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Instant Coffee - recommended brand?


Kingsland Codger
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Consider this thread well and truly deppocated.

 

They won't be bringing their caffeine-based beverage discussions here again in a hurry.

 

Glad to see you've still got it Bearsy and from where I'm standing this morning, you're no longer the Nick Clegg of the moderator team.

 

You're more Michael Gove now - "I've got some power so I better do something with it".

 

(Not that I'm making a serious political point in TMS you understand).

Edited by saintbletch
typo
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Come on bletch, don't chicken out, have a go at swear filter Russian roulette.

 

As my role on here is to be the Edwardian schoolmaster sent forward in time to keep an eye on you and Bearsy, I might struggle with this.

 

Anyway, I'll give it my best effort. Here goes.

 

You queer old josser

 

Sweaty ballocks.

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Not bad bletch, you get half a point for queer, don't know what a josser it but I'm sure it is filthy if you say so.

 

Ballocks doesn't count as it is not spelt that way. Anyone can say "you smelly cant" and get away without angering the mod gods.

 

You set me thinking about ballocks (if you see what I mean) - it's how it was once spelt I believe Tokyo-Saint.

 

Anyway, I've got just the thing to test the swear filter and still make me look intellectual and snooty.

 

How's this for a love letter?

 

To NORA Dublin 8 December 1909

My sweet little whorish Nora I did as you told me, you dirty little girl, and pulled myself off twice when I read your letter. I am delighted to see that you do like being ****ed arseways. Yes, now I can remember that night when I ****ed you for so long backwards. It was the dirtiest ****ing I ever gave you, darling. My ***** was stuck in you for hours, ****ing in and out under your upturned rump. I felt your fat sweaty buttocks under my belly and saw your flushed face and mad eyes. At every **** I gave you your shameless tongue came bursting out through your lips and if a gave you a bigger stronger **** than usual, fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I ****ed them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to **** a farting woman when every **** drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also.

 

You say when I go back you will suck me off and you want me to lick your ****, you little depraved blackguard. I hope you will surprise me some time when I am asleep dressed, steal over to me with a whore's glow in your slumberous eyes, gently undo button after button in the fly of my trousers and gently take out your lover's fat mickey, lap it up in your moist mouth and suck away at it till it gets fatter and stiffer and comes off in your mouth. Sometimes too I shall surprise you asleep, lift up your skirts and open your drawers gently, then lie down gently by you and begin to lick lazily round your bush. You will begin to stir uneasily then I will lick the lips of my darling's ****. You will begin to groan and grunt and sigh and fart with lust in your sleep. Then I will lick up faster and faster like a ravenous dog until your **** is a mass of slime and your body wriggling wildly.

 

Goodnight, my little farting Nora, my dirty little ****bird! There is one lovely word, darling, you have underlined to make me pull myself off better. Write me more about that and yourself, sweetly, dirtier, dirtier.

 

JIM

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