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The Ramirez Off Topic Thread

maysie

By maysie,
in The Muppet Show

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dubai_phil

dubai_phil

Posted
Posted
Having reviewed two videos full of evidence, I'm less worried about this pair. They're going to collide with a cynical British culture that will look them in the eye, see them looking each other in the eyes, dismiss it as a load of gooey mess and retreat to make a cup of tea.

 

Do not let me down, countrymen.

 

In the greatest non shock in Reality TV history.

 

They walked it.

 

We ARE doomed. Trust me, a couple of large Bacardi & Cokes and 18 cups of tea have not helped.

 

On the PLUS side, from the spotty, nervous College Kid of the audition, Sierra has developed into a Yes, I would happily ruin her.

 

She also appears to have pleasant Bewbs thanks to the low cut number she was wearing in the Finale. Unfortunately for Rule 1 the only way I can post a pic is to put up (another) You Tube **** of them singing.

 

Won't inflict that on you, you'll have more than enough of them, I'm back off to watch repeats of Golf to calm down

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dubai_phil

dubai_phil

Posted
Posted

http://ezinearticles.com/?Japanese-Developing-Sex-Robots&id=55797

 

Hmm so THAT is what Toke's is up to. Seems he is also a fan of Almost Human.......

 

..............

We all know that the Internet is used most in recreational use for surfing websites, such as pornography, chat, online dating and personal communications of the sort. It should be obvious that the near future of robotic androids will be used for sexual pleasure. Isaac Asimov and others have cited this as the most probable use. Not only have science fiction authors put these futuristic predicts forth but Hollywood has as well in several movies such as "A.I. Artificial Intelligence."

 

Using tactile sensors and the latest Haptics research the Japanese scientists are well on their way to the development of their next marketable technology. The Repliee Q1 Expo has 42 actuators, but some of the MIT robots, will mimic the human nerves in the hand already have 250 sensors. New skin technologies will allow the robots to have real human skin grown in petri dishes and these might also be incorporated in the sexual revolution of robots. Want to learn more about Repliee Q1 Expo;

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/4714135.stm

 

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/55797

 

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Bearsy

Bearsy

Posted
Posted

I've also been thinking bout Islam recently, just as a back up plan in case Baby Jesus falls through. I've been thinking a lot bout all the virgins I get in Islam heaven. What I'm wondering bout, is where do they come from? I'm assuming Islam women who die virgin get to join me in Islam heaven to be my bitches, but what happens to all the Islam women who is not virgin? Do they go Islam hell? Also, I'm a bit worried that the Islam women who die virgins are likely to be the ugly women and small children. I dunno if I want to spend eternity knobbing ugly women + small children, even if they is virgins. I think I'd sooner be in Islam hell with the skanks. It's a lot to think about.

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Tokyo-Saint

Tokyo-Saint

Posted
Posted
I've also been thinking bout Islam recently, just as a back up plan in case Baby Jesus falls through. I've been thinking a lot bout all the virgins I get in Islam heaven. What I'm wondering bout, is where do they come from? I'm assuming Islam women who die virgin get to join me in Islam heaven to be my bitches, but what happens to all the Islam women who is not virgin? Do they go Islam hell? Also, I'm a bit worried that the Islam women who die virgins are likely to be the ugly women and small children. I dunno if I want to spend eternity knobbing ugly women + small children, even if they is virgins. I think I'd sooner be in Islam hell with the skanks. It's a lot to think about.

 

Two things to consider bear.

 

1)

 

jesus-is-a-muslim-banner.jpg

 

2)

 

SteveMatthews-MuslimsHateChristiansAndJesusChrist918-121.jpg

 

And C

 

1z4c27t.jpg

 

 

Pros and cons, swings and roundabouts I guess.

