! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suewhistle Posted 25 October, 2012 Share Posted 25 October, 2012 Here is an abbreviated review for dudes what is just catching up and don't want to read the whole thing: Chapter 1-7: Nothing happens Chapter 8: B!tch gets boned Chpter 9-14: Nothing happens Chapter 15: B!tch gets boned You're needed as a summariser on the PTS thread.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 25 October, 2012 Author Share Posted 25 October, 2012 Page 1-867,653: nothing happens Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 27 October, 2012 Author Share Posted 27 October, 2012 50 Shades of Grey: Chapter 16 We all know by now that Anastasia Steele is one of the dumbest b!tches in America. It's like her defining characteristic! Annoyingly, she ain't seeing it herself. She seems to think cos her favourite book is Wuthering Heights and not Winnie The Pooh Up The Honey-Tree she's some kind of intellectual. Well she'd be wrong. It's a common mistake: in the whole range of my aquaintance I don't know anyone who would describe their brains as below average, though it stands to reason some of them must be sub-normal. Closest you ever get is them people who reckon they've got more "street smarts than book smarts". Anastasia Steele is even trying to lord it up over Christian Grey now. When they knobbed just now he let her go on top and she's making out this was some massive victory of her intellect over his. She actually says that he underestimated her GPA (I think this means scores at school). You can tell this is burning him up! Having a borderline retard who couldn't even use a computer last week acting like she's cleverer than you! You can tell he wants to be like, "Oh yeah, how many multi-billion dollar businesses have you built up from nothing?" but he don't say nothing just yet. He has better ways to punish her. B!tch gets her first ever spanking! I'm loving this, I've been wanting someone to beat on her since chapter 1. He's bending her over his lap, then he is ripping off her panties and then he is starting in on her ass. We ain't privy to his internal thoughts at this point, but I know what dude is thinking: So you call your car "Wanda" do you? SMACK! You know the difference between a hawk and a handsaw do you? SMACK! B!tch is crying out in pain. I'm loving it! You like Snow Patrol do you? SMACK! You had to look "compromise" up in the dictionary? SMACK! He then gives her a rough knobbing from behind (still not up the arse) and then he fvvcks off. B!tch immediately calls her mommy and is all crying down the phone at her. Lols. She spends the rest of the chapter crying. That and rubbing her arse. We learn that in all her 21 years she ain't never been hit before, and this seems to me a massive oversight on the part of her parents and aquaintances in general. I like to think that if I knew this b!tch I would have had the good sense to slap her about a bit. Would have done her some good, maybe saved me one tedious paragraph in four. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seaford Saint Posted 27 October, 2012 Share Posted 27 October, 2012 I'm off out to dinner with friends and I won't raise the topic of this thread. I will let my inner god laugh though. I had to stop reading parts of your chapters to my wife, she had never been overly impressed with any of it. Anyway keep going mate and at the end I hope one of the mods takes all the chapters and concatenates them....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry the Badger Posted 27 October, 2012 Share Posted 27 October, 2012 I had to stop reading parts of your chapters to my wife, she had never been overly impressed with any of it. Anyway keep going mate and at the end I hope one of the mods takes all the chapters and concatenates them....... I tried reading some to my girlfriend. She was fine up until the bum rape. She liked your review though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 28 October, 2012 Author Share Posted 28 October, 2012 50 Shades of Grey: Chapter 17 What is the 50 Shades of Grey? We've been wondering bout this since the beginning. I've had various ideas over the chapters, I was originally thinking that maybe dude had a large collection of sunglasses or a paint mixing factory, or maybe the Shades is metaphorical and it refers to 50 murdered virgins silently decomposing in their shallow graves. It turns out it's just an expression, what you do is say that something is blank shades of blank. I.e. when the b!tch is embarrassed just now she blushes seven shades of scarlet. And when she is asking him why he wants to put eggs up her bum he reveals it's cos he's 50 shades of fvvcked up. I would have been interested in these informations chapter 1 but by this point I'm 17 shades of don't give a fvvck! I console myself that there is only 9 more chapters to go. My inner goddess is loving this fact! She's in cheerleading mode, with pom-poms in each hand, strawberry jam smeared across her down's syndrome face. I imagine these chapters will all be 9 shades of stupid, but what you gonna do? I've come this far. Do you have a nickname for your computer? Me neither. I don't spose any