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The Ramirez Off Topic Thread


maysie

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haha i was trying to think of who would have least possible interest in our stadium plans but MLG already has Celtic covered, so then i thought Justin Bieber fans but couldn't find a good forum. I think this should be long running saga, prob needs it's own thread yo!

 

The formula has to be the same every time:

 

  • First you ask question plausible to the forum ur on, but crucially we have to have an inkling where it's going. I.e. on Jesus forum you would say "What is the best place of worship?"
  • Then you wait for a "bite"
  • Then you unleash the full MLG in excruciating detail!

 

Everyone has to do one! Is mandatory!

 

Hey wow. Someone on that thread seems clued up :D

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I like how almost everyone else on that thread mentions a venue with a corporation's name in its title.

 

This is perhaps where MLG and Cortese are going wrong. I think we'll all agree that as a moniker, St Mary's Stadium isn't quite as catchy as "Target Center" or "HP Pavilion".

 

Maybe corporate re-branding is the way forward. Would Jonas play St Mary's if it was called the McDonalds Chicken McNugget Center (sic)? I think they would.

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The Anusol Apmithreatre.

 

 

Ha, ms pap got her first true taste of middle age a few months ago. She had to buy some of the aforementioned product. I trailed her around TESCO repeatedly saying the word "Anusol" in her shell-like. She wasn't happy by the time we'd reached the tills, or indeed, chilled foods.

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Killer! Yeah I did think that when I saw the advert bout people having mc ds breakfast at like 6am while telling people they are going to be a dad or whatever. Some poor bear has to be there even earlier to make fast food breakfasts for the nutritionally defunked.

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They probably don't like Bearsy charge as it's difficult to justify on work expense claims. I also have trouble convincing my employers that the extra few quid on everything I claim for is genuine and not just me making up Bearsy tax. The good thing is I can now scan and use your post above for my Mc D's breakfast submissions. Can you also post a post saying you are charging extras on all costas, starbucks, stationary, restaurant meals and also that you are making me drive an extra 50 miles for all road trips to avoid roadworks, cheers Bear.

 

Please also can you post about extra 10% Bearsy tax you've been charging on all Mercedes parts, thanks yo

Edited by Spudders
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I can confirm the following Bearsy service charges applicable nationwide as of 27/06/2013:

 

Drivers of Mercedes/Audi/BMW or other c*ntmobile: £1.00 surcharge + 15% final bill + 5% for card payments

People who i don't like ur face or if you call me "pal": You will be automatically parked up + made to wait for ur order

People too fat to be eating fast foods: £2.00 surcharge + half ur fries will be "missing" + 95% of ur large drink will be just ice

People ordering more than two meals or making any special requests i.e. "no gherkin in burger": £2.50 c*nt tax, plus your order will be automatically subject to being f*cked up

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I like the people that call you 'pal' charge bear. I live in an area with loads of toffs wandering around and trying to get places in pubs etc. This means I get called 'chap' more than I'd like i.e. "excuse me chap, can I just squeeze through here with my jig of pims?". Do you have a surcharge or punishment for people who use the term 'chap'?

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I can confirm the following Bearsy service charges applicable nationwide as of 27/06/2013:

 

Drivers of Mercedes/Audi/BMW or other c*ntmobile: £1.00 surcharge + 15% final bill + 5% for card payments

People who i don't like ur face or if you call me "pal": You will be automatically parked up + made to wait for ur order

People too fat to be eating fast foods: £2.00 surcharge + half ur fries will be "missing" + 95% of ur large drink will be just ice

People ordering more than two meals or making any special requests i.e. "no gherkin in burger": £2.50 c*nt tax, plus your order will be automatically subject to being f*cked up

 

These seem to be geared up towards inconveniencing fatsos and c#nts, rather than helping the every day man on the street claim additional non specific expense claims from their employers. Like many budgets, this hasn't really gone how I'd have liked :(

 

Oh well, I'm gonna go down to the drive through and watch fat people complain about small fries portions, that's a small win for fattists like myself.

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I like the people that call you 'pal' charge bear. I live in an area with loads of toffs wandering around and trying to get places in pubs etc. This means I get called 'chap' more than I'd like i.e. "excuse me chap, can I just squeeze through here with my jig of pims?". Do you have a surcharge or punishment for people who use the term 'chap'?

 

What is this new "jig of pims", is it some sort of naked male bonding dance that the toffs use?