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dubai_phil

dubai_phil

Posted
Posted
I've also been thinking bout Islam recently, just as a back up plan in case Baby Jesus falls through. I've been thinking a lot bout all the virgins I get in Islam heaven. What I'm wondering bout, is where do they come from? I'm assuming Islam women who die virgin get to join me in Islam heaven to be my bitches, but what happens to all the Islam women who is not virgin? Do they go Islam hell? Also, I'm a bit worried that the Islam women who die virgins are likely to be the ugly women and small children. I dunno if I want to spend eternity knobbing ugly women + small children, even if they is virgins. I think I'd sooner be in Islam hell with the skanks. It's a lot to think about.

 

Weeeeeeeellllllllllllllllll.

 

Far be it for me to comment on such a sensitive nature to all of you who shop at M&S, but.....

 

I once had a mate.

His hobby was to collect Fridge Magnets.

Of each "Nation" he had conquered.

He worked his way through many European Countries at the various Ladies Nights here and finally found himself home alone with a Saudi girl. (I must point out at this moment that such meetings are VERY rare, as most lads who go down that road end up with their bits chopped off.)

Anyway, they get all (Superbad) McLuvvin' and she says - I am a Virgin.....

 

But you can take me up the @**e.

 

Anyways, when his conquest was analysed down the pub the following weekend it appeared that the consensus was that this seemed to be a standard issue practice. At which point some bright spark pointed out.

 

Ah, so their version of heaven must be really weird, yes they have Virgins, but you have to wade around ankle deep in pooh all the time because a certain part of their anatomy has been ripped to.....

 

So yes, everytime I hear of a nutter doing the Suicide Vest thing I just picture what he has to look forward to......

 

HTH Bear

 

p.s. No that was not EoA nor me. We ain't stupid enough to risk our bits. It was a weird Dude called Al (no, not Paul Simon or Chevy Chase. He's (Al that is) still in therapy some 15 years later

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Tokyo-Saint

Tokyo-Saint

Posted
Posted
Weeeeeeeellllllllllllllllll.

 

Far be it for me to comment on such a sensitive nature to all of you who shop at M&S, but.....

 

I once had a mate.

His hobby was to collect Fridge Magnets.

Of each "Nation" he had conquered.

He worked his way through many European Countries at the various Ladies Nights here and finally found himself home alone with a Saudi girl. (I must point out at this moment that such meetings are VERY rare, as most lads who go down that road end up with their bits chopped off.)

Anyway, they get all (Superbad) McLuvvin' and she says - I am a Virgin.....

 

But you can take me up the @**e.

 

Anyways, when his conquest was analysed down the pub the following weekend it appeared that the consensus was that this seemed to be a standard issue practice. At which point some bright spark pointed out.

 

Ah, so their version of heaven must be really weird, yes they have Virgins, but you have to wade around ankle deep in pooh all the time because a certain part of their anatomy has been ripped to.....

 

So yes, everytime I hear of a nutter doing the Suicide Vest thing I just picture what he has to look forward to......

 

HTH Bear

 

p.s. No that was not EoA nor me. We ain't stupid enough to risk our bits. It was a weird Dude called Al (no, not Paul Simon or Chevy Chase. He's (Al that is) still in therapy some 15 years later

 

First golfing phil story to give me a semi eva,

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  • 2 weeks later...
Big Bad Bob

Big Bad Bob

Posted
Posted
I've also been thinking bout Islam recently, just as a back up plan in case Baby Jesus falls through. I've been thinking a lot bout all the virgins I get in Islam heaven. What I'm wondering bout, is where do they come from? I'm assuming Islam women who die virgin get to join me in Islam heaven to be my bitches, but what happens to all the Islam women who is not virgin? Do they go Islam hell? Also, I'm a bit worried that the Islam women who die virgins are likely to be the ugly women and small children. I dunno if I want to spend eternity knobbing ugly women + small children, even if they is virgins. I think I'd sooner be in Islam hell with the skanks. It's a lot to think about.

 

Just one thing to think off, they is all Virgins in Islam Heaven! So you have an eternity of pooh channel usage, hand jobs, tit wanks or BJs to look forward too!!