right-thinking person gives their computer a nickname, but we're dealing with the b!tch who calls her car "Wanda". Her computer is called "the mean machine". I dunno if she come up with this nickname or it come from her Inner Goddess but either way it's annoying. B!tch operates the mean machine to send Christian Grey an email. The subject title is "Assault and Battery: The After-Effects". She is moaning on that she has been "demeaned, debased and abused". He is emailing back to say that he don't know what she's complaining bout. He has suffered too. "My hand is very sore." She is threatening to run off to get away from his abuses. He is reasonably pointing out that this won't help. "I can track your cell-phone." Of course you can. This is exactly what girls is wanting to hear. I think this is what girls is liking bout this book, secretly they all want to be stalked. It gives them a distinction amongst their friends. Sure, they like to pretend it's creepy. They like to be saying to Katherine "Kate" Kavenagh oh noes this handsome billionaire is stalking me again! It's so annoyings! But secretly their Inner Goddess is hand clapping and making happy monkey noises. Did I mention that dude bought her a new car? He done it specifically so he don't have to hear b!tch call her old car "Wanda" no more. No doubt that was driving him nuts. He's gonna have to buy a new helicopter now though, cos b!tch has taken to calling it "Charlie Tango". Poor bastard. This is becoming a very expensive relationship! She goes out to dinner with Jose. The attempted rape is all forgotten. She is even holding his hand, which is a new skill she only acquired recently, and inviting him to come visit her in her new gaff (she's moving to Seattle with Katherine 'Kate' Kavenagh) and actually hugging him. It is odd how forgiving this book is of dudes, I mean being as how it is written from a woman's perspective. In my opinion she is totally leading the dude on. If I tried to rape a girl I'd be expecting to get a visit from the local constabulary, if instead she was all going out on dates with me and trying to hug me and stuff I'd be thinking oh hello! B!tch still wants to get raped! She drives to Christian Grey's gaff, and he informs her he's got a doctor coming round to inspect her vag. Again I'm impressed with this dude! I would like to do that, before I'm knobbing a bird. I'd like to have my personal physician come round first to check her rancid m!nge for crabs or whatever, but somehow I don't think it would fly. Lot of girls would think it was a bit weird, and a little bit insulting. They'd be 23 shades of p!ssed off! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CB Saint Posted 28 October, 2012 Share Posted 28 October, 2012 50 Shades of Grey: Chapter 17 What is the 50 Shades of Grey? We've been wondering bout this since the beginning. I've had various ideas over the chapters, I was originally thinking that maybe dude had a large collection of sunglasses or a paint mixing factory, or maybe the Shades is metaphorical and it refers to 50 murdered virgins silently decomposing in their shallow graves. It turns out it's just an expression, what you do is say that something is blank shades of blank. I.e. when the b!tch is embarrassed just now she blushes seven shades of scarlet. And when she is asking him why he wants to put eggs up her bum he reveals it's cos he's 50 shades of fvvcked up. I would have been interested in these informations chapter 1 but by this point I'm 17 shades of don't give a fvvck! I console myself that there is only 9 more chapters to go. My inner goddess is loving this fact! She's in cheerleading mode, with pom-poms in each hand, strawberry jam smeared across her down's syndrome face. I imagine these chapters will all be 9 shades of stupid, but what you gonna do? I've come this far. Do you have a nickname for your computer? Me neither. I don't spose any right-thinking person gives their computer a nickname, but we're dealing with the b!tch who calls her car "Wanda". Her computer is called "the mean machine". I dunno if she come up with this nickname or it come from her Inner Goddess but either way it's annoying. B!tch operates the mean machine to send Christian Grey an email. The subject title is "Assault and Battery: The After-Effects". She is moaning on that she has been "demeaned, debased and abused". He is emailing back to say that he don't know what she's complaining bout. He has suffered too. "My hand is very sore." She is threatening to run off to get away from his abuses. He is reasonably pointing out that this won't help. "I can track your cell-phone." Of course you can. This is exactly what girls is wanting to hear. I think this is what girls is liking bout this book, secretly they all want to be stalked. It gives them a distinction amongst their friends. Sure, they like to pretend it's creepy. They like to be saying to Katherine "Kate" Kavenagh oh noes this handsome billionaire is stalking me again! It's so annoyings! But secretly their Inner Goddess is hand clapping and making happy monkey noises. Did I mention that dude bought her a new car? He done it specifically so he don't have to hear b!tch call her old