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Apparently we're looking at a Frickin Erection from Ecuador. Stands almost 6 feet tall, good with the head. Has some thrust issues with Cortese though :-/

 

Golf fan's clap for this effort. Juvenile, but some nice punnery at play.

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I may lack finesse, but to my excuse I'm working in a second language here ;)

 

Then I upgrade my clap. Imagine a morbidly obese fellow excitedly clapping like a seal after a waiter delivers the entire desserts menu to the table. That is my new level of approval.

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Wanyama. Which comparison is most apt:

 

- Django Unchained (if he has kil.. fired his agent and gone on a rampage in the highlands)

- 50 shades (lots of uninteresting stalling when there is just one important question: no not if a curtain pole will fit in his behind, but if the contract will eventually be signed)

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Given your location, I'd ultrasound the patio.

 

Good advice for two reasons.

 

1) I can confirm that we are moving into a former Brookie actor's gaff.

2) It's virtually all patio, mate - even the front garden.

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Good advice for two reasons.

 

1) I can confirm that we are moving into a former Brookie actor's gaff.

2) It's virtually all patio, mate - even the front garden.

 

Thought so. Let me guess.

 

Is there a patch in the middle of the patio, say about 6 feet by 2 feet, where the weeds have grown particularly vigorously?

 

If so, never agree to let Time Team come and dig for Roman coins or the skeleton of the original Liver bird.

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Thought so. Let me guess.

 

Is there a patch in the middle of the patio, say about 6 feet by 2 feet, where the weeds have grown particularly vigorously?

 

If so, never agree to let Time Team come and dig for Roman coins or the skeleton of the original Liver bird.

 

Don't think I'll have time for any of that. I'm currently trying to find 80s bling, a Mark IV Cortina (shamelessly customised) and a large gold medallion. Opportunities like this don't come along very often; I plan to live as an 80s soap star.

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Don't think I'll have time for any of that. I'm currently trying to find 80s bling, a Mark IV Cortina (shamelessly customised) and a large gold medallion. Opportunities like this don't come along very often; I plan to live as an 80s soap star.

 

Gillian "blow-job in a car" Taylforth?

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Gillian "blow-job in a car" Taylforth?

 

I was going to answer this seriously, but after seeing Taylforth's name mentioned for the second time today, I can only assume that this is the start of her latest comeback and funds-deprived, she's getting posters on football forums (like yourself) to chirp fondly about her finest moments.

 

Shame on you, bletch. Always had you pegged as a man who couldn't be bought!

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I was going to answer this seriously, but after seeing Taylforth's name mentioned for the second time today, I can only assume that this is the start of her latest comeback and funds-deprived, she's getting posters on football forums (like yourself) to chirp fondly about her finest moments.

 

Shame on you, bletch. Always had you pegged as a man who couldn't be bought!

 

Everyman has his price pap. And mine was Gill (as I now call her) climbing unannounced into my car in Winchester last week, wearing some luscious pink lipstick, carrying a box of hankies and some post-fellatial tic-tacs.

Edited by saintbletch
Typos (tablet keyboard)
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Hi Peels, welcome to the off topic rimming thread. How long have you been lurking for? Have you heard Bearsy has been moving rapidly downwards in the muppet show cools chart due to being outted as a pikey. This is a good time for you to jump balls deep into muppet tasks & become Bears nemesis. Post pics of boobs for quick reputations points from Tokyo :)

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Hi Peels, welcome to the off topic rimming thread. How long have you been lurking for? Have you heard Bearsy has been moving rapidly downwards in the muppet show cools chart due to being outted as a pikey. This is a good time for you to jump balls deep into muppet tasks & become Bears nemesis. Post pics of boobs for quick reputations points from Tokyo :)

 

Oh I know all of this. I've been lurking for longer than you can imagine.

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Hi Peels, welcome to the off topic rimming thread. How long have you been lurking for? Have you heard Bearsy has been moving rapidly downwards in the muppet show cools chart due to being outted as a pikey. This is a good time for you to jump balls deep into muppet tasks & become Bears nemesis. Post pics of boobs for quick reputations points from Tokyo :)

 

But make sure to mask the nips, don't want no 'fractions, yos.

 

Actually better stop using yos, Bears is such a price pikey he's starting to charge commission every time it's used...

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Oh I know all of this. I've been lurking for longer than you can imagine.

 

Dunno, I can imagine back at least as far as a Delorean with a flux capacitor installed & a spare 1.21 gigawatts of power could travel. In face without being a big head, I can probably imagine back forever, or even +1 day before forever.

 

-1 reputations points to Peels for questioning muppet show regular imaginations

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