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Bearsy

Bearsy

Posted
Posted

my sister was showing me that tinder app + i said give it here i will make you some choice selects. I took it v.serious and was swiping through loads of freaks thinking, no, no, pedo, rapist, lives with mum etc but i didn't know bout the swipe one way was accept so she ended up with 200 freaks + perverts harrassing her. She was rape+murder the next day RIP.

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Bearsy

Bearsy

Posted
Posted

Is that how it went down? I have many questions bout this!

 

1) Was it immediately apparent who the culprit was or did cortese have to do investigations? I.e. was normal smelt it/dealt it protocol observed?

B) Was fartman + cortese in enclosed space? I.e. if they was locked in stationary cupboard it could be deemed malicious but on the other hand in large boardroom cortese may have just been collateral damage.

IV) Do we have any infos bout if this was first offence, or had fartman been previously issued verbal or written warnings?

2) Is there any infos bout fartman's general diet, and in particular what he had eaten in the previous 24 hours?

 

Any infos would be useful cos stevegrant has asked me to do article bout Fartgate 2014 for main page + possible national press syndication.

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notnowcato

notnowcato

Posted
Posted
What's this fart gate all about then? As a non regular off topic poster I feel I have missed out :(

 

It's the Southampton rival to the Blarney Stone. The Gate in question is the stride of our Leader, Nicola. You have to crawl through his stride and kiss his arse, if he likes you he farts, if he doesn't you are dead to him.

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dubai_phil

dubai_phil

Posted
Posted

Has Toke's been walking his dog further afield of late?

 

At least take a pooper scooper with you

 

Oh and like the Alan Ball tribute cap you're wearing in the picture

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2540735/Police-called-dukes-estate-plagued-groups-dogging-men-dressed-PVC-fairy-wings-tutus.html

 

Residents of a country estate owned by an aristocrat have been forced to complain to the police after the area became a dogging hotspot.

 

Groups of men dressed in PVC, fairy wings and tutus have been gathering in farm buildings on the Badminton Estate in Wiltshire for sordid sex parties.

 

Now police have started regular patrols across the land, which is owned by the Duke of Beaufort, in a bid to crack down on the voyeurs.

 

 

article-2540735-1AB6D2BB00000578-660_634x399.jpgicon_camera_90x68.png+4

 

Trouble: Police have been called to the Badminton Estate after locals complained about doggers

 

 

Nick Bush, a tenant farmer who lives in the hamlet of West Kington, called officers after several unsuccessful attempts to drive the doggers away.

 

'On one occasion I found four bras hanging up,' he said. 'On another there were a couple of old boys who said, "We're only here for having a bit of fun mate."

We get all sorts of undesirable activities other than enjoying the view. I have interrupted cars but I've never bothered to get out and remonstrate.'

Mr Bush added: 'Nobody wants them in their back yard. The problem is if you shut one down they move to another.'

 

The gatherings are believed to take place in a burned-out barn where police caught a group of men having sex last year.

article-2540735-1AB6D2B300000578-309_634x387.jpgicon_camera_90x68.png+4

 

Event: The estate is known for hosting the Badminton Horse Trials in the grounds of the home

 

 

Officers say there has recently been a surge of complaints from residents who are being disturbed by doggers.

 

Sergeant Phil Connor said: 'In the last two weeks we have had complaints from numerous outraged residents about vehicles arriving at the site and the occupants engaging in sexual activity.

 

'We are going to be doing extensive patrols in the evenings to deter any further activity and reassure those in the community.'

 

One woman living nearby said: 'I've seen cars pulling away late at night. I wouldn't stop there - it's quite threatening when you know what's happening.

 

'None of us are very happy about it. It's not very nice to think that that's going on somewhere up the road.'

 

article-2540735-1AB6D2C600000578-544_634x544.jpgicon_camera_90x68.png+4

 

Home: The estate is owned by David, 11th Duke of Beaufort

 

Another woman, who has lived in the village for 50 years, said she regularly sees cars parked up at the site which flash their lights at her as she goes by.

 

She said: 'It is surprising how many flash at you, perhaps that's what they do to attract other men.

 

'They've never caused us any harm - but they do leave a lot of rubbish.