car "Wanda" no more. No doubt that was driving him nuts. He's gonna have to buy a new helicopter now though, cos b!tch has taken to calling it "Charlie Tango". Poor bastard. This is becoming a very expensive relationship! She goes out to dinner with Jose. The attempted rape is all forgotten. She is even holding his hand, which is a new skill she only acquired recently, and inviting him to come visit her in her new gaff (she's moving to Seattle with Katherine 'Kate' Kavenagh) and actually hugging him. It is odd how forgiving this book is of dudes, I mean being as how it is written from a woman's perspective. In my opinion she is totally leading the dude on. If I tried to rape a girl I'd be expecting to get a visit from the local constabulary, if instead she was all going out on dates with me and trying to hug me and stuff I'd be thinking oh hello! B!tch still wants to get raped! She drives to Christian Grey's gaff, and he informs her he's got a doctor coming round to inspect her vag. Again I'm impressed with this dude! I would like to do that, before I'm knobbing a bird. I'd like to have my personal physician come round first to check her rancid m!nge for crabs or whatever, but somehow I don't think it would fly. Lot of girls would think it was a bit weird, and a little bit insulting. They'd be 23 shades of p!ssed off! If I am not mistaken, this is a trilogy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suewhistle Posted 28 October, 2012 Share Posted 28 October, 2012 Oh Christ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted 28 October, 2012 Share Posted 28 October, 2012 Oh Christ! I just recognised a little piece of myself there!!!! edited it for you, Sue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deano6 Posted 29 October, 2012 Share Posted 29 October, 2012 Bearsy is my inner goddess. In many ways he is the animal inside each of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tpbury Posted 29 October, 2012 Share Posted 29 October, 2012 Thanks for going through the pain Bearsy, for us. For Saints. Your bumhole is forever Saints! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 30 October, 2012 Author Share Posted 30 October, 2012 50 Shades of Grey: Chapter 18 So this doctor comes round to have a butchers at Anastasia's vag. Christian is like "thanks for coming Doctor" and the Doctor says "Thanks for making it worth my while!". This is a very sinister thing for a vag doctor to admit. I mean, fair enough they probably do get off on feeling up girls snatches but they shouldn't be going round boasting bout it! To make things worse the doctor is then openly hitting on Anastasia saying she is beautiful and "intelligent" (sic). Again, these is nice thing to hear, but probably not while a virtual stranger is index fingering your bumhole. Anastasia is then doing one of her classic pranks. When Christian is asking how it went she is saying "Oh yeah doctor said I've got to abstain from sexual activity for four weeks." Being a fvvckwit she is then adding ".... Gotcha!". You can tell that p!sses him off, but he don't do nothing. He files it away for the next spanking. She then says he is sex on legs. This needs translations, I think I mentioned that "my sex" is her name for her vagina. Basically she's calling him a cvvnt. Right to his face! She is being especially dumb this whole chapter. Some of the guff she comes out with! My personal favorite is, "No man is an island - except Christian Grey". Oh shut up. The doctor has put her on mini-pill. This troubles Christian. He knows how dumb she is. He frowns. "Will you remember to take it every day? And at the right time?" I think we all know the answer to that! He settles it though. He's gonna remind her. Every fvvcking day. Then he takes her into his playroom. Then he takes off her dress. Then he takes off her bra. Then he does her hair. Yeah you read that right, it ain't a euphamism he literally does her hair puts it into a plait or whatever. No, I don't know either. Then he's like "I'm gonna chain you up now, hold out your hand." She holds out her hand. He hits it with a riding crop. Lol. Then he gets out some handcuffs and shackles her to this rail thing suspended from the roof. The idea is he starts fvvcking her on one side of the room, and by the end she's hanging from the same rail on the other side of the room. Sounds like a lot of work, but whatever. First he whips her a bit with the riding crop. My favourite is when he whips her right on the vag, and then he makes her lick on the crop so she can taste how bad her vag juice is. Then he rams the crop up her cvvnt till she comes. Then he makes her put her legs round him and he knobs her across the room. Then he takes her off the rail and cable ties her hands together. She is only just twigging that the cable ties he bought in chapter 2 was for this purpose. Dumb fvvcking b!tch! Then he makes her bend over and fvvcks her from behind. Still vag, we ain't had no anal yet. He does it nice and rough tho so she is banging her head against the bed pole. Then he tell her to fvvck off so he can get some sleep. This is my favourite chapter so far! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 30 October, 2012 Share Posted 30 October, 2012 It's getting better bear, more porn and less 'top helicopter' magazine. I reckon he was putting her hair into pig tails bear. I've done this before, it's an old trick. Banging her with a riding crop though, that's a new one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 30 October, 2012 Author Share Posted 30 October, 2012 Yeah I had definite boner for some of that! It's clever how EL James lulls you into a sense of extreme boredom and listlessness with chapter upon chapter of mind numbing trivialities, so that the bonings when they come along are in comparison supremely exciting! It's the same as when a b!tch is telling you bout her day or whatever, and it's borings, but then you is knobbing her and thinking it was almost worth listening to her dumb story bout how she bought a jumper in Topshop but when she got home it had a small tear in the cuff so she took it back and got store credit. True story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 31 October, 2012 Share Posted 31 October, 2012 (edited) Yeah, my mrs tells me everything about everyone she works with. Seriously, I know their life stories, their relationships, their lunch habits, their good points and bad points and I have never even met them. I don't have a clue why she thinks I am interested in any of it. It gets a bit annoying sometimes, can put me off football manager or trying to get milton roader to pm me to prove you are gay but I guess there has to be a bit of give and take in relationships. Anastasia is finding that out now. She gives him a bit of carp about not having done stuff before and then he takes her up the arse. It's love in the 21st century bear. Edited 31 October, 2012 by Tokyo-Saint Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notnowcato Posted 31 October, 2012 Share Posted 31 October, 2012 Yeah, my mrs tells me everything about everyone she works with. Seriously, I know their life stories, their relationships, their lunch habits, their good points and bad points and I have never even met them. I don't have a clue why she thinks I am interested in any of it. It gets a bit annoying sometimes, can put me off football manager or trying to get milton roader to pm me to prove you are gay but I guess there has to be a bit of give and take in relationships. Anastasia is finding that out now. She gives him a bit of carp about not having done stuff before and then he takes her up the arse. It's love in the 21st century bear. SPOILER ALERT!!! FFS I've been holding off until the anal intrusion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 31 October, 2012 Share Posted 31 October, 2012 I bet you have Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 31 October, 2012 Author Share Posted 31 October, 2012 Lols. There ain't much drama in the book, or plot if I'm honest, most of the time basically nothing is happening. The one effort EL James has made tho to build dramatic suspense is the tantalising hints of what he may or may not end up shoving up her bum. To be honest if she get's to the end of the book unsodomised it will be a crushing disappointment. As dannysfc would say: We Wil See COYR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CB Saint Posted 31 October, 2012 Share Posted 31 October, 2012 Lols. There ain't much drama in the book, or plot if I'm honest, most of the time basically nothing is happening. The one effort EL James has made tho to build dramatic suspense is the tantalising hints of what he may or may not end up shoving up her bum. To be honest if she get's to the end of the book unsodomised it will be a crushing disappointment. As dannysfc would say: We Wil See COYR COYR - in the context of this thread what does that stand for Cum on your rectum? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 31 October, 2012 Share Posted 31 October, 2012 Looks like CB is trying to start off another round of swear roulette. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notnowcato Posted 31 October, 2012 Share Posted 31 October, 2012 COYS - cum on your shitter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 31 October, 2012 Share Posted 31 October, 2012 OWTSGMI - Oh when the spunk go marginally in Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Shearer Posted 31 October, 2012 Share Posted 31 October, 2012 Bearsy - are you aware that this book is being adapted into a film? I would be very pleased if you did a film commentary like they do on many blue-ray and DVD editions. I am hoping that Grey does indeed get the bum prize - however would you agree that the book would lead to real world consequences in terms of more lovely ladies wanting to try bumming? If so, I think that would be ace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 31 October, 2012 Author Share Posted 31 October, 2012 I weren't when I started - if I'd known there was gonna be a film I'd never of bothered with the book! One of the key aims of these investigations is to identify methods of talking b!tches into getting bummed. My own practices at the moment is flawed, I've had mixed results. To be honest, it's only when they say they ain't up for it that I become really fixated