 

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2540735/Police-called-dukes-estate-plagued-groups-dogging-men-dressed-PVC-fairy-wings-tutus.html#ixzz2qci2JHs7

Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

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Tokyo-Saint

Tokyo-Saint

Posted
Posted
What's this fart gate all about then? As a non regular off topic poster I feel I have missed out :(

 

Hypo posted on the main board the other day that Cortese once fired someone for farting at work (st Mary's I guess), bear and myself attempted to investigate this claim but the mods stepped in like the fbi on a cover up mission, deleted our questions I.e. were usual smelt it delt it rules applied? But left hypos claim untouched - this thing goes right to the top.

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Bearsy

Bearsy

Posted
Posted

i was just thinking bout my nan who died last year (of unrelated causes). When she used to answer telephone, rather than say hello or wassup or whatever she would just say her own telephone number. I've never seen anyone do this before or since, and now i think bout it seems a bit psychotic. Can anyone shed some light on this? Do you do this? I just tried it when someone rung office landline, but there was just long pause + then phone went dead. They found it confusing i spose.

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dubai_phil

dubai_phil

Posted
Posted
sorry phil i have gone to trouble + inconvenience of reading ur long post now + it was about v.interest bout dogging, and not as i had previously supposed just you trying to get a golf metaphor under the radar

 

Thanks Bear. I just thought, seeing as he is such a big TMS expert on the subject, that there might have been a pick of the Tokes in amongst it all.

 

I've never done any research into that sort of thing in a Muslim society, as they kinda have different rules and always manage to kida do things back to front or not quite how it is in Blighty.

 

Suppose they would be into Camelling or something.

 

10ns3gp.jpg

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dubai_phil

dubai_phil

Posted
Posted

Fictional author Colin Grey recounting his love encounters at the bottom of the garden. Here are some extracts...

 

I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window. Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.

 

She stood before me, trembling and naked in my shed. "I'm yours for the night," she gasped, "You can do whatever you want with me."

So I took her to McDonalds.

 

We stood alone on the idyllic white beach. She shed her clothes. I shed my inhibitions. At that moment I knew it would always be about sheds.

 

We tried various positions - round the back, on the side, up against a wall... but in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden

was the only place for a good shed.

 

She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came. I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other

boot.

 

Ever since she read THAT book, I've had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles. She still manages to get into the shed, though.

 

"Put on this rubber suit and mask," I instructed, calmly. "Mmmm, kinky!" she purred. "Yes," I said, "You can't be too careful with all that asbestos

in the shed roof."

 

"I'm a very naughty girl," she said, biting her lip. 'I need to be punished.' So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.

 

"Harder!" she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. "Harder!" "Okay," I said. "What's the gross national product of Nicaragua?"

 

"Are you sure you can take the pain?" she demanded, brandishing stilettos. "I think so," I gulped.

 

Here we go, then," she said, and showed me the receipt.

 

"Hurt me!" she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.

 

"Very well," I replied. "You've got fat ankles and no dress sense."

 

"Are you sure you want this?" I asked. "When I'm done, you won't be able to sit down for weeks." She nodded. "Okay," I said, putting the three-piece

suite on eBay.

 

"Punish me!" she cried. "Make me suffer like only a real man can!" "Very well," I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.

 

My body writhed and quivered from the pain. I had learned my next lesson. Never again would I leave a live upturned plug on the shed floor.

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Bearsy

Bearsy

Posted
Posted

what do we think bout horses when people is riding them on roads? My next door neighbour has got one & she is always driving it down my road and parking it outside my house. It does a lot of poo on the street too, but it's not stinky poo like when you have KFC it is more grass poo like when you have salad.

 

I am v.respectful if I'm driving and see one out on road tho, cos I know that they get v.angar if people is cut them off. What I do when i see horserider is i slow right down and creep up behind it, then i give a friendly toot-toot on the car horn and respectful thumbs up and i give them v.wide berth as i go past, cos i have often noticed horses is difficult to control and frequently rear up when I'm passing.

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