on it! Maybe I'm sadist. I used to go with this one girl and I was on at her for ages to get some anal, then she finally broke down and admitted that before we met she got raped up the bum and so she don't like to do it no more. I felt pretty bad about that. I mean, that she gave it up for rapist but wouldn't for her actual boyfriend! Fvvcking b!tch! Obviously I dumped her immediately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 31 October, 2012 Author Share Posted 31 October, 2012 50 Shades of Grey: Chapter 19 B!tch wakes up and finds that dude has nicked her knickers, so to speak. She is completely bemused by this. "Why has he got my panties?" she is asking me stupidly. Unusually, I am able to answer one of her dumb questions. It's cos you stole his boxers back in chapter 10 FFS! She is so dumb! She never figures stuff out for herself! I'm getting proper fed up with doing all the bleeding work all the time. She is using her own brain now investigating the whole mystery of the missing panties. She is reasoning that she can ask for them back. Cleverly she is observing that he will "either say yes or no". Well, duh. She don't do it though, she goes commando. This is lols cos we is learning that today they is going to have dinner with Christian's mum and dad. I am hoping we'll get some lols out of this. Christian's dad can be like sniff sniff I thought we was having duck? How come I smell fish? Over the course of things Anastasia has ate quite a lot of stuff. She's had ham sandwiches and nettles and oysters and also lots of different wines and champagnes and stuff. I'm now noticing that every single thing she puts in her fat gob is "exquisitely delicious". She is having a simple drink of cranberry juice now, it tastes... delicious! What is the chances! I'm investigating that she is what they call an indiscriminate eater. This is a quality more commonly found in pigs, goats and other farmyard animals. They is then heading off to meet his parents or whatever. Anastasia has a momentary panic attack, I'm almost outside... with no panties! Oh shocking. It's another thing she ain't done before. My favourite bit of the book is now happening! Anastasia is thinking bout her Inner Goddess. You know, the dumb, possibly Down's Syndrome alter ego what is always hanging round doing cartwheels or eating strawberry jam or whatever. Anastasia is saying bout her Inner Goddess, "I reach the conclusion that she rarely uses her brain to think." That's a direct quote homies, and I reckon it sums things up quite nicely! Anastasia Steele: She rarely uses her brain to think. They is now in a taxi. This is their conversation: STEELE: Why did you use a cable tie? GREY: I know they're quite brutal, but I do like it for a restraining device. Very effective at keeping you in your place. What I like bout this is the taxi driver in the front seat thinking... what the fvvck? His mum is called Grace Grey, which is unfortunate. His dad is called Carrick. Also in attendance we have his little sister Mia who is "curvaceous" (i.e. fat) and I'm told Katherine "Kate" Kavenagh will be along in a bit cos she's still knobbing Christian Greys brother, whose name escapes me for the moment. So they all sit down and have some dinner. You may be surprised to learn it's all "delicious". They is having some dinner conversations. First they is talking bout measles. Christian Grey's mum is a doctor and she is going on bout measles like it's aids. "Oh no! That was the hospitals! They have another child with measles! That's four in the last month!". Then they is talking bout Paris. Anastasia ain't ever been but that don't stop her joining in the conversation. The sister then starts talking in French, EL James is saying she doesn't realise she's doing this and gets all confused when everyone is just staring at her dumbly. This sounds like bolllocks to me, people don't start suddenly speaking French without realising they is speaking in French. Anyway, Christian Grey has to tell her in French that she's speaking in French (why couldn't he tell her in fvvcking English?) then she realises what she done and is like oh my bad. This little exchange apparently has the whole table "in stitches". The next topic of dinner conversation is the merits of solar panels in Washington State. It's pretty dry stuff to be honest. Even Anastasia is getting bored, so she starts chatting to her Inner Goddess bout how the serving waitress woman is hotter than her and is seeming to want to knob Christian. She is getting a bit jealous bout it. I don't know if there's anything in it tho, seems to me neither Anastasia nor her Inner Goddess is thinking with their brains. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonnyboy Posted 31 October, 2012 Share Posted 31 October, 2012 I weren't when I started - if I'd known there was gonna be a film I'd never of bothered with the book! One of the key aims of these investigations is to identify methods of talking b!tches into getting bummed. My own practices at the moment is flawed, I've had mixed results. To be honest, it's only when they say they ain't up for it that I become really fixated on it! Maybe I'm sadist. I used to go with this one girl and I was on at her for ages to get some anal, then she finally broke down and admitted that before we met she got raped up the bum and so she don't like to do it no more. I felt pretty bad about that. I mean, that she gave it up for rapist but wouldn't for her actual boyfriend! Fvvcking b!tch! Obviously I dumped her immediately. you a sick bear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonnyboy Posted 31 October, 2012 Share Posted 31 October, 2012 Yeah I had definite boner for some of that! It's clever how EL James lulls you into a sense of extreme boredom and listlessness with chapter upon chapter of mind numbing trivialities, so that the bonings when they come along are in comparison supremely exciting. Is this in some way relating to the saying "the chase is better than the catch?" I kinda feel that we peaked at Chapter 8 when most of the lurkers probably shot their load and now interest has waned... (We shall see). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notnowcato Posted 31 October, 2012 Share Posted 31 October, 2012 Is this in some way relating to the saying "the chase is better than the catch?" I kinda feel that we peaked at Chapter 8 when most of the lurkers probably shot their load and now interest has waned... (We shall see). Well I was waiting, patiently I might add, for the anals but Tokyos blew it earlier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tpbury Posted 1 November, 2012 Share Posted 1 November, 2012 Would just like to say that Bletch used 'advise' instead of 'advice' in the lounge, in 'numpty' thread. For me, this is the most interesting thing about this book. However, I do appreciate Bearsy's efforts, it is a piece of work in its own right. An Opus. A Magnum. An I scream. Good work Furry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seaford Saint Posted 1 November, 2012 Share Posted 1 November, 2012 Doesn't sound like much of a book, does it people? Bearsy should get a knighthood for reading this for us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 1 November, 2012 Author Share Posted 1 November, 2012 50 Shades of Grey: Chapter 20 Katherine "Kate" Kavenagh is letting slip over dinner that Anastasia went out for drinks with Jose the other night. Christian Grey is a bit p!ssed off bout this. I can see why, I thought it was a bit odd for her to be stepping out with her rapist. He don't have a go at her tho. He's got a better idea, "I'm going to spank you, then I'm going to fvvck you". This is all perfectly reasonable. When I'm annoyed with a b!tch I'm usually shouting on her till she starts crying, which is all very well but I ain't exactly getting much enjoyment from it. The Christian Grey system is much better. He hoists her up over his shoulder (dude must work out!) and carries her down the garden to the boathouse. I'm investigating this is where they keep their boats. He dumps her down. He's out of breath. I'm not surprised. He sticks a finger up her vag and says, "This is mine, all mine." Then he gives her a quick fvvck. He don't even bother spanking her, far as I can tell. Maybe his hand still hurts. It's just a straight missionary fvvck. One thing tho, before he does it he says, "This is for me, not you. Understand? You're not allowed to orgasm." I like this! It's a win-win! If my bonings is sub-standard and she ain't coming I win cos I told her not to and she's doing like I said. If my bonings is awesome and she cums anyway it makes it seem like I can bring her off even when I ain't trying! I'm going to use this tactic all the time in the future. This is for me, you ain't allowed to cum. He then takes her back home to his gaff and he's like "Okay... lets fvvck!" She's like no, I don't want to fvvck. I want to make love. Ugh. Way to spoil the mood virgin. I like to think I'm an open minded guy. I'm always down to fvvck, screw, shaag, bone and roger. I draw the line at making love. What Christian Grey does is walk out the room. When he comes back he's holding two silver balls in his hand. It don't say how big they is. I'm thinking more ping pong than football. He makes her suck his balls (his silver balls) then he makes her bend over and touch her toes. Then he pops them in her vag. I didn't know this is what girls meant by 'making love'! I feel like I've been missing out! Then he says I want a glass of water. Go get me one. I reckon it's lols for him listening to her walk. Clank! Clank! Clank! Then he bends her over and gives her the spanking he owed her from dinner. He's hitting her harder and harder. I think the idea is to see if he can get one of the balls to pop out her mouth, but it don't happen this time. Disappointed, he knobs her. Then he is mentioning, apropos nothing, that Grace Grey ain't his real mum. His real mum was a crack-whore. And she's dead. Meh. Unless those silver balls were your dead mum's eyeballs encased in tin foil, I don't give a fvvck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonnyboy Posted 1 November, 2012 Share Posted 1 November, 2012 Does Anastasia look a little like Hanna Minx? That would